Ok well next to death, I think this is one of the next worse things that a parent can imagine happening and happens.

As of yesterday, my 15 year old son ....found out his 15 year old girlfriend of 1 year is pregnant.
Yes I said it. I am going to be a stinkin grandmother before 40. Yikes

Isn't it hard enough to raise a 15 year old ADD / ODD child without them deciding to spead it before they have had thier first job?

I am going to be there, but OMG what the hell are you supposed to do? Say?
I had the "protection" conversation with him a 100 times...
When he was old enough to like girls, when they hung around longer than a week. When he started dating her. When I found out they decided to have sex 2 months ago...well WTF?????

Man she has ADD so does he....this should be very interesting.....

She goes to confirm Tues. She just took a home preg test Wed night.
I can't tell you how many times I have prayed please let it be wrong.
I support whatever decision she makes. She says for now she intends to have the baby. I have assured her and her parents this is a 50/50 thing but my son is not 1/2 as mature as she is. And it's gonna be a long very long bumpy ride.

What do you do? I am still absorbing this....I am thinking is there counseling for them....Can I take a week and go to the local looney bin for a long over due vaction from ADD and everyone else...before I have to be put there?

All I do is tell myself. There is nothing you can do, it is what it is.
And to
BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aargh.....
just BREATHE.....man talk about sensory overload....
Ok I confessed. Any advice...this sure doesn't fall under the General Parenting issues does it. But I am sure ADD kids fall more rapidly victim to this US stat.
Don't ya think.:faint:

aaack! OMG.

This is huge.... uh... congrats?

Wow, what grade are they in? I think they should make sure to finish school, or get as much school as they can. Graduate, and learn to tackle the job world.

With you helping that is wonderful, but, you dont want them taking advantage of the parents.

They need to understand the responsibility that having a child means. Which means supporting a child with an education, and a good job.

No slacking!

What a tough situation. I feel for you. I dont understand why teenagers arent terrified of pregnancy... I was, and still am.
Of course, I watched all my friends get pregnant....I was like the only one without a baby. thank god.

Could they take parenting classes? Go to some kind of planned parenting meetings? Where they teach responsibility?

They need to live and breath baby now... their childhood is OVER. They need to know this (if they dont already)

Too bad. I wish them all the luck in the world. I wish you all the luck in the world!



Also, is the mother on Meds? Will she continue? This needs to be considered and discussed.

At least you have not killed him-I admire your restraint! He is probably feeling very stupid right now-and she is most likely blown away. And you mom? Here are some {{{{{big hugs}}}}}.

That is a load of stuff to deal with right now! Why do our kids have to learn the hard way? We so want them to avoid that stuff and it really hurts when it happens. You are a good mom who did everything you could to teach him responsibility. Go have a really good cry OK? Or another good cry?

Here for you anytime hopekitty

oh man, oh man. i cannot imagine having to go through that with either son or daughter. and i have to admire your restraint, too. not strangling either one or blowing up at them takes a lot of......love?

hugs and good luck to you.

Thanks Radd....I haven't cried yet. I am now...just cause you all are the first to know...I just told Tam's today. I haven't told my mom or anyone else.


To answer one of the questions aboove..I forgot to quote....I know teenmommie was on meds....I believe they took her off due to stomach issues...I am thinking cause she got pregnant...(this kid is no dumby, and isn't Out there like some girls her age) she wasn't medicated.
My son was on his short summer break...from meds...cept the Risperdal, on and off during breaks so he can eat...he ussually grows about 2 inches. Drives me insane...and apparently makes very stupid decisions. so much for the breaks...if you stop growing oh well.

They are both finishing school. NO DROP OUTS ALLOWD.
They are both too young to work anywhere but McDonalds, but I have advised my son, you will be doing so. Part-time / weekends..oh well, money goes up so you can help. Hell I can barely support the 3 I have never mind a baby. But you do what you have to. It's not baby's fault right. I have no idea what they are going to do.

The bad thing is about the same time she decided to tell him she was pregnant he decided he wanted to break up. Well that is not going over well.
Her mom and I are okay, we are talking we are rational. Her dad well not so good. He had her call here today, after my son told her I need a break, for a week to think and freak...and he told her I will be there for you no matter waht, but I don't want to go out anymore ...he dad had her call and say ok times up. WTF...dood he's 15 not a grown man. Just cause you can make a baby doens't mean you are a man, or a woman for that matter. So I told her tell you dad to chill , the more you push Keenan (my son's name) the more he will run. JUst let him absorb. He said a week it's been 3 days. Give him the week.

