Virga
08-17-06, 03:30 PM
I've had quite a lot going on in my life for a while now - I graduated, got married, started a new business, tried to put together a home - I sure didn't appreciate school properly until I found myself with too much responsibility. I'm smart (I guess we gifties are practically a stereotype for ADD!) but terribly disorganized, and have this tendency that someone once called "ostrich syndrome" where I stick my head in the sand when I don't want to deal with something. I'm often embarrassed that it's been so long, which means that it's an awful set of negative feedbacks that result in me feeling comepletely inadequate - and it's always my own darn fault, to boot. You all here know what I mean, I'm sure.
So this spring, I was winding myself into fits and getting things done in bursts of working so hard I almost fall apart, and having something like panic attacks in between. My mother asked me to please go to the doctor for anxiety medication, because her sister worked herself into a series of nervous breakdowns when she was my age. I explained my issues to the doctor, who reccomended Strattera - said it sounds like I'm an adult ADD sufferer, and that the anxiety is probably a symptom instead of the problem. I tried Strattera (40mg?) and initially thought it had helped, but I was back to normal within a few months, and now I suspect that the burst of productivity was just a longer one of my normal cycle. I was still unsure about taking medicine for this (just against my nature, I guess, for no good reason) but the symptom of ADD that read "excessive effort to maintain some organization," hit home so hard (the symptoms of ADD in adults read like someone describing me!) that I decided it was worth going back yet again to try a new medicide. I struggled with it - I thought stimulants were the only treatment options, and I was leery because of some alcohol abuse and marijuana use in my family.
Because of those concerns, my doctor had me try Welbutrin (an anti-depressant, I gather - 150mg?) for a while. There was a definate difference within a week or two - it wasn't that I could focus on a task any better, but I was able to move on when things went wrong, instead of freaking out and being even less productive. I realize while writing this that it was STUPID of me not to seek treatment earlier - I obviously have issues, and my life is demanding too much for this slow learning curve I'm on. I actually probably would have just stuck with the Welbutrin if not for the 'symptom instead of the problem' comment - she offered to write me a script to try Adderall (10mg, 2x a day.)
Anyway, I had been sort of formulating a plan of attack for getting my (very, very cluttered) house ready for a houseful of company (friends coming in from out of town, best goal EVER!) and getting the business ready and going for the school year and holiday season. I had the basic gist down, but no details, and I wasn't actually getting very far except planning - story of my life, right there. I tried the Adderall - it's now been three weeks. I've gotten some really valuable stuff done with the business, though I haven't yet started some things that will start being priorities soon. I've gotten quite a lot of cleaning done, made more plans, done some good wifely things, and finally started on some of the family correspondance I've been VERY bad about. SHAME ON ME!
I quickly discovered that the Adderall lets me focus on individual tasks, but doesn't help much at getting me to sit down do the right things. I spent hours last week working on a cruise deals website I was really just idly thinking about - I think I might run with it in my off hours,but I totally shouldn't have been working on it (even diligently!) during business hours. I've gotten back in the habits of the lists I used to use in college - piles and piles of them, sometimes, all with things that have occurred to me as needing to be done. I took to making a list of things to do each night before I went to bed, which worked very well to keep me on track all day. I've been more productive the past couple of weeks than I have been all year, and I'm still getting to bed at a reasonable hour, and finding time to be there for my family, who seem to be medical crisis magnets this year.
So now I'm on ADD medication, facing about 18 weeks until the holidays - about 12 weeks until Christmas shopping begins in earnest, and the business will take up much of my time. I'm trying to make a plan without sucumbing to my more-planning-than-doing tendancies - I'm sticking to schedule of when to work for the business, what minimums have to be consistantly met around the house, and using some of the time I usually spend reading or on the internet to figure out what has to be done. It turns out that a notecard system that I thought my mom had just used when I was young because I was a messy kid was actually something she learned about when learning how to keep her first home - and she loaned me the books! Pam Young and Peggy Jones wrote "The Sidetracked Sisters" getting organized set, and I've got a few that I read cover to cover last night, and I think it's going to work. I've been doing parts of it already, and I've been taking stock and think that I'm going to be just fine. I work from home any hours I want, and I've got kids instead of cats - I should be able to keep a nice home. I feel like I can, for the first time in a long time.
Now, I'm well aware it's possible that this is just another of my excessive shows of organization, but I'm hopeful. I've been steadily working through a laundry list of things I'd put off embarrassingly long, the house has been pretty clean and dinner has been made when DH comes home, and we completed a major home project (had been almost-finished for months) this past weekend. I'm treating the effect as sort of temporary, because even if it doesn't 'wear off' I want to at least drop the dosage when I've got a system in hand that lets me get by without the Adderall.
