I'm 40 years old and was diagnosed with ADD when I was 38. As a child, I did well in school because my mother stayed home and provided the structure I needed. She did everything for me. She made sure I got up and out the door in time for school, made sure I had breakfast, made sure I had clean clothes, and made sure I did my studies and went to bed at a reasonable time.

Naturally when I went to college the first time, I failed miserably because I no longer had that structure. I never made it to class, it seemed. If I did go to class, I actually did well. I ended up flunking out of college 30 hours shy of a B.S. degree. That was fifteen years ago.

All my life I've had a problem with lying. Usually it's because of my impulsivity. I would do something that I knew I shouldn't do or I failed to do something I knew I was supposed to, so I'd lie about it. It's always been an inconsistent thing as well, which only makes people around me think that I am capable of doing the right thing and being honest, but that at times I just choose not to.

I never have set out to hurt anyone by anything I've done, but I have hurt plenty of people because of things I've done or said. I would not think of the consequences even though I had experienced the consequences on a similar situation in the past. I was only thinking of NOW, and not even what might happen 5 minutes from now.

At 38, I was diagnosed and began treatment. I currently take 30 mg Adderall twice a day, Prozac and Wellbutrin as well. Things have gotten much better overall and I've been able to get more things done and have not been AS impulsive or forgetful.

But I still am at times. I still forget things and I still make bad impulsive decisions. I know medication isn't going to 'cure' all the negative aspects of ADD, but only is a tool to help me manage it better.

Recently I did something really stupid and impulsive. It was something that could have landed me in prison, even, except for the fact that the person I 'wronged' was my mother so she didn't go to that extent. My husband was furious at me about it because I didn't tell him about it as well. Both of them were more angry at me about lying to cover it up than the act itself, although my mother is very mad about that as well and I fear things may never be the same between us.

Of course looking back, I can't understand why I would have even considered doing something so stupid and impulsive that I knew was wrong. At the time, I guess I didn't think past the moment and what the consequences could be. Now I'm so ashamed of what I did and my self esteem has taken a big hit because of it. I've started to wonder if I really have gotten any better or if I'm just the same old 'morally defunct' person that my family has pretty much thought I was?

I've explained ADD somewhat to my mother and she has noticed an improvement since I've been on medication. I'm also back in school to finish my degree and am doing well in school. But when I have tried to explain some other aspects of ADD, like impulsivity and having 'blinks' at times during conversations, she thinks I'm trying to blame my bad behavior and problem of lying or not caring about her on ADD. I'm not trying to blame ADD, but I've gone through most of my life thinking that maybe there is something wrong with me because I would make the same mistakes over and over and do things impulsively that would hurt others around me without thinking. I've never intended or wanted to hurt anyone, either, but my actions certainly haven't shown it at times. If I can hurt or tick people off without even trying, I can't imagine what I could do if I was really trying. The thing is that I DON'T want to hurt other people or make them angry at me.

I want to make some sort of amends for what I did recently but I really don't know exactly how. I can't promise that I won't do something impulsive or stupid again, although I wish that I could say that. I need help on curbing impulsivity before it does land me in serious trouble. I'm scared of that happening and already there have been several times that I've done stuff that could have landed me in legal trouble, or failed to follow through on something that could have been a legal problem.

I guess what I'm needing is 3 things right now. I need help on learning to manage my impulsivity and bad decision making before it ruins my life. I need advice or suggestions on making amends to loved ones and friends whom I've wronged, albeit unintentionally, but to them feels like it was intentional. And I need some way to successfully explain the challenges of having ADD and controlling impulsive behavior to someone who isn't ADD. Preferably in an audio format or something I could read to someone because my mother is legally blind and unable to read or watch anything. She still thinks I just don't care about anyone but myself and that's why I do things I should know better than to do and that's why I lie about it, as well. I do care, but I just don't think things through at times and how they might affect other people or even myself.

All of this has made me really doubt myself right now on whether or not I will be able to be successful eventually. I figured getting my degree would be one hurdle and that I could finally have a career instead of a bunch of low paying jobs. But as a professional (once I've finished school), I can't afford to do something stupid and impulsive like I have before or it will end up costing me my professional license and/or me ending up in jail. Right now I feel like it's only a matter of time before it happens again and I don't want that to happen. And what makes it even harder for people around me to understand is that in one situation I will make the right decision and not do the wrong thing, but in another situation that's just about the same, I will go off half-cocked and make an impulsive stupid decision, as though I've never learned from past mistakes. No one can seem to understand or believe that my brain might have any sort of difficulty in these scenarios. They think I'm just a 'bad' person or just simply lacking in morals. And that just makes me feel even worse and more ashamed of myself.

