Hello everyone! I am glad to have found this great helping community online. =) I have read most of the threads here so far and had one question.(relationship status : currently with an ADDer for 6 months) I have read mostly about how ADD partners don't care to do much and just become some sort of burden on some people...well I have a different problem than that. My boyfriend cant stand me doing anything for him. He says it makes him feel useless in some ways. When I try to wash the dishes or do any type of chore, he will rush and help and tell me to go sit down and he will do it. If I were to pay for anything while we are out together, so help me god, he will throw a fit. I was just curious how his reactions are so much different than the rest that I've read about. All the other ADD traits are pretty much the same. He has a lot of abandonment issues from being adopted. I am just trying to understand him better and see how to deal with how he is.

Like most of what I've read, I too feel like he doesn't pay attention to me when we are together, but I do realize its not his fault and doesn't do it on purpose. And like most, always plan things together and they never happen, which is why we never make any plans and just do things spur of the moment.
My main question would be though, how to deal with the mood swings? I noticed that certain subjects just get too much to handle and he gets VERY mad and then in a couple of mins he is over it like nothing happened. What I want to know is, when incident like that occur, should I just not argue and let it blow over? Because he always claims to want to talk about every problem we have, but when it comes to actually doing it, it frustrates him too much but when I stop talking about it, he gets even worse. So any help here would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post ><!

Hello Sachi,
Welcome to the forum! Okay, I do the same thing. I do all the housework, all the bills, the laundry, all the cooking, etc. I do it because, a.) I am guilt-ridden about the fact that I don't work while going to school full-time and my hubby supports me and b.) I am feeling fidgety and need things to do with my hands

I also have really big bouts of moodyness. I say a ton of things I genuinely don't mean. Then, I feel HORRIBLE. I am in counseling to work on this and slowly, it is working. I don't know if he is going to counseling, but, if not, he probably should be. If there is a way to mentally listen to something else when you know he is ranting, do it. I say this because, he is trying to process all the things flying through his mind, and he will be strange while doing it, it's because he is trying to process it all and doesn't know how. For some reason, us ADDer's say a lot we don't mean when we do this, so, if you can just actually not listen when he is in this mode or if you can just not take it personally, I would try that.

I am no expert and this is just my opinion, so, you if what I said doesn't apply, just disregard....

Chele

SachiI am new to this forum, by a couple of days....but....my partner has meltdowns and I have learned that, while they are sometimes abrupt and frightening, after he has had a little time to get over it he is back to normal and apologetic. Now I know that he has very little control over when and why this happens...think about how confused and how out of control and lost you would feel if suddenly someone crammed too much information in your brain and ordered you to do something with it! ADD is new to me, but after a witnessing two or three "overwhelms"...my self preservation (aka - need to know it isn't ME causing it) tells me to quiet myself, leave the area and just do something else...no moodiness about it, no glares, no indications that I am disturbed by this...it's important for someone to want to better themselves with this disorder that they not have to worry about how they affect you. And patience is a prerequisite. If you don't have it, buy some. I am no old pro, just a fast learner.

Chele,
Same here. I do everything I do out of guilt But I feel stupid, because he takes everything I do for granted and then wants me to do more or do it better.

Them ranting and then act as if nothing happened a few minutes later YEP

Sachi, I am also new to the forum, but definitely related to your post.

With respect to the mood swings, my husband can see-saw through various emotions in a short period of time. Usually this happens when he is describing his experiences at work. For example, he'll have a really good meeting and he'll tell me about how great things were and how he did an excellent job. Literally seconds later, he will be majorly down on himself about something else that happened that obviously didn't go so well. I find that a lot of his "self talk" is on the extreme ends of this scale.