My apologies, I know this was long, but I wanted to have some record of my saga, and if I post it on the internet I'll feel more obligated to actually follow through this time. I got the impression that lots of this is pretty familiar to people here, but I hope it helps someone, or that someone who has been here has advice to offer.
So this spring, I was winding myself into fits and getting things done in bursts of working so hard I almost fall apart, and having something like panic attacks in between. My mother asked me to please go to the doctor for anxiety medication, because her sister worked herself into a series of nervous breakdowns when she was my age. I explained my issues to the doctor, who reccomended Strattera - said it sounds like I'm an adult ADD sufferer, and that the anxiety is probably a symptom instead of the problem. I tried Strattera (40mg?) and initially thought it had helped, but I was back to normal within a few months, and now I suspect that the burst of productivity was just a longer one of my normal cycle. I was still unsure about taking medicine for this (just against my nature, I guess, for no good reason) but the symptom of ADD that read "excessive effort to maintain some organization," hit home so hard (the symptoms of ADD in adults read like someone describing me!) that I decided it was worth going back yet again to try a new medicide. I struggled with it - I thought stimulants were the only treatment options, and I was leery because of some alcohol abuse and marijuana use in my family.
Because of those concerns, my doctor had me try Welbutrin (an anti-depressant, I gather - 150mg?) for a while. There was a definate difference within a week or two - it wasn't that I could focus on a task any better, but I was able to move on when things went wrong, instead of freaking out and being even less productive. I realize while writing this that it was STUPID of me not to seek treatment earlier - I obviously have issues, and my life is demanding too much for this slow learning curve I'm on. I actually probably would have just stuck with the Welbutrin if not for the 'symptom instead of the problem' comment - she offered to write me a script to try Adderall (10mg, 2x a day.)
Anyway, I had been sort of formulating a plan of attack for getting my (very, very cluttered) house ready for a houseful of company (friends coming in from out of town, best goal EVER!) and getting the business ready and going for the school year and holiday season. I had the basic gist down, but no details, and I wasn't actually getting very far except planning - story of my life, right there. I tried the Adderall - it's now been three weeks. I've gotten some really valuable stuff done with the business, though I haven't yet started some things that will start being priorities soon. I've gotten quite a lot of cleaning done, made more plans, done some good wifely things, and finally started on some of the family correspondance I've been VERY bad about. SHAME ON ME!
I quickly discovered that the Adderall lets me focus on individual tasks, but doesn't help much at getting me to sit down do the right things. I spent hours last week working on a cruise deals website I was really just idly thinking about - I think I might run with it in my off hours,but I totally shouldn't have been working on it (even diligently!) during business hours. I've gotten back in the habits of the lists I used to use in college - piles and piles of them, sometimes, all with things that have occurred to me as needing to be done. I took to making a list of things to do each night before I went to bed, which worked very well to keep me on track all day. I've been more productive the past couple of weeks than I have been all year, and I'm still getting to bed at a reasonable hour, and finding time to be there for my family, who seem to be medical crisis magnets this year.
So now I'm on ADD medication, facing about 18 weeks until the holidays - about 12 weeks until Christmas shopping begins in earnest, and the business will take up much of my time. I'm trying to make a plan without sucumbing to my more-planning-than-doing tendancies - I'm sticking to schedule of when to work for the business, what minimums have to be consistantly met around the house, and using some of the time I usually spend reading or on the internet to figure out what has to be done. It turns out that a notecard system that I thought my mom had just used when I was young because I was a messy kid was actually something she learned about when learning how to keep her first home - and she loaned me the books! Pam Young and Peggy Jones wrote "The Sidetracked Sisters" getting organized set, and I've got a few that I read cover to cover last night, and I think it's going to work. I've been doing parts of it already, and I've been taking stock and think that I'm going to be just fine. I work from home any hours I want, and I've got kids instead of cats - I should be able to keep a nice home. I feel like I can, for the first time in a long time.
Now, I'm well aware it's possible that this is just another of my excessive shows of organization, but I'm hopeful. I've been steadily working through a laundry list of things I'd put off embarrassingly long, the house has been pretty clean and dinner has been made when DH comes home, and we completed a major home project (had been almost-finished for months) this past weekend. I'm treating the effect as sort of temporary, because even if it doesn't 'wear off' I want to at least drop the dosage when I've got a system in hand that lets me get by without the Adderall.
My apologies, I know this was long, but I wanted to have some record of my saga, and if I post it on the internet I'll feel more obligated to actually follow through this time. I got the impression that lots of this is pretty familiar to people here, but I hope it helps someone, or that someone who has been here has advice to offer.