One of the upsetting bits about adhd is that, even in the face if an impairment, you get no breaks for social mistakes.

Why are we impulsive ? Probably, it has something to do with hyperactivity combined with processing defecits that lead us to acting without considering all of the consequences. We are in hyperdrive and we sometimes can't fully evaluate all of the information that we have because our neural networks are flooded with too much information. We tend to live in the "now", and with the future and past as fuzzy concepts, acting immediately instead of pausing to think it through is easy and natural for us to do. Add it all up and it can lead to trouble. :faint:

If you can find a way, you should talk to your family and let them know you are sorry, and how you feel about it all. If you are not presently under the care of a doctor, perhaps this is the warning sign you need that tells you that you should be under a doctor's care.

Dr John Ratey said "ADHD can unravel a life". Don't let it happen to you. if you are not under a doctros care, get to a doctor asap. Life does not have to be one long string of disasters. :)

Me :D






I'm 40 years old and was diagnosed with ADD when I was 38. As a child, I did well in school because my mother stayed home and provided the structure I needed. She did everything for me. She made sure I got up and out the door in time for school, made sure I had breakfast, made sure I had clean clothes, and made sure I did my studies and went to bed at a reasonable time.

Naturally when I went to college the first time, I failed miserably because I no longer had that structure. I never made it to class, it seemed. If I did go to class, I actually did well. I ended up flunking out of college 30 hours shy of a B.S. degree. That was fifteen years ago.

All my life I've had a problem with lying. Usually it's because of my impulsivity. I would do something that I knew I shouldn't do or I failed to do something I knew I was supposed to, so I'd lie about it. It's always been an inconsistent thing as well, which only makes people around me think that I am capable of doing the right thing and being honest, but that at times I just choose not to.

I never have set out to hurt anyone by anything I've done, but I have hurt plenty of people because of things I've done or said. I would not think of the consequences even though I had experienced the consequences on a similar situation in the past. I was only thinking of NOW, and not even what might happen 5 minutes from now.

At 38, I was diagnosed and began treatment. I currently take 30 mg Adderall twice a day, Prozac and Wellbutrin as well. Things have gotten much better overall and I've been able to get more things done and have not been AS impulsive or forgetful.

But I still am at times. I still forget things and I still make bad impulsive decisions. I know medication isn't going to 'cure' all the negative aspects of ADD, but only is a tool to help me manage it better.

Recently I did something really stupid and impulsive. It was something that could have landed me in prison, even, except for the fact that the person I 'wronged' was my mother so she didn't go to that extent. My husband was furious at me about it because I didn't tell him about it as well. Both of them were more angry at me about lying to cover it up than the act itself, although my mother is very mad about that as well and I fear things may never be the same between us.

Of course looking back, I can't understand why I would have even considered doing something so stupid and impulsive that I knew was wrong. At the time, I guess I didn't think past the moment and what the consequences could be. Now I'm so ashamed of what I did and my self esteem has taken a big hit because of it. I've started to wonder if I really have gotten any better or if I'm just the same old 'morally defunct' person that my family has pretty much thought I was?

I've explained ADD somewhat to my mother and she has noticed an improvement since I've been on medication. I'm also back in school to finish my degree and am doing well in school. But when I have tried to explain some other aspects of ADD, like impulsivity and having 'blinks' at times during conversations, she thinks I'm trying to blame my bad behavior and problem of lying or not caring about her on ADD. I'm not trying to blame ADD, but I've gone through most of my life thinking that maybe there is something wrong with me because I would make the same mistakes over and over and do things impulsively that would hurt others around me without thinking. I've never intended or wanted to hurt anyone, either, but my actions certainly haven't shown it at times. If I can hurt or tick people off without even trying, I can't imagine what I could do if I was really trying. The thing is that I DON'T want to hurt other people or make them angry at me.

I want to make some sort of amends for what I did recently but I really don't know exactly how. I can't promise that I won't do something impulsive or stupid again, although I wish that I could say that. I need help on curbing impulsivity before it does land me in serious trouble. I'm scared of that happening and already there have been several times that I've done stuff that could have landed me in legal trouble, or failed to follow through on something that could have been a legal problem.

I guess what I'm needing is 3 things right now. I need help on learning to manage my impulsivity and bad decision making before it ruins my life. I need advice or suggestions on making amends to loved ones and friends whom I've wronged, albeit unintentionally, but to them feels like it was intentional. And I need some way to successfully explain the challenges of having ADD and controlling impulsive behavior to someone who isn't ADD. Preferably in an audio format or something I could read to someone because my mother is legally blind and unable to read or watch anything. She still thinks I just don't care about anyone but myself and that's why I do things I should know better than to do and that's why I lie about it, as well. I do care, but I just don't think things through at times and how they might affect other people or even myself.

