My autistic son now aged 12 and a half has been stealing again - this time it's money out of peoples bags at school and lighting fires in his room.

I have done all I can and am ready to give up on him. How do you make a child like this care?

Hi Tudorose.
You sound very frustrated at the least, I'm not autistic, I'm not a sibling, parent or partner of someone whose autistic but I do know a little about the condition and if you are serious about putting your boy in a home you should be able to call the Department of Child Safety and see what they can do...not that I have too much faith in them.

Have you considered contacting your local Autisitc society or perhaps even considered looking into weekend and over night respite???

Another question, how severely autistic is he and is he able to understand his actions??

Selena

silly thought but how about ringing the fire station and asking them to do a demonstration about the dangers of lighting fire . as autistic children seem to learn from seeing things rather then reading about them .

My autistic son now aged 12 and a half has been stealing again - this time it's money out of peoples bags at school and lighting fires in his room.

I have done all I can and am ready to give up on him. How do you make a child like this care?Quite possibly, you cannot...this may be a job only a professional can handle. Please seek professional assistance for your son!

PS I am so glad I was never offered for free or otherwise, and neither were my pals here who fall into the autistic spectrum.

All I can offer is an ear, and a cyber hug I am afraid..
hugs xxxx

I am a high functioning autistic who has faced the many problems your son seems to be having. My parents went through the same things you seem to be going through, so maybe I might be able to shed some light on your situation, and help you see it from the prospective of a kid whos been there.

I was exactly as your son is now. Breaking windows, starting fires, stealing, and generally making a nusance of myself. Being in a small town at the time, there was no knowledge of any kind of dissorders like autisms or learning dissabilityies so to all who came across my path I was just that crazy girl who couldn't read until grade four. I even had a phscytsofrenic (sorry about the spelling) neighbour who believed that I was the daughter of the devil, but thats another story.

Anyways, my parents were at the end of their rope. They didn't know what to do with me. I was wild and unpredictable, the only reason I passed on to the next grade was because the teachers didn't want me back there. It was when my parents called in my uncle from the city that I knew there was something wrong. I remember me, just a kid, pressing my ear up to the door of my parents room ,trying to listen to what they were saying. "Claire is out of control" "We really need to think about what she is doing to the family" you know, the usual. Its when the words "foster care" came up that I started to worry. I knew a kids like me, not terribly cute, or young, or even friendly, would never be adopted. I would be doomed to bounce from one foster family to another. It was my uncle who stepped in and stood up for me. I still remember what he said "I know she is a handful, but she didn't choose to be the way she is. If she had a choice, it sure as hell wouldn't be what she's got. I know she is unpredictable, but you are all she's got. You take away her family, and what does she have? Nothing. You giving up on her would make her life ten times worse then it already is. Its not fair to do that to her now." then they struck a deal. If after four months, they still felt the way they felt about me then, my uncle would take me in.

Two months later, he was killed in an avalanche. It was a hard time for my family, but after that they decided to stick with me. They figured that he saw something in me that no one else saw.

To this day, it is still hard for me to explain how much I owe my uncle. He saved me. He was ready to give up everything he had to make sure that I had every advantage that my brother and sister had. I think the worst part was that I knew I was hurting the people around me, but I couldn't control it. I guess what I am trying to tell you in this whole thing is remember, it may be hard for you, but you can't imagine how tough it is for him. Whatever you do is ultimatly your decision, but remember that there is a good person underneath that rough exterior.

My autistic son now aged 12 and a half has been stealing again - this time it's money out of peoples bags at school and lighting fires in his room.

I have done all I can and am ready to give up on him. How do you make a child like this care?

I can't give you advice about autism...but I can give you advice about adolescents. He needs you more now during the teens years than any other stage of his life!

You have to ride out the storm and deal with things as best you can.

Every pre-teen and teen is "crazy" and there is only so much you can control. From whatever age their adolescense starts to when it ends the wiring in their brains is being completely redone. Some days it's like the wiring short circuited and other days it's like there is no connection at all to some of the simplest functions.

If you can get your hands on this book down under I would buy it: "Yes! your teen is crazy: loving your kid without losing your mind". by Michal Bradley.

Deal with the two separate issues as separate issues. Autism and Typical teen "craziness".

Also, consider whether or not you are allowing him the space to fail on his own and learn from it. Not major life threatening failures--just little everyday stupid kid failures.

Remember, he may look like he is becoming an adult but he is still ONLY A CHILD in an adults body.


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