As for how this relates to talking about relationship issues, my husband and I had to develop some ground rules because he can be very impulsive about when and where he chooses to discuss our problems. Our rules are: a) no confrontations in the bedroom; and b) not after 8:00pm. (this was after an argument that lasted well into the evening and neither of us got any sleep) I found that what made the most difference when he's really frustrated or angry is how I reacted. I listen to him and believe me I have no problem standing up for myself, but when responding I try not to let my voice change.

Good luck to you and your partner and welcome to the forum.
Seamonkey

My therapist is constantly trying to teach me to actively listen. Detatch and don't agree or disagree with what he is saying but try to agree with the feeling he is having. It is really hard for me and it does not come easy. I am a problem solver and when I hear something is wrong I want to help. Active listening can make me want to hyperventilate!! In one conversation my husband can jump around to moving, joining the coast guard, buying a new car, changing jobs. Generally he would never actually act on any of these things but it is hard to take a step back and say it is an ADD moment let him talk. We have had several sessions in therapy where we role play but it is still hard. A correct response would be something like "It sounds like you were feeling very frusterated" rather than responding to the situation. I call these mood swings throwing up!! He throws up all of this information all over my shirt then he feels so much better. While I walk around feeling like I have throw up all over my shirt. It takes a while to get the smell out!! I often have to physically remove myself from him in a very casual, non-judgemental way. Does no good to talk to them in this state. Even if they are wrong they will still argue they are right. Eventually they come back around again.

Sachi, 2 questions....

Is your boyfriend on meds or in any other treatment for adhd? Does he have any co-existing stuff like ocd or social anxiety, etc?

When you do talk things through together, do you feel like you agree on what the issues are and how things happened? Does he seem to melt down on subjects that have a lot of emotional implications?

Ok, so that was 4 questions...


You might find this info interesting--the following quote was posted on another thread. The section about separating emotion from fact is the relevant part, but the surrounding sections provide background:
Originally Posted by Dr. Kutscher
Foresight (predicting and planning for the future) will be deficient when inadequate working memory teams up with a poor ability to inhibit the present distractions. People with ADHD cannot keep the future in mind. They are prisoners of the present; the future catches them off guard. In fact, surprisingly poor foresight is perhaps the greatest difficulty in their lives.(page 9)

Shifting from Agenda A to Agenda B is a difficult task requiring good executive function. Pulling yourself out of one activity and switching to another--transitioning--is innately difficult, and requires effort and control.

Separating emotion from fact requires time to reflect. Each event has an objective reality, and an additional “emotional tag” which we attach to it. For example, a traffic jam may occur, causing us to be late for work. That is the objective fact. How we react, though, is up to the emotional tag of significance that we place on it. Do we stay calm, and make plans to finish up a little later? Or, do our emotions cause us to see the traffic as a personal, unfair attack--causing us to seethe and curse? Without the gift of time, we never get to separate emotion from fact. This leads to poor ability to judge the significance of what is happening to us.

Live at the “mercy of the moment.” (“Johnny is always swept away by whatever is happening to him right then and there.”) ADHD behaviors make sense once we realize that they are based on reactions taking only the present moment into account. It is not that Johnny doesn’t care about the future; it is that the future and the past don’t even exist. Such is the nature of the disability. By way of analogy, imagine riding down a river with a leaking canoe. You would be so overwhelmed by the need to bail out water that you would not see the upcoming cliff. It's not that you don't "care" about falling over a cliff--it's that you don't even get to consider it. If you want to understand the ADHDer's actions, simply ask yourself: "What behavior makes sense if you feel like you only have 4 seconds left to live?

It sounds like there is something else going on. Not all ADDers are 'moody'.

Although, i think it is good training for EVERYONE to learn how to verbalize their 'moods', to make others aware.

Also, it it good to learn how to 'link' the preceding events (verbally) to tell others how we got into our mood state.

Sometimes there are multiple, individual events with one or more feelings that can lead us into a bad emotional place ('moodiness').

By verbalizing our feelings and the events/thoughts that led up to them, one feels less 'crazy' and 'overwhelmed'.

