I have decided to wite about my experiences here. I don't expect comments or judgement. I really need a 'public' place to express my thoughts. If this is the wrong place to put this please don't just delete the thread, Mods , let me know where I can put it.. thanks

My brief history: I am 35 yr male who has for as long as I can remember been on a search because I have never felt 'right' I know that 'right' is very subjective but you will need to trust me on that.

A month ago I was diagnosed with possible Add/Hd. Over the years I have seen over 20 experts and they all have a different diagnosis. This ranges from "there is nothing we can find wrong with you", to bi polar and depression.The usual response included" what medications have you tried" Ok "well lets try this one". as you could imagine my faith in 'experts' ran out a long time ago.

So... 5 days ago I started on yet another prescription medication. Over the last 20 years I have tried a lot of meds. I have been hosptialised twice for benzo poisoning and have only on a couple of occasions used illegal drugs. Except for pot which I smoked off and on from when I was 13 till I was 30. I have always been conservative with things like this as I have had friends really mess themselves up and even die from drugs. I havent had any in 5 years and will never have any again. I have been drunk only a few times but used alcohol nightly to assist in relief for chronic anxiety.

My Iq is mensa tested at 142 and I am ambidextrous. I have always had trouble remembering names and what I did 10 minutes ago. Never ever forget a face. I was picked on at school even though I was very good a sport and a straight A student.i always have had plenty of attraction from girls but could never connect or was unfaithful and two timed. I have an uncompleted univesity degree in Musicolgy( 1 god dam subject to go). I rarely studied and was distruptive, the funny man. I spend way too much time on this computer looking at things and really need to spend more time with my wife.

I know thats a really broad summary as there is really so much more to me and as to why I am here more but I think that gives a reasonable intro profile.

I pick it up here at day 5 on the new medication in the evening after a day at work. Today I bounced out of bed at 6am.

...Sept 11 2006...Day 5... and it is a bit better than yesterday. Just to give you an idea I am taking 30mg of dex first thing in the morning with food. Over the day I drink about 1.5l of water and eat dry biscuits. Lunch and dinner same as always though I right now am very very particular on the food I eat. I Have always been very impulsive and eaten and done whatever I feel like but with this medication, my intuition is strong and I find myself looking for things to eat that my body feels like. eg fruit and cabbage. Taste is irrelevant as the medication seems to cancel out any taste. I dont really like the taste in my mouth. Its a very unusual taste.
Also I have found while my day's workload is still the same, the day and time goes very,very quickly instead of agonisingly dragging along to the point of utter despair.

For the first time in my life I can think about and focus on what it is in front of me instead of dreaming about a million things at once and trying to do a million things at once.

Someone asked me today if I had been on a holiday and also what did I do that makes me walk upright with my shoulders back. ( I have always kinda hunched over and looked at the ground) today I find myself looking the world in the eye.
I look in the mirror and instead of glancing and looking away with shame, for the first time I look and see features in my face and see what other people see. I realise I am not really ugly after all. I even wash my hair and brush it well.

I have always taken 1 Tamaz at night and so far this is still working so I am getting about 6 hours sleep at this stage but I would assume once the levels even out a bit, sleep will increase to a better normal level. Before starting this medication, for the last few years, I would sleep 9,10,11,12 hours solid and have major issues getting out of bed. Also the last 12 months I would sleep all weekend. When I was younger it was normal for only 3 or 4 hours leep. I can't believe I was like that and I love my wife for putting up with me for this long. I can't imagine how she does it.

So far the only thing I dont like is the kinda rush for the first couple of hours in the morning. Also it feels like my eyeballs are kinda slimy. But again I am sure this will pass. Oh, no anxiety at all and this for me is amazing and scary at the same time. Scary because what if it comes back... then what...I havent had to time to really think about what is going on, that is why I am writing this.
I will write more tomorrow.

Interesting story. I'm sure a lot of people can see themselves in that. You may want to consider keeping a Diary, or an Internet Blog. It's great to hear that you are finally feeling "regular". I too had dealt a long time living in the fog/darkness. I remember having mixed feelings: On the one hand I was so excited that I finally felt alive again; on the other it was difficult to deal with the years I felt I had lost and the people that I had unintentionally hurt or disappointed. It took a few years of counseling for me to come to terms with some of it.

Scooter,

I see a bit of my life story in yours as well. I am 35, diagnosed inattentive ADD at age 33. Then my whole life made sense. I read Driven To Distraction and it was like reading my life story. After the first chapter I started "flagging" each page that was almost exactly like my life with those small yellow post it notes so my wife could see them all. Well, lets just say that by the end of the book it looked the like book had thrown up yellow post it notes.
I think optimism is key for any of us. We all face (whether we know it or realize it) I think some self esteem issues and struggles. Us ADD-er's can be so "put down" so to speak, throughout our life that it is easy to stay down. But there are so many good traits to what we have and I think it is time to let those shine.
It sounds like you are on the right track, or at least a better track so I encourage you to stick with it. Obviously, I know how difficult that is as most of the time we have a hard time staying on track just going into the next room to ..................... why did I come in here again??.............
I think you will find a lot of good advice and also a lot of people who share your story in a lot of regards.
I am back in college to "finish what I started" long ago so I'll make you a deal. You finish the one class you have left and I'll finish the many that I have left?

day 6 night time...

slept in today.... took meds 1 hour late. 8 am. No rush as per last 5 days. felt rather flat all day. Best time of the day was from 2 till 4. had carrots for lunch and celery and a chicken sandwich. Its 8 pm. I have an ear infection and it hurts bad. Not sure what to think today. Still better than usual. looking at computer going what am I doing here....lacking enthusiasm, but that is something I am very familiar with.

Day 7 .Slept for a good 8 hours last night nice color dreams and no asthma in the middle of the night .Woke ap at 7am. No usual morning vomitting. Did not bounce of of bed but got out none the less. Meds again with a manderine. I am craving orange colored food and steamed cabbage. Overall the day pretty good. Expereinced a bit of mild anxiety at 11am? Went away about an hour later. Focus and concentration has improved by 1million percent before meds. Have ear ache in other ear today so this annoys me. Got a haircut. Conversation skills have improved by 70 percent though still have those mental blocks in mid sentence and forget what I was talking about. Generally feel more efficient and organised at what I am doing. My to do list sems attainable. Time management is being monitered and productivity is up by 40%. Dislexia still terrible but at least I can see it better and correct it before I save it. Dry mouth reduced. No 'rush' on dosage this morning which I am happy about. Still double check my work to make sure I havent started a problem for myself. Apart from ear ache head feels quite clear. I think sleep has a big influence in the way I function during the day. Overall todays looks way more promising than yesterday. See what tomorrow will brings....

I am back in college to "finish what I started" long ago so I'll make you a deal. You finish the one class you have left and I'll finish the many that I have left?You have yourself a deal!!!! :)

It's great to hear that you are finally feeling "regular". What is regular? its a perception ...right???

Scooter.
99.9% of ADDer's know and understand what you're going through ...Selena:)

Scooter.
No doubt 99.9% of ADDer's know and understand what you're going through and while most of us understand and sympathise about what you're going through........................edit flaming comments....
Selena:)Thanks for your your kind thoughts. Maybe you don't need to or want to read my thoughts so at least next time you will know not to click on the post.

These are my thoughts, just expressing myself.:eek:

Scooter? I am not sure what medicine you are on, but please be careful with some meds and citrus fruits. I know there is some type of interactions with some of them. I don't remember what or which right now though.

And welcome to ADDF from me and mine!

Scooter? I am not sure what medicine you are on, but please be careful with some meds and citrus fruits. I know there is some type of interactions with some of them. I don't remember what or which right now though.

And welcome to ADDF from me and mine!





Thanks Crazy Feet. I think it has something to do with acidity. I am not big on citrus, just happened to have manderine yesterday. Dexamphetemine is the med. Did not have any side effects. I wil do a bit of research on it and find out a bit more.. Thanks again!!!

Thanks Crazy Feet. I think it has something to do with acidity. I am not big on citrus, just happened to have manderine yesterday. Dexamphetemine is the med. Did not have any side effects. I wil do a bit of research on it and find out a bit more.. Thanks again!!!You are very welcome Scooter (one of an exbiker's fave words right there!) and I cannot say if Dex interacts with citrus. I know Methylphenidate does ;) and I found that out the hard way; also with milk!

You are very welcome Scooter (one of an exbiker's fave words right there!) and I cannot say if Dex interacts with citrus. I know Methylphenidate does ;) and I found that out the hard way; also with milk!
No probs:) . Methylphenidate? Whats the trade name of that. I can't drink milk or dairy so no worries there. Ex Bike eh!!!:cool:

No probs:) . Methylphenidate? Whats the trade name of that. I can't drink milk or dairy so no worries there. Ex Bike eh!!!:cool: You betcha, I rode for ages.

