I am just feeling pretty frustrated about not being understood. I have only told a handful of people about my ADD diagnosis {which was about 5 yrs ago} (mostly family and 2 close friends). But I find that no one REALLY gets it and I'm frustrated by that. Really frustrated! When I was 1st diagnosed I was relieved...finally I have a name for my wackiness...but now, gosh...I can't very well go tell acquaintences why I forget their names and why bizarre things pop out of my mouth or how come I'm the only mother that doesn't know what teacher her kid has in September, blah, blah, blah.....it goes on and on.

Just really peeved and tired and feeling sorry for myself!

My husband, who I thought had some understanding (and he really does have just SOME) asked me, "Why do you always get sooo angry at me when I ask where your car keys are?" Aaarrrggghh....so I had to explain how frustrating and embaressing it is to lose things over and over again. I was shocked he took my anger so personally (I mean, I only growled {and that was kinda a low growl - not ferocious at all! }).
http://www.addforums.com/forums/newthread.php?do=newthread&f=13#But the wind-up is I feel very isolated by my ADD ---- does anyone else really feel isolated and not at all understood?

How do you feel comfortable with your own behavior if the people you encounter don't know and/or understand
about your ADD? :( :(

I want to feel good about myself and not care what other people think!

yes anne m i get that all the time theres very littie understanding here must things i get told is hes on one again about nothing or if i forget were somethings is its like oh no >>RED ALERT>>> so i know how you feel it never be easy but comeing here you find peps in the same boat who there for you in all ways we do understand nother way is to do anot pad so they see all the things you forget an have miss haps doing then they know an carnt say noting then hugs an hope you feel better soon i understand why you get angery there the ones isolated not you dorm by there lack understanding

Hey there Anne! I know exactly what you're talking about---I haven't told very many people about my ADD. But I don't think I need to either. Most people just think I'm a little quirky, sometimes scattered, and have a little too much energy, but that's what most of them think--they don't need to know WHY I'm like that. But I can understand the frustration with your husband :) At least he wasn't getting upset at you for forgeting where the keys are....and don't be so hard on yourself---you can't always help forgetting, it's just who you are--and probably just the way you were meant to be :)

Thanks dormammau & happycat...

I felt so lonely and aggravated yesterday. Today is better. Just sometimes at the end of a day I've had it!

Yes, Dormammau, everyone understands here... this site is a lifesaver.

Happy cat --- I think I'll use that as my mantra, "This is who I am and what I'm meant to be"

Can Non-Adders really understand ADD behaviors?

In my opinion they understand as much about what it is like having ADD, as we understand what it is like not to have ADD. Misunderstanding like most forms of communication is a two way street. Some times people with attention surplus disorder (other wise known as NTers / non-ADDers) don’t make any sense to me, just as I do not make sense to them.


Lucky for me I do not need to understand some thing in order for it to run like it is supposed to(same goes for people) . . . .prime examples are my air conditioner, and frig,(male partner, Gary) ,, ,I don’t understand what makes them tick but lucky for me on this hot August day my understanding is not a requirement for any of them to work as they were designed to :rolleyes: (including Gary).


Your husband my never understand how you can loose keys you had five minutes ago, just like you can’t understand how he can always know where his are.

Being different and yes even scattered can be frustrating and if this is the most frustrating thing about your ADD you can learn ways of coping despite ADD. For me progress happens when I find the one behavior in my self that creates the most problems and work on modifying that one behavior (as opposed to failing at an entire meadd823 over haul) so said behavior isn’t so bothersome. This is part of my over all ADD treatment.


I am glad you are having a better day today and I do understand the frustration, Believe it or not even non-ADD people do things that they find frustrating, they just have different types of problems and some times different ways of coping. This by no means makes them right and you wrong, (or vise versa) this only indicates a difference in people.

My monthly motto seems to be~ we humans my survive by our similarities, society / group, but it is our differences that allow us to thrive as a species. We who have ADD are a part of the human variety that encourages the thriving aspect of humanity, we just often times do not feel that way. :o

Don’t be so hard on your self, every one has weaknesses. If this key loosing thing a problem that really vexes you I believe you have it with in your being to make a productive change. If I do then you do also.

It bothered me to never know where my keys were and I hated digging in my purse for them(which is why I tended to lay them down ????. ) Now I have a large metal clip on a leather loop located on the out side of my purse. That where all my keys go on when I am finished with them. It is on the out side of my purse for easy access(means I will actually put keys on it), and sturdy so my keys won’t fall off. I have one split ring for my house and car (frequently used), another split ring for keys I use less often (mom’s house, Gary’s truck)

Hope this helps.

Funny, it seems that if you have purple hair and facial piercings, folks are a little more understanding about your odd behavior...

Wonder how it will go now that my hair is brown again?

Why did you let your hair go back to brown? Purple sounds more fun.

