First of all, thanks for takeing the time to read my post...

Throughout my life I have...been slightley confused. At first I thought it was Bipolar disorder, that would explain my mood swings, the predictable states of depression...and the periods of self mutuliation. But I havent been severley depressed since last december. (poetic, but I asshure you that its the truth)

Throughout Middle school I was depessed, and withdrawn. My grades sufferd severeley, my teachers would always tell my mom that I "seemed to drift off in the middle of class" a the parent-teacher confrienses. After two years I finally pulled myself out of the depression, but the constant daydreaming, and unfinishing my homework...all that stuck around, and my grades still suffer from the same things. For the next three years (I think it was three) I would get depressed, but I could always feel it comeing on.

Today...Its hard to explain, but Its allmlost like the depression is a way for me to grow. I honestley think that I have o be depressed to become a better person...

What does any of this have to do with ADD?

...Let me put all my cards out on the table. (*sigh* this is going to be a long post) I joined a Animation for Video and Film class this year...I couldent of been happyer, I always conciderd my creative side one of my strongest assits (crap...now it sounds like im bragging...) But even tough animation is "my place to shine" all the usaual things set in. I find myself daydreaming at my compuder! I joined that class with the intent of being #1 in he class and now I'm a C-student because I cant keep focus on a project!

Research papers have killed my english grades, my teacher says "You have a great voice, your creative, clever, but why do you turn in your paper unfinished?" This is something that has plaged my life for quite a while now, and...after all this time I just want to finally know...Do I have ADD? Am I bipolar? If so then did my ADD cause my bipolar, and how can I use my add o help me!?

Its also flustrateing beond words because I havent been diagnocied with anything, but I read the symptoms and I can put a check to quite a few of them...

By the way...My spelling lacks... I'm shure you noticed.

I always feel safest when I keep secrets, but now I would like some answers...

Well it is impossible to diagnosis some one over the internet, a doctor would be the most qualified. . . .I know you saw that coming but I do not wish to lead you a stray.

ADD inattentive can look like depression heck it can even be the cause of depression, uni-polar can be like bi-polar without mania. Not only can depression or bi-polar mimic ADD to make this even more confusing it can be accompanied by ADD. . . . so do not feel bad about feeling confused because these issues are complex and it takes some one with special training to sort and separate.

What is obvious by you post is you are having a hard time and are in need of some intervention to help you get a handle on this bothersome feeling of not living up to what you know is inside of you . . . . . .

There is also...

I show some symptoms of Mutiple persoanlity disorder as well..
This is one of the reasons I'm so confused! I have symptoms of ADD, Bipolar, AND! MPD!?
part of me thinks that I must be makein it up in my head but everytime I look at the symptom list I can always put checks next to the boxes...the thing is...........


WOW I just realized that I'm in denial, wow. I was about to say that "I feel normal" Shure, If "normal" means that I think I'm overdue for a depression and I need to start...."the cycle" all over again...

Its wierd, my depresson is like a period of self-reinvention...this of course doesnt match ANY SYMPTOMS OF ANYTHING!


AM I JUST MAKEING THIS UP IN MY HEAD!?

**takes a break, and googles the symptoms of MPD**

http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/9-24-2004-59666.asp

here, It says that "is a psychotic (neurosis) disorder in which a person suffering from the mental disturbance undergo different experiences and his/her personality becomes dissociated into more than one personalities. These personalities dominate and control the behavior of the patient alternatively or depending on the mental stress condition."

The "mental stress condition" is the key here. I have been takeing care to "watch myself" and this is one of he things that I have found out.

What I mean by "periods of self reinvition" is every-ounce-and-a-while something challanges me, some probelem, then I get depressed, and find a solution. Its a way for me to get stronger as a person...I see it as a very positive thing...I just wished my friends would understand, but they dont, so I have to push them away...

g2g...

---Vhan

What symptoms of MPD can you claim you manifest? It is possible to have ADHD, BP and a dissociative disorder, yes.

I am just patently nosy.

Vhan it is obvious you are stressed out and in need of some "live help" (we aren’t exactly dead but we aren’t live either) Some one you can see and talk to in person to help you get this sorted out. Reading your post I hear anxiety but being on-line limits the amount of help we can offer. Is there any one you can talk to like a counselor or some thing. Some one who is a professional and will have some training and knowledge in these things?