All of this has made me really doubt myself right now on whether or not I will be able to be successful eventually. I figured getting my degree would be one hurdle and that I could finally have a career instead of a bunch of low paying jobs. But as a professional (once I've finished school), I can't afford to do something stupid and impulsive like I have before or it will end up costing me my professional license and/or me ending up in jail. Right now I feel like it's only a matter of time before it happens again and I don't want that to happen. And what makes it even harder for people around me to understand is that in one situation I will make the right decision and not do the wrong thing, but in another situation that's just about the same, I will go off half-cocked and make an impulsive stupid decision, as though I've never learned from past mistakes. No one can seem to understand or believe that my brain might have any sort of difficulty in these scenarios. They think I'm just a 'bad' person or just simply lacking in morals. And that just makes me feel even worse and more ashamed of myself.

ADD is not a excuse for stealing, I'm no innocent by far

Inattentive types often become impulsive due to frustration. Still no excuse, like Speedo said. The key is to learn the signs of building frustration and deal with them before impulsivity steps in and makes the decision for us.

Crazy :cool:

I am under a doctor's care (psychiatrist) because of the medication I'm on. I feel I could benefit from some type of counseling on ways to curb the impulses from a behavior modification perspective or perhaps coaching of some sort. I don't have insurance, though, and I can't afford either one right now. I'm doing well to be able to afford my medications at the present time. The medications have made a huge difference in my life as far as focusing and gettings things accomplished, and even getting places on time.

It's difficult for family to trust me right now (because I've lied before) and they are just wondering when the next impulsive thing is going to happen, so they don't trust me in that capacity, either. So me trying to explain why some of this has happened doesn't do much good because they aren't going to believe me anyway.

That's why I was thinking that some other material or audio tape that explained ADD might be helpful while I work on trying to change the impulsive side or at least control it better than I have.

ADD is not a excuse for stealing, I'm no innocent by farI am not trying to use ADD as an excuse for anything that I have done (and I didn't say what I did). But I think most people who are ADD can understand the frustration I am feeling when I do something impulsive and stupid and can't for the life of me understand WHY I did it.

People who aren't or don't understand ADD may only assume we feel true remorse or shame at doing something like that when we get caught, but there have been times I've felt remorse or shame for things I've done that no one knew about just because I would look back on it and realize afterwards that it was a dumb thing to do or not the right thing to do.

I feel that the ADD is at least an explanation for why I've done some impulsive stupid things, but not an excuse for it.

I also realize that society in general doesn't care why if you do the wrong thing; they expect people to do the right thing and live up to what's expected of a normal, law-abiding person that is mindful of how their behaviors and words affect others.

Sometimes I wonder if it's actually more difficult when someone is diagnosed as an adult vs as a child. It seems we have more years of bad habits to undo and many more years of dealing with failed dreams and not living up to expectations in many areas. I hate disappointing people in general and I try very hard not to, but I still fall on my face at times.

Sometimes I wonder if it's actually more difficult when someone is diagnosed as an adult vs as a child. It seems we have more years of bad habits to undo and many more years of dealing with failed dreams and not living up to expectations in many areas. I hate disappointing people in general and I try very hard not to, but I still fall on my face at times.Yes, I agree with this. I am 40 too.

Crazy :cool:

Why is it that we wouldn't dream of killing or robbing
yet other ills are alright ?

I believe you brought this up, how many laws can be broken but are excused by ADHD ?

Well, Lestat, I sure do dream of killing and robbing but its just a dream. I would never act on it.

If the crime is defined by intent, then all ADDers are blameless when our impulses take over. ADD might be the reason and not an excuse, but that has to be understood by nonADDers to make any sense!

Crazy :cool:

Guanfacine (Tenex) is supposed to help specifically with impulsivity, irritability, anxiety, and working memory. That might be a consideration. There's some good research articles I've read lately spinning the drug in a positive light. I'm considering trying it myself primarily for the irritability, the working memory and anxiety would be a perk. The research seems to lean toward it being a better companion with methylphenidate than the amphetamines however. Anyone have any experiences, opinions?

Clonidine (Catapres) is not recommended to mix with methylphenidate (Hallowell-Delivered from Distraction, p. 256). I wonder if guanfacine (Tenex), which acts like clonidine, is okay to mix.

Unfortunately Hallowell does not make this clear.

