Hello all. does anyone else have problems getting their ADHD chold up and out the door in the morning? I am a 39 yo mom with ADD and have 1 15 yo son with inattentive ADD, an 11 yo daughter with ADHD and an 8 yo son with ADHD. I am very tired of the fights and frustration in the morning trying to get them up and out to school in the morning. I don't have trouble with the 15 yo but the younger two are absolute murder! We also have homework battles, as they'd rather do things like play video games, watch TV, or go swimming. Three days a week the younger two have cheerleading/football practice from 5:30 pm till 7:30 pm and we typically don't eat dinner until after practice. Bedtime is 9:30 and I wake them up at 6:15 so that we can leave for school between 7:00 and 7:10 am. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm at my wits end! Thanks

I am glad I do not have these problems any more. I used various approaches according to age and situation. When my daughter were in latter elementary I went by their school on my way to work so I took them in the morning even though the school was close enough and they were old enough to walk home they did so after school . I took them out of consideration but if they weren’t ready out of consideration for my need to be on time to work they walked to school and if they were late because they dallied around I would not write notes to make the tardy excused.

No video games ect. . .until home work done and this meant mine had to work on home work at table while I cooked a simple meal (I had to have them where I could watch them). If they failed on their report card they were grounded until the grades went up the next report card and while on restriction there was much house work and physical labor to be done.

Hey they don’t like school, they don’t want to get an education? Okay my job is to prepare them for adulthood, the adulthood of their choice. So if they were going to flunk out of school they had better get used to manual labor, because if they don’t get an education that is what they will more than likely be doing (it also kept me from being punished along with them)

I tried to do things that related to adult life especially as they approached latter elementary school and Jr High.

Are they on meds? This distinctly helps the morning irritability problem...

Several points here:

Yes, they are on meds but this has not seemed tohelp with getting them up in the morning. They are still very difficult to get up and get going.

I have problems with the older one, my daughter getting defiant. That may be too strong a term, more argumentative and very prone to temper tantrums. all three of the children are very, very resistant to doing anything resembling chores or housework. Again, I can't fault them there because my house is not exactly a paragon of cleanliness, so to speak. I've tried instituting chores and such but being faced with my own ADD, it's very difficult to maintain these systems and I very easily get distracted. Also, it seems that the kids very simply ignore me. I can tell them to do something and I might as well tell the dog to go grocery shopping for me; I'd get better results. I am tired of the ask/demand/argue/yell/hit cycle. It rarely gets to the "hit" stage (unless their step-father is home, and even that is not very frequent) but I do get tired of yelling. I also get very tired of the basic strife around here, which seems to be constant. I admit to being a very lax disciplinarian but my husband and I are at opposite ends, he's very strict. Add to that the problems between him and I right now and you have a very chaotic mixture.

Bedtime is 9:30 pm but we never seem to get there on time. I get them up between 6:00 and 6:15 am. Before they started cheerleading/football practice, bedtime was 8:30. The only difference I see between the bedtimes is that I don't have problems getting them to go to sleep now, whereas before I had trouble getting them to settle down and go to sleep.

I am working with a professional organizer to help me gain control of my house and my housework. That is a project we have scheduled for early September, mainly because I have to have the money to pay her! But she can't help me with some of this stuff. She is helping me with schedules and time management, basic household organization, and some de-cluttering.

The kids currently get their meds from their pediatrician and they are not currently seeing a psychologist at all nor are they in any kind of therapy. I am a full time graduate student and babysit a three year old from 6 am till 2 pm during the day. My classes are at night. Other than the babysitting, I don't work outside the home. That's the main reason that the children aren't seeing a therapist. Money is tight and I am trying to do a lot of this on my own. I am considering an ADD coach for myself and would love one for the kids but I don't even know if we can afford one for me.

Thanks for those who have replied and to anyone else that has. I didn't mean this to turn into a "whine" session but that is what it sounds like. I'm just frustrated and don't know what else to do. I want to do right by my kids without turning into Gengis Khan or being entirely too lax. Any help or suggestions will be appreciated.

Don't worry about "whining" that is what we are here for.

One problem I see is that your 8 yo just needs more hours of sleep. My 8yo goes to bed at 8 to 8:30 and is woken up at 7(10.5 hours of sleep). She would sleep till 8 if allowed to. Your 8yo only gets 8.5 hours of sleep. That is not enough for most 8yo kids.

