hey everyone,

I've been browsing around here for a couple weeks now, and I've learned alot about the ADD condition. I actually kinda stumbled into ADD after I was searching on the internet about mood swings (which I seem to get often). After doing a lot of homework, I'm fairly certain I am Inattentive type ADD. But I have a couple of questions I wanted to ask to see if maybe anyone else experiences them as well.

Hmm, not really sure where to start, so I guess I'll just dive right in. The thing that really feels like a hurtle to me is my social life. Although work and school can be a bugger at times (i.e. staring out the window for a couple hours at work when my deadline is end of day :o), I somehow manage to get by. Heh, although I still screw up pretty bad sometimes...just last week I missed a trip to Rome because I forgot to book my ticket...which I had 3 months to do!! :eek: (PS: I'm in Germany at the moment, so that's not as bad as it sounds ;)) But it's all good, stuff like that happens to me all the time, and I don't mind, it's just me. I'm mr. forgetful. But what I do mind is how I can't seem to pay attention in conversations...especially in groups. But even in a one-on-one chat I sometimes get a feeling like I can't "get into the moment"...almost like there's an invisible barrier between myself and the other person/people, and I can't for the life of me tear it down so I can start really taking in what's goin on. But on the flip side, on occasion I'll just totally get in the zone and be the life of the party kinda guy (i suppose that's hyperfocusing). Which as I'm sure you can imagine, is confusing to some people (which is where I think some people see me as a bit moody).

I suppose the best way to explain it is this:
say you're trying to scoop up water with a cupped hand. You can do this fine, no prob. But now imagine that no matter how hard you try, you can't get your fingers to cooperate and close to form the cup. It's pretty tough to pick up any water when it falls through your fingers!
That's kinda how it feels when trying to pay attention to a lot of things - like you *want* your mind to grasp what's going on/being said, but it just can't seem to form the 'cup'.


Anyway, I'm sure this is nothing new for you guys, but can anyone relate their experiences how medication helped in this area? I'm pretty anxious to find out, because it's pretty much killing my social scene. So for example, after taking medication, do you find it a lot easier to follow people? And the whole 'not in the moment / barrier' thing, does that happen a lot less (or perhaps not at all :eyebrow: )?

Thanks in advance!

Garet

PS: I know this is off topic, but it's driving me nuts...what is this :soapbox: emoticon for?

I suppose the best way to explain it is this:
say you're trying to scoop up water with a cupped hand. You can do this fine, no prob. But now imagine that no matter how hard you try, you can't get your fingers to cooperate and close to form the cup. It's pretty tough to pick up any water when it falls through your fingers!
That's kinda how it feels when trying to pay attention to a lot of things - like you *want* your mind to grasp what's going on/being said, but it just can't seem to form the 'cup'.
That is such a good way to explain it. I get that too... with me, the harder I try to listen the worse it gets, so ive learn't not to try so hard, because when I try and listen all I can think about is concentrating on what is being said I end up actually "hearing" nothing.

Im not medicated and I never have been so I can't give you any advice about medication.

I find it easier to follow a conversation if im doing something else at the same time, like fiddling with a pen or something, I think that might be because I don't have to give all my attention to one thing (which I can't do unless I hyperfocus).

I dont know what :soapbox: is for either! Does anyone else know?

it is a little emoticon guy standing on his soapbox.

Long ago, when someone had something to say to a crowd. they often gathered at the general store and the speaker might stand on a crate , a "soapbox", so he could speak to the crowd.

Here, the soapbox emoticon would be used to indicate that you have said your piece for all to hear. :)

ME :D

But what I do mind is how I can't seem to pay attention in conversations...especially in groups. But even in a one-on-one chat I sometimes get a feeling like I can't "get into the moment"...almost like there's an invisible barrier between myself and the other person/people, and I can't for the life of me tear it down so I can start really taking in what's goin on. But on the flip side, on occasion I'll just totally get in the zone and be the life of the party kinda guy (i suppose that's hyperfocusing). Which as I'm sure you can imagine, is confusing to some people (which is where I think some people see me as a bit moody).
yep, sounds pretty much like me :-)
Medication helps, but doesn't make it perfect...I can be quiet, and listen, I may not remember, but at least it looks like I am paying attention!
As soon as there are 2 converstions going on around me, I can't for the life of me concentrate on the one I am supposed to be in. They all seem to get jumbled up, and I hear bits of both conversations, and can't make sence of either
medication doesn't help that at all..

I too have problems paying attention in conversations, especially one on one small talk. I'm probably at my best in a small group, because I go into entertainment mode and am usually the life of the party. But unless the conversation is pretty fascinating, I tend to not be able to pay any attention to what is being said.

One thing I have found helps is to keep asking questions, as it at least makes it appear that I am paying attention, and people are usually happy to talk about themselves.

I am not medicated so can't comment on whther that helps or not.

likes intresting coversations then i can keep my mind on it sometimes no matter how hard i try i just miss all over it ive had that mode for the past 11weeks now dorm

Endless small talk would be my idea of hell.

Because I am very interested in people and their emotions (I'm an infp for those who are into Myers-Briggs), I have a pretty easy time following people when they are talking about themselves because I am hyperfocusing on figuring out their "feel," who they are "underneath," what makes them tick, etc. But regular "hey, it's getting kinda humid out there, huh," leaves me mentally STRANDED.

The only thing that keeps my brain from shutting down completely in those situations is the anxiety that I am making a total fool out of myself. I desperately want people to know that I am interested in them as people -- in their *hearts* -- but I worry that I'm acting bored because I can't follow the requisite inane chitter-chatter that leads people into the comfort zone in which they'll want to tell me *who they really are*.

