My son has a real problem with hyperfocus. At thimes he will do this with legos where he cannot talk and play at the same time. Someone interacting with him is just too distracting from his internal life.

He also gets these creative invention ideas (very science oriented) in his head and truly focuses on these ideas. He calls them stories. He will start pacing around the room thinking up of an idea or invention and a whole story apparently develops around this idea.

When you try to talk to him when he is like this, he used to get annoyed and rude because that would interupt his thoughts and would be very frustrating to him. We have taught him to communicate better about this. He now will say, usually sheepishly, "Sorry I am in the middle of a story and I am thinking , can we talk later." He paces around the house as he "thinks".

Another thing I did was to get him a sketch book so that he could draw out his ideas, which he loves (he hates writing or we would have gone that route), but he gets very intense.

When he is in this mode, there is no access to him and sometimes it is just time to do homework or eat dinner or do regular life responsibilities. He just doesn't shift.

Anyone else have experience with this? In some ways, I kind of think it is neat because I believe as an adult, he may do some very interesting things, but I worry about his ability to join the rest of the world. This is only one of the things that seem to hinder his social ability.

Any Comments?

hey Wahm,

I'm 20 and although I don't have children I can definatly relate to what you are going through. For me I also get extremely irritated when I am interrupted. It's one of the reasons I procrastinate because if I get inturrupted I know I'll be out of the "Zone". Your son obviously gets a sense of order when he is hyperfocusing. He probobly has racing thoguhts and hyperfocus is a way to quiet his mind. At least that's how I expierience it.

THe "stories" your son talks about are very real. I like to call them "plays" myself. I am thinking up stories and scenarios all the time. I like to relive them over and over as a form of entertainment. It sounds ridiculous but is is a way of coping with the streaming thoughts. I applaud you ability to help him communicate. It's good to hear he has support:) THe sketchbook is a wonderful idea. I am attending an art college myelf.

THe difficulty with stories is that at times I do nothing but think and I get very little done. medication can help, but also structure. Life has been a challenge for me since leaving highschool because I have lost my structure, although I am attempting to get it back in small ways.

I think you are on the right track with communication and support of your son. I try to give myself "Daydreaming time" every day so that I give myself that luxury but still have a set time to do other things.

Hang in there, you're doing great:)

Also, don't be concerned about the stories and the thinking in and of themselves. THey are a sign of an an active and creative mind.

Thanks so much Aizlyne,

I think that the stories are entertainment for him, too. And when he is in that mode, he may chose to continue that rather then play with friends.

You sound like you can relate. Have you ever found that this inhibits your social abilty? I guess that is my biggest concern.

1. He has difficulty with social relationships. and

2. He tends to live in his own world and doesn't always meet the "real world" obligations.

Thanks again.

I would like to offer another possible viewpoint here-if your son's behavior is having such significant impact on his social life and his inability to communicate with the family-he could have another factor contributing to this problems. It is possible to have a comorbid disorder such as bipolar, asperger's, autism and be ADD.

This is something to very seriously discuss with his psychiatrist. It sounds much more hyperfocused than ADD. And you sound quite worried or you wouldn't be posting. Trust your mom instincts.

It could be nothing, but if there is another diagnosis that would help explain his social difficulties, it could really help him. A friend's son has some similar behaviors-he cannot get or hold a job because of his social difficulties-but is absolutely a brilliant linquist-he will function well as a researcher, but not in the world of interpersonal relationships. He suffered terrile bullying because of his differences-My son knows what his dx is but he didn't get help until grad school-wonderful young man-who struggled so much!

You didn't mention how old your son is. That would help so much too.

Becky

RADD makes a good point about the possibility of Asperger's syndrome. I have a younger brother who has it and it can have similar symptoms.


MY social life from childhood to age 18 was reletively normal although I can say I was never popular. I always had one or two close friends at any one time. I tended to make friends with "outcasts" or people my parents weren't crazy aboiut. I"m not talking about drugs or sex or violent personalities, just weird or off beat kids.

"Strange" kids learn to appreciate other "strange" kids. Your son may grow up to make unnusual friends.

THe social issue that I can say has limited me the most is my fear of speaking to "officials". I have trouble talking to people at the bank, store, advising offices, post office...anywhere where I need to conduct errands or business. Although i am much better now the fear was almost paralyzing in my teens.

I feared making a fool of myself or having people "know" I was different and strange.

Although this can be viewed as a problem or not, I went through my teens up to today without having any kind of romantic relationship. I didn't really vew this with concern at all until I was about 17. Just didn't meet anyone or feel the need to date.