What we call moodiness is usually highly explainable. It is when we can't share how we got there (alexithymia) that it looks unpredictable, or random (and baffling or impulsive).

I've been dating a guy with ADHD for a year and 3 months and I experiance the same thing everyday. He's never the same person twice. He's loving then hurtful, attentive then distracted, angry then sad, feeling omnipotent then impotent (and sometimes physically impotent too :D ).

I have to say I don't ALWAYS handle it the way I should, but I do make the effort to let his ranting go in one ear and out the other, or make light of the way he's overreacting, or sometimes even point out that he's having an "ADHD moment".

As long as you show that you genuinly care about their feelings, I think that's all that matters to them.

I think the most important thing for us non-ADHDers to understand is that, just like we go through mood swing throughout the day, they're just going through a mood swing too... the only difference is that they VERBALIZE and ACT it out as they're going through it...

Just tell yourself, "it is not me... it is whatever is currently in his brain".

WOW that was GOOD

Does anyone have any experiences with the mood stabilizers while taken with Adderall or Concerta?

I'm so glad to have found this forum – I feel like I'm going crazy!!

My husband has ADD and has known this since he was a child – I love him very much but sometimes, due to his seriously bad mood swings, I find it so stressful even to be in the same room as him! There is no way of knowing when or why he will suddenly explode in a rage – I often feel nervous about even speaking to him, when I can sense he has some frustration bubbling just below the surface; this morning, he came home from the shops, realised he had forgotten to buy bread rolls for his burgers... and began banging pots and pans, stamping and cursing... He punched a hole in the bedroom wall once because my alarm kept waking him up – although I know for certain that he would never direct any violence at me, it's hard to deal with this kind of thing! Why can't he just deal with minor setbacks sensibly!?


We've discussed his weird moods many, many times and he's always very anxious to make me understand he's not angry at me, but unfortunately it's usually me that's around to witness the rage. And yes, within ten minutes or so he's forgotten all about it and can't understand why I'm so touchy and don't want to hug and kiss and make up... I try to not let it bother me but it makes me so tense and anxious all the time – I feel guilty about it but I'm often relieved when he goes out and I don't have to deal with it anymore!! On the flipside; when he's himself, he's the most wonderful, loving, helpful, empathetic, funny(!!) man I've ever known; anxious to please and to make me happy too, and I don't think I could do without him.

We've only been married a year and a half, and already had to go through a lot even to be together (we're of different nationalities) But I'm already looking ahead to the future (having kids at this point would be out of the question) and wondering how long I can live like this!!

Maiden, wide mood swings and raging are not symptoms of ADHD. How much longer are you going to walk on eggshells? Life must be very stressful for you. Flipping out as you describe can be learned behaviour. Your husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. Was that all? Is he taking medication for his ADHD?

Hi Imnapl,
He takes Dexedrine for his ADD. Some of his family suffer from it too and when they get together, huge arguments often break out that are all forgotten about minutes later... perhaps he got too used to this as a child? However, I've done a lot of reading on the subject and I understand that mood swings and rages ARE symptoms of ADD for some, but not all sufferers (hence this thread!). I've read other posts in this forum also that relate similar experiences...

Hi Imnapl,
He takes Dexedrine for his ADD. Some of his family suffer from it too and when they get together, huge arguments often break out that are all forgotten about minutes later... perhaps he got too used to this as a child? However, I've done a lot of reading on the subject and I understand that mood swings and rages ARE symptoms of ADD for some, but not all sufferers (hence this thread!). I've read other posts in this forum also that relate similar experiences...Here is a link to pretty basic diagnostic criteria for rage disorder. http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/explosivedis.htm
ADHD is listed on the page and you can click on a link for the diagnostic criteria for ADHD. Scroll down to the bottom of the ADHD page and there is a wonderful list of references in the bibliography.