I think dad is going to be the biggest problem. And I get it, I told her dad's are the protector, he wants to kill my son. he wants to make him a grown up in 3.4 seconds...it's not happening. So here I sit, he is downstairs..jammin to music...he tells me he talked to her. Told her to tell dad to chill. He didn't say I don't ever want to see you again, just I don't want to see you right now, and don't want to date anymore. But I will be there when you really need me.

So man, guys...I don't know. severl months to absorb. I am sure more tears will come. Is it bad to feel ashamed? I am not mad , I am sad, but I am ashamed, that I did something wrong? I guess it's normal.
I am going to check on the counseling thing, for him seperate, and them together.

I should journal this, and we can all see the saga unfold. And yes Radd I am the queen of doing things the hard way. My son as big as a pain as he is, was until yesteday, light years away from being as bad as me at his age. Now he is neck and neck. I guess when I proudly boasted I was one of the few of my friends and family to make it to 21 before I had my first, I should have bit my tongue and realized it can skip a generation....

thanks for the support.....36 year old grandma (grrrr:mad: ) out

Hope, I know it may be hard to accept right now but I just thought of some things that could be worse.

He could be addicted to drugs and end up in jail or OD and die.
He could have been drinking and driving, had a wreck, killed friends and have to live with that-A girl in our town killed 3 friends that way. I think that would be so much harder to live with than being a teen father.
He could be committing various criminal acts and get caught.
This may not be much comfort to you right now, but my daughter did drugs and I did not know about it-very sneaky kid, got pregnant at 21-thought she couldn't because I had problems, was living with a no-good, abusive, unemployed b******d of a boyfriend. The baby seems to have helped her grow up and get her life together-as much as that is possible for her. He is in jail-I know she is older than your son, but I was so angry with her-I was terrified I would end up having to raise my grandchild. She finally has a good job, took her GED-i pulled her out of school due to no help from them when she was suicidal. I cried myself to sleep so many nights-even wishing she would get cancer or something and die-I was so afraid she would end up in prison. Doesn't that sound sick? But that is how I really felt. I was terrified for her-from about age 12 until now.

Take good care of yourself-it will help you through all of this!
Becky

Yes Rad there are many things that can be worse. I know all aboug the drug thing. I live with one of those too. ADHD who is on again off again.

I have felt that way too. And Keenan has always been my hardest to deal with. So much like me, but with the testostrone. And to be honest, I would have thought he would have been guilty of one of the things you mentiond, well he has been on probation for stupid crap....but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought this. And for me the only thing that made me grow up was becoming a mom and having to feed my kids.

And that was hard at 21 again at 27 and again at 28...I can't imagine 15.
I am not crying for me so much...as I am him. for her. For a life that will never be as we mom's want it to be.

how about another "could be" story to make you (try to) feel a little better (not that much will):

my niece got pregnant, not once, but twice by the same drug-dealing, bank-robbing, criminal record holding jailbird. the second time, he had just gotten out of prison for dealing, and she had twins boys.....

my daughter says: we already have a bad example in the family, i won't need to fill that roll.

sorry. it must be tough. have a good cry. and we're always here to rant and vent at....

Thanks Pems....I know you are that's why I came....:)

I am not crying for me so much...as I am him. for her. For a life that will never be as we mom's want it to be.
Wish I could give you a big hug and hand you the kleenexes.

You said that she intends to have the baby but does that mean that she is planning on raising the baby? If she's as smart as you say she is then I would guess there's a decent chance that she'll decide to go the adoption route.

I had my oldest when I was 19. No ADHD to blame my stupid decisions on, just me being stupid. My parents cried and my mother blamed herself (not hard to do since my boyfriend's mother was blaming her too). This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Some of us are just too stubborn to learn anything the easy way.

Whatever happens, however things turn out, just remember that this too shall pass. When all else fails you still have hope right? {{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}

Wish I could give you a big hug and hand you the kleenexes.
And I glady except....I hate crying....but for tonight it's a mean's for survival.
While my son...daddy to be romps around the house wiht his is brothers....like tomorrow is another day...I just sit in awe...and wonder....

You said that she intends to have the baby but does that mean that she is planning on raising the baby? If she's as smart as you say she is then I would guess there's a decent chance that she'll decide to go the adoption route.