You know, losing stuff drives me crazy (and it really got better with meds) but it is really the whole social aspect of my ADD that makes me uncomfortable. I'm very daydreamy...sometimes I miss what people are saying and I'm not always right on track in a conversation, andd I could deal w/all my head nonsense. I just have a hard time when people become offended or think I'm odd...I think mostly people think I'm kinda odd but I don't really want to be different >>> I just don't want to care so much what others think.

I just don't want to care so much what others think.

Then it seems to me the question to ask your self is why do you care what others think? Who are these "others" whose thoughts are of such importance?

To find specific answers you must ask your self specific questions so you can have some insight into your reason and can consciously decide weather or not this is some thing you wish to continue.

Meadd you are giving me alot to think about. I am sooo sensitive to certain people. I'm going to think out loud (in writing) and say...it is more acquaintances that I see on a daily basis that I feel uncomfortable around and also my husband's family (who are exceedingly "normal" and "polite" in an almost scary way >> some of them can also be very critical and abrupt, yuk)....my family, on the other hand, are much looser, more relaxed.
I guess I'm still just not so comfortable being "different". I like to be alone alot and often I'd rather observe people than interact w/them. I just feel like by now maybe I should have mastered the verbal chit-chat.
I could start saying to myself,"Why is their opinion so important if they are only a small fraction of your life?".....you know, give myself a reminder that I am who I am and there are plenty of people who think that is grand.

That is what I should do when I get a funny stare or feel odd....try to hold onto the thoughts of people who comment that they really like my company.

Well Meadd, I think I am going to have to do a bit more reflecting. Thanks for your posts.

Caring about what other people think led me to almost 9 years on Paxil, plus therapy (which was at least a moderate success), and is now giving me hellish withdrawal symptoms and much kicking of self in pants for wasting all that time trying to be "normal". I knew right from the beginning I had ADD, got treatment from a psychologist and a very sympathetic school system from a young age, and yet it never occurred to me that the act of trying to fit myself into a non-ADD image would cause more problems than it solved.

Now that there's a better understanding of ADD, there's a lot to read - and it's given me a sense of peace to know that so many of the things I viewed as flaws in myself are no more "flaws" than having curly hair or nearsightedness. That gets me through a lot of the ADD irritants - the clutter, the unfinished projects, the difficulty sitting through an entire movie with my family, the losing stuff (keys, not so bad. Everything else, well. . .) I shrug my shoulders and remind myself that it's just the way my brain works, and it's not the end of the world.

Hubby is very understanding. He's done tons of research, and has the patience of a saint. He and I have delved into the symptoms, implications, difficulties of ADD, and we work together to make things function in our lives as smoothly as possible, without sweating the small stuff. However, having all that knowledge makes it a bit more frustrating to deal with other people who know less. I've always been upfront with people. I don't lie or keep secrets well, and I think it levels the playing field a bit when I come right out and say it, rather than have people think I'm ditzy or odd.

So, what bothers me the most is that people don't understand how the ADD mind works much, at all. They think that if >they< misplace their keys a lot or forget appointments that maybe >they< have "a touch of ADD". This makes me nuts! You don't have "a touch of ADD". It's something that affects everything in your life, and it's far more than just misplacing things and forgetting things. I said to a fellow ADDer that it's like telling someone bald from chemo "maybe I have a touch of cancer, too!" It's hard to say whether this type of person or the one who says there's no such thing as ADD is more difficult to tolerate.

So, what bothers me the most is that people don't understand how the ADD mind works much, at all. They think that if >they< misplace their keys a lot or forget appointments that maybe >they< have "a touch of ADD". This makes me nuts! You don't have "a touch of ADD". It's something that affects everything in your life, and it's far more than just misplacing things and forgetting things. I said to a fellow ADDer that it's like telling someone bald from chemo "maybe I have a touch of cancer, too!"

What you say is so very true. There is a tremendous amount of ignorance out there. I often get that reply too..."well, I lose my keys alot" or "I can barely keep up with the housework too", etc, etc

People do not realize how pervasive the attention deficit is, how it really effects every area of your life. Just yesterday, my sister told me how school couldn't have been too hard for me because I went to college. Of course, she doesn't know how hard it was for me to keep track of my credits, classes, make it to class on time and all the rest. I told her how sometimes it was overwhelming. People don't see whats going on in your head....if they glimpsed inside mine....whoa.....well you get the idea.

Unfortunately, you can't sit everyone down and really explain what it is all about. There-in lies the benefit of this website....it keeps me from thinking I'm the only person dealing w/this stuff.

That's one reason I am here so often Anne (no matter what Animal says :p don't listen to him!!). I am old and impatient with alla that social happycrappy, know what I mean?

I never really gave much of a hoot what people thought of me (I was a total hippy in the '80's for example) :D yet still developed chronic depression and anxiety. Meh.

Makes it rough on me because my intelligence is clearly visible, or maybe the people I interact with are dumber than average? :rolleyes: In any event, I tell ya, one of them had the nerve to say something like they had a "touch of ADHD" I would get up, do something "normal" and say "Yep, look at that, I must have touch of normalcy! Oh my!"...may all the dieties extant deliver me from ignorance and stupidity!