"Hence this thread" and hence these forums are a result of people wanting to get accurate information so they can deal with things that are happening in their lives. Just because I want to believe my headache is because of allergies and not the tumor growing in my brain does not make my brain tumor go away.

I have read this thread with interest, although I do try to stick "to my own kind" every once in a while I end up here out either my own ADD moment or a shared one.


Now here is a question for all you NTers {NTer being neurotypical or normal} sense when is hanging onto a mood for an eternity {which in your time an hour or so} a good thing. What is so blasted harmful about expressing your frustration and getting over it? It seems to me like hanging onto negative feelings for hours or even days would be more harmful than helpful.

Some of his family suffer from it too and when they get together, huge arguments often break out that are all forgotten about minutes later

It is called they got over it and moved on the "bad" part would be exactly what? IT doesn't seem to be a problem for any of them? So you don't understand it. I do not understand how my frig runs but hey it keeps the food cold minus my understanding. Apparently my understanding isn't a requirement for my frig to work in the manner it was designed to. . . same logic applies to your husband's family.

I have long sense adjusted to the idea that I am simply not going to understand every thing nor will every one act in the same manner I would. It is called life it bothers me for about a minute then I move on. If it is due to ADD then hooray for ADD because I waste little time worrying about crap that is over with nor does it bother me my spouse's ADD family is different than my ADD family . Diversity is a necessary thing for our society and for the survival of our species. {see 7th grade biology}




Does anyone have any experiences with the mood stabilizers while taken with Adderall or Concerta?

We have an ADD / bi-polar section those would be the folks to ask.





Some of you hit the mark pretty close, you deserve credit as it is due

I think the most important thing for us non-ADHDers to understand is that, just like we go through mood swing throughout the day, they're just going through a mood swing too... the only difference is that they VERBALIZE and ACT it out as they're going through it...

This is very well stated and accurate as far as my observations of others ADD and the experiencing of my own. We do not have more moods we simply express our moods more. . . .





I have to say I don't ALWAYS handle it the way I should, but I do make the effort to let his ranting go in one ear and out the other, or make light of the way he's overreacting, or sometimes even point out that he's having an "ADHD moment".

I do much the same thing with Gary, I tell him "okay Mr. I ain't got no ADD you can quit being ADD now" other times when my cup runneth over I simply tell him "That is enough *itching for now"


I guess because I am ADD too I understand Gary's moodiness but really it can get on my nerves some times and I simply tell him straight out when I have had enough. It takes a while though for me to get annoyed because I know his mood is a reflection of how he is feeling, his expression of that mood is a reflection of who he is having little or nothing to do with me therefore I don't take it personally.

I don't put up with verbal abuse either. I don't let him blame me for crap that isn't my fault.{yes he does try that some times} He can try but it goes over like a lead balloon, I don't buy it for one second. I have solid personal boundaries. There are simply a few things I do not put up with , Gary knows what they are and my boundaries are consistent.


To the rest of you NTers

If you intend to remain sane and in a relationship with an ADDer then having personal boundaries and knowing how to properly handle violations of those boundaries is a must have.





Why can't he just deal with minor setbacks sensibly!?

In his world he is, You may see out of control but in his own reality he is in control. Gary throws pallets some times when he is up set. He has been known to throw them all over the yard. I simply move out of the way. They are his pallets and if he wants to throw them then they are his to throw {they are also his to pick up when he is through} As long as he doesn't hit me with one he is safe. I normally have the nail gun he does not want an exchange of fire because he knows I will nail his happy hinny to one of those pallets he is throwing if one even gets close to hitting me. . .

My ex-husband a NTer was always trying to control or tell me how to handle my temper. I found it to be annoying, When I was angry his attempts to tell me how to behave only served to make me angrier.

If your spouse or partner damages your stuff they need to replace it but if it is their stuff then it is theirs to break.

If there is abuse involved and you truly fear your spouse or partner then get out of the relationship period. Abuse {verbal, emotional or physical} is not acceptable no matter who is or is not ADD.Being out and out abusive is not indicative of ADD, it would be a secondary problem in it's own right.