I have learned how to ACT interested well enough to keep most people from feeling alienated (I've gotten to the point that people I know well are actually shocked when I tell them how hard small talk is for me -- I seem like a "pro" -- ????). I have also found that a slight hearing impairment that I have has helped me cover some blunders or go back and say, "I'm so sorry, can you repeat that, I'm slightly hard of hearing," which people accept much better than, "I'm so sorry, this chitchat is boring the crap out of me and I think I just drifted away from whatever you were saying." But I always feel as if I am just barely getting by.

My husband is the veteran small talker, so he drills me sort of -- like "FORM" stands for "Family, Occupation, Recreation, Money" and that stands for things you can ask people like, "So, are you married? Does your extended family live around here? Are you happy in your current job? What do you like about it? Seems like there's a lot of golfing around here, do you enjoy it, or are you more of a team sports person?" Etc.

Medication makes small talk less horribly boring, but not really ever fun.

But let's face it, small talk is still hell, a necessary evil.

I find your uses of ellepses ... and parentheses (...) very interesting and insightful. I use both all of the time in writing, and really (if you think about it) all of the time in conversation. My conversation always pauses ... then I feel compelled to describe something or interject something to be more clear, which is where the parentheses com in. I am also fond of the "-" and using the "something/something" when I am unable to find an individual word precise enough to describe what I am thinking. :)

BTW, I was just recently diagonsed with the inattentive flavor of ADD.

I actually blossom in one on one as long as I'm not anxious around the person I'm talking, to, whereas I live by the phrase "three's company" postfixed with "and company = time for me to clam up". I'm completely sure that I have the capability of being a social person, but the incessant worry about screwing up in a public environment coupled with just the general anxiousness I get when I am around people... I dunno, it just makes for a really nasty combo.

I've been diagnosed with ADD, but not specifically inattentive type. However, my step brother is diagnosed as hyperactive and if you took every trait of each of our personalities and compared them each side by side, 50% of them would be exactly the same and the other 50% would be polar opposites. (That's been my most effective way of explaining why I think I am inattentive with no diagnosis, though there are many other 'smaller' reasons)

I definetly relate to the social barrier thing, its like im just not in the conversation while its happening. Inattentives seem to have a good amount of anxiety disorders tagging along with us, maybe that accounts for it? I really dont know.

I'm trying to rack my brain to think if I had any problems with social interactions.

I know that verbal directions make me nervous/crabby/annoyed/nervous. I can't form that "cup" you talk about, and I'm afarid all the information like the water will fall through. Whenever I get verbal directions, I have to make a mental picture in my head, otherwise I'm gone.

It's funny, I'm writing this post and it got me thinking about those myers-briggs tests. Does anyone know what I'm talking about. Those tests that say something about Introverts and extroverts..etc. etc. Anyway, there would always be that question about whether big groups energize you or drain you. For the longest time I would say that they drain me, and it's true for the most part. But I think about jobs where I would be left alone, and it would practically kill me. Yet there are the days when I can spend afternoons by myself and be completely in bliss.

Ok.. back on track! :) I think while I need my 'me' time, I think my meds make it so that I can get the most of those interactions with people, and not require so many moments to "de-pressurize"

There is a truism for the inattentives...I need "me" alone time to recharge the batteries. Some people just want to socialize all day long...not me.

Yeah, I can relate to what you said....I'm horrible at small talk (esp. in large groups) it seems so pointless--I'd rather dive into an interesting daydream..... but I'm actually really good with one-on-one convos or small groups....but probably because I don't do the small talk stuff--I dive into whatever can be interesting to everyone (well, I hope everyone, but mostly, interesting to me ;)) I remember a friend once commented that when he spoke to me, he felt like we were always having "real" conversations, even if the subject matter was small talk material---I tend to get passionate about whatever I talk about :p

As for meds, do try them, and they do help a lot with the focusing.... I tend to lose my high energy, though--and that's something taht always helps in social situations, so you'll really have to try it out yourself.

Welcome to the forums!

Funny just now I am going to pause and think about the topic before I go off.....


hmmm anywho, social situations. I am very much a social butterfly when I know I have to be, especially when I am having a "drink". It helps me to sort-of relax and have interesting conversations with people. But that is a crutch really.

In general, at work I do not like to ingage in mundain blah.blah blah office chit-chat kind of bores me. I work in an open space so I can hear people talk around me and it seems like they want to get me involved in their convo but I just pretend that I am busy, unless they start talking about something that interests me.
It seem like they talk just to hear themselves speak. I remember hearing them say that very thing they are talking about, over and over. Sorry ranting....

I cut people off when they talk a lot of times, because I am racing to the next thing to say, or answer them before they are finished talking, which annoys me, and them, and that ends the social situation for me, makes me want to crawl under a rock and wait for spring.

Groups are great......... As long as they are talking about something I'm interested/educated in.

In most groups... I hate being the center of attention... and I get flustered if I have to give a speech... but if the subject is something is something that I care about(if so... I know lots about it)... I can stand on my own:soapbox: and proclaim the coming of the new messiah(figuratively of course). I am rarely in a room full of nerds/geeks... so I rarely get the chance to speak to a group... and nor do I ever plan to... but I'm like a shark and I can smell interest...

If I get one sniff... I'm off on my own personal crusade to educate those that care to listen/read "trapped".

Anywhoo... hope this helps:D

Scuro, I totally agree. I need time to be alone or I am miserable.