Thanks be to Yevon, and please pass the Prater Flakes!

Crazy :cool:

I feel uncomfortable around and also my husband's family (who are exceedingly "normal" and "polite" in an almost scary way >> some of them can also be very critical and abrupt, yuk)....my family, on the other hand, are much looser, more relaxed.

Okay this I can understand completely I am not as comfortable around Gary’s family as I am my own simply because I know the “social rules” of my family (what comes into brain will normally fly out of mouth) Each family has their own definition appropriate behavior and un-written social rules, which you are unfamiliar with especially at first. Even over time there may be things which don’t exactly gel well with your style (like the critical thing)

For some folks how a spouses family feels about them is important because how the spouse feels about them is important, spouse and family opinion is inter-connected; however, I have learned it is not that way with all people. I see the fact you care weather or not his family likes you is an extension of how important your spouse is to you. There is nothing wrong with that as long as this goal remains in the realm of realistic.

The acquaintances it would depend on weather or not there opinion had any real connection to or effect upon my life. In other wards co-workers would have a minor effect the checker at a store I rarely shop would have little to zero effect. I have learned that not taking myself too seriously goes a long way toward easing tensions, because much of how you are seen by others has to do with how you perceive your self.

I also try to remember this thing I read a long time back that

people who matter don’t mind (my oddities) people who mind don’t matter.

This helps me be able to be who I am right off the bat with relatively little anxiety. I am a bit on the hyper side and tend to be a little fast pace. The way I see it if some one is going to dislike me because I am unique then I would prefer to get the formalities out of the way quickly so I can get on with my life.

Some people are going to like me some people aren’t. I don’t like every one I meet therefore it is unrealistic to expect every one to like me. I have simply learned to accept this as a part of life every one has to cope with one way or another. I have found the key (should one actually exist) is acceptance of myself this in turn allows to me be accepting of others. Some of that acceptances is the fact that there are those with whom I “gel well” with and there are those whom I do not.

I hope this helps.

AnneM, it all boils down to keys, doesn't it? Just before summer break, for the first time in almost fourteen years, I misplaced my key, THE KEY, at work. I NEVER misplace my keys because I have learned to be obsessive compulsive about keys. The key turned up safe and sound, but I still have this little voice in my head asking how much more anal can a person get and still remain sane?

Keys???? OMG must be the ADD talking-lol!

I really didn't mean that pun but I shall leave it any way!

Only an ADDer would connect such dots!

Anyone who's ever heard me explain why my non-sequiturs are perfectly logical is really given a glance into an ADD brain. My husband, kids, and friends are used to it. It'll be, well you said this, which got me to thinking about this, and that reminded me of this other thing, which reminded me about the time I forgot this but remembered it later, which reminded me that I forgot to tell you about this other thing, so I told you.

People will come into my house and find, even when it's clean, pockets of chaos everywhere, and yet they'll be amazed that my spices are organized alphabetically, as are my CDs and books (by artist/author). Why? Because I always forget names, but I never ever forget the first letter of the names I forget. "I don't remember, but it starts with an S" is a phrase that comes out of my mouth on an almost daily basis. So. . .if I can alphabetize it, I can organize it. If I can't, well, there are always piles. Piles are good.

I just explained this to BDH recently. He was looking for something and I know I had seen it on the kitchen table...means if if I moved it, it would be in one of 2 piles (top of freezer, or microwave). Its him who hates my piles, so if the thing he was seeking was missing? He did it, no doubt, I have my piles down to 2 places and know where my piles are!

Crazy :cool:

If I can't, well, there are always piles. Piles are good.

My wife hates my piles and I am down to only 1! At least that is readily visible. :rolleyes: The others are hidden away...

Ahh but do you know what is in your piles?

My piles are camouflaged into boxes, drawers or closets!

Ahh but do you know what is in your piles?

My piles are camouflaged into boxes, drawers or closets!

Of course - all of the stuff that is pile-worthy is in the piles. The rest goes into the circular pile...

I felt so lonely and aggravated yesterday. Today is better. Just sometimes at the end of a day I've had it!

I understand!

Glad you're feeling a little better.

To answer your question, yes, some non-ADDers can get it. Maybe not 100%, but then ADDers also reach their limits with each other.

Sometimes opening up pays off. The shoe repair shop owner (I'm a charter member of the buy-top-quality-then-care-for-and-repair-it-forever club) remarked once that I seemed always to be under pressure, and then I explained that my brain works differently and it's a lot of work to keep just normal stuff organized. That there's a medicine I take to calm things down, make concentrating possible, but things still get hectic. He wasn't judgemental at =all=.

My XH was the king of just-organize-it! and couldn't understand that I actually had problems until, well, maybe about the time I moved out. He's been pretty supportive since then, which is worth a lot since I need help dealing with doctors. He's noticed ADD-like qualities in some of his colleagues and clients and sometimes asks for advice on getting through to them.

