Hi again! I have been trying to help my son and husband learn and deal with their ADD diagnosis and meds for going on 9 months now with many ups and more downs along the way (note my past threads of my life!!) So to not repeat myself and keep moving on, I have found myself in a worse state now than before they were diagnosed!

I have lost all my patience in dealing with my sons "new" symptoms that have started over the summer. Well, they may not be symptoms of ADD but the outcome of not being diagnosed earlier in his life. He was so bored all summer with having no one to play with and I tried my best to do things he used to love but he was so defiant and took no pleasure in doing anything, which was not common for him to be like. He would do anything or say anything just to tick me off!! I understand why he is like that with me but I can't deal with it anymore!!

Then my husband gets ticked at me because I am in a bad mood when he gets home from work and because of his need for attention from me as well, I just can't turn off my "bad" mood for a "hi honey, love you" mood when he comes home. That has made him react, and lets just say this has snowballed out of control leaving me crying and so frustrated that I just want to leave with my daughter and get a life again!!

My husband is taking Concerta, but it wears off by the time he gets home. He is suppose to take a "top up" before he leaves work but forgets most of the time. We are still arguing about the same things but now I am more impatient and less understanding because he will not read or learn anything about ADD! The meds won't help with all the problems and he just doesn't get it. I realize it is easier to just go about life as he always has. He says he doesn't remember much about our past. The good bad and ugly!! I remember it all!! He either doesn't believe me, doesn't want to, or gets mad that I do! But, as I explained to him, this is how I learn not to make the same mistakes over and over is to remember what ****es people off or whatever and not do it again. Unfortunately, he didn't have that ability but I can't keep getting hurt by the same things he does over and over anymore. There are techniques that he can learn to use through counseling etc that could help him with some things but he is the one, not me, that needs to do this.

So after all this blabbing, I would really like to know how the non-ADDers cope? I have low patience as it is but now I feel I am getting stressed out of control!!!. I have tried to find a support group but it was closed after low to no turn out. I did feel a bit better speaking with the lady that used to run it but then I found out her coping method was antidepressants. Understandably, she has 5 sons and a husband, all with ADHD and other things!! I even tried having a few glasses of wine a night for a while--wrong thing to do!-- found it made me more angry the next day!!! I don't have anyone to talk to that understands (ADD is not the same as -well thats just men or thats just boys!) and I get the impression my friends just think I am a complainer and exaggerate what its like. That also adds to the frustration. Gone to the dr. to see if there is anything but just found that she gave me a list of things I should do to help my son (I understand that could help me too but I just feel burned out and fed up with everything being about their ADD)
Any suggestions would be great.:faint:
Thanks

The Book: Living With ADD When You’re Not the One Who has It: A Self-Care Workbook for Partners by Mimi Handlin is a great resource.

Mimi also runs a free telephone support group for non-ADD partners.
http://www.addfamilycoaching.com/support-for-non-add-partners.asp

Thanks greatly Tara!!! I looked at the site briefly and it is good to see there is something for us non-adders!!! I will definitely get that book!

thanks sincerely,
mrs A

Hi Mrs. A -
What a summer you've had! Altho I don't have a child w/ADD, I do at times get so completely frustrated with my ADD H, that my stress level is where yours is at! I do have 2 daughters (14/12) that can push enough buttons tho, and one in particular shows little appreciation/empathy at this stage...me, me, me, I, I, I! :(

You're on the right track, in looking for someone to talk to. For me, it's not a whole group of friends, it's one good girlfriend who listens and it helps greatly that her SO is ADD, even tho he denies it....so I feel I'm heard and understood by her. Sometimes it's a little let down tho, feeling soothed because of being heard and understood and then walking right back into my life where the stressors haven't changed one bit! :faint:

I have to make a BIG conscious effort to take the time to do what enriches me - just getting away for time alone...trip to the bookstore...rent a movie if they'll all be gone...read a book...gardening...take yourself out to lunch...cup of cafe mocha at a favorite spot...whatever your things are that pamper you.

Thankfully school has started up, so maybe that gives you space from your son? It sounds like you've had to be superwoman (like many of us are in this situation) and the cape needs to come off a few times a week so you can just be you.

All of this is easier said than done, especially when your internal resources are depleted - it's like once you're on empty, someone forgot to put the plug back in and your first attempts to fill back up don't even register.

Hang in there!! R

Just wanted to say Hi mrs A!!! :)

Welcome back and hang in there! :)

Peace!

Mrs. A,


Hi, I am new to all of this, but something you said really sticks out, you said, 'his need for attention from me too'--- I just want to ask you about this. My dh is drains me so much. I feel like I have to attend to him, listen to him the way I do my children. Is this ADD stuff? I mean, I always thought he was just wicked insecure. Can you tell me more about what that is like for you? I feel so lonely in my marriage, it makes me cry almost everyday, and I am thinking of separation becaues I just need my space.... but there is somethign about that comment that hit me and I wanted to hear more of your experience.


Thanks

Welcome back Mrs. A and sorry to hear things are not improving at your house. If its any consolation, they are not much improved at my house and shoot, I am one of the ADDers!

Is it possible your son has co-morbid Oppositional Deffiance Disorder? Its a common co-morbid with ADHD.

{{{HUGS}}} seems ya need a few.

Well thanks all!! I have been busy reading ALL the books!! and have a book that Taras link had. Also, spoke to a coach and WOW I feel a lot of weight off my shoulders now. Nothing really has changed as far as anyone else around here, but my way of looking at this has!! Trying to take control of my emotions without letting them get out of control.
Give me a couple of weeks and I might go back to the old way of thinking but I hope not!
Thanks to this site for my improved outlook at dealing with this!!!!!!!!