After putting her boyfriend in jail for abusing her-my daughter told me she is "kinds-sorta" back with the no good, b*****d, lazy, alcoholic, subhuman who sent her to the emergency room. He started beating her while she was pregnant. The baby is 1 year old now.

I was so proud of her and the way she handled the situation-but when she didn't call or respond to messages, my mom senses told me she was back with him. She is my unDX'd, but 99% sure she is ADHD. But, she refuses to get diagnosed even though she has great insurance at her job. They have a baby and he has 3 kids from a previous marriage-ex is a meth addict. She is 23-but has always been attracted to older men. He is 29 or 30.

We can do nothing-except petition for custody of the baby if he starts abusing again. Since she is an adult-but still my daughter, I can't do anything-but as a grandparent there may be options.

I know the statistics on this-women keep going back to the abuser-because of the psychological abuse. It is not her fault-I know, but I am still angry and upset, and afraid, I think the fear of what he might do to her is the worst part.

When we talked about it, I really thought she was going to beat the statistics.

You never stop being a mom.
RADD

I definately can't help with this one but I can give you a big (((((Hug)))) and tell you I'll keep her in my prayors.

Hang in there Radd...

Although mine now has issues (my DH) I can tell you there are one's who get out ...and one's who put them in jail and go back and it NEVER happens again.

And you are so right, we never , ever stop being mommies! And the heartbreak doesn't change if they are 3 or 23....we are here if you need us!

(((( HUGS))))) sista dear....and prayers, she makes the right choices..where herself and her baby are concerned....

Thanks hope-maybe he learned his lessons. I certainly do believe people can change. May this be true!

RADD

I definately don't mean to sound harsh, but Oh well.

Gently remind her that he will start beating the child in a year or two.

She probably will never leave for herself, but she might leave for the childs sake.

My wife's mom left an abusive husband, but it wasn't until he started beating the kids. I think that is typically the only thing that can convince abused people to stay away.

I will definitely get custody if he beats her anymore-or have her charged with endangering the life of a child-if that is what it takes to wake her up! I don't want to have to raise a grandchild, but will if needed.

I told her I would turn her in if She ever brought pot into our house again. We flushed the stuff the first time! And she knows I keep my word!
RADD

Wow- That is a tough spot to be in and well wishes go out to you.

Thanks William! I appreciate the kind thoughts!

RADD, I'm sorry you're in such a scary place worrying about your daughter and grandchild. Sounds like you're doing what you can and are prepared to take the necessary steps if need be. Big hugs for you!


Take care,
Scattered

New news-for me it is sad news.

We are going to see Blaize-our Gbaby this weekend-and daughter announces she and the BF (I don't mean boyfriend either!) got married. He supposedly agreed to stop drinking-and will hopefully keep his job and work as well as her! I am numb and crying all at the same time. She didn't even tell us before she did it. My heart really is broken right now. I am trying to believe it will work out-just send hugs! And I will probably get yelled at for something-like not agreeing with her on everything-I am the witch, her dad is the good guy.
Thanks, RADD

Oh my, I can feel your pain through your words. My sympathies are with you in this time of trouble.

Maybe this might give you hope:

I was an alcohol abuser, drug user, and smoker for about 9 years of my life. I eventually ended up in various abusive relationships and my last one is what did me in. I was engaged to a fellow that I was with for about 6 years. We did pot together, smoked cigs together, and drank together. He emotionally abused me very often and I got to the point where I felt useless as a human being. One day I took myself to AA and decided to never drink or smoke pot again. I was successful. Now I have been approx 3 yrs sober. About 6 months after I got sober I started seeing the jerk for what he was. A pathetic excuse for a man who had to keep me down in order to make himself feel better. One day we had a fight and he actually pushed me... that was it for me. I told him to get out and never come back. He called threatened me and made up disgusting stories about me that he told our mutual friends. I still didn't go back.

My mother during all of this time was my rock. If it wasn't for her I would have never gotten sober. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have felt loved, supported, and needed. She was there for me all the time, but also let it be known that if I ever went back to the drink or the pot then I would be out of the house for good and I would loose all support I get from her for my schooling. Because of her I was able to leave that abuser and get a decent life. She was and still is my best friend. Without her love and support I would probably be in the same situation.

Bottom line is, you cannot force your daughter to leave her disgusting husband. You can be there for her and let her know that if she ever wants to leave him you would welcome her in with open arms. It is her decision to stay or go, unfortunately. You can always point out abuse helplines, maybe suggest she go to therapy, or maybe there is a domestic violence anonymous in the area that you two can go to together. I do agree with you that if she does stay and that baby is in jeopardy then you need to take action to adopt that child.

My heart really goes out to you, your daughter, and your grandbaby.

Big hugs comming your way from me :)

Thanks so much Sehrita, it means alot to hear that from you. I am going to let the words soak in-I don't have anything left in me to say about it right now.

I am glad for chit-chat, it helps take the edge off.

So appreciated, RADD

I am so sorry Becky.BIGGGGGGGGG hugs !!!! That does hurt!! Please pm me anytime,you know im here for you always !!!

Thanks so much Sehrita, it means alot to hear that from you. I am going to let the words soak in-I don't have anything left in me to say about it right now.

I am glad for chit-chat, it helps take the edge off.

So appreciated, RADD
If you want to you can always PM me :)

Thanks Lipz! I may tomorrow, just need some sleep tonight. Sub in music class tomorrow-really do need a break from special ed! Love the kids but the BO kinda gets to me and it is emotionally draining. I truly admire special ed teachers. At least working will help me keep from hyperfocusing on it.

I plan on being pretty blunt with him-that if he abuses her or the baby I will petition the court for custody of Blaize! I can only hope that he will truly change. 1st wife is a meth addict so maybe he got a reality check that he was going the same way! Right now, he will have to prove to me that he loves her and is not manipulating her. he is at the earning my trust and respect place-I don't give it freely in situations like this. I will support my daughter by being there, but she won't talk to me-mostly because I will not beat around the bush with her and she is stubborn and still do it her way. She didn't tell us because she knew I would say wait, wait, wait!

I am going to ask her to do herself a favor and see a doctor about getting diagnosed for ADD-I really think it is important for her, but each time I say anything, she starts screaming at me! I do deal with that-I won't stay when she treats me like that. There will have to be changes. I wish I could know the future!

Enough for now-sleepy time-music classes are pretty low stress!

Thanks again sehrita and lipz, I feel a little better.

{{{HUGS}}} is all I can say hun. I have been that numb myself recently...its familiar.

Thanks again! I needed the hug!

RADD

Anytime girl, sorry for my distance and wonkity. Weinbaum will pay for this misery! I need to be here for my friends and family!

I hope the med thing gets settled, what a f'n nightmare! hugs back at you kid!

RADD

Thanks B :) sure wish I had a phone but I am willing to bet I am rapidfiring too fast for anyone to follow right now....

Bec, I have only just discovered this thread...and all I can do is send more cyber hugs your way ..
xxxxxhugsxxxxx
I hope things work out for the best...although I am dumbfounded that she actually married him...

I like that word, dumbfounded-it is just the word I was lookig for. Undx'd ADD with possible ODD-makes a very stubborn, mule-headed child-she was a wild ride when little-I do wish she would get off that dam bull!

I am going to be very positive with them both-even though I would like to do many other things instead-I am 52 and must be the grown-up-since neither of them are.

The only thing I can think of is he doesn't want to end up like his meth head ex wife. She actually has custody of the kids-maybe he truly does want to raise this child and is motivated to change. If I am too quick to judge, I could lose her and my GB forever-that would hurt much worse.

Calming down and planning what I will say and do-don't want to end up in jail myself! and duct tape hurts when you remove it. I will be a loving accepting mom-repeat 100 times. But, I will not be a doormat!

Thanks for all the hugs- a night out with the girls would help too, but you all live too far away! I will let everyone know what happens after Sunday-if they don't change their minds about the visit!

RADD-feeling less like castrating someone-or should I sever nerves in his arms so he can't hit her again? Just evil fantasies mom have about men who abuse their daughters-even the adult DH's. What is the name of the drug they give alcoholics that makes them sick if they drink-It could help him stay off what is poison to him.

Thanks all-Becky

Calming down and planning what I will say and do-don't want to end up in jail myself! and duct tape hurts when you remove it. I will be a loving accepting mom-repeat 100 times. But, I will not be a doormat!


that's great advice to give yourself Bec...now..just to put it into action :p I am sure you will do just fine...

and a girls night out sounds just what you need :faint: especially with us lot :D

I'll buy the first round-but make it the cheap drinks-I need a job! Thanks

lol,sounds good RADD.It would be cheap for me as i cant drink any longer due too my weight loss surgery,but i will for sure buy a round or two.Hope all goes well B!!! BIGGGGGGGGGGGG Hugs!!!!

I can not believe your poor daughter is in a situation like that! I;m 16 and right now I know I will NEVER have a man like that. If anyone starts the abusing it would be ME!

Ahem, anywho definatly[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]] for you. Your poor daughter. She needs to go see a theropist and get her mind changed. She REALLY needs to see one, please for her sake tell her and call one so she can talk! I know it helped me after my dad left me, and it helped my mom after she was arrested for child neglect (Which was a lie my dad made up) TALK TO SOMEONE PLEASE! Start telling her what is going on. BE HONEST be FIRM but be LOVING. I can tell you are a wonderful mommy but sometimes you need to get in her face and tell her flat out what is on your mind. Tell her is is better then that, tell her she NEEDS to LEAVE N-E-E-D-S to leave.

No good woman deserves scum like him! And she is so young! This is going to hurt her the rest of her life if she does not get out of there ASAP. 23 and already has a baby? Dang, she needs to go out and find herself a good man who will take care of her for the rest of her life.
THERE ARE MANY FISH IN THE SEA
But she does deserve the mental phrana!

Good luck and my hopes are with you <3 Because the world is alwats better through a child's eyes ^w^

I will hang with you all! I can't drink due to alcoholism, but I can buy the second round :)

I will hang with you all! I can't drink due to alcoholism, but I can buy the second round :):D I'll have a double lemonade Sara:p then we can take photos together

We have a designated driver-they always get free sodas! Take pictures, digital and lock the album online for personal invites only. Would there be dancing?

I think I will do OK, who knows , they may chicken out and not come! Wouldn't be the first time!

RADD

I can not believe your poor daughter is in a situation like that! I;m 16 and right now I know I will NEVER have a man like that. If anyone starts the abusing it would be ME!

Ahem, anywho definatly[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]] for you. Your poor daughter. She needs to go see a theropist and get her mind changed. She REALLY needs to see one, please for her sake tell her and call one so she can talk! I know it helped me after my dad left me, and it helped my mom after she was arrested for child neglect (Which was a lie my dad made up) TALK TO SOMEONE PLEASE! Start telling her what is going on. BE HONEST be FIRM but be LOVING. I can tell you are a wonderful mommy but sometimes you need to get in her face and tell her flat out what is on your mind. Tell her is is better then that, tell her she NEEDS to LEAVE N-E-E-D-S to leave.

No good woman deserves scum like him! And she is so young! This is going to hurt her the rest of her life if she does not get out of there ASAP. 23 and already has a baby? Dang, she needs to go out and find herself a good man who will take care of her for the rest of her life.
THERE ARE MANY FISH IN THE SEA
But she does* deserve the mental phrana!

Good luck and my hopes are with you <3 Because the world is alwats better through a child's eyes ^w^
She doesn't*

Sorry:o