One thing XH learned to understand was how hard I have to work to be on time, and he accepted a playful-constructive approach. When we were supposed to go out somewhere, he'd help out by asking me how much time I needed to get dressed. Usually 17 minutes. Then I could hang out, do my own stuff, relax, whatever, and he'd tell me when it was takeoff-minus-17. By then he'd be ready and would drink tea and read a newspaper in the foyer, and every few minutes call out how many minutes I had left. If it was t-minus 4 and he happened to see I was still in only nylons, heels and a bra, he'd say he felt nervous even though he knew I'd make it, and he'd go wait in the car. The other side of this is that I was late exactly once, and he knew exactly why.

As for keys ... maybe someone already posted this, but the frustration is yours, and you also have the solution. You shouldn't ever expect yourself to =remember= where keys are! When I moved out from XH's a few years ago I decided on one place keys =always= go, and the couple of weeks it took to get into the habit of always putting them there (for me, a pocket or a clip inside my shoulder bag) really paid off.

I don't want to sound like I think I've "arrived". (Boy, do I get irrationally irritated if someone places my keys on my desk or something.) Nor do I expect myself to conform perfectly to the non-ADD world.

Advocacy has its limits - someone else accepting me losing my keys doesn't reduce my own frustration with losing them, nor does it bring the satisfaction of always knowing where my keys are.

There's a lot of our ADHD world I don't think we can expect anyone to "understand" in terms of putting up with it. I wish that more emphasis was put on solutions-finding and resource-orientation in the ADHD community.

Of course - all of the stuff that is pile-worthy is in the piles. The rest goes into the circular pile...Exactly! :D

I know what you mean, it drives me nuts that people dont understand my ADD. Its pretty funny that I found this post because my Fiance was in the emergency room Sunday night because of a severe migrane and they gave him this medicine for it in an IV. Well the whole next day he said that he felt funny, he said that he felt like he had tunnel vision all day and that he just couldnt focus on anything, he said that he would just stare into space. I was soo excited when he told me that and I said "thats exactly how I feel all the time because of my ADD."

I wish that more emphasis was put on solutions-finding and resource-orientation in the ADHD community.

?????????????

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I see more posts about "why don't they understand me" and "how can I make them accommodate my special needs" than I do about "how can I provide myself with an external structure where I'm missing the internal structure", "what are some rules of thumb I can follow that'll make me easier on others."

A lot of us are truly missing key social skills, life skills etc. I used to devour self-help books looking for guidelines and was thrilled to find a few that made things work. Such as a rule-of-thumb that a conversation should be 50% listening, 25% asking questions and 25% talking about yourself. It's a good starting place.

Personal background: I'm indirectly managing a guy I'm pretty sure has ADD. He's in the US, and I live in fear that he gets diagnosed and comes demanding special allowances, favors etc. When the project manager insists he follow structure I've set up, he gets the work done. I'm tired of his excuses and sense of entitlement. We might have ADD but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take responsibility and grow up wherever possible.

I see more posts about "why don't they understand me" and "how can I make them accommodate my special needs" than I do about "how can I provide myself with an external structure where I'm missing the internal structure", "what are some rules of thumb I can follow that'll make me easier on others."
I can postulate as to why you see more of these posts. I would say that many of us come to ADDF for support from other ADDers, and that when questions regarding external structure come up they are either stickied and saved, or the person is referred to a book/therapist and told to find what works for them, in which case the post falls to the bottom of the New Posts and eventually drops off.

I suspect that many of us are intelligent enough to realise that we need to find our own methods of external structure, and come here to vent and commisserate with other ADDers about our differences from Nts.

I scarcely see how that is harmful in any way, nor can I quite undersand why it would be a bad thing for a NT person to learn understand an ADDer. We are expected to understand them, are we not??

Crazy :cool: (this is a theory and my opinion only)

Are there really that many posts on this site about >how can someone accomodate an ADD person's special needs?<

I think the majority of people who post on this site have probably been working their tails off (forever) trying ways to make their lives work more smoothly. And I would imagine many of us have been trying to accomodate friends and family who don't understand this disorder. And I would go so far as to say, that in my opinion, many ADDers care just as much, if not more, about how their behavior effects others.

Of course there are always going to be people out there who will take advantage of their disabilities but I wouldn't say that is the norm.

I like that people here share their thoughts and others, in the same boat, understand.

People have bad days and who better to commiserate with and explore feelings with than others who share some common traits with you.

And yes, I still do wish others understood more about this disorder....not because I want them to accomodate me but because with greater understanding always comes more acceptance.

And to take that a step further Anne...if we had a clue how to do any of that, wouldn't we have done so already?? Are we or are we not human and in pain ourselves??

The understanding is critical to the acceptance. I believe that is a large part of what ADDF is here for.

Crazy :cool:

Sometimes it's nice to be given a little bit of help when you're trying to fit into an environment that demands structure, but just like the doctors who overdiagnose ADD and overprescribe ADD meds, people who make use of legal channels that should be used to help an entire class of people for their own personal accomodation make things difficult for all the rest of us.