Methylphenidate is best known as Ritalin, but comes in other forms, one of which is the Concerta I take :).

You betcha, I rode for ages.

Methylphenidate is best known as Ritalin, but comes in other forms, one of which is the Concerta I take :).

Haven't ridden a bike for ages. Loved it when I did though. I think I was going through one of those no fear at anything stages.The funny thing is when riding a bike you really need to concentrate heaps so it was in retrospect probably a great therapy. However i think if the people who issued the licences actually new what was going on at the time then I probably would not have got licenced. AHHH the good ol day heheheheh..... Heard a bit about Ritilin and have seen Concerta around on Discussion Boards. I noticed your 'Easter Basket' and all I can say is WOW. Hopefully its Happy Easter ;)

I just "packed" and that is a great place to destress and not have to focus :).

Easter basket is actually a pretty happy one these days; its been a whole lot worse!

Day 7:

Woke up at 4;30am, bounced out of bed. I must admit I was a bit naughty and last night before I went to bed I took 10 more mg of med. Before you gasp and go into shock, remember it was a conscious choice and I am aware of the prescription and conditons associated with taking this med. I fell asleep straight away. When I woke it was all pretty good. Even ate breakfast( 1 tin or sardines). Into drinking the water. I am drinking 2 litres a day, this has always been an effort for me, but water makes me feel good ATM.

I decided to split daily dose into 2 parts...15mg at 7 am then another at Midday. Bearing in mind I took the extra 10mgs before bed. I can say a much more consistant feeling today, No climb then level out then slow descend, just consistant all day. Dry mouth gone, appetite improving. Headache gone, ear ache gone. Today was the first day not to need painkillers after 3 months. I have taken painkillers for years. Not taking them and no pain is a good thing for more. I have osteo in my temperal mandibular from getting smashed up one night by a group of thugs, broke my cheek bone and my mandibular. So this is a big step forward.

CONCENTRATION OMG. All the years I have been searching for this and its here..Normally I would go to a shop and just by something because it looked cool. Usually not for myself but as gift for someone. Well today I went to the shop and saw a really nice diamond ring which I would love to give my wife. Not overly expensive but enough to hurt the pocket for a little bit. I looked at it and had the usual excitement and impulsive need to get it no matter what. If you have this type of uncontrollable compulsion the you will get what I mean. My heart beats really fast and its like a high...So I caught myself and I took a deep breath and thought about it for a minute. I was overcome with a very solid thought that told me not to get out the credit card. It was like a shiver or tingle that started in my brain and went all over my body, then, a cool calm relaxation came over me and I realised what I was doing. My inner voice was defiant and said no.( usually my inner voice goes...yes yes yes yes. It is better than an orgasm, you love this go on do it.. DO IT!). I can say that's a first for me as I have always been an impulsive spender. Cash seems to dissapear in my wallet and I can never work out where it went. So I stopped carrying cash a long time ago and just use the credit card. May sound dangerous but for me its definately better.

I ate a really fatty bacon and egg roll for lunch, wholewheat, and it actually felt great. I would never eat this kind of food normally, but hey, this is about experimenting. (see the sugar thread for me details).
Spent a bit of time on the forum today, I know I shouldn't have as I was working but it gives me a some comfort. I must admit there is some pretty interesting people on this forum and finally I feel like I have found a place where judgementalism does not really exist. Well maybe a little but thats like water on a ducks back.

My need to surf for hours on this internet is reducing and I feel like I am getting ready to go out and talk with humans face to face. slowly slowly. taking each day as it comes , with out expectation.

My wife has noticed a definte change in me this week. I am still snappy not not caustic and that is truly amazing for me.I am actually sitting down and having conversations with her. I guess after a few years of being virtually a mute, this would be welcomed with ope arms.

One thing I have noticed is my dose at 30mg of dex is a day in not going to be enough.While concentration is outstanding in contrast to where it was a week ago, I am still not really alert and a little sleepy. But its a 'clean' sleepy, not like say past meds such as selegiline that have improved concentration but very foggy and cloudy. Today was the first day that I felt consistant by splitting the dose in 2, but intuitively I think what I will end up on is 50mgs spread out over the day. 20mgs in the morning 7 am, then another 20 at say 1pm followed by a final 10mg at 8 pm. That way bed time at 10:30 ish. Sleep nice and wake up fresh. Amazing really. I am very happy living without anxiety as I thought that I would have that for ever. I called my doctor before I changed the dose yesterday, and he said to me that if you feel like thats what you need , he did not see it as an issue. I have learned from years of meds that if you call your doctor before the fact it is a much better thing.

My asthma has improved except for a pretty bad attack last night, though I put that down to drinking a large glass of heavy whipping cream. Also the window was closed and there was no air, so its hard to tell really. I will try the whipping cream again and see what the result is.

Well as a newby to this so far , apart from the expected teething issue on starting a new med, I can say by far this is the best I have tried. Looking forward to just accepting it and moving forward to other parts of me that have been repressed and dormant for a very long time. Enough for tonight. I am looking forward to tomorrow/

I do have a disclaimer for tonight. It may seem that for you who may read my thoughts, that for me things are not too bad.In reality today they are not. Ask me last week and I would would have avoided the question and quietly slipped back under my rock.

Some of the posts I have read on here... my heart goes out to you... as I know from my years of, shall we say.. utter despair, Life is a real hard slog. I know thats an oversimplification but I am sure you get what I mean. Underneath my condition and persona there always was the real me, silent and trapped. This has what kept me going. Feeling and knowing that there was more and especially answers. I have struggled for a long time to get me out of me...by writing here it enables me to grow and expand. tomorrow is a brand new day....
it took 5 minutes to write this and 1/2 hour to edit mistakes......LOL

have I had a chance to welcome you Scooter?? I am pretty sure I have, but if not, WELCOME :-)

I'm glad that you are posting your experiences, because I like to know from someone (semi) first hand how certain meds work out. I know people get varied results, but it's nice to hear I'm not alone in this new world of meds! Thanks for keeping us updated! :D

Wow, reminds me of when I first started taking meds. I'd forgotten that joy of first realizing that I knew where my car keys were!!! That and having all the books necessary for class (was in college at the time), finishing assignments on time because I actually knew when they were due, and being able to look at my room and go "oh, I should clean this up a bit by throwing those things away and putting those things on the shelf."

Oh, and just wait until you first realize that you're actually able to figure out when a member of whichever gender you happen to prefer is flirting with you. Didn't realize how dense I'd been until after I started taking meds.

Thank you so much for posting this, it reminded me of what that time was like for me, and how I've really started taking these things for granted these days when I really should be thankful.

Just so you know, the next few months might be a bit psychologically tumultuous. You're going to have to learn a lot of new things that most people took for granted years ago. Consider it a crash-course in neurotypicalism. You're also going to look at a lot of things from a different perspective. You may re-examine old beliefs or ideas, you may find yourself finally being able to understand certain concepts or academic subjects that you hadn't before due to lack of attention or working memory difficulties (for some reason, I never really understood Adam Smith until I was medicated). Then again, my experience was probably also influenced by the fact that I was diagnosed and started medication as I was finishing up my undergrad studies. I very nearly failed out before this happened...in fact, were it not for the fact that the Dean of Students took a personal interest in trying to help me graduate, and understood that I was trying really hard, and in fact suggested that I look into ADHD or learning disabilities as a possible problem, I very well might never have graduated. But my point was that I started taking meds at a time of serious transition anyways, so that may have influenced things.


Anyways, thanks for the post, it brought a whole bunch of memories flooding back to me, and put a smile on my face. I wish you good luck with whatever path you may choose.

thanks for your great story. it really does help to know that other people care. right know the dose of meds i am taking is way to low and dont have the goods to write here at the moment.. when i get it hapeneing again will be back.

thanks

Day 13: It seems like a lot longer than 13 days... i have to question that but went back to original post and yes its day 13.. wow.....

Improvement today. taking 30mg in the morning first up then 15mg at lunch. think it needs to be 30mg at lunch but before I get to go there need to get back to see doc as very soon gonna run out before next script is due. I live remote, as in 600Km from nearest doc so its a difficult thing ro get to him. however i will say that there is a good improvement overall and there is no side effects. The very first time I have taken meds without side affects so it is very encouraging for me. headaches are heaps better too. I will say I have had bad headaches for a long time, probaly due to attempting to concentrate and this just burns the brain out attempting to keep up a level. But the meds make it a bit easier. I am not going to say amazingly easier and eveything is honky, but it is better.
to be honest its almost liek a nuetral feeling. Like a normal feeling.complusive behaviour of the past is gone. Fot yhe first time ever, I have saved some of my salary. this is an amazing thing for me. I am able to account for where it has gone so far, where as before, well, it was anyones guess. I see this becoming a very positive lifestyle change for me and averall, the benefits so far outway anything else I have tried. I kinda feel like I am getting stronger and more assertive, though old habits are hard to break, like looking away from people while I am talking to them and missplacing things like pens and paperwork. But that is something to keep working on and the concious level is more or less where i would expect it to be, if there was an expectation and a measuring stick. Only i can measure it so on a sclae of 1 to 10, my functionality today was around 7 or 8. much better than what my life was 12 days or so ago at around 3. I have played drums for many years and have started to play again and my playing is more... focused , if thats a way to describe it.

The secret to a good day for me is a tin of sardines for breakfast with the meds. for some reason this is the only thing I can find at the moment that goes well together. Lunch is a chicken sandwich on wholemeal bread. throught the day I eat macadamia nuts and wholewheat biscuits dry, while drinking nearly 2 litres of water. dinner is meat and vege, stir fry or baked, and steamed vege. you gotta realise I lived on a very high fast food diet before statring these meds( I know I shouldn't have but could not help myself) . now, those refined calories are not appealing at all. My life has been a gigantic cycle and for the first time I feel like I am taking a control over it.

i may have posted some negative thoughts in my journal, but I am true to the moment and that so happened to be what was going on at the time. I remember yesterday being a very very hard day. At least today I can sit here and write a bit without feeling like death. Funny I find it, but I feel a bit of consistancy arriving like a breath of fresh life. Lets see what tomoorw brings.

i read my posts and realise i really do have a problem. dislexia is an issue and its embarrassing. i will try to take more time in editing my posts so that they can be read without frustration

Day 15. my workload is very high, I will say that things are heaps better and i think i am on the right track. I am making an effort to record my thoughts here and it gives me a reliable place to come back to and evaluate. I need to examine what is going on for me, but don't really have time to do that. I am planning on some time over the weekend to organise all the thoughts I have, so this is something to work towards. i still feel i need to increase my dosege of meds, but other things like the impulsiveness and restlesnees have turned into a more focused drive. Today I assisted a customer and we both ended up crying because the outcome for her situation was overwhelming and I cried because her release of worry and frustration was a beautiful thing. it was a very wiered expereince. I was able to carefullt ask the right questions and provide a solution for her that was simple to execute. That response has never happened to me before and i felt honored that she was able to handle my 1 and half hours of intrusive probing to get to the cause. While it is well outside of my job description It proves one thing to me that all I need to do is keep on the same track.

Last night I spent hours researching information about interactive enzyme breakdown and the effects onthe proteins within our body. very very interesting. tonight i feel content. A nice way to be. I wonder if my hair will start to grow back :eek:

ok..I know I SKIM posts..but SARDINES for brekky??? eww..that's all I read...

Tracey... I have always like sardines. i found the need to tke meds with food, which for me is a big thing as for years have not had food in my stomach before 10 or 11 am, due to throwing up every morning. the last 2 weeks since on the meds I have not thrown up in the morning. This to me is a very big thing.

I have tried a few brands of sardines and noit sure if i can say this , but the john west sardines in natural oil ot the tomato ones are nuetral for me, cause no side effects and greatly assist in the acid thing i have had trouble with meds.

I am being really pedantic about what food i am eating , though it is more based on what i feel like no so much what is right. researching complex reactions to intolerance of foods has opened another large doorway and i thought I new a lot about food!!!
Still does not helop me smoking, which for the record i smoke white ox and its the only tobacco that does not effect my asthma. ( no lectures please)

I will post a link to a very good site I found and the resources are simply amazing.. hope this is ok. lots of the foods listed I have steered away from already for years, because of reactions, but I am seeing the deeper I get into it there is a lot more to it.

Heres the link

http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/

Must eat sardines very cold from the fridge and I eat them straight from the tin. Exclude as much of the sauce or juice as possible. I use a fork..

thanks for all of your support :)

I can eat sardines happily in a sandwich :-) And Scooter, your posts make lots of sense, so don't worry about the dyslexia..as we can read *through* it..
ps..I am glad you are doing so well

tonight i feel content. A nice way to be. I wonder if my hair will start to grow back :eek: LOL :D