Highschool was not bad at all, socially. I as always had me few friends and I was never teased.
4th through 7th grade was the most difficult time socially for me. I was silent, daydreamy, and what some people might call a teacher's pet. (really I just had no problem following rules in school) I was harrassed for being a kind of outcast because I was so quiet and seemed antisocial.

I don't social problems at this point beyond my difficulty making small talk with new people. I appear aloof and arrogant at imes because my casual conversation is stiff with strangers. I also have trouble with anxiety related to my ADD. But these are things that I didn't start addressing until I was diagnosed at 19. You've got a head start on addressing the anxiety and the social issues before they become a problem for him

I'm not saying all this to scare you. Everyone's expierience is different. I had a normal childhood. The Structure hid a lot of my symptoms which is why I didn't get diagnosed until college.

What's good about your situation is that your son knows you are trying to help and that will be tremendously helpful for his self esteem

Some of your son's symptoms sound a little ike aspergers syndrome or OCD... but it could be that he is just a really bright kid with a great ability to focus.

I have adhd combined type, and anxiety disorder NOS , with ocd tendencies. I also have a history of epilepsy. I was a gifted child.

I sympathize with you. Your son reminds me of myself as a kid. I would sooner play with legos or an erector set than do anything with other kids. It would consume me. I still do the same thing, but now it is computers and electronics. I still pace a lot when I have an idea. When I was a kid, I virtually wore a hole in the linoleum floor of the hallway , pacing back and forth. Today I keep notebooks handy so I can write things down, but the computer is now my tool of choice.

You should encourage your child to get out and play with other kids, but don't punish him for being what he is. He has no choice in the matter.

My parents tolerated me wiring the house with electornic sensors when I was about 9.
They patiently listened to me when I was 10 , about how I wanted to build a robot. I ranted on that idea for a long time.... They put their foot donw when I wanted to build a laser. They also tolerated my tendency to collect radio and TV parts of all kinds until I filled an entire shed and it started to fill the front porch... then I was forced to sell it all as scrap (about a half ton of stuff like resitors , capacitors , vacum tubes, etc.). When a new TV or stereo was purchased, I was ordered to NOt disassemble it under any circumstances. I could not be stopped.

I'm pretty sure that I drove my parents nuts.

Socially, I'm not the best, but I do okay and I have friends, and I like people. I do still prefer time by myself tho.


ME :D

Thanks everyone,

We did have other diagnosis ruled out. He is "different" from a typical kid and this is just one of many things that I notice. He is both ADD and gifted.

And whoa, Speedo you do sound like my son. He loves experimentation. He loves to take things apart and collecting wire, computer parts and other things, and has a whole area of the basement full of parts. We try to give him projects like putting together the new grill, etc. He also has wanted to build a robot among other things. He now wants to learn how to program computers or do computer animation or something. I am looking for some starter type software for him.

Sometimes I think it is more an issue of creativity and that people who are highly creative often seem to different to others and I know that is very hard on him right now. I work at an art college. There are many students who are "different" and I personally I find that an inspiring environment to work in. There are so many great ideas and different, original approaches. I think the k-12 school systems should embrace that more.

He does have a few friends. But I worry that he is lonely, and at times he is.
And Aizlyne, from what you said I think you can relate and that is helpful. I think you are right about watching for a social anxiety. He deals with that. I actually think my axiety about his social situation makes it worse not better for him. Something I am working on.

Anyway thanks for sharing your stories.

I have a son who is 16 and just starting the 11th grade and already we are hearing from one of his teachers. He has missed turning in an assignment, skipped detention where he was supposed to do this missing assignment and his teacher has complained about him laying his head down on his desk. I know that this is unacceptable and have made a consequence of taking his car away and if he can have no missing assignments or complaints from his teacher in two weeks he will get it back. He had this teacher for Science last year and for comp this year )go figure) he is in special education. With that said, he also informed me that this teacher told him that if he doesn't take his meds, he will fail her class. We had the discussion with her last year that he refuses to take his meds. I will not make him, but still expect him to prosper and be responsible. He is pretty responsible! He has a job that he has had for a year now-he's pretty good about being home on time etc. Anyway, I would like some input on what I should do about this teacher. I do not like his teacher labeling him about his meds and refusing to work with him - after all isnt that what special education if for, to assist the kids in the ways that they need and customize their learning? THat is what they have been all about his whole education. I am not sure how to handle this teacher. Please help