ADD isn't necessarily a handicap - most of us, I'm sure, can function even if we're not like the rest of the world. However, without classifying it as such, no accomodations could be made for people who really do need it - at least not legally. I'd say, though, that if you, as a supervisor, bone up on some of the problems, support your employee, and get him to understand that when you remind him or prompt him you're not being a nudge, just really trying to help, it should go a long way. I know that I recruit people around me all the time to help me keep on track, and I know that when they do, they're helping, not criticizing.

Because I always forget names, but I never ever forget the first letter of the names I forget. "I don't remember, but it starts with an S" is a phrase that comes out of my mouth on an almost daily basis. So. . .if I can alphabetize it, I can organize it. If I can't, well, there are always piles. Piles are good.This is my ADHD? :faint:
This is why I adore libraries?

I know that I recruit people around me all the time to help me keep on track, and I know that when they do, they're helping, not criticizing.My co-workers have not been told I have ADHD, but I'm sure some of them recognize ADHD when they see it. They know I welcome their efforts to support me when I need it, just as I know they enjoy what ADHD brings to my job.

There are some people who are "victims" of ADHD, but if they didn't have ADHD they'd probably find some other excuse. The heroes in my life have been people who have overcome handicaps far more debilitating and challenging than ADHD.

Are there really that many posts on this site about >how can someone accomodate an ADD person's special needs?<

Maybe that's something to run some numbers on in a hyperfocus phase! :p


I'm personally so worn out from trying to get through the day that the whining / commiseration just drags me down.


@Faylen - I'm the only one in the organisation who's done anything for this guy. I figured out pretty quickly what works for him and what gets him to do the work expected of him. Bizarrely, I'm the one he's most afraid of and thus takes seriously - when the others tell him something, he bickers or yesses them and then does nothing. He reacts SO emotionally though - I don't have any more contact with him, just help out the direct manager when she's stuck. Any inch of "understanding" he feels, he runs a mile with. He's also manipulated support out of people who really aren't meant to provide it for him.

Maybe that's something to run some numbers on in a hyperfocus phase! :p


I'm personally so worn out from trying to get through the day that the whining / commiseration just drags me down.


Hey, good idea! Lemme know if your hyperfocus takes that direction :p I am interested in how my hypothesis pans out.

I am in the same boat ya know it? I may not show it, but sometimes I am sitting here screaming "When did I hang up a 'Therapist On Duty' sign? Really! ;)

I do my best to get out of that mood but I know it well. If you search my posts I am 100% certain I have snapped a bit at others when that mood strikes me too.

Not to mention my family lives with this glorious illusion that somehow they all have neurological problems and because I understand that, I am somehow the household NT :mad:. I am sooooooooooo NOT NT!!!

Crazy :cool:

I try, to the best of my abilities, to 'blend' in work related situations.

Because I have to.

In personal situations, I am 'me'.
I lost my tolerance for accomodating others, who are not understanding of 'me', a while back. I can understand them...but I won't accomodate them, anymore.

I'm fortunate, and grateful, that I have someone in my life, who is just as ADHD as I am. I'm also fortunate and grateful, that my close friends are a bunch of ADD/HDers.

If the point, of being in relationships, is to be continuously critiqued...you can count me out.

I've heard a recent comment, that made sense to me.

"No one is infallible, or without vulnerability".

Even those who critique others..and think they're 'beyond' being critiqued themselves.

or in a foul mood, although I do not feel in a foul mood!


I live in fear that he gets diagnosed and comes demanding special allowances, favors etc.

Although I appreciate the clarification, I have been diagnosis for over 12 years and have not once asked an employer for any accommodations. I try to accommodate my self by applying for the types of jobs that gel well with my ADHD style.

My first response to the above is :
Gee your compassion is over whelming!



He's also manipulated support out of people who really aren't meant to provide it for him.

Maybe if he knew what was wrong and why this would no longer be necessary! It is hard to understand and learn to work with a condition you are unaware of, is it not?




but just like the doctors who overdiagnose ADD and overprescribe ADD meds, people who make use of legal channels that should be used to help an entire class of people for their own personal accomodation make things difficult for all the rest of us.

You do not want to even approach the subject of ADD because you are afraid he may ask for accommodations, which would make things harder on you? :confused: Sorry if I struggle for an appropriate response to that. :eyebrow: Frankly I am not sure what to say, except this hits me as all wrong. Accommodations are supposed to be in the best interest of both parties. They are not supposed to place an undue hardship on an employer, so the amount of accommodations would greatly depend on company resources(if he even asked for them). Perhaps the best thing I can do is sleep on it! I am not to sure if we are reading the same law; maybe you know some thing I don’t?. Perhaps I will see the entire response in a better light after six hours of sleep. . . . . . . . . . . . :faint: (nite)

Does ADD qualify an employee for special accommodations?