Tenex is a better drug from a selectivity standpoint resulting in fewer side effect ie. less sedation etc. From what I understand, past problems implicating a clonidine/methylphenidate interaction in a few child deaths were found on autopsy to be related to other causes. One child in particular had no trace of either medication in their system while a couple had congenital heart conditions.

FPG...I was very impulsive while I was growing up...if anything I wanted wasn't nailed down, I would just take it, with no thought..I never felt guilty...
Now I have grown up (kind of..) I have grown out of it...

My Dr explained it is not because I was *bad*, it's just I had poor impulse control, which luckily I now have under control..
We just seem to be a bit delayed in impulse control....I got that sorted before meds luckily..

I just wanted to say... as a child I was very impulsive.

I went through serious stealing problems.. and I constantly made up lies.

I have no clue today why I did that, other then the realization that ADD may have had something to do with it.

I am a young adult, and have just been suspecting that I have ADD.

HOWEVER, I remember one day.. after telling a rather stupid tiny lie, it hit me..... my mind said this to me "Wait a second! Why are you lieing AGAIN?! What is wrong with you. JUST STOP IT!"

And I did.

As for the stealing.... I got seriously busted one day.. and I hated the way I felt. I have never stolen anything EVER since.


My mother, however, continues to lie everyday. Stupid tiny lies. ( I suspect she has ADD too)

The things is... EVERYONE KNOWS she is liar. and EVERYONE BELIEVES she lies BECAUSE she tries to pass off herself as more intelligent then she REALLY IS.

Its really a sad state. She has lost all respect, trust, and even love because of her impulsive lying.

She knows she is lying, and I think she knows we all know she is lying....it is a miserable sight sometimes.


As it stands now... I still have some impulses. I impulsively act or respond to little situations... which never fail to me feel embarrassed after. :(

Tenex is very similar to clonidine. I don't think tenex is any safer with stimulants than clonidine.

Tenex does not do a lot for impulsivigty, and does nothing for attention problems.
It does a pretty good job of reducing hyperactivity.

I've been on Tenex for several months now andit works pretty good , imo.

Me :D


Clonidine (Catapres) is not recommended to mix with methylphenidate (Hallowell-Delivered from Distraction, p. 256). I wonder if guanfacine (Tenex), which acts like clonidine, is okay to mix.

Unfortunately Hallowell does not make this clear.

Speedo, does it seem to help you with irritability/anxiety and your working memory? That is if you had a problem with either before?

mguffey31;

Tenex kicks butt on hyperactivity (at least for me it does).

With the hyperness under control I have a lot less anxiety. Tenex does nothing for memory and attention. In evaluation (unmedicated) my working memory proved to be very superior. My issue is processing. I am "borderline" for processing, so I am easily overloaded visually and aurally.

Since my primary cognitive style is visualspatial, my processing defecit hits me hard and I get scattered when overlaoded, and things can get out of hand and I end up in a "train wreck" scenario.

I tried taking tenex only for about a month, and I had no hyperactivity at all. But, I was so scattered that I was having troubles functioning.

So, I had to take another med along with the tenex so that I could improve my attention. My doc gave me a prescription for wellbutrin ir, and I take a small dose in the morning and it keeps me from feeling so scattered throughout the day.

I can't take a large dose of wellbutrin because I have a history of epillepsy and still have partial seizures from time to time.

This means that on top of it all, I continue to take neurontin 3 times a day to reduce my seizure risk.

I also have risperdal which I can take as a rescue medication when I end up overloaded.
And I do so from time to time.

and that is pretty much my current status..I hope you find this helpful.


Me :D

Thanks a bunch speedo, I seem to have similar processing issues and am easily overstimulated as well which I believe is what leads to me becoming irritable. I have four kids so you get the idea. Constant questions, bickering, whining, etc.=irritability on my part secondary to all the noise and processing of all the situations. I currently take focalin xr 2x/day, lexapro 5mg, and atenolol to help with anxiety/irritability. I still feel like there could be something better to add for the irritability because I hate to be that way around the kids. I don't know if a benzo is a good idea or not. I was hoping tenex might be a solution. Thanks for the input I appreciate it.

i repeatedly do impulsive things that hurt people or make them mad at me... because somehow i just dont think ahead or something. and i cant think about things seriously and all my plans are unrealistic. and everyone thinks im irresponsible because of all that. and im just not a person with a regular mind.

i repeatedly do impulsive things that hurt people or make them mad at me... because somehow i just dont think ahead or something. and i cant think about things seriously and all my plans are unrealistic. and everyone thinks im irresponsible because of all that. and im just not a person with a regular mind.Well, no but neither am I, and that's a goal of treatment in my life.

Crazy :cool: