this is my first post and i have read a few of the other threads but am starting to feel even worse than i did when i decided to sign up for this forum. so i thought i'd start my own thread before my head exploded.

i am in what most people would consider a difficult situation already, and to top is off, my boyfriend has ADHD. before i go any further, i want to say that this man is the best man i've ever been with and i have no intention of ending the relationship. i KNOW that there are ways to make things better and i am trying to find suggestions to help keep my sanity while all of these things are happening..

RIGHT. here's the situation: we've been together for nearly 2 years and have a small business together - but don't live together. we can't afford it yet and lately our financial problems have become worse, with clients refusing to pay us. on top of that, he has not filed taxes for 5 or 6 years. when we started the business, it was his idea. he wanted to do the labor and wanted someone else to take care of everything else. technically, i own the business. everything is in my name and it was 100% my money that went into it. yet we fight constantly because he insists on having the final say on major decisions but does absolutely none of the work involved with those decisions. he's great at his job (fixing computers) but nothing else ever gets done unless it's something easy and on a whim - like washing dishes. weeks, months go by without him doing a thing but napping and chatting online and 'working' 10-20 hours a week.

luckily, one of my clients is an ADHD coach. i think things would be over and done with if it were not for her. a couple of weeks ago i insisted that my boyfriend meet her and that we work together with her to have better communication and organization. he agreed, but scheduling has prevented the first meeting from happening so far. and every other day i am ok. i do notice small improvements between us. and small changes in his behavior. but on the bad days i feel like everything is on my shoulders. it makes it very difficult to function and focus on what needs to be done. i take care of the business AND him. i don't care about the little stuff so much. if i cook and ask him to do the dishes, he will. but only if i ask him. but there are some seriously BIG things we NEED to work out NOW.

i understand that things are not going to change quickly. and i find myself having strong emotional reactions (to things like his facial expressions when i talk to him about something important). i guess i need help figuring out how to survive this in-between time. mantras? meditation? lots of beer (j/k)

feel free to ask questions. i know i rambled a bit. thanks in advance!

You didn't ramble. Everyone on here knows exactly what you're talking about. The guy's riding on you and will continue to until you stop it. Love him, of course. Stay in a relationship with him if you want. But the only way to have peace is to disentangle your finances from his and rearrange your expectations. If he won't work in the business, hire someone else. You have to be able to "detach" from his behavior (including those facial smirks) and I don't think you can when you're this bound together. Be sure you have separate checking accounts, etc. etc. If the business isn't working, consider getting out of it and then you won't have to be responsible for all his stuff. By the way, not carrying plates to the dishwasher and putting them in is a symptom of ADD. We all handle it differently. I told my DH that I do all the food shopping, meal planning and cooking, and the rest of it was his. It piles up, then he does a wonderful job. I can live with that. I'm thinking you don't want to move in with him until you're happy with your relationship, never mind the finances. If you can't "live" with him now, most of us will tell you that it doesn't get better.

I'm thinking you don't want to move in with him until you're happy with your relationship, never mind the finances. If you can't "live" with him now, most of us will tell you that it doesn't get better.
actually i could live with him. and i understand what you are saying but the bottom line is that at the moment, we don't have any other choices about how intertwined our finances are. well, we do if we want the business to fail, but we don't. I appreciate your suggestions, but am hoping to find some tips that don't include 'just get out of that situation'. we're in it and need to deal with it.