I had my oldest when I was 19. No ADHD to blame my stupid decisions on, just me being stupid. My parents cried and my mother blamed herself (not hard to do since my boyfriend's mother was blaming her too). This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Some of us are just too stubborn to learn anything the easy way.

Whatever happens, however things turn out, just remember that this too shall pass. When all else fails you still have hope right? {{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}
Thanks. nice to hear it from the other side. And apparently you made it. So many of my friends....made it....others make it okay don't they.
He is just a baby for god's sake. A week ago just a pain in the butt teenager...now ....well 5 minutes ago I am yelling at him to stop running through the house wiht his brother...playing , laughing...and I want to hug him and cry for his lost youth, and then I want to smack him and tell him quit playing it's time to grow up....and then I just sit here and cry...because I don't know what the hell to say...except I love you and I am soo soo sorry you did this to yourself....it sucks

Yeah, I made it. I lived with my parents for a couple years while I took some classes at the community college and worked part-time. I moved out when my daughter was 2 and we've been on our own since then. I think the best thing my parents ever did for me was to not help too much. While they did let me live rent free in their house I was responsible for all my own bills. My dd's father and I paid for everything ourselves. Diapers, formula, clothes and daycare. I was also the primary caregiver. If dd cried it was my job to take care of her. I didn't get help feeding, changing, bathing or watching her.

I learned very quickly how to be independent. I know your son is younger than I was but these things would probably benefit him too. You have some time to figure out how you're handling it so don't worry about getting all the answers right now. You mentioned wanting to take a week away from it all and if I were you I would do it. At least a couple days. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Hope, I am reading The Art of Possibility tonight and find myself in tears!

This phrase just grabbed me and held me in its power. Your heart has been broken, and we know how much a broken heart hurts..

"You can't play great music unless your heart's been broken." Gaspar Cassado', cellist.

Michelangelo said that inside every block of marble dwells a beautiful statue; one only need remove the excess material to reveal the work of art within. I truly believe your son is a beautiful work of art, and life is the sculptor removing that excess material.

So, I await your symphony and the unveiling of the magnificent person your son will become!

Becky

Hope, I am reading The Art of Possibility tonight and find myself in tears!

This phrase just grabbed me and held me in its power. Your heart has been broken, and we know how much a broken heart hurts..

"You can't play great music unless your heart's been broken." Gaspar Cassado', cellist.

Michelangelo said that inside every block of marble dwells a beautiful statue; one only need remove the excess material to reveal the work of art within. I truly believe your son is a beautiful work of art, and life is the sculptor removing that excess material.

So, I await your symphony and the unveiling of the magnificent person your son will become!

Becky
Radd you stinker...I just got off the phone with my best friend out in AK who is a great shoulder and then gets me to chuckle..no matter what...which we did for over an hour....and then.... I read this and am crying in my vanilla ice cream...
Yes I guess I just experienced one of the many heart breaks from a mother's perspective. Been in the "lover's" , wife's perspective, but never really this one. You are right. And I am sure he will come out fine. In fact this , as crazy as it sounds, be exactly what he needs.

I guess I shouldn't eat all those beans. But when you are a vegetarian....you just can't help being a fart! :D I've been crying reading that book. I think we have vanilla ice cream in the freezer-better get some-how does it taste with salt?

Laughing through the tears!

Vanilla ice cream and lime sherbet-mmm, should I top it with some Vodka Limon? At least I wouldn't be crying in my beer!

le tme just say my cousin who is 18 got his girl friend pregnant and he has done some VERY sereous things and still does but once she had the baby he bacame a new person (she had the baby a few weeks ago) he has changed now that hesa dad hes so excited and happy that hes a dad and i hope your son will feel the same way.

Update....

After a long horrible week...
My son's now x-girlfriend.....yes I said it. Has decided to terminate the pregnancy.
Partially because my son has been an ***, and partially because the doc's appt Friday revealed what appears to be a problem, there is no heartbeat, and the placenta appears to be all that is there with no growth.
I am relieved, and not relieved.
She can still change her mind, it's tmrw. So I will not know until tmrw.
My son who left at 4pm yesterday, with friends, has not been home yet.
If he is not home today by 4pm he goes on the missing list. He has disappeared before, but it has been a long time...I have not had a full blown panic attack yet, 4pm I will have one...I am not sure why he is running unless something has happened I don't know about? It seems to be while this is all terrible, he should be somewhat relieved? And should have run before not now...I will update everyone when I find out what is going on.....

Does your son know about the possible termination yet?