The American's With Disabilities Act prohibits private employers (with more than 15 employees) from discriminating against individuals with disabilities in relation to application procedures, hiring, firing, job training, promotion and advancement, and conditions and privileges of employment.

Accomodations

ADD qualifies as a disability under this Act, if it can be shown that you are substantially impaired by ADD. To qualify you must be able to perform the job with reasonable accomodations. Employers are required to make accomodations, as long as those accomodations would not cause undue hardship on the company. Undue hardship would be if accomodations caused significant difficulty or expense to the company. In addition, companies are not expected to lower quality or production in order to make accomodations. Companies are also not expected to supply personal items, such as glasses or hearing aids to an employee.



Talking to Your Boss

Many adults with ADD choose not to ask for special accomodations in the workplace because they do not want to disclose their ADD. They fear that letting their superiors know about their ADD will cause discrimination against them, or they may feel special accomodations might set them apart from their co-workers and create resentment.

Talking with your boss, with a pro-active approach will normally work the best. Rather than going to your boss with the attitude the company owes you these accomodations, you can approach with suggestions that might work for you. For example, if you consistently miss information in meetings, you might approach your boss with the suggestion that you are allowed to tape record meetings in order to review the information later, if needed. By taking the stress off your disability and restructuring your request to show how the accommodation can help the office in general or in your specific job, you may be able to receive accomodations you need to complete your job more efficiently.



Show Initiative

In addition, there may be things that you can institute yourself, without having to consult your boss. For example, you may start using a day planner, PDA or program the alarms on your computer to alert you to meeting times or deadlines. You may be able to stay a little later each evening or come in a few minutes early to accomplish goals without the usual office distractions. By working to find solutions yourself, even if you ask for additional accommodations, you will be showing your employer that you are accepting responsibility for your position and are willing to do what is necessary to get the job done.

When I was first diagnosed, I actually called a meeting with my bosses, and told them what was going on. I explained some of the help I was going to need, and for the last 6 years they have been absolutely awesome about it. They continue to send me little email notes to remind me of things, and always in a way where they are simply asking if I'd been able to get to project X or Y yet. They stand by my desk to make sure I write things down, or that I make a todo note for myself in Outlook. There is a lot of joking around the office about the chronic chaotic state of the top of my desk, but I've never been made to feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I can't tell you how awesome it is to have a job where they actually do their best to understand and work with me instead of just expecting the unreasonable.

AnneM asked the question: Can Non-Adders really understand ADD behaviors?

NO.

AnneM asked the question: Can Non-Adders really understand ADD behaviors?

NO.
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y92/kzrainbow/toofunny.gif

AnneM asked the question: Can Non-Adders really understand ADD behaviors?

maybe dorm

Well, Crazy, if you liked that one, I've also been thinking about another question.

Can ADHDers with co-morbid conditions really understand ADHDers without co-morbid conditions?

Maybe not?

This is my latest theory Imnapl. I say this sectioning of the brain is a load of horsehockey in the end. The brain is actually just one big pudding and it all overlaps and there is no such thing as NT when ya get right down to it. Its all in the meta-levels, baby!

Crazy :cool: (who does not need to know the chemical reactions involved in order to make a mean batch of pudding) :D

true meta levels meet some the things asked but we each have a set way ofve doing things that partly detmented >>so called depmaed by our genes an inverment..*** it did our perents so called.. well thats the thory the pathways ofve all ofve us are the same but how the formed.....>>>is deiff....understanding something an konwing whats its like is two diff things i look forwades when they know the mind that well can give a normal brain a tempempy set brainwavesss like we have ..all the time then they would see adders will understand adders better weather they understand the co morried ones is another thing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,..............very few understand .....what its like to be dyealixa there mrriror so closerly this things l.)))) dorm

Hey Dorm, we bridge that gap quite well, do we not? I spell and read very well, yet my fingers don't move as fast as my mind and I get "typlexia" :D and you read my free-form typlexia fine!

Crazy :cool:

Crazy, I am still tossing this around in the old grey matter and haven't gotten to the theory stage, yet; heck, it's not even an hypothesis, yet, but I'm approaching something of a paradigm shift.

I have always chosen to have close friends who accepted, nurtured and enjoyed my ADHD. For several years I have been blessed to work with people who accept and support my ADHD. My family accepts my ADHD, but doesn't necessarily enjoy it all of the time. :D

I'm not sure if it's because ADHD may still be the disorder du jour, but I keep coming across people who start out as the parent of a possibly ADHD child, discover they like the company of ADHDers and before you can say, Bob's your uncle, they are ADHD. As I read postings about ADDisms that just aren't, I've begun to question just how much non-ADHDers understand about us.

veisalze a big bridge strghting all the way though sub space to c f mind scape....>>i dont find your typlexia hard to read cos i get that myself lol....wounders how meany more have TYPLEXAIEA DORM

Dorm, what a relief to be understood.

