View Full Version : First Post - symptoms of my 40 yr old son


shellknob
08-12-06, 01:15 AM
My 40 yr old son has never been officially diagnosesd. His symptoms have been lifelong. He cannot follow through with anything. Example: tells his girlfriend he will be there tonight... doesn't show up, doesn't call and won't answer his phone. When she tries repeadedly to call him, he won't answer the phone. He is constantly hiding his head in the sand. If his feels that he is being backed into a corner on the phone when being confronted about his lies or "no-shows", he simply hangs up..he does this a lot... or turns the whole thing around "you don't care anyway" or "I didn't say for sure I was coming". He lies constantly. He says I will be there in 1 hr., but he never shows up or even calls. He cannot make plans in advance. It is impossible for him to budget his money. He has had many jobs. The slightest thing makes him mad and he quits. He has a horrible time asking someone for a favor or any kind of help if there is the slightest possibility that he will be rejected... such as asking for time off work to go to the doctor... he waits until the last possible moment and then rather than ask, he will skip the appointment, or even worse, just go without telling his boss he is leaving. He seems extremely immature for his age. I have NEVER known anyone like him. He has a 12 yr old daughter that he can't communicate with. He doesn't know how to interact with her.
Here are his symptoms. I believe he has a SEVERE case of ADD. What do you all think... ?
Cheryl
Procrastination

Trouble making plans

Unorganized

Impulsive

Unfocused

Short Attention Span

Frequent job changes

Becomes frustrated & angry easily

Difficulty following through with plans

Becomes bored easily

Difficulty maintaining romantic relationships

Viewed by others as immature & selfish

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lars
08-12-06, 01:33 AM
Welcome to the site shellknob.

I think you may be right. It sure does sound like ADD to me.

I am not sure how open your son is to the suggestion that he may have this dissorder, but there is a great book (one of many out there) called "Attention Deficit Dissorder: A Hunter in a Farmers World" that does a really good job of introducing this dissorder as a positive, and not a negative. It was written by Thom Hartmann, and I hope you are able to read it so that you will be in a position to present this whole idea to him in a positive way.

It's certainlly possible that he may actually have other conditions along with ADD, but it sure sounds like he exhibits many of the symptoms that an untreated person with ADD would have. Treatment is not a cure all usually, but for some it comes pretty close.

~boots~
08-12-06, 07:20 AM
I hope you can get him to help himself soon ...welcome to our forums, I hope you can find lots of great infor here..
Tracy

kmwife
08-16-06, 10:43 AM
My 40 yr old son has never been officially diagnosesd. His symptoms have been lifelong. He cannot follow through with anything. Example: tells his girlfriend he will be there tonight... doesn't show up, doesn't call and won't answer his phone. When she tries repeadedly to call him, he won't answer the phone. He is constantly hiding his head in the sand. If his feels that he is being backed into a corner on the phone when being confronted about his lies or "no-shows", he simply hangs up..he does this a lot... or turns the whole thing around "you don't care anyway" or "I didn't say for sure I was coming". He lies constantly. He says I will be there in 1 hr., but he never shows up or even calls. He cannot make plans in advance. It is impossible for him to budget his money. He has had many jobs. The slightest thing makes him mad and he quits. He has a horrible time asking someone for a favor or any kind of help if there is the slightest possibility that he will be rejected... such as asking for time off work to go to the doctor... he waits until the last possible moment and then rather than ask, he will skip the appointment, or even worse, just go without telling his boss he is leaving. He seems extremely immature for his age. I have NEVER known anyone like him. He has a 12 yr old daughter that he can't communicate with. He doesn't know how to interact with her.
Here are his symptoms. I believe he has a SEVERE case of ADD. What do you all think... ?
Cheryl
Procrastination