IF he does, maybe that's why he left. Maybe he just needs time to be away from everything - the last (few??) week/s have turned his world upside down.. he was going to be a father, and there was going to be a baby. Events of yesterday (or whenever the news came) , may not have necessarily relieved him - they would have yet again, turned his world upside down; but not upside down to the way it was before.

Let's look at the continuum so far

15 year old boy
15 year old boy with girlfriend
15 year old boy with girlfriend who is going to have (his) baby
* girlfriend who suddenly might NOT be having a baby, because it isn't developing the way it should
boy runs

the * (asterisk) shows the critical moment where it all suddenly became TOO confusing and TOO overwhelming. Up until the asterisk, it was pretty set for him - get a job and help, etc. Now what?? What is he meant to do? Say? Anything? Nothing?

So rather than being relieve that he doesn't have to have a baby - he's probably MORE confused because he just doens't know what the hell (can i say that word??) to do right now!

And really, would anyone know what to do?

As adults, we can drive off somewhere - and nobody will really stop us (in their power). As a 15 year old, if you want to go somewhere and run off for a while - somebody will try to stop you. Unless you don't let anyone know.

I hope that helps, and I hope everything turns out reasonably ok. At least he will learn not to do all of that again??? (maybe , anyway)

Sis? I have not said much up til now, cuz my life has been so messy but I sure do hope you remember I have free minutes after 9 our time...my ear is yours, if you need me :).

Please don't let this whole situation take you to those places you and I know how to go ;)...and if you go there? Call me anyway!

thanks for the responses....sis....I have really held it together well, for me.

I actually do better in HORID situations than I do in kinda Horid situations.

As of 2pm today.
I haven't heard from my KR's mom, (girlfriends initials) on any changing of the mind...we don't expect to hear from her until tmrw, at which time I asked for an update call in regards to her okayness?

MY son called me at 3:45 yesterday 15 mins before the police became involved with a missing/runaway teenage case! (he knows me well).
I will save the drama story for later, the saga will continue with him until this settles down some.

So KZ believe me...I will call if I need to....I have either been gone...or sleeping which is a good thing for me right now...considering I wasn't doing much of that before.....!!!! thanks sista!!
More later!

I know all about the sleeping Sis ;) and I myself have been rearranging the furniture :rolleyes:...Katie is due the 11th and I have heard not a word so far.

Sheesh, our freaking kids!!

You and I need a vacation, bigtime.

Hey...good idea...maybe we should pack a freakin bag, and jump in the car....load up the meds...and meet 1/2 way between Carolina / Ohio...hmm !!!

Anywhere with room service, soft beds and a bit of peace and quiet would be fine with me :).

No guilt about it either!

Nope no guilt....just hell to pay when we get home, if there is one left when we get there! lmao

If the sonagram showed no hearbeat and only a placenta, it would not be a termination-probably a miscarriage-also called a spontaneous abortion. No heartbeat means the embryo-it would not be a fetus until the 9th week, did not develop-the heart is one of the first things to develop-after the brain! She would most likely have a D and C unless there is a new way of treating this type of pregnancy loss.

I understand your mixed feelings hope, they sound normal to me. One of those mixed blessings-perhaps a wake-up call to them both-and her dad-Doesn't he know it takes 2 to tango? He just doesn't want to accept the fact that she chose to become sexually active-In fact, I am amazed at how aggressive many girls are now-pressuring guys into having sex!

Hugs to you!

Here is some info about when the heart starts beating-it might help you to understand what is happening.
Week 3 - Gestational Age (Fetal Age - Week 1): The embryo is going through lots of basic growth at this time, with the beginning development of the brain, spinal cord, heart and gastrointestinal tract.

Week 4 & 5 - Gestational Age (Fetal Age - Weeks 2 & 3): Arm and leg buds are visible, but not clearly distinguishable. The heart is now beating at a steady rhythm. The placenta has begun to form and is producing some important hormones including hCG. There is movement of rudimentary blood through the main vessels. The early structures that will become the eyes and ears are forming. The embryo is ¼ inch long by the end of these weeks.

Week 6 - Gestational Age (Fetal Age - Week 4): The formation of the lungs, jaw, nose and palate begin now. The hand and feet buds have webbed looking structures that will become the fingers and toes. The brain is continuing to form into its complex parts. A vaginal ultrasound could detect an audible heartbeat at this time. The embryo is about a ½ inch in length.

This would be the most likely cause of the lack of a heartbeat-so she would not be aborting a live embryo!