I hope this helps shed some light. . . .

Actually wide mood swings and raging CAN be symptoms of ADHD. The Daniel Amen book "Healing ADD" lists Type 4 as Temporal Lobe ADD and is characterized by mood swings and outbursts of rage. Screaming, yelling, holes in wall and doors, name calling...we are just reading it now. In addition to changes to diet, execrcise, etc. it suggests taking a low dosage of an anti-seizure medication on top of the ADD medication to stop the rages.

OK. my 2 cents worth. There may be a very good and obvious reason for him not letting you do anything. Could he be over compensating? I am kind of suprised that the other married ADD/ADHD men in here didn't suggest this one. I am ADHD and I have had numerous relationships and am on my second marriage. One of my common complaint about me from significant others is when I gap out and not do household chores and stuff like that. Just look around the board and you can see how hard it can be for us to do some of the simple everyday stuff. Could it be that he has been dumped in past relationships and they have told him that he doesn't do anything to help out and that is why they left him? He may like/love you enough that he doesn't want you to leave him because of those reasons. Any moodiness can come from a guy constantly on edge all the time worrying about what he is doing or not doing to drive the other one away.

Just free thoughts. Remember they are worth exactly what you paid for them. Nothing. LOL

Does anyone have any experiences with the mood stabilizers while taken with Adderall or Concerta? We have an ADD / bi-polar section those would be the folks to ask.
Present and accounted for Meadd823 :) thanks for the open doorway.

Mood stabilizers are necessary for people with bipolar disorder...is there existing bipolar disorder involved? If so, then it MAY be possible to take a mood stabilizer with a stimulant...and then again it may NOT be possible. In the case of ADHD + mood disorders procedure is generally to treat the mood disorder first, then the ADHD. Sometimes it is not possible to take a stimulant and maintain mood stability, in which case the stimulant will be discontinued.

Today, most mood stabilizers consist of very small doses of anti-seizure medications, much lower doses than what which would be required to control a seizure disorder. Which ties me neatly into my next portion....

Actually wide mood swings and raging CAN be symptoms of ADHD. The Daniel Amen book "Healing ADD" lists Type 4 as Temporal Lobe ADD and is characterized by mood swings and outbursts of rage. Screaming, yelling, holes in wall and doors, name calling...we are just reading it now. In addition to changes to diet, execrcise, etc. it suggests taking a low dosage of an anti-seizure medication on top of the ADD medication to stop the rages.
Dr Amen's book, while a great resource, also includes ADD typing that is not generally used nor is it recognized by the DSM-IV-R. I personally do not adhere to the types he presents, with compelling reason: my hubby had two traumatic brain injuries by the time he was four years old. I have done a TON of research on the possibilities and discovered the following:

Dr. Amen:
Type 4 Temporal ADD

Symptoms:

inattentive, impulsive
emotionally instable, irritable
aggressive (sometimes violent)
negative thoughts (even suicidal)
somatic complaints
memory problems
learning disabilities (e.g., dyslexia) (Type 4 is most frequently seen in psychiatry)
Underlying cause:



deficiency of dopamine
dysfunction of the temporal lobe most frequently due to injury (perinatal, accidental, cyst, neoplasm)

Treatment:

dopamine stimulators (Ritalin etc.) plus
activators of the inhibitory neurotransmitter GABA, such a Tegretol, Epival, Neurontonin

http://calder.med.miami.edu/pointis/tbiprov/NEUROPSYCHOLOGY/psych1.html


Temporal Lobe Syndromes - Include disturbances of language, memory, learning, and behavior

Behavior changes include episodic hyperirritability, angry or aggressive outbursts, and sudden onset of dysphoric mood states
Dominant temporal lobe injury causes language disturbances (aphasias) and disorders of sensation or sensory integration


Considering that the results of TBIs impact upon my life in the way that they do, plus Amen's admission that his Temporal Lobe type is obtained for the most part through TBI, I have personally come to the conclusion that Temporal Type ADD is just another name for Temporal Lobe Syndrome. In other words, not a type of ADHD at all, since the customary manner in which one acquires ADHD is to inherit it, and thus be born with it.