I have done my share of yelling, and still do. However, it is not effective in getting my kids to do what they should. It makes them shut down. Makes their brain act more "ADD like" Need to come up with a good rewards system. They are a pain to manage, but are effective with ADDers.

The Kid has had to draw her own conclusions unfortunately, and I had to have a really tough skin until she got it through her thick skull :rolleyes: and decided on her own that the irritibility and sleeping in class was of her own doing. She goes to bed early! Period.

Crazy :cool:

They used to go to bed at 8:30 but when cheerleading/football practice started, I had to push it back. Practice doesn't end till 7:30 pm and after that I have to get them fed and bathed. But as I said, even when they were going to bed at 8:30, they still weren't getting to actual sleep until around 10 or 10:30. Since practice has started, when they go to bed now, they actually go to sleep, instead of laying there tossing and turning for two hours. I had the same trouble getting them up when they went to bed at the earlier time. I have often wondered if it's the meds. It's so weird, we're all on Adderall XR 20mg. It's a stimulant medication and I wonder if it could be what's keeping them up at night. They get up at 6:00 am because we have to leave the house at between 7:00 and 7:15 to get everyone to school on time. It's hard having to drop off three kids at three different schools, all of them before 7:45. Picking up is not a problem but then there's the homework battles. But that's another story. I can't figure away around it. I can't feed the kids dinner before practice. I tried that the first day and my 8 year old got sick to his stomach. Football and cheerleading is the only motivator I have for them I think. They absolutely love it. I can get more out of the kids by threatening to pull them out of football/cheerleading than I did before hand. But at the same time, I can't see having them involved with something that is taking their sleep away from them.

I know this may sound harsh but its my 2 cents..... You say that the only way you can get them to do anything is by threatening to take away football and cheerleading. Do you ever actually take it away? Or do they know its just threats. I think your creditiblity is low as they know you won't actually do it. To me it sounds like they are taking advantage of your leaniency when the strict father isnt around. There is one thing I have definately learned from being a parent and that is making NO mean NO. Always follow through on what you say you are going to do.

I feel your pain on the late bed time. My Add DD was having issues with getting the right amount of sleep too.

I have kept them from going to practice at times, yes. That's what makes those threats so effective. Part of the problem I have with their step-father being so strict is that for him, punishment usually means a spanking. I don't usually physically punish my kids. I usually take away privileges,etc. Not to say I've never spanked, but the times I have are few and far between and I don't believe in it after the child reaches a certain age. The only one that I would even consider spanking now, and only under extreme circumstances, is my 8 yo son. My 11 yo daughter and my 15 yo son are too old for it. I am not sure if it's just that they need more sleep or what's going on.

I have battled the morning strain with both of my 11 yr old and 7 yr old ADHD boys. The younger one isn't so much as struggle - but the older one has always been a challenge. I have tried two things that have been quite successful and although you have a teenager, these might work for you. First of all they have posted expectations/checklists on wipe off boards on their room doors that they are responsible for making sure are completed everyday (morning and night). I also wake them up at separate times, usually 10 minutes apart, so bathroom times aren't in contention. I also set the timer on the stove for 15 minutes. It shouldn't take them more than that to get dressed, make their bed, get their shoes on and head for breakfast. It's also easier if you have them prepare for the morning the night before, have them pick out their clothes, so that the meltdown of "I don't know what to wear" and end up wasting time in the morning. Also, homework is not negotiable - it's the first thing they do or or the rest doesn't follow - plus if they're on meds, later at night is way too hard as its wearing off. None of it (games or tv), unless homework is done. Set guidelines, schedules and expectations - stick to them and it will give you some peace of mind. It's taken me a good year to get it to this point. My older one still strays - but it's gotten easier. Loss of practice only lets down their teams and that's a commitment (just an opinion). There are plenty of consequences that can affect them. For example, my boys lost tv for a week and that was very painful. Make their daily charts reward based if needed. Give them a point for every morning you get out the door with all of your hair on your head and that they gotten things done and at the end of the week - if they earned their points, rent a movie or hit the dollar store if it doesn't offend your senses.

Consistency has been the key for me. Get them to bed at the same time, get homework done without fail at the same time and have their morning expectations laid out in black and white for them.

Good luck. :)