Thank you for your time to read. I appreciate your comments and recommendations.

I just talked with a counselor about my recent self-diagnosis of ADD. This was precipitated by extreme anxiety at work due to my inability to focus, complete tasks and organize my workday, extreme boredom if my tasks are not novel, fidgety, etc. The realization that this has gone on my entire life was a revelation. That it took so long (39 years) to find out makes me sad that I have "wasted" years struggling and being difficult for my loved ones.

Tomorrow I will get recommendations for psychologists and psychiatrists to visit in order to perform testing to do a formal diagnosis. I am scared. I'm scared that I'll be told nothing is wrong. Perhaps this is that voice saying I'm just lazy.

Though I don't really want to take meds. I'm anxious to feel "normal" or at least get some relief from the racing in my head.

Does anyone have recommendations or experiences to share? I can relate to the struggles each of you have experienced.

Ok, I should be working.... :rolleyes:

-Zen

I am scared. I'm scared that I'll be told nothing is wrong. Perhaps this is that voice saying I'm just lazy.
I'm at a similar stage of getting a diagnosis and feel a similar worry.
The point is that whether we get a diagnosis of ADHD or not, this is a crucial step on the journey - a ruling out of ADHD is just as important a revelation.

Whatever your problems, don't forget that, in general, people want to help. Sometimes asking for help is the hardest thing.

Hi Zen. When I read your post, I thought I unconsciously posted it! :) The only difference between my story and yours is that I have yet to visit any kind of professional about my suspected ADD. And the reason is exactly like you said, "I'm scared." I don't know if I should go to an ADD Group first or go right to a professional. I feel your fear. Let us know how your appointment goes.

I self diagnosed myself (after reading a book about it) prior to seeing a Dr. back in 1992, and I remember feeling very anxious about whether or not I would be confirmed in my own diagnosis of ADD/ADHD just like you are feeling now. I had just come off of dealing with some serious back pain at the time (two herniated disc), and I had just seen a Dr that I went to for help with the back problem who accused me that the only reason I was there was because I was just trying to get narcotics from her! It was very humiliating for me because I could barely walk, and I even had an MRI which showed that my disc were in fact herniated and pressing up against a nerve in my lumbar region.

Anyhoot, when I finally saw the psychiatrist about the possibility of me having ADD, I remember saying to him at one point, "look, I just had a back Dr. tell me they would not give me any pain medication for my back because they thought I was trying to get narcotics from them and I even had an MRI showing the actual extent of my back problem, and since you can't take an MRI, or an X-ray of my brain to see if I have ADD or not, why should I expect you to treat me any different?" He could tell that I felt like there was nobody that was going to believe me, but the truth is he had my test to look at that I had taken as part of this process, and my past academic history, and all of my previous counseling sessions etc. After he evaluated everything, he agreed to give me a one month supply of Ritalin. I could not believe it, and my whole attitude went from feeling pretty much hopeless, to being so very excited about the possibilities. I remember him saying, "you know this prescription is just for a month supply, it's not a lifetime supply ya know?" I remember telling him that it did not matter how long it was for, because I was so happy that anyone believed me, and that anyone in the medical field was willing to even try and help. Needless to say, the rest is history, and my life has been transformed as a result.

I agree very much with what FuturePast said above concerning how important a revelation it is even to be able to rule out ADD. So really, no matter what happens, you are on the right track, and are going to be one step closer to finding the missing pieces of the puzzle in your life. I wish you the best.

FuturePast, kaki and lars - thanks for the encouragement. I appreciate your words. As lars stated, being believed is very important. Being suspected of scamming meds would turn me off to any doctor's help - glad you stuck with it.

I, too, agree with FuturePast that ruling out the disorder is a most valuable step in understanding the cause of these feelings.

kaki, I will certainly post my experience with the doc - I'm in Illinois, too. I'm not sure of resources here, but will relay any that I find.

I wish each of you success in coping with this struggle.

If you read "Delivered from Distraction" it will give you an overwelming feeling of wether or not you have ADD. And if you felt like you wrote the book like i did, do not take no for an answer. Sometimes doc's get it wrong and the only true test is medication.

Master Rat, thanks for the suggestion. I am reading the book and feel I am reading about myself! Of course, I am skipping through chapters; however, I can focus long enough to identify the anecdotes which apply to my experience.

Thanks again,
Zen

I worried about the same thing. That I would be told nothing was wrong, and THEN WHAT?! What on earth would I do with myself the way I was. The fog I was in was getting worse by the day. I couldn't imagine continuing to go through life scattered, foggy, and feeling like I had no control over my own foggy brain.
The first psychologist I went to, actually did tell me that I clearly had attention and memory problems, but any deficit would have been picked up before now:rolleyes: . I found another doctor, my last hope, the last person I planned to go to, and he said I was a classic case. I started on meds the next day, and my life has been "clear" ever since. I'm so glad I kept looking for a competent doctor. I knew I wasn't depressed (as first doc. suggested). I would have believed brain deterioration over depressed, just because I'm a happy person:p .

Good luck! I hope you get the help you need :)

Seeking help can be scary stuff easpecially for those who have had bad experiences. I am happy for those who have decided to seek a professional opinion. What you don't know is much more likely to do harm that what you do. Good luck to all and please by all means keep us posted.

I went to an educational psycologist (I think...) because a prof at my uni asked if I had dyslexia. I had been told that testing would cost upwards of 2000 dollars, but this person did it for less than half, and she is well known in the community. I was very nervous that it would come back as nothing, and it's just, but instead she told me I had ADD. Throughout the session she kept asking me if anyone had ever tested me for focused memory attention deficite. I'm not sure the difference between that and ADD. I was only diagnosed about 3 weeks ago. I haven't gotten any farther with it than the official diagnosis. When I get back home at Christmas I'm going to see a p-doc to see about meds. IT's totally worth going to see.