So while the violent rage episodes et. al. could be attributed to TLS quite easily, I would have to say that IMHO this type of behavior is not symptomatic of ADHD as a whole, as it exists in those that are born with it, and as recognized by the DSM-IV-R.

Tegretol, Epival, and Neurontin are among the mood stabilizers I mentioned previously, true. They are also anti-seizure medications and may certainly help to stop any possible small temporal lobe seizures resulting from a TBI.

Is there a history if TBI in any of the raging people being discussed here? I can hopefully address that issue. :)

Does anyone have any experiences with the mood stabilizers while taken with Adderall or Concerta? My husband was taking zoloft with his Adderall but it killed the sex drive. He's now on Xanax as needed and he and the sex life are much improved. He still has a spark of personality whereas on the zoloft he seemed lifeless.

My husband was taking zoloft with his Adderall but it killed the sex drive. He's now on Xanax as needed and he and the sex life are much improved. He still has a spark of personality whereas on the zoloft he seemed lifeless.Oh StuggliesWife, those SSRI category antidepressants are famous for having that side effect :( its just terrible isn't it? Xanax is a good anti-anxiety medication when used sparingly...and you know how impulsive we ADDers can be :o and inclined to forget and miss or add doses...I just want to ask you if you are able to, I dunno, monitor his intake in some way? Xanax works great, but it is also one of the most easy benzodiazapines to become addicted to.

I always worry about you nonADD wives and husbands with regards to how well we can make mistakes with our meds. That puts a burden on you, indeed, like a price you have to pay for the peace. That's GOT to be hard!!

I always worry about you nonADD wives and husbands with regards to how well we can make mistakes with our meds. That puts a burden on you, indeed, like a price you have to pay for the peace. That's GOT to be hard!!My husband was once put on Paxil, and told to take it "at bedtime". Well, bedtime for him is quite variable, and I wasn't always awake to remind him to take it when he did come to bed. It didn't make him sleepy, so he was able to switch to taking it in the morning, which worked out a lot better.

He ended up switching meds because of other side effects, but that has been the only one that really helped with his inattentiveness.

Taking all of his meds and supplements in the morning makes it easier for me to monitor. With all of the neuro-diversity here everyone is on different meds and supplements. Once a week I sort everything out into personal pill minders. That way I can tell at a glance whether that day's doses have been taken. My husband also keeps a spare set in his briefcase. If he has forgotten to take some or all of his pills (if he gets distracted between when he has opened the pill minder and taken everything) I can call him and he takes them then.

We did try the alarmed containers, with mixed results. Often the alarm would go off, but would be ignored, because "I know I'll remember to get to it in a minute...";)

But, you know what? It is a small price to pay to share my life with my wonderful family.

How much neurodiversity are we talking here? Maybe we can commiserate! :) I admire you for creating a system that really works and works well, Wifeof.

I can tell you about how that alarm got blown off...are you at all familiar with the ADD Way of Mentally Filing?

Oh StuggliesWife, those SSRI category antidepressants are famous for having that side effect :( its just terrible isn't it? Xanax is a good anti-anxiety medication when used sparingly...and you know how impulsive we ADDers can be :o and inclined to forget and miss or add doses...I just want to ask you if you are able to, I dunno, monitor his intake in some way? Xanax works great, but it is also one of the most easy benzodiazapines to become addicted to.