Trouble making plans

Unorganized

Impulsive

Unfocused

Short Attention Span

Frequent job changes

Becomes frustrated & angry easily

Difficulty following through with plans

Becomes bored easily

Difficulty maintaining romantic relationships

Viewed by others as immature & selfish

ffice:office" /><O:p></O:p>He sounds alot like me husband who is almost 40 and was diagnosed with ADHD at age 38. He has been on medication and had counseling since, but let me tell you, it is an uphill battle. They have got to accept their disability, take responsibilty for it, and want to get help....themselves. You can not make him do that. I first gave my husband some excerpts to read about ADHD and had him determine for himself if it sounded like him. He did think so, so we then started treatment. While I think most people are relieved to finally find out there is a reason for the madness, it also comes with alot of shame and guilt. Plus, my husband has a huge hurdle called pride. Pride keeps holding him back from getting better. Good luck!

pittguy578
08-16-06, 11:13 PM
Sounds like me! I can't follow through with anything
I am usually respectful at jobs, but sometimes too meek and antisocial:(

sloppitty-sue
08-26-06, 09:21 AM
Hi Shellknob. Welcome to the forum.

Wow!! Your post has left me with some questions. However, these questions are not really directed at you. So PLEASE do not take them as unfriendly or insulting. I just have some questions for some of the people who have been around here awhile.

But Shellknob, I really am happy you found us, and I hope that you get helpful information and support for your situation. Me - I'm STILL looking for answers myself.

OK - back to my question: A lot of the behaviors that Shellknob DESCRIBED in her son, to ME - seem like behaviors of OTHER types of issues, NOT ADHD issues. Would anyone else agree with that??

For instance, behaviors such as her son lying alot and having a big problem asking for help or expressing what his needs are seem like behaviors that would be better described as low self-esteem or depression. Evaluating them as ADHD seems like a reach to me. (Again, this is not directed at you, Shellknob. I'm just trying to LEARN about ADHD, and I'm getting confused.)

BTW: I am really not proud to admit this, but I have very similar behaviors to the ones Shellknob is describing in her son. I really have difficulty making plans because I can't predict how I'll feel in the future. I'm 40 too, but I'm a single mom of 2. I have been able to "hold down jobs." So I feel relatively OK about my functioning up until now. But - regarding romantic relationships or social relationships, I have found that other single parents (and even most NON-single parents) understand the need to be flexible because having kids makes things more complicated. But OCCASIONALLY I will find that I have absolutely ticked someone off with my last minute plan changes, etc. But I have NEVER heard of that behavior being related to ADHD. Hmmmm . . .

meadd823
08-27-06, 07:03 PM
Diagnostic Criteria for ADHD (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23276)

What are characteristics of adult ADD?

An adult with ADHD has a different complex of symptoms than a child does. As a person matures, the childhood symptoms of ADHD may evolve:

Hyperactivity may evolve into
•uncontrolled arousal
•feeling overwhelmed
•talking excessively.


Inattentiveness may evolve into
•unwilled tuning-out
•the inability to focus on mundane tasks.


Impulsiveness may evolve into
•irritability
•quick anger
•inadequate censorship of rude or insulting thoughts
•poor timing in interactions.


Gabor Maté, and Hallowell and Ratey (authors of Driven to Distraction) also include these characteristics of Adult ADD:

•may be perceived as aloof and arrogant or tiresomely talkative and boorish
•compulsive joking, often about personal life history and feelings
•pressured rapid-fire speech, seemingly random and aimless hopping from one topic to the next
•procrastination - difficulty starting tasks
•incompletions - tasks or book reading begun but not finished before new projects or new books are started, leaving a never-ending to-do list
•insecurity and self-esteem issues because of unmet high personal expectations
•often high achiever, even overachiever, but with poor self-image because of beliefs that more could be accomplished if not for disorganization
What other conditions may accompany ADHD?



A number of other psychiatric conditions may accompany ADHD (such accompaniment is called "comorbidity"). These conditions can mask or magnify ADHD, which must be treated on its own.

Some possible accompanying disorders are:
•learning disabilities
•Tourette's syndrome
•oppositional defiant disorder
•conduct disorder
•bipolar disorder
•anxiety
•depression
__________________


ADD symptoms can over lap with many other traits and or disorders which is why it take a professional with experience to properly diagnosis ADD.

Hope this helps.