Welcome to the forums!:)

I agree strongly with Mead823. None of us can diagnose you. You need a face to face interview with the psychologist or psyciatrist who is familiar with ADHD, bipolar, MPD, etc.

Thomas Brown of Yale has a good book out that explains why emotional dysregulation can be such a problems for an ADDer (even assuming no bipolar is present). He also quotes statistics indicating that 60 some percent of ADDers also have some sort of mood disorder.

I hope you'll go talk to a professional. No matter what the diagnosis, it sounds like you could use some help in sorting all this out.

Take gentle care,
Scattered

Vhan,

You are not alone. Every detail of your story sounds like it came straight out of my life. I mean EVERY detail. Ok, I was in choir rather than art...but every thing else is the same. Even down to the self mutilation, crash and burn school work, depression, symptoms that don't make sense, ALL OF IT. I'm also VERY but undiagnosised ADHD THe specialist I saw 10 years later said during my childhood and teen years, I was a 10 on an ADHD scale from 0 to 10. You should DEFINELY talk to a professional about this. If you can't get in to see a dr, you can talk to the person who handles learning disorder coordination for your school district. They usually have more training in ADD than school counselors (who are also a good place to start) It sounds like you feel your poor concentration and performance is causing your depression not the other way around. If that is truly the case, you need to stress that with whomever you see for help (but some therapy for your depression and mutilating is also a good idea) In my case, my periodic upswings of hyperactivity and goofyness convinced the therapist that I wasn't really depressed, just had teenage moodiness. At the time, ADHD wasn't even considered cause I was a girl and considered a good student. (I don't know how going from and A to an E in one marking period made me good) Don't give up hope. Like I said, I walked this very same road. Feel free to pm or email me if you want support.

Ok, Looks like I'll be takeing a visit to the schools counsiler...(I know I spelled that wrong...)

But A big problem is my friends...

Should I tell them? or should I keep them in the dark? Honestley I would prefer to not let them know. But I feel a depression comeing on... My problem in the Animation class is the cause of this one...

Would they understand? One of them has ADD, she sits next to me in my animation class...Thats what made me start to investigate the symptoms...

I have made a great deal of effort to keep my personal life as far from a topic of conversation as possible. They only learned my real name when I hade the same class as one of them, (Animation,) before then they just called me by my nickname.

How would they react to learn that I suspected so much was wrong with me? I have showen no signs of anything in front of them, and I have even gone on a "mini-rant" about how people always think that something is wrong with themselfs these days.

Crasy~Feet: I started Playing online games when I was 12. Nothing that was, tramatizeing or anything like that, but It was smack-dab in the middle of my 2-year depression. My character's name was Vhan, (note, that isn't my real name, or my nickname) After playing a year of "phantasy star online" "Final Fantasy 11" for a year, I begain to realize something. "Vhan" had become someone, a person. I admired him, I think that some of it had to do with the fact that those years are so inportent to self-development. I used vhan as a sort of way...Its hard to explain, but after calling a virtual "me" "Vhan" for allmost 2.3 years, He was a part of me. Not just my positive, or negative side, but it was allmost like Vhan had his personality flaws, his problems, his way of liveing, he was a complete person. During those couple of years, I was Vhan...in retrospect it was childish, allmost creepy about the way I felt about online "friends" and etc. I havent coverd all the facts here, but this is just to give you an idea of where I think it all came from.

I grew Up in two worlds, the virtual one, and the real one, I just had two diffrent personality for each one.

--Vhan

Ps. If you are a parent, dont let your kids play online, (and I would be wary of chat rooms) untill they are atleast allmost 15-16.

They don't need to know right away. At the very least, wait until you know for sure what is going on. Also, coming out about a disorder to friends can have mixed results, so you need to be prepared for the possibility that some of your friends won't take the news very well.


ME :D

I second Speedo's comments. There is no need for anyone other than your parents and doctor(s) to know. Even the school doesn't have to know unless you want special accomidations. In fact, considering that you're still in school, keeping under wraps might be a good thing. It isn't uncommon for a teenager to start ADD treatment, tell their friends and next thing they know people (even friends) are asking them for their drugs to get high. (Happened to my little sister's friend)

Here's what my best friend (going on 15 years) had to say:
A good friend will support you and try to understand. A real good friend will support you, try to understand, and then take you for comfort milkshakes. A great friend will support you, try to understand, get comfort milkshakes and turn the whole thing into an embarrassing story to tell at your wedding reception.