Blighted ovum- A Pregnancy that has implants but has failed to develop past the point where the embryo can be identified on ultrasound scan. Although evidence of a gestation is seen by ultrasound, the lack of fetal parts is often called and empty sac. These pregnancies are uniformly believed to have a genetic or endocrine reason for their poor outcome. May or may not require intervention with dilation and curettage (D&C).

RADD

thanks Radd...and we will find out...tmrw....and I will let you all know...

Wow justhope!


So much happening so fast. I sure am glad that boy of yours called in -- does knowing that there doesn't appear to be a baby calm him or upset him more? These are never easy situations, but if she is going to terminate the pregnancy she and your son will hopefully have a lot less guilty knowing the ultimate outcome was already out of their hands. I'm thinking of you and sending a big hug your way!

Take care and do something very nice for yourself as soon as you get to come up for air from this.

Scattered

thanks Scattered...


Well here is the update. ...

She went through with the procedure on Friday. I called to chekc on her, she was resting, and she said she was achey, but okay.

Now my son, who I told was grounded for 1 day...for the whole "other" story I left out, got grounded for a week because he couldn't come home on time....
Now he disappeared for the whole weekend, because he called and asked if he could stay at a friends...and I said no. You were grounded, for making some bad choiced, decisions, come home and we will talk about them.
Well he didn't, he came home Sat afternoon, announced he was not living with us anymore, because he shouldn't be grounded for something he couldn't help...yes ok.....so he gets some clothes and off he goes....
This child, well has always been my loving thorn. My own mother's revenge for the crap I pulled.

I have had it. I have tried to be a good mom. There when he pulled a huge one wiht this girl. And with all the issues before. Time to give him some space...here to talk to. But it can only go so far and I am mom.
So I think another hard lesson is in store for him.
I am thinking he needs to know what it's like not to have his family always there for him and that how to learn you have to pay the piper when you screw up, even if you are immediatly sorry.

So off I go to the courts, to file unruly, runaway..since he never came back after Sat.
What a shame, he insists on thinking he can be grown up but has no tools to back that up. This is why he could never have been a good parent soo young.

So I guess I should keep you up to date, or start a whole new thread.????

hugs to you. that's all i can think to write right now.

series of unfortunate events

sorry i can't do more from this side of the world

just keep us upto date in this thread, we know it too well :)

Update....well

I called around yesterday before I went to file on my son for runaway/unruly.

I guess leaving a few messages at his hangouts threatning the cops coming looking, paid off. He called me.
After a long 30 min conversation I convinced him to come home.
He came. I just left him alone...
We have decided after some coaxing from him to put him back in his original online/ small group program for school and out of the mainstream highschool.
I knew it would be overwhelming for him, but he had to learn, and I think with everything else going it, it was just toooo much.
So we do that tmrw. His girlfriend or x or whatever and him are talking now..regular working through the trauma.
She is recovering. I try to check on her a few times a week.

I have a doctors appt setup next week for him (ADD/doc). So we will see what happens.
He is not a teenage father, but he is a victim of his own wreckless ADDness...and I think it was slow to catch up to him..and them boom it hit all at once...and that was it....
So hopefully we can work it out. The saga as it is, is mostly over with , I hope...

wow Hope, what a week...I have just read through your story..
You certainly sound like you kept it together really well...

I hope you can sort things out with your son, and that his EX GF is feeling OK. That was a brave decision of her to make
hugs from me too
xxxx

Thanks Tracey.....

yes we made it...

My son and I talked a lot last night...and he started back in his old program today.
He even called me after and said mom I love it. You were right!
I told him to write that on the calendar...Mom was Right...and refer to it everytime I try to tell him something and he wants to argue or do it the hard way!!! lol....
He sounded excited and relieved all at the same time...and this coming from my mostly groucy grumpy ODD child is enough to bring tears to this old badgers eyes....
He and his girlfriend are making slow progress...talking on the phone each day. ODAT for those of us who are familiar wiht any recovery programs....One Day at a Time....

So I guess we all came out of this okay.
Thanks for all the support.

Sounds like toning down the stimuli and changing the venue was a great idea. I'm glad they're talking. It sounds like you did a really terrific job even though the hits just kept on coming. I hoe they're over with and that you can treat yourself to some well deserved R&R.


Take care,
Scattered

Edited and deleted

Hope, that's good news..I hope it continues to improve :-)
and with your new meds..well....it's just got to get only better