I think we torment ourselves with the thought that we don't fit in with the "Normally Boring" group. I think they all can kiss my"you know the rest". Who give a "that other thing" about what they want any. Tell the truth. Do you or is it that they have convince us that we are less than them. I think we are smarter, faster, more imainative, creative and try to have more fun. Too ban we couldn't create a network with ADHD people who could show up to other ADHD peoples places when someone is putting them down. We could look at them like "Go lay on the couch and be yourself n n n n normal person" Power in numbers makes sense to me. A large group of us would be almost invensible. I vote no more fitting in. Let them fit in with us.

X-Man:cool:

I so much agree with you!!

janet

I actually have a button pin that says-"Who says I want to fit in?" :D I wear it with my I'm smiling, that alone should scare you, and It's just the triple lattes talking.

I do have to wonder why we feel we have to fit in? I know my parents were embarrassed by me.

I am too old to fit into anything. It gets easier with time :).

Oh to be your age again-- Do I fit in with you young ones?

I used to wish I had straight hair that never looked wild, a calm, elegant demeanor, able to make the appropriate comment at the appropriate time, yada yada, yada.

Yuck, I would be boring.

I watched a special on Little People one night. They were at a conference and were joking about hanging out in the lobby watching the normals.:D :D :D
I really don't understand the normals-how do they function? I mean, there is so little going on in their brains, if you know what I mean.

The entire time I was growing up, I never "fit in." Nobody ever liked me for some reason, and I was rather boring when it came to chatting about nothing all day.

I was never interested in conversations about gossip, or mindless chatter... and so I never fit it. I am in college right now.. and I still dont fit in.

You would find me, at the back of the class, sitting alone, or with the one or two people that like talking to me (I have no idea why)

I think my sense of humour really puts a space between me and others. I dont find myself laughing at half of the stuff other people will laugh at. I just dont find it funny. I find it, boring, or "roll your eyes" humour.

I find conversations are so repitative...the same things are brought up... this bores me to death. Awkward pauses are another problem. I cant stand them.. but I really have nothing much to say.

What I would normally talk about... people would stare at me as thought I am some kind of freak or alien.

So I find myself limited in what I can say to people. This, nevertheless leaves me feeling rather blank...

I have very few friends.. and I find that most people just ignore me, or hate me. Perhaps I give off some kind of wierd vibe.

I have spoken to a few classmates, currently dependant on anti-depressants (sometimes people spill everything to me, I dont know why) and I noticed that most of the other class mates, avoid these people.

Perhaps they subconsciously know there is something "not quite right" with that person.

I am currently not on any meds.. so I dont see how this can apply to me.

I just think most people view me as... naive, stupid, shy, or/and aloof.

Just another thing... I also noticed that most, if not all, the people that I "attract" or are "attracted" to me as friends.. tend to be.. somewhat unstable. I dont quite understand...why, or how these people seem to find me.. or I them.

I just think most people view me as... naive, stupid, shy, or/and aloof.

Just another thing... I also noticed that most, if not all, the people that I "attract" or are "attracted" to me as friends.. tend to be.. somewhat unstable. I dont quite understand...why, or how these people seem to find me.. or I them.This is how I feel a lot. I have an off sense of humor that most people don't get usually. (I"m lucky that I have a few friends who "get" me and don't care if I make jokes they dont get. We just laugh about that too.) But schoool has always been wierd for me. When I"m being goofy or playful or when I talk about what I do for fun, I think people believe that I"m naive, and not living in the "real" world. I am, I just live in the real world with a different perspective.

i also have atendency to attract fpeople who want to be my friends, who are not reallyt he type of people i want to be around. I'm pretty good at giving people a chance, but for some reason I think that's what gets me into uncomfortable situations. People sense that I might give them a chance, so Iend up trying to avoid relationships I know I don't want to get into. They arn't bad people, they just arn't my kind of people...I dont connect with them easily. College has been rocky for me. It's been fun but it's been hard in the social arena, as it's always been. I"ve always had a few very good friends, so really that's what matters. I'm hoping things will continue to get better Junior Year. things ahve been steadily improving over the last few years. It's Slow, but like most ADDers I"m determined.