So, like non-ADHDers will actually PAY legal tender to experience their brain on ADHD? What a trip!

veisalze a big bridge strghting all the way though sub space to c f mind scape....>>i dont find your typlexia hard to read cos i get that myself lol....wounders how meany more have TYPLEXAIEA DORMOhhhhh pretty bridge! Maybe you need to post a poll or something about typlexia? Great idea Drom!

PS incoming positronic brain frisbee!

Cray :cool:

well id pay to have a normal working brain for a day lol....an any other brain for that matter???? .......to se whats it like my ............>>brains over louding panoicscio brakdwon lol......yes i do thst......c f on the typlexia ....yeh my brigdeg got pink an red ribens ....awwwwwwohhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy PAY legal tender is a great idea an the way tec is going it wont be tow long now in the next 20years or much less i say lesss dorm

Dorm, what a relief to be understood.

So, like non-ADHDers will actually PAY legal tender to experience their brain on ADHD? What a trip!Yes, and I really want in on that business venture http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y92/kzrainbow/uptos.gif I could use the money!

C~F :cool:

i keep an eye on the tc then c f lol you be frist to know lol.....dorm

Hey, they have glasses to stimulate drunkenness for driver ed classes, "pregnancy suits" for husbands to wear for lamaze classes. . .maybe some kind of ADD simulator might be a good idea! Or a movie. Hmmmmm. Anyone know how to work youtube.com? Heh.

Fay,
You totally crack me up ! (0:

yeh fay a move would be a great idea l.)) dorm >>wounders who we get to play it

very few understand .....what its like to be dyealixa there mrriror so closerly this things l.)))) dorm

Well said Dorm few understand what it is like to have dyslexia and some time people can be cruel to those of us who do. I always get those well just sound it out comments all the time myself, like gee I was simply avoiding that porously. Even when you try to explain the sounds don’t match the letters you get a ????? Some times I am treated as if it is me who just doesn’t “get it”, when the fact is it is them who simple doesn’t get dyslexia!

Some times we are treated as if we are stupid because people do not realize being unable to spell because the letter order of words don’t stick doesn’t mean we don’t understand other things (like insinuations about our intelligence)





So, like non-ADHDers will actually PAY legal tender to experience their brain on ADHD? What a trip!


Reminds me of the way back yonder years when “speed” used to make NTers bouncy around with bunches of energy and spaz like me and make me be able to organize and sit in one place like them!

I seem to "get" dyslexia, but I do not have it. Maybe that's cuz I have such a high degree of sensory integration dysfunction? I mean hey, let's face it, certain things do not process properly for me either!

My typlexia and Dorm's dyslexia meld in the collest way sometimes :) and clearly both of us are highly intelligent. Same goes for me and Tamms when we get on a roll.

Crazy :cool:

Yeah, funny, that. I didn't make the connection back in my wild days of experimentation. Everyone else would be all wired on whatever stimulant they could get, and I never saw what the fuss was about. I especially remember dating a guy who thought he was really going to turn me on to cocaine - I tried it, and the only thing I noticed was that I didn't feel quite so tired, and I began to notice that I was in a filthy apartment with a guy I didn't particularly like and maybe it was time to go home, because I had stuff I wanted to do. He, on the other hand, was bouncing off the walls, getting crazy and hyper. And I just thought that was weird. Then I realized, too, that caffeine calms me down, and alcohol makes me happy and sociable and wide awake (at least the first 2 or 3, dontchaknow.)

I was thinking about the movie idea. . .how about a four hour journey, loading the dishwasher ADD style? With a camera mounted on the narrator's shoulder, we see the recycling being rinsed out in the full sink, then placed in the can, which reminds us we need to empty the trash, and outdoors we see that we need to water the lawn, and then we go in to put the liner in the can (because we remembered to leave the unlined can out in the middle of the floor), then finding only a few bags left, which makes us go into the other room where the scrap paper is to make a grocery list. Paper in hand, we begin to make a list, taking out some items to see what might be in the back, and we find some expired stuff that needs to get thrown out, so we empty the cabinet, and decide we need to clean it. This kind of progression goes on until we reach the finale, at which our narrator discovers it's now time to start cooking dinner, and not only is the sink still full of dishes, but now all the available food prep surfaces are covered with stuff from the pantry and all the pots and pans and baking sheets (because as long as you're cleaning cabinets. . .) and the trash can is once again full, with used paper towels and expired foodstuffs and gadgets you discovered in the back of the drawer that you never used. In addition to this visual diary of events, the top of the screen would carry the running mental dialogue that goes on simultaneously (trashbags, get at Costco, no use going unless I have a lot of stuff I need from there, what do I need, maybe I'll go to the supermarket instead, while I'm going there I should drop off the charity clothes, but that bin is closer to the other supermarket, and last time I went there someone scratched the car, when was the last time I got the oil changed, I should do that but I told the kids I'd take them to the beach, we still left the towels out back to dry from the last time, do we have enough to run a full load, I should at least run the whites through, hubby is out of tshirts, I should get some more of those at the supermarket) and either superimposed somewhere or in a separate box on the screen, a photographic montage that switches rapidly back and forth between what the narrator actually sees, and the related visual images that are evoked mentally by association.