I always worry about you nonADD wives and husbands with regards to how well we can make mistakes with our meds. That puts a burden on you, indeed, like a price you have to pay for the peace. That's GOT to be hard!!We had a really, really, really long discussion before he started taking the Xanax. We'll see how much of it he remembers. :D;)

He has been good about it. His Doctor has told him NO MORE than 2 a day and he also has a very low dosage. He didn't fill his rx at all last month and boy did I notice the difference!

His Doctor is really good at monitoring him as well. The burden isn't all on me. Since DH is so routine oriented, he is good at taking his meds when he is supposed to. It's when his routine goes of whack that I have to step in and help.

That's a relief to hear StuggliesWife, I mean that sincerely. I have taken benzos on and off for around 15 years or so and I have always been just petrified of the addiction potential. They say benzo withdrawal and fighting the desire to use again afterwards is worse than even cocaine. :faint: Its just so scary! I was so cheap with mine, even with my ADHD I would count them and count them. I made a month's supply last 3 months, just to be safe.

They are truly great for anxiety though, really top notch. I am glad to hear that you are his fallback plan and not resentful of that role. :)

How much neurodiversity are we talking here? Husband with ADD and Tourettes.
Adult son with ADD and a genius level IQ. He has been on his own for nine years now.
Daughter (almost 21) with high functioning autism. She is actually the most likely to remember to take her meds and get to her appointments.
Daughter (18) with severe inattentive ADD.
Me with meno-brain.:)
I can tell you about how that alarm got blown off...are you at all familiar with the ADD Way of Mentally Filing?
All too well.:) I know they are sure that they will get to it later, but by the time later comes they have completely forgotten it. As I've written before, I know that if I don't do it right away it will be forgotten. My husband and daughter don't.

Husband with 2 TBIs by age 4
Grown daughter1, dyslexic and LD, stubborn...may be inattentive but too stubborn to listen
Grown daughter2, ADDF member Missing--mild inattentive although she says its no big deal
Adolescent Daughter, ADDF member Spacemania--severe inattentive, bipolar II and sensory integration dysfunction
Toddler daughter, unknown quantity, but she never really sits still very often....
Me: severe inattentive, bipolar II, sensory integration dysfuntion AND meno-brain.

And would you believe this bunch of clowns have this theory that I am somehow the household NT? :eyebrow:

Mental Filing, the ADD Way:

There are only two files, labeled "Right Now" and "Not Now". Crucial events such as getting to the next level on a video game or posting one more time in Last Post II go in "Right Now" of course. The washing, the lawnmowing, the homework, the (insert promised task here) go in the "Not Now" file, where they will be promptly dealt with in no particular order, if not outright forgotten.

:o

:) Thank you MayB,for what you wrote,i know exactly how you feel,,i have been with my partner now for the same time as you yours,i know exactely what you mean by the mood swings and everything,,,,Yes it is hard sometimes for us who dont suffer from adhd to realise just what they are going through,but as we try and understand and stand by them no matter what,i feel as if we are helping somehow.
My partner also cannot forget bad things what have happened to him in the past,like his childhood etc,,,does your partner suffer this also,,
Sometimes we feel as if we are the only ones,,was so glad when i found this superb website,so once again thank you for sharing,,

Snapdragonxx:o









QUOTE=MayB]I've been dating a guy with ADHD for a year and 3 months and I experiance the same thing everyday. He's never the same person twice. He's loving then hurtful, attentive then distracted, angry then sad, feeling omnipotent then impotent (and sometimes physically impotent too :D ).

I have to say I don't ALWAYS handle it the way I should, but I do make the effort to let his ranting go in one ear and out the other, or make light of the way he's overreacting, or sometimes even point out that he's having an "ADHD moment".

As long as you show that you genuinly care about their feelings, I think that's all that matters to them.

I think the most important thing for us non-ADHDers to understand is that, just like we go through mood swing throughout the day, they're just going through a mood swing too... the only difference is that they VERBALIZE and ACT it out as they're going through it...

Just tell yourself, "it is not me... it is whatever is currently in his brain".[/QUOTE]