Is there anyway you can ask the campus physician to help you connect with others that have ADHD? They would have access to private files and could start a group without any others knowing. You could connect with others that think and feel the same as you.

X-Man

I fit in just fine, my friends don't really even notice, they just laugh because I'm always not paying attention and I'll hear completely different things compared to what was actually said.

I am too old to fit into anything. It gets easier with time

Yea it did for me especially after I bought bigger jeans- :p !




Oh to be your age again-- Do I fit in with you young ones?

Well that would depend greatly on what you call young ones! :rolleyes:




I used to wish I had straight hair that never looked wild, a calm, elegant demeanor, able to make the appropriate comment at the appropriate time, yada yada, yada.

Well friend, hate to tell ya, but it is going to take more than straight hair to give ya an elegant demeanor. One can have board straight hair and still be a banshee! :o

Hair doesn't come any straighter than mine. I am still ADHD with a capitol “H” factor! :D

Have mouth will travel! Luckily I am usually pretty easy going which is how I have managed to live so long!




Too bad we couldn't create a network with ADHD people who could show up to other ADHD peoples places when someone is putting them down. We could look at them like "Go lay on the couch and be yourself n n n n normal person" Power in numbers makes sense to me. A large group of us would be almost invensible. I vote no more fitting in. Let them fit in with us.


I think this is the general idea of having a place where we can all come together and converse!

As far as put downs are concerned . . .what kind of person needs to put another one down? :mad: = This sort easy material, plenty of flaws to work with :rolleyes: (in my book)!


I will take some “lip” as I try not to create a lot of negative stuff but I have a limit, I will ask nicely once (if I am medicated) if that does halt the uncalled for behavior I have no problems verbalizing in the least. Although I use it only on rare occasions I have the ability to make people feel knee high to a grass hopper in about three sentences.

I try to be considerate however I am past trying to fit in so to speak. Priorities do change and most people do become more accepting of diversities as they mature. I find I am more at ease with people because I am more at ease with myself now that all that youngster stuff is behind me.

When younger I had one or two very close friends in school, a small group of us kind of hung together mostly because we lived in the same neighborhood and saw each other out side of school and in the summer.

I was never miss popularity but I despite my hyper active variety of ADD I have a pretty even keeled temperament. I was and still am “pleasantly busy”. I understand things like socialization bothered some people during their teen years a lot more than it did me. I didn’t have the attention span to worry about any thing longer than 30 seconds (with medications I think I have got it up to 2 minutes and 25 seconds).


I posted mainly to tell ya this:


A lot of acceptance lies within self. You are college age you (and most in your age group) are still struggling in this area of self identity, which makes you frightenly normal. I will confess for most of the population this area does get better with age one of the few things that does,( being comfortable in my own skin it was almost worth loosing my bikini figure for)

Are there now any local groups (such as CHADD) set up for people, and the family and friends of people with ADD/ADHD that have meetings, and programs for us?
CHADD apparently no longer has a chapter in my area, but I joined, attended meetings and special events in the past.... and I met a whole lot of people just like me who wanted to talk and interact. It was nice to find a place to "come out" and share on a face-to-face basis. It was not as far-reaching, active and continuous process as ADD Forums, but it made all the (normal?) people who were not at the meetings seem like the ones who did not fit in.

i was born out the jigsaw so why would i wont to fit in i take them for who they are its just they dont gve the same to me oh well .......>>whats a carard meeting anyways???? dorm?

I guess I have to add to the other more seasoned females in the above posts.

I am tooo old to try to fit in. I used to try, but never did.
Then as I got older I did suddenly fit in and didn't know what to do about it?
WEll now I don't care either way. What you see is what you get, like it or lump it! So I guess it's something that subsides a lot when you get to be a certain age!

Thanks Sis and Sis. That's exactly what I meant :D.

What does "fitting in" really mean anyway? Think about it.

Does that mean one must always at all times, conform to others' opinions? Be a constant "follower" and not think for one's self? That would make one a sheep. Baaaaaaa.

I'm not saying be an obnoxious a-hole at all times, but through my years of living, I've discovered that more often than not, "fitting in" means to also ALWAYS be a convenience to everyone around you. That's humanly impossible, btw. It also leads to being a doormat and you're hurting no one but yourself.

What does "fitting in" really mean anyway? Think about it.

Does that mean one must always at all times, conform to others' opinions? Be a constant "follower" and not think for one's self? That would make one a sheep. Baaaaaaa.

I'm not saying be an obnoxious a-hole at all times, but through my years of living, I've discovered that more often than not, "fitting in" means to also ALWAYS be a convenience to everyone around you. That's humanly impossible, btw. It also leads to being a doormat and you're hurting no one but yourself.I think initially when people say theu want to "fit in" they dont mean they want to be sheep. I think people want to be valuable to others. We want the love and support that we see others recieving. Which is a natural human desire. What needs to be stressed is that you don't ahve to change a thing about yourself to fit in. YOu just need to find the right people to fit in with. THe people who want you to be who you are.

I think it I teeter-totter with the whole fitting in thing. I have noticed that sometimes, I am thinking I wouldn't want to be "normal". Other times, it seems like it would be nice to just let things lie, to just let them go and not obsess over them. Example: My husband and I are both really sarcastic in our sense of humor, people often think we are serious when we aren't. He isn't remotely ADD, it hit me that, what is different is how we deal with it. If I think I have offended someone, I obsess about it, I can't let it lie, I keep apologizing and tend to make it worse. He just seems to say that he didn't mean it that way, and then he completely forgets. Must be nice.

Also, I think the grass is always greener complex is a huge one for me and well, lots of us. I have dark auburn hair that I get compliments on frequently, am I happy with my hair? Nope, because, it isn't blonde and I feel like society says only blondes are attractive. I have breasts that are real, am I happy, nope, because men seem to like perfectly round breasts that never bounce or move. I have an hourglass figure, am I happy with that? Nope, society seems to like women with no real shape to them (except for the fake breasts).

But, I think I should remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I bet a lot of those blonde, thin, fake breasted women might wish they could look like me (okay, probably not...).

At the end of the day, I think that being unique, being an individual, its a beautiful thing that takes a certain confidence and self-knowledge that is incredible and beautiful.

Was that long enough? :faint:

I think we are taught from an early age that we need to "fit in" we need to be normal and like others. I am sick of being told to be like others!

Do u all agree or disagree?

I agree..on being tired of hearing about it.

Now whether I listened to others' advice, on that, is a whole other 'issue'. (0:

I've never was good at taking advice I didn't like.

Hmm, I don't know why I can't seem to stop caring about what other people think. Perfect example, last night we went out drinking, a girl I totally don't know at our table was glaring holes through my face last night, it drove me nuts, but, I didn't let anyone know that I was mentally throwing darts at Miss. Priss.

I think it can be hard sometimes to live in a society where we are told from such a young age that if you don't fit the 'in' thing... you are out. It takes a very long time to overcome that. I guess my father issues don't help, but, that's another point.

Hmm, I don't know why I can't seem to stop caring about what other people think. Perfect example, last night we went out drinking, a girl I totally don't know at our table was glaring holes through my face last night, it drove me nuts, but, I didn't let anyone know that I was mentally throwing darts at Miss. Priss.

Hmmm what I can't t understand is if you thought this girl was staring holes in your face why didn't you just ask her "wuz up, gotta booger hanging from my nose or some thing? Are you just staring because you are amazed by my beauty? What’s the deal here?"

Yea I fit into the high class debutant variety really well *NOT* but if some one's behavior is buggin me for over say 30 seconds . . . .well I say some thing or simply ask if their intention is to be a *rick.

For some reason unbeknownst to me we ADDers some how think we have cornered the market on not being aware of how our behavior is seen by others . . .as some one who would have gone up and asked "Miss Priss" those exact question so I would know the reason for her stares I can testify many "non-ADDers" haven't a clue how they come across either . . .that or when approached totally direct fashion they forget their reason really really fast (shrug)

Either way I would not have been the only one being annoyed . . by being stared at . . .I would have shared the wealth and information thus said female would have stopped annoying staring behavior . . . in under five minutes . . .I am "talented" in these matters . . . I have no problem asking people why they are doing the things they are . . . . For all I know there may be a perfectly logical explanation for this staring and I will never know unless I ask. . . .so I generally do. :D

Well, I have a couple of reasons for not saying anything. We were out with a bunch of my hubby;s friends, I didn't want to embarass him by doing that. Also, I noticed that when I am drinking, if I say something to anyone about something that bothers me, I hyper-focus on the issue all night and can't have any fun. I was able to have fun while be mildly irritated by her. I guess in some ways she didn't seem worth the waste of breath to me. My husband kept giving me attention and that's when she would glare, so, I figured she was jealous, which she wouldn't have admitted. I did stare back at her and it seemed to slow down a lot.

We were out with a bunch of my hubby;s friends, I didn't want to embarass him by doing that. Also, I noticed that when I am drinking, if I say something to anyone about something that bothers me, I hyper-focus on the issue all night and can't have any fun.

Oh okay that makes sense, see I don’t hyper focus when drinking. If I were drinking I probably would have never noticed her in the first place . . . I am a space cadet drinker . . . if it doesn’t fall in my lap or slap me in the face I am obvious as to the existence thereof .

See now I know why you didn’t ask her any questions, because I asked you. That is the way I am with just about every thing. Even if I am asking some thing like "Are you trying to be a rude jerk?" I am not necessarily angry, I am a question box at heart so I am usually simply curious. I have learned that some people come across as rude jerks without even trying (half the time the person denies the intent) Until I know there is a reason to get mad I normally don’t. I think that throws some people off (shrug) I’m not sure why.

Oh okay that makes sense, see I don’t hyper focus when drinking. If I were drinking I probably would have never noticed her in the first place . . . I am a space cadet drinker . . . if it doesn’t fall in my lap or slap me in the face I am obvious as to the existence thereof .

See now I know why you didn’t ask her any questions, because I asked you. That is the way I am with just about every thing. Even if I am asking some thing like "Are you trying to be a rude jerk?" I am not necessarily angry, I am a question box at heart so I am usually simply curious. I have learned that some people come across as rude jerks without even trying (half the time the person denies the intent) Until I know there is a reason to get mad I normally don’t. I think that throws some people off (shrug) I’m not sure why.
I am an evil drunk and no longer indulge, by choice. Not only would I have noticed it? I would not have cared about BDH, his friends, the future or the law.

The flip side to my sense of humor, intuition and way with words is a very wicked ability to find the right button to press to make the offender (staring woman) lose all composure and slap me...after which I usually step back, and start laughing at her :rolleyes: and if she did have an iota of composure left, she usually does not after that, and since she slapped me first, the end result is I am never at fault because I am acting in self-defense.

I have never lost a chick-fight and my last opponent was over 250 lbs. :cool: That's really nothing to be proud of, though.

These days when Miss Priss stares at me I paste a big phoney grin to my face and stare right back. If she has the nerve to ask me why I am staring, she always regrets why she asked in the first place...I always make sure I have several witnesses to back me up. Old habits die hard.

Crazy

My mother is a huge proponent of fitting in. She practically has OCD with respect to looking appealing to others; that is in general, not only physical appearance. She has attempted to pound the same rationale into myself, however, it had failed as I did not see the logic, nor did I care as I did not fit into these groups of humanoids anyway. It is apparent that she is extremely externally referent, making decisions based upon the pressure of others, never admitting fault, except where others accuse her of not admitting fault, and pointing out the mistakes in others. My step-father is much less bound by the external forces of extraverted operation, but does operate along the same psychological path as my mother.

I believe the user chain has stated quite a bit on this topic. To the tune here of his thoughts, it is a functional role to fit in, which is what creates groups -- groups being the abstract concept of certain common properties binding individuals together in a relationship of some sort, though those properties need not to be formally defined -- group membership being a survival tactic of many humanoids. Humanoids are stronger in numbers -- this impulse of acceptance is what creates this. Continuing to be a member of a group relies upon acceptance -- which for practical purposes usually means having a "what is", self, and "what other's see", ego. If a humanoid is not functional in playing this game -- mind you, in the most conservative way possible --, the humanoid must find some alternative mechanism of survival, one of these methods being the strengthening of one self -- becoming knowledgeable -- or by creating an over-elated self-image -- ego-manipulation. There is more to this than what I have written here, and these are chain's ideas, not mine, though I do like them and that is why I decided to elaborate on them.

Sounds a lot like this HF:

Borrowed from http://isnt.autistics.org/

What Is NT?

Neurotypical syndrome is a neurobiological disorder characterized by preoccupation with social concerns, delusions of superiority, and obsession with conformity.

Neurotypical individuals often assume that their experience of the world is either the only one, or the only correct one. NTs find it difficult to be alone. NTs are often intolerant of seemingly minor differences in others. When in groups NTs are socially and behaviorally rigid, and frequently insist upon the performance of dysfunctional, destructive, and even impossible rituals as a way of maintaining group identity. NTs find it difficult to communicate directly, and have a much higher incidence of lying as compared to persons on the autistic spectrum.

NT is believed to be genetic in origin.


301.666 Normal Personality Disorder

Meets qualification for at least two of the following criteria:

A. Egocentrism (at least one of the following):

(1) Egocentric perspective (e.g. fails to realize that others may have a different perspective, needs, nature, or experiences from his or her self)

(2) Egomania (e.g. acts or talks as though better or more important than peers or others)

(3) Selfishness (either of both of the following)

(a) Marked greed or covetousness

(b) Domineering or "bossy" attitude

B. Lack of originality (at least one of the following):

(1) Rigidly follows traditions or social rituals

(2) Is often "faddish," follow the latest fads, fashions, or "crazes" invented or set by others

(3) Often demonstrates a "herd mentality" (e.g. thoughtlessly follows a social reference group or a local group of friends, often gives into "peer pressure")

C. Lack of Sympathy (one or both of the following):

(1) Cruel or callous towards the feeling of others (e.g. engages in teasing or ridiculing other, plays potentially harmful "practical jokes" on unsuspecting victims who are unlikely to be amused)

(2) Often Manipulative (e.g. uses others as tools to towards own goals, treats others as objects which may be acquired for own satisfaction, uses dishonesty as convenient way to achieve social goals)

Description

An incredibly prevalent disorder, Normal Personality is dangerous and often chronic. Normal Personalities are primarily marked by conformity (either to tradition or to "fads"), self-centered attitudes and behavior, and a general lack of genuine caring for others.

Normal Personality often appears to begin early in life. As children, they are often excessively aggressive and cruel. They commonly believe they must have the latest toy from a commercial, or wear the latest fashion. Often Normal children have trouble with possessive pronouns, and will call all objects "mine." Starring at cathode ray tubes (such as TVs) for long periods of time is also a common behavior.

As Normal Personalities are both extremely common, and potentially dangerous, the importance of them cannot be understated. The prognosis is often poor; however, Normal Personality can sometime be successfully cured. When dealing with Normal Personalities, it is generally best to watch your back, and to be as understanding as possible. In many cases it may be necessary to avoid contradicting the normal behavior, as normal people are likely to show aggression to those who refuse to follow their "norms."

Associated Features & Differential Diagnosis

The exact relationship between normal personality and other forms of personality is disorder uncertain. It has been suggested that Normal PD may be a milder variant of Antisocial Personality Disorder. Also, many normal people are overly emotional, possibly showing evidencing a connection to Histrionic Personality, or even (considering the excessive need for even shallow companionship and selfish behavior) Borderline Personality. It may often be difficult to differentiate the more common Normal Personal ity from these other, more publicized disorders. As these diagnostic categories are not generally considered normal, they are not covered here, however, information on them may be found in the widely distributed DSM-IV, make their inclusion here unneeded.

It has also been noted that most cases of Normal Personality also have Neurotypical Disorder, and that converse is also true. However, Neurotypical individuals without normal personality are known, as is Normal Personality in rare non-Neurotypical people. Thus there is no reason to assume the presence of Neurotypicallity automatically implies a Normal Personality; therefore, a dual diagnosis of both Normal Personality and Neurotypical Disorder is perfectly acceptable. However, a possible causal relatio nship may exist, with Neurotypicallity contributing to the development of Normal Personality. Therefore, the presence of Normal PD should be reason to check for possible Neurotypicallity.

Prevalence

The exact prevalence and incidence are not know. However, normal personality appears to be frighteningly common, and it incidence may be increasing.

Prognosis

Normal personality is most often a lifelong condition. Rarely is there any significant improvement of symptoms. It has been suggested that the presence of Neurotypicallity makes the prognosis worse, though this has not been substantiated. Despite the severe social dependencies and possible cognitive impairments associated with Normal Personality, such people are often relatively high functioning. Many of them even become successful professionals, with politicians being an especially common in this pop ulation. However, the egocentrism, poor insight, and narrow standards of acceptability may make the person with Normal Personality dangerous to other in the community, being particularly threatening to those who are not themselves Normal.

I am glad that you find the information at http://isnt.autistics.org/ to be useful at times!

I am glad that you find the information at http://isnt.autistics.org/ to be useful at times!MANY times! :D that's a great site...wonder who told me about it anyway?


Crazy

It wasn't me, was it? Seriously, I don't remember.

Edit: Never mind. I remember.......

Back to the topic at hand!

It wasn't me, was it? Seriously, I don't remember.http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y92/kzrainbow/icon_rotfl3.gif I seriously don't remember either! Might have been you, during the sensory integration panic attack I had. Shoot, might have even been Spot!


Yes, it was probably Spot.


Crazy :D


ETA: Now tell me how ya remembered during the time it took me to post this? Accessed your third nested memory nacell or what? Was it you or not??

Moogie must know!

Actually, I think it might have been a part of this thread: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2657

Now that I think about it a little more, I don't think I've directly mentioned it to you. I have to catch myself. Sometimes I remember events that don't actually happen.

Actually, I think it might have been a part of this thread: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2657

Now that I think about it a little more, I don't think I've directly mentioned it to you. I have to catch myself. Sometimes I remember events that don't actually happen.
Keep thinking HF.

Originally Posted by HighFunctioning 10-19-03, 10:46 PM....:eyebrow:.


My join date 05-05-06...even I can do that kind of math!

Or was there an X involved somewhere? If so I ignored it.


Crazy :D (betting on Spot)

Keep thinking HF.

Originally Posted by HighFunctioning 10-19-03, 10:46 PM....:eyebrow:.


My join date 05-05-06...even I can do that kind of math!

Or was there an X involved somewhere? If so I ignored it.


Crazy :D (betting on Spot)


I didn't mean that to say I posted that while you were here, but you probably have read that.... But perhaps not.

I didn't mean that to say I posted that while you were here, but you probably have read that.... But perhaps not.
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y92/kzrainbow/icon_thnk0001.gif I think *NOT* and wonder who remembers more things that never happened, you or me?

Crazy

Oh okay that makes sense, see I don’t hyper focus when drinking. If I were drinking I probably would have never noticed her in the first place . . . I am a space cadet drinker . . . if it doesn’t fall in my lap or slap me in the face I am obvious as to the existence thereof .
Yeah, I used to make a real a*^ out of myself when I would drink. So, I decided that, I need to start acting like an adult, especially when I drink. I limit my intake now, instead of binge drinking and having a horrible hangover. I also later told my husband about the glaring Miss. Priss, he said he didn't notice, but that a lot of people think she has a look on her face that makes them want to slap her. So, I figure, it really wasn't anything personal, she just hates life and she probably really hated that I was enjoying mine in her prescene. :)

I limit my intake now, instead of binge drinking and having a horrible hangover.

Drink water - 8 to 12 oz. depending on personal size if not allergic take three ibuprofen do this apx 30 minutes before going to bed = no more hang overs. Hang over are chemical dehydration and slight inflammation.

Learned that in an IV certification class years ago and have never had a hang over sense . . .no the class wasn’t on avoiding hang overs.It was designed to teach nurses about fluid over load and intravenous therapy but I have ADD and dyslexia so I learned how not to get a hang over toooooooo. :D

Naturally not drinking tooooo fast does help one avoid becoming the absolute stupid drunk every one hates babysitting. I don’t drink very fast unless I am visiting my sister in Ohio. :p


I think *NOT* and wonder who remembers more things that never happened, you or me?

Gravy you two to quit bragging about your memories, you’ll give me a complex. :rolleyes: (can’t remember what kind though)

I never have to worry about remembering things that don’t happen, I am lucky to remember the ones that dooooooo! (Which I don’t always do) . . . . . . . . . :faint: