I've noticed that there have been other grad students, postdocs, Ph.D.s, etc. on here in the past... but are there any others now?

I wasn't diagnosed until the end of my first postdoctoral year (pure inattentive, with few impulsive and no hyperactive symptoms). What got me in for diagnosis was the persistent feeling that I wasn't making sufficient progress in my program. In fact, I'd had this feeling on at least one instance during grad school, too, accompanied by feelings of depression and a strong sense that I should drop out of my program. Yet for some reason my doctor and the therapist I saw at this time mis-diagnosed me as "not quite depressed, but not quite right either." The therapist's main suggestion was that I dump my boyfriend, because he was clearly the cause of my "desire to leave academia." At another time during grad school, I went to see another therapist because I noticed that sometimes statements were popping out of my mouth and I didn't know why. I was worried about how this would affect colleagues' perceptions of me when this happened in professional settings. She diagnosed me with OCD. I knew this wasn't right, either, and stopped seeing this therapist after 2 visits.

I've been attending a group in my hometown, but have not been finding it very helpful. Other than the facilitator, I'm the only member with a Ph.D., and the other members' careers are very different from my own academic track. I don't mean this in a snobbish way -- I don't think I'm better than them or anything like that. The reality is that our careers are very different. Academic careers require different skills and are enacted in a very different context. For example, I already have my own private office, so it's not helpful to me to learn that I should ask for my own workspace if noise is an issue.

I'm very interested in hearing about others' experiences and suggestions about making it in an academic career with ADD/ADHD. My gut feeling is that having this disorder and being in this career are NOT mutually exclusive for many reasons, but that some of the freedoms inherent to an academic career can also be traps for ADDers. Academics have to be self-driven and self-monitoring of their progress...

My biggest problem area is in terms of productivity. I finished grad school with 2 publications, and have only had 1 article accepted in the past year. I have 1 more year before I go back on the job market, and my goal is to get as much out during this year as is possible. Meds have helped my productivity substantially, to the point that two of my coauthors commented on the improvment. But I'm still getting on the right dose of meds, and find that it's still relatively easy to get derailed when writing if the dose is not quite right at the moment.

On a related note, I've also found that the more pressure I place on myself to be productive, the harder it can be to stay on track with my writing. It just gets boring, even though I really like writing. This is a common experience for ADDers in general -- the harder one tries, the worse things get. But how does one figure out the right amount of pressure to place on themselves? I don't want to undermine my work... but at the same time, I want to be able to get a job once my postdoc ends.

Finally, a more global question... have you found that ADD has prevented you from reaching the top ranks of academia, or has been a roadblock to promotion (i.e., getting good jobs, tenure)? I'm struggling to decide whether I want to keep striving toward goals like a job at a research-1 institution when the path thus far has been so difficult. I just don't know if I can do it, or if it's even worth it to try. Has anybody made it?

Sorry for the long post... I really wish there were an "academics with ADD" group on here or in my hometown. I just wonder if the stigma of this diagnosis keeps people from talking about it. Academia is so hierarchical and any suggestion of diminished competence seems to undermine one's sense of place in the hierarchy.

Psychpostdoc ~

I just started grad school this semester and on the list the be tested for add. I sought counseling after having trouble with organization, time management, procastination, sustained attention, etc. I have always had these issues but it has never been a problem until now. It hasn't actually become a detriment yet but I am constantly worried that it will. I know I am capable. But I also struggle with the fact that I have always been able to cope with it but obviously the demands of graduate school are greater than anything else I have ever experienced. But then I think I should be able to do this...there are plenty of other people who do it with no problems...I don't know but if being on meds would help then why not? But I do agree with what you said about the stigma because I wouldn't want to tell anyone if I am diagnosed. I have confided in my best friend that I think it's a possibility and she basically said you shouldn't need drugs to deal with being an adult. That's what it's about - having more responsilibilites, pressures, etc.

Not to make you feel bad or anything, but the pressure is worse once you're out of grad school. There are more responsibilities in general, fewer legitimate distractions, and these are accompanied by a more intense sense of personal responsibility for one's own progress and professional development. Christine, it's good that you're dealing with this issue sooner rather than later. I hope that this will help you!

Wow, I'm not as high in academic career as you people, but sure I will be in the future. What seems so odd to me is that you discover ADD symtoms so late. Because I discovered ADD when I found out I could not read half-a-sentence off a page before drifting off. I have to drum my head every 30 seconds to stay on track with reading a book. I found out earlier I could only focus for about 2 seconds. I find myself drifting away often, staring around or thinking about irrelevant stuff. If I study 1 hour, there are more then 50 times I find myself drifting off.

I find I have the need sometimes to tear my book into pieces.

When I go to a library to study, I can't calm down and relax. I'm thinking about hunderds of subjects. I feel very unfocused and internally busy.

I am trying to improve myself. Meds don't work very well for my concentration. It took me 3 years to make some good changes.

Dear All,

I'm so glad to find you! I posted an introduction, Aug. 30, looking for others struggling in academia. I am down to trying to complete my last paper in order to get my MA, and have struggled so much with it. I was supposed to graduate, last June, but this one paper has gotten me down. I've only been diagnosed since August. I haven't gone on any meds, yet, and have trouble thinking about facing the battle to work through trying the meds with a local clinic that specialized in ADD diagnosis and treatment. Otherwise, I'm stuck with the university, which told me (2 years ago) that I didn't have ADD. It's hard to have faith in them for anything after that, and has contributed to my not seeking their services since diagnosis.

I actually began this degree thinking I would want to continue to a PhD, and beyond, but have become greatly discouraged because of the struggles I've been facing. I, actually write pretty well, and received some very encouraging comments from many of my professors. At the same time, I ran into problems with other professors (who, ironically, I now suspect of having ADD, themselves. I can also see that their ignorance or denial of their condition has caused/is causing more problems with both colleagues and students than I think they might have if they were seeking diagnosis and treatment.) I also ran into problems with fellow students to whom I couldn't always explain odd behaviors, or my need for more time on assignments. (I was lucky to be a decent enough writer to be able to ask for extensions, as I didn't have a diagnosis allowing me to legitimately do so without guilt.) I was exhausted all the time with trying to keep up with the course load and the TAing requirements. My personal life all but disappeared (becoming concentrated into my relationship with my boyfriend - 1 night out a week, and many phone calls to him during the week. Keeping up with friends proved something I had almost no leftover energy for.)

I'd been getting by on caffeine during my first year, but had to give it up before my second due to intestinal problems. This just added to my struggles to focus and get through the readings. (I can identify with you, here, Stephen D.) This summer, I've been trying to get back to exercise and some regulation of my diet and sleep. I've also been taking fish oil caps.

I'm sorry for my ramble, here. It's just that I, too, have been trying to find other ADD academics to have to deal with the specialized/politicized/hierarchized(?) world of academia. I'd had the idea of trying to form some sort of local support group for people of this ilk, but that's going to have to wait till after the paper, too. Until then, I hope we can all get something out of this conversation.

Questions I have for you who are diagnosed are about the types of support services your universities offer. Is there a disabilities services office? If so, what do they offer for students and profs with ADD: additional time to finish projects? coaching services? professional organizers, or clerical help?

For those of you not yet diagnosed, I could only skim the postings at this time, but it seems the best path to success in your programs would be to get diagnosed so you can tap into those services offered, and also work legitimately with a doctor and/or therapist (hopefully someone knowledgeable about ADD). For my part, I have not yet tapped into these services -- mostly b/c I didn't get diagnosed till the tail end of my degree program when I had to choose between devoting my energies to this last paper, or fighting for setting up services for 1-2 months. I REALLY wished I'd had access to them when I began my program (and sought testing through the university, which did NOT diagnose me despite all the signs pointing to it in their findings!!), b/c I may not have run into many of the problems I've had.

As for your variety of backgrounds and experiences, I'm gaining something from each post I've read, and realize I can always choose not to read something that doesn't interest me. I'd rather continue dialogue than cut it off, however. Given the loneliness and isolation I've dealt with over the past few years, I'd much prefer not to cut it off.

Thanks for your stories!
Soupy

Dear Soupy...

I feel like I have found my twin. Your story sounds so much like mine. As I previously mentioned, I am in my first semester of grad school, working on my MA in Spanish Literature and Linguistics. I'm also a TA and struggling with the full time course load and TA requirements. On top of all this I will have to teach to courses next semester as well as maintain full time status. I was not the typical ADHD child. I was labeled as "gifted" and school work always came easy to me. I was not a disruptive or hyperactive child at all. But this is in line with some recent research I have done on ADHD, particularly in girls and gifted children.

http://gradda.home.isp-direct.com/sp94addu.html

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

http://www.chesapeakadd.com/adhd/gifted.html

I just graduated with honors in May with my BA in Spanish. But I have always been a procrastinator, unorganized, etc. Now, starting grad school I told myself I was going to change my ways and I have tried but it's been very hard. Sometimes, I will be reading something and at the same time thinking about something else. It's like I am reading to words but not comprehending them and I will be thinking about something else and then I will have to go back and re-read. I may have to do this several times. So I went to the psychological services / counseling center on campus and talked with a therapist that I had seen before. Now I'm on the waiting list to be tested for ADD but it will probably be about a month before it happens. So I am really going to try to maintain until that time comes and then we'll see what happens. At time same time though, I will get down on myself and depressed because I feel like I should be doing better and that I am capable of more. My friends and family tell me I am being too hard on myself. But you know what they say...you are your own worst critic. I mean my family is proud of me, I was the first to graduate college and to go to grad school, so that is an accomplishment in itself. But like you, I have thought about going on to get a PhD. I want to get a PhD in Linguistics and teach English as a second language. But I tell myself I have to take it one step at a time. And they way I feel right now, I'm somewhat discouraged. But I have to have faith that I'll get through it. Thank you all for your stories and posts and I hope to hear more soon!

Christine

Another interesting and relevant thread...

The "gifted" add child grows up...

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6336&page=1&pp=15

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Christine,

Congratulations on recently receiving your BA, and with honors! That's great, and I hope you took time to celebrate that.

It's nice to hear from someone who identifies with some of the same issues. I'm actually studying history, but got my BA in French. I've managed to work some French lit. into my current research. I also like languages and began studying Arabic when I began this program. The reading problem you describe sounds really familiar. Sometimes, I would try reading out loud to get my mind back on the book. I'm finding that taking a brisk walk also helps.

Also, I know all about being hard on yourself. I have one professor who tells me this all the time. (Funny thing is that she's even harder on herself. I guess it takes one to know one.) Anyway, Sari Solden has some really good things to say about guilt and self-punishment. I've found her book on ADD and women quite helpful.

Good luck with the diagnosis. I hope they know what they're doing, and understand the ways adults can unknowingly mask symptoms, and also how inattentive types (usually women) don't also show the classic symptoms.

If you haven't done so already, I would like to suggest that you do as much research of your own as you can, beforehand. Especially, write down or otherwise record as much as you can come up with about your history. I actually brought my mother along to my second round of testing, to give details on my childhood that I didn't remember or know. I was also able to provide report cards from K-12 (although only the second testing situation took real advantage of this info.) Tom? Brown, a Yale MD, just came out with a really good book that describes well the ins and outs of the testing process. (I'm sorry I can't remember the title or his first name right now.)

Lastly, you might want to look into finding a coach, now, given that you're juggling a lot at this moment. When I went back to suspecting ADD, I happened upon a webpage offering a coaching service. (I don't know if I'm allowed to recommend it, here. There are lots of coaches and services, out there.) Diagnosis is not required to hire a coach, and it was one of the best things I did for myself. They offered a 20-minute free intake call to assess my challenges and figure out who to hook me up with. They offered a sliding scale, although there was a short wait for this, and found someone who specializes in working with grad. students.

Stay in touch!
Soupy

Hey Soupy~
Thanks for the message. I have done a lot of research on add recently now that I suspect I might have it. I'll definitely bring it with me on my next appointment which is next week. I was also diagnosed as "gifted" as a child and I have asked my mom to find any old school report cards, etc that I could bring with me. I always made straight A's in school and had excellent conduct. But the thing is, a lot of the research I have done says that many of the symptoms of add are the same or overlap with symptoms of giftedness. So I don't know what to think. My mom told me though that when I was young and the school called her in to talk about me being gifted they told her it was considered a disability. This is also in line with some things I have found...particularly that giftedness in a child can lead to learning disabilities later. I guess because of the descrepancy in between mental ability and actual age... or something like that. Anyway...I have also always struggled with anxiety, especially in social situations like school. I guess because I felt like I never really fit in with the other kids. I always knew I was different and I didn't have the social skills to interact with kids my own age. I have always been very shy and quiet but usually find it easy to talk to and relate to people older than me. I guess in my mind I have always felt older than what I really am. I am only 25 years old.

Changing the subject a little bit, you probably know as a TA, we are required to teach starting in our second semester which for me will be in January. Well, during our first semester we are required to do a certain number of observations and toward the end of this semester we have to teach a class with our supervisor observing. This is to evaluate us and make sure we are ready to teach on our own next semester. So I had the opportunity today to teach a class just for practice and to get ready for when the supervisor will be oberserving and I couldn't do it. I mean before hand, I feel confident and sure of myself like I know I can do this. But the closer it gets to actually having to do it, the more nervous I get. I tossed and turned all night. I woke up this morning with that sick anxious feeling, feeling down and really doubting myself. I was sweating and I went to the professor and talked to her telling her I didn't feel like I was ready to do this, I was extremely anxious. She didn't make me go through with it so I felt better and I have another chance to do it Friday. But now I just feel disappointed with myself, like I failed and let the professor down too. I am hopeful about Friday, I just hope the same thing doesn't happen again.

I guess I am just wondering if you or anyone else has had similar experiences with add / giftedness / anxiety and what do you do to cope with it? Is there anything that helps other than just getting in there and doing it several times to get used to it?

Thanks for all comments and advice!
Christine

Hi all,

I'm also a grad student, though my standing/situation is very precarious. I'm on the verge of quitting my PhD program, I think. I still haven't gotten through the coursework phase of things; I'm saddled with five incompletes, which I've had for almost a year now. I took last semester off and am taking this semester off, too. The idea was that I'd take time off to right the ship, as it were, but I've made no progress, and my motivation is simply shot. I've always had the kind of reading problems others here have described, though somehow I was able to disguise them, work around them, "fake" my way through them, etc. But everything finally caught up with me, I guess--and "everything" includes, in addition to my (admittedly only informally diagnosed) ADD: social anxiety, depression, a general lack self-confidence/-esteem/-motivation, etc. Plus I lack ambition, desire, dedication, passion, enthusiasm, a sense of purpose/direction, etc.: I don't know what I want to do with my life; I don't know who or what I want to be. I went to grad school mostly as a default option--i.e., it was the only thing I was really qualified to do, and more school seemed like a safer/better option than trying to brave the "real world."

I don't really know where I'm going with this; I realize I'm rambling here. I think I'm also repeating much of what I said in my newbie post in the member intro section. The gist of it is that I'm a mess. Anyway, I just wanted to count myself among the academics/grad students here, even though, as I said at the top, I'm on the verge of quitting.

--David

Hi David~

I definitely understand and sympathize with what you are going through. No doubt it is hard and I would encourage you not to give up just yet. Have you been to counseling? What kind of treatment are you on for the add? If you haven't talked to a counselor and been formally diagnosed, please do it. Many of the things you mention also describe me. I have struggled with anxiety, depression, symptoms of ADD, and the lack of motivation, direction, enthusiasm, etc...I just started my Master's program this semester also kind of by default. I couldn't wait to finish my BA and be done but then when I did I felt like "what now?" So I was offered this opportunity to get the MA and I took it because I didn't know what else to do. I'm 25 years old and I feel like I've been going through I quarter life crisis. I recommend the book "Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties" by Alexandra Robbins & Abby Wilner. I don't know how old you are, but I think anyone at any age can go through these things and we have recently learned that more and more adults are being diagnosed with ADD. I'll refer you to my previous post above which has links to more info about ADD in adults. Anyway, I know it helps to talk about it and realize that there are a lot of people who struggle with the same issues. Keep in touch.

Christine

My ADHD Psychiatrist's whole ADHD practice is solely University students (undergrads and grad students).

ADHD has nothing to do with IQ.

Christine,

Thank you for your kind, empathetic reply. As for treatment, I got some counseling at my university's counseling center a little under a year ago, but since I'm not an enrolled student anymore (I took the spring semester off and am taking this semester off, too) I'm not eligible for it (and anyway I'm living in another part of the country now). The counseling I received was not ADD-centered, though--we focused mostly on depression, anxiety, motivation, etc. I did raise the possibility that I might have ADD, but my couselor was skeptical. This summer I started seeing a private-practice psychiatrist. He trusted me on my ADD suspicions and put me on Strattera right away (even though we hadn't yet done any formal ADD testing). But I had to stop seeing the psychiatrist and stop taking the meds (which were completely ineffective anyway) after a couple months because I simply couldn't afford any of it--I didn't (and still don't) have insurance, so I'd been paying out-of-pocket.

That's the extent of my treatment so far. If I could afford to, or if I had insurance, I would certainly be continuing with treatment and trying different meds (although because of heart issues I have, stimulants are pretty much off-limits for me, so my options are limited). It's very frustrating because there's not a whole lot I can do right now. I know that quitting school might not be a wise move for me, especially since I don't really have anything else I'm capable of doing, but it just seems so impossible. I truly feel that my problems have mounted to the point where I'm just not capable of it. My attention span just seems to be getting worse and worse all the time, and I've lost whatever ability I used to have to get things done under pressure, to respond to feelings of urgency. I've always been a procrastinator, but all the way through my master's program I was always ultimately able to get things done at the last minute. It's only at the PhD level that it's finally gotten to the point where my will is broken, where I can't just make myself get things done anymore. Simply put, the work is too hard, and my confidence is too low. My ADD has finally caught up with me; I've reached my threshold. I truly don't feel like I'll be capable of doing anything intellectually demanding until I've learned how to manage this.

I could go on rambling like this, but I'll just stop for now. Thank you again for your response. I'm very glad to have found others who have the same problems that I do. (Oh, and to answer your age question, I'm 27.)

--David

I truly feel that my problems have mounted to the point where I'm just not capable of it. My attention span just seems to be getting worse and worse all the time, and I've lost whatever ability I used to have to get things done under pressure, to respond to feelings of urgency. I've always been a procrastinator, but all the way through my master's program I was always ultimately able to get things done at the last minute. It's only at the PhD level that it's finally gotten to the point where my will is broken, where I can't just make myself get things done anymore. Simply put, the work is too hard, and my confidence is too low. My ADD has finally caught up with me; I've reached my threshold. I truly don't feel like I'll be capable of doing anything intellectually demanding until I've learned how to manage this.
--David

David,
you've just summed up my situation exactly. In the past I've always just managed to pull things off under huge duress. But over the past year I've "broken" and I just can't do it anymore. I'm a few weeks away from quitting my Master's program which I'm already 6 months overdue completing.
Despite having a tentative diagnosis, I'm going to have to fight for treatment here in the UK.

Thanks

David and FuturePast,

I'm just shy of 41 and, myself, will soon be 6 months past the original deadline for receiving my Masters. I've got one paper to finish, that was only supposed to take me 1 more month. Almost 5 months later, I'm finally getting down to business and writing. I got an official diagnosis in August, and haven't really tried to access any university services since I've only got this one paper. I'm broke, but hired a coach who was able to take me on at half her usual rate (student discount) and I'm putting it all on my credit card. (My testing also went on the cc.) Both are turning out to be worthy longterm investments.

I've had some dark days -- and weeks -- in the last few months, but managed to hold onto some thread of hope and persistence while being bolstered by my coach. One of the most important things has been clarifying why I want to finish the degree. Because of my own struggles, I lost momentum and couldn't see the point b/c it'd all gotten too hard. I've been able to convince myself that there may eventually be ways to deal with the difficulties, or get around them in the future. I've also told myself that it's silly to come this far and just give up. The initials MA look really good on a resume (my coach reminded me the other day.) I've written these and some other reasons for persisting on a card and posted it next to my computer.

I've also been working with my coach on breaking down what I have to do into small discreet tasks, instead of one huge amoeba-like pulsing thing that is constantly hanging over me. Along with this, I put a time limit on myself and try to work consistently at the same time each day. Then, I walk away and do anything else unrelated to schoolwork. (I'd originally tried 1- and 2-hour stints with 15 minute breaks. Now, I'm doing 6-hour stints with very clear rules about what I can and can't do during that time: all advice from a professor.) I'm also exercising as close to daily as I can muster. I just walk briskly, and it really helps to get those neurotransmitters working properly.

My coach has also been really good at pointing out and reminding me of my capabilities, and helping me remember to get in touch with other people who can do the same for me. This is really key when you're going through a tough time. The tendency is to want to beat yourself up b/c you don't seem to measure up to certain standards you think you should measure up to. (Sari Solden says some really great stuff about this, in either of her books.) Although you don't necessarily have to hire a coach, you've got to find someone (make a list!) who can remind you about your intelligence and capabilities. (David, even tho' you're not in the same town, is there a university nearby? If so, can you look into finding other ADHD grad students locally? Call up disability services? Start a support group on meetup.com?) Is there a local support group in either of your areas?

Maybe you need someone to help you prioritize your workload so you can figure out how to take it one step at a time, yet keep moving. Maybe you've got to talk out your future possibilities with someone. Maybe you just need to get all the negative messages out on paper so you can think through them more clearly and find a logical way to move on. (I find if I don't process my thoughts out loud or on paper, they spin around my head in an endless loop that gets me stuck, overwhelmed and unable to reasonably process any of them.) Perhaps your expressing yourselves in this thread has helped a bit. Whatever works, keep doing it for as long as its useful to you.

If you aren't able to find support through the traditional channels of meds, psychotherapy and ADHD support services, you can still be creative and find other options and sympathetic people. Just use your super ADD powers!! ADDers, according to many of the books I've read, are usually highly creative people and great problem solvers. I've been told this about myself, and I suspect you've heard the same.

If you've found any of this helpful and there's anything more I can do in terms of support, please don't hesitate to ask. BTW, what are your fields? Mine is History.

Hang in there,
Soupy

I’m relieved to find this discussion for no other reason than it confirms that other academics do indeed function while having ADD – moreover, that academics with ADD actually exist! My diagnosis came after completing my PhD and after I’d gotten tenure; throughout my graduate years I’d coped by self-medicating with alcohol and a variety of other substances. I’m certain that it didn’t help affairs in the slightest. That stage of my life is, thankfully, now over; I would never want to repeat it – or advise anyone to replicate it.

I suppose one of the things that has been gnawing at me over the years is the idea that someone with ADD should somehow not be in academia; that being an academic while having ADD is perhaps something that can be done, but probably shouldn’t be done. (Perhaps akin to the idea that a skinny, tall person might perhaps be able to make it as a professional bodybuilder, but that another sport, like basketball, would suit their physiology somewhat better.) Indeed, I’ve even had the idea that if I’d chosen a different career path, medication would prove to be unnecessary – and perhaps that my previous bouts of alcohol and substance abuse would not have eventuated. Of course, I realise that these thoughts, especially the latter – while not quite science fiction – are perhaps insufficiently grounded in reality. Regardless, they are present sometimes.

To clarify things somewhat, I have to state that I’ve been successful in academia (-I’m in the Humanities / philosophy): having only been in the profession for a relatively short period of time (I’m 35 years old), I’ve published consistently in “good” journals, and even had widely-reviewed a book come out last year with an international publisher. Because of all of this, I’ve also been a visiting fellow at some prestigious institutions. (I’m not relating any of this for the sake of my ego – at least as far as I’m aware; I’m merely trying to convey some picture of who I am and where I’m at.)

But despite my relative success, sometimes, however, it seems like too much of a struggle: the unstructured work environment and the nature of the work itself appear to intermittently overwhelm me. I’m not sure if I have much advice to give to others, therefore; I’m even unsure if I have any questions that I feel like I need addressing – although I’m sure I will at some point. I just thought I’d post this to express my relief at finding this thread. Much thanks.

Chris

It is really very relieving to discover this thread. I'm in academia myself and I find myself struggling more than my peers around me. I began grad school with a healthy enough attitude and a pretty social disposition but things were so bad after just 1 year that I went on-leave. While I could get excited about what I would see in a text, the connections I could make, etc., the transmission of those connections and ideas seemed near-impossible. As an undergraduate I feel I was always able to get away with papers that made up in ideas what they might've lacked in structural coherence. Not so at the graduate level.

I thought about dropping out but that made me restless. I don't know how all of you feel but there is something addictive about academia, even if it isn't exactly suited to the condition we have. For me I couldn't face alternative career paths. I genuinely get excited about academic work, but I can't synthesize things like my grad peers. I feel like I make connections and see the larger picture, but it is always difficult when the inevitable 'paper' is due. I did get diagnosed for ADD while out of school (good friend posited the possibility that I might have ADD...I'd always assumed depression). After receiving treatment, I did feel much more able.

I'm back in school now but even with treatment I still find myself spending far more time with my coursework than others. But the frustration is that you can register a pattern, pick up a crosscurrent, see a wide network of critical linkages, but then there's that frustrating fight for intelligibility, for 'representation.' Writing papers has become the bane of my life. Oddly enough (or maybe not), writing on something like critical theory can be easier than writing on, say, Victorian political economy.

In class when I chime in on discussion I find I'm equal parts 'lucid point' and 'fuzzy transmission.' Obviously this has led to self-doubt and a certain amount of (self)alienation. I'm pretty hermetically-sealed as a result of just trying to keep up with coursework. It's exhausting yet I can't give this up.

I wish I could offer a more inspiring story but I'm still in the process of trying to see what support structures exist for this sort of thing on campus. I share my small narrative here cause I came across this and I could 'identify'

-June

not only do acedemics function while having ADD, they function despite it and can flourish if their ADD is nurtured. I got through university by taping my lectures - I didn't know I had ADD then and used my pre-school children as an excuse for not attending lectures. In hindsight, when I did go to lectures I never focused and my notes were terrible...I got through Uni and got some good results but I wish I had been diagnosed then, not 20 years later! Keep posting even if don't think you have much to say. Communication says it all.

I had forgotten I'd started this thread a few months ago... but I'm glad that I noticed it again today, and I'm happy to know that there are at least a few others of us out there... Since that initial post, I've experimented a bit to see what works the best for working day-to-day as an academic...

Writing. I do my writing in the morning, because I'm usually fading by the afternoon. Plus, the office is also usually quieter then, so I get less distracted and am able to stay on task better. I save more mundane tasks for the afternoons and for days when I just don't feel like writing. Instrumental music ONLY while writing, and music with lyrics ONLY while doing mundane data tasks or less-mundane statistical analyses.

Whenever I'm having a good writing day, I don't make myself stop writing just because it's the afternoon and I should tackle a mundane data task. If I'm having a bad day writing, I switch to another task for a couple of hours and try to come back to writing a little later.

This isn't a particularly novel idea... just an application of others' suggestions about incorporating variety into the workday.

Working at home vs. working in the office. I have essentially given up trying to work at home. I try to spend nearly all the time I am in my office being productive in order to avoid bringing work home. If I have to bring work home, I bring only tasks that I can do in front of the tv... I try to do this less than once per week. Just having free time helps me feel less bored.

Making progress. Ah, this one is a biggie. I'd like to say I make detailed plans and schedules for each day and then follow them, but that would be a big lie. Lately I've re-outlined my research statement and have prioritized the papers I'm working on and the ones I still plan to write before I start applying for jobs again in a few months. Now I work on them in the order in which I hope to submit them (within reason). I refuse to let myself start a new project until I have submitted 1 old one for review/publication. This seems help me get things done a little better.

All in all, the biggest helper has been the right medication at the right dosage. I had to stop taking it for a while because I was having heart palpitations and it was just bad news until it was back in my system again. I had a lot of trouble doing any of these things, and wanted to start new papers SO BADLY because I was just SO BORED with everything that's been in my queue for a while.

Also, since my original post, my mood has been WAY down due to a variety of life events (e.g., unemployed husband, death of family member, missed deadline at work due to family member's death, which led to bad feedback from boss, which just generally spiraled out of control to the point that I was clinically depressed). With a therapist's help, my mood has been a lot better and this has also helped my productivity and concentration. I have spent a lot of time beating myself up for not doing as well as I thought I should be doing... and just accepting that it's going to be harder for me to be as successful as neurotypically-normals has been freeing. I don't have to take on where I'm going to be 2 years from now when I get out of bed each morning... I just have to keep myself in my chair and get ENOUGH done to feel good at the end of the day.

Last but not least, I also found this post on the Chronicle for Higher Education's forums helpful: http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,15261.0.html

I haven't said anything about teaching... maybe I'll post about that later. I've had some ADD issues related to teaching, and have some ideas about how to structure the classroom environment to better work for me and possibly also my ADD/ADHD students.

Looking forward to more conversation about what gets you through your day and helps you in your role as an academic.

I have two master's degrees (Reading Education and Counseling). I'd probably have a doctorate by now if my shifty ADD brain had stayed on track instead of deciding to switch careers right as I was finishing my first program (I switched majors five times in my undergraduate program:p ). I had 4.0's in both master's programs, which contrasted greatly with my elementary school record. Unlike a lot of you have shared, I was identified by age 4 as ADHD but never medicated (until recently). By the time I was an adolescent I looked like had outgrown it. My grades also took a definately upswing at that time. I think the ability to pick classes I was interested had a lot to do with it, since my grade kept right on improving through college.

I like Mel Levine's concept of "specialized minds". He says a lot of folks who really struggled as kids in school, have what it takes to be successful as adults where they get to specialize in what they're good at and what interests them (assuming they weren't so demoralized by the time they got there that they'd given up). In elementary, you're suppose to be good at everything. ADDers frequently have very strong and very weak areas, with few middle grounds. If you can find your area, you can thrive.

I think the other thing that really helped me succeed in grad school was mentors. In both programs, I had a professor who took a special interest in me and helped me stay on track. Without that, I don't know that I would have made it. If you're still struggling to get through, finding a mentor is really helpful. If that isn't possible, hiring an ADD coach to help you keep on track might be the next best thing.

Take care all!
Scattered

PS: Thomas Brown of Yale University has an excellent book called Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults that deals a lot with what ADD looks like in very bright individuals. He discusses some of the research they did at Yale with gifted students with ADD (IQ's of 120 and above). If you haven't read it, it's worth taking a look see.

I am just finishing up my undergraduate degree. I have had a stellar academic career thusfar, but I am also a procrastinator to the max. I have always known I had symptoms of ADD (inattentive type), but have not been diagnosed until recently. I am getting to the point where I am loosing my motivation as well. I have been applying to graduate school, and it's been really difficult for me because of the workload. I have a problem keeping jobs, although my last one as a surf instructor was good. I always get extremely bored and loose focus in a steady job situation, or I show up late too often. I was recently perscribed medication and I am worried about the risk of cancer, or a dependence. I, like David, am loosing my sense of urgency. It worries me as I am pursuing an MA or PHD in psychology. I have faught the ADD very hard, and I feel like i've come leaps and bounds since my teenage years, but I feel like I'm not in control of my life sometimes. I just found this group so I am very excited to have some support. Thanks everyone.

-David

So glad to read these posts. They are actually very inspiring. I'm hoping to get back and do my masters, after a period in the workforce. Thanks to all of you for posting.