I betcha it might be educational as well as entertaining.

Faylen, your welcome to my world description of the ADHDlady's guide to housework made my day.

Well said Dorm few understand what it is like to have dyslexia and some time people can be cruel to those of us who do. I always get those well just sound it out comments all the time myself, like gee I was simply avoiding that porously. Even when you try to explain the sounds don’t match the letters you get a ????? Some times I am treated as if it is me who just doesn’t “get it”, when the fact is it is them who simple doesn’t get dyslexia!

Some times we are treated as if we are stupid because people do not realize being unable to spell because the letter order of words don’t stick doesn’t mean we don’t understand other things (like insinuations about our intelligence yeh your right madd very few can understand what its like if i waited for help to do most thigs in my life id have no life same with writeing letters an even here even with seach write porgames....it still very restiktvie ......>your right we dont lacjk intellgence on the contryle its normal much higher all becoaue we carnt make since ofve codeing in words dont mean we dont have a right to fit in ...to the biger wole ofve the world we dont advoed the things that give us griff or pain we try cos its in aour natcert two,,,,,yeh c f your right with my deyalixa an your typeexaial we make a good rool l ofve things lol ehehe the process that made us who we are is a wounderfull thing i give ofve myself as do we all iam so greatfull for my freinds here an for the foums dorm l,))))

I just have to share this, because I'm too stunned to respond to it on my blog. . .I posted about the whole movie idea, and my best friend (who is dyslexic and has one sibling with ADD and another with asperger's) told me not to use ADD as an excuse, that everyone thinks like that. I'm stunned. I know she's trying to say it in such a way that it is supportive and loving, but the fact that she said it at all has totally blown me away! Wow! How the heck do you say anything back to that?

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this is about mixing ofve the sencesss dorm >>

its hard ant it fay but you have to say what you think an feel back like i do i may not be liked for that but at the end ofve the day you have to be you/// an who you an not what DL THING YOU HAVE DORM

I think some people are understanding, or atleast empathetic. People I know who are bipolar/have ODC/tourette's/tons of other mental health issues especially... they seem to be able to relate.

Still, even among those people I feel more like I'm "misbehaving" when I do something that is related to my ADD..

Hmm, I guess I have found that it is the NT-type, who seem to have no 'issues' at all that I find arrogant when I try to explain why I do the things I do.

Someone told me once that the things that irritate us most about others are really the things that irritate us about ourselves, (we don't like being reminded of it). So, maybe we remind NT's that they aren't so perfect and it gets under their skin.

I have noticed that people seem to reveal their real selves to me more than they do others. For example, a hostile person who wears 'sheep' jackets of being nice, will, for some reason, show me their hostile side.

Hmm.........

We hope you will find it useful! If you would like to tell us about your synaesthesia, click here to download our questionnaire (http://www.psychol.ucl.ac.uk/jamie.ward/participate.htm)


this is about mixing ofve the sencesss dorm >>
I filled out the questionnaire and will mail it out today....as long as I fon't get sidetracked by something....if that happens, I will mail it out tomorrow...or sometime this week, but, I promise, I will mail it out. :)

hope it helps you chol i found it intresting mixing mm as been remind well i dont feel remind ofve my self when others pick points with me cos they dont have what i do so again how can i be rminded ofve my self dorm but good point

told me not to use ADD as an excuse, that everyone thinks like that. I'm stunned

I am immediately hit by two responses

Impulsive meadd823 (what ever)

Logical meadd823 – lacking theory of mind is a sign of autism . . .to think we all think alike is to lack “theory of mind”! So in short NO we do not all think alike.

My friends dont understand what I go through with my depression/bi polar II/ ADHD. i think they just have to be in your situation. Its very frustrating and i hate it when they say oh ya we all go through that and you need to just calm down. Well if i could calm down i wouldnt be at the docs u idiots! SO YA i understand the frustration of un educated people. :soapbox:

I guess it's OK to make fun of people with ADD. I remember how acceptable it was to rag on the people we now call "special" with far less flattering terms back in the 60's and 70's. Woohoo! Our time has come! I had popped over to youtube to take a look at a spoof Paxil commercial (which was spot-on and quite unflattering to Glaxo-SmithKline) and decided to see what was there under attention deficit. A bunch of kids pretending to be bouncing off the walls and talking like they were brain damaged. A bunch of dogs chasing things (my dog has ADD!). Children screaming and doing crazy dances (Ashleigh has ADD! Hahaha!). This and the overmedication of children isn't helping anyone to understand it, either.

Its interesting, I keep hearing from people, "You don't seem like you have ADD, you aren't hyper." and "Oh, are you on Ritalin?" HELLO...we don't ALL have the hyperactivity, and we aren't ALL on Ritalin....

What I hate most is hearing people who don't know that I am ADD make fun of people who are. Then, I have to get into the whole thing of explaining.....:faint: