All my life, I have failed everything I have started. I did rubbish at school, started and quit college several times, started and quit lots of jobs etc.. you know how it goes. Then I finally managed to scrape through an access to higher education course.. I say scrape through, but I didn't find the work hard, I just struggle with the "commitment" of knowing exactly where I was going to be on certain days, and struggling with concentration for 3 hours at a time. But the point is.. I did it, I finished the course.

This allowed me to start a degree, training as a midwife, which 3 months ago, I totally fluffed up and to be honest at times totally lost interest in. I didn't know I had ADHD.

People have always thought that I was lazy, just didn't "want" to stick at anything or work etc... people still think it now. People I know, family, friends disapprove of me for the way I behaved as a kid... but I didn't know I had a medical problem causing me to behave that way, if I had known, I would have done my damndest to control and modify my behaviour.

Anyway.. here I am now, I have taken 6 months off my degree to "sort myself out" as the head tutor put it. I start back in January.. I have to start from the beginning of the second year. Right now I do not work because I feel I NEED to spend the time I have left before Jan to sort myself out TOTALLY with NO added stresses. Not only do I have to sort out what meds are right for me, I have to have therapy for confidence, self esteem issues.. I really need to be focused if I am going to succeed in this course.

The only problem is.. certain people don't "get" this, they think I am lazy and am using it as an excuse to sit on my backside and do nothing and I am getting fed up of it. I never do nothing, I am always busy, I am getting to spend more time with my children while I have these few months.

Anyway.. the point, since I was diagnosed (recently), I sort of think SOD them... I am starting my life over again now I know what I am dealing with and I WILL get myself well for January and what other people think is irrelevant. So I sit here... totally skint, with NOTHING to show for 26 years except A level standard qualifications and my 2 lovely children, and for the first time ever, I don't feel pressured to be someone who I am not and it feels good. Now... I can carry on with my life and play the best I can with the hand I now know I have been dealt. The relief is massive.

That is all.

((hugs)) Try your hardest not to beat yourself up over what has been done or not done. Move on, learn about your ADD and what you can do to help yourself is best advice.

I'm 43 and the Mother of 2 daughter's. I did just awful in school all my life and had many many many jobs.

I long time ago I was very angry with myself for not completing my college Ed. and not "doing" something with my life.

At 35-ish I got tested and discovered I'm ADD and told just what my learning disabilities are. All this wasn't easy to hear,I was angry for a while.

I went back to the Dr. got on meds. got some books, some coaching.

Years later I'm not on meds. any more, I'm way more organized and have been at the same job I love for 14 years. I don't beat myself up any more for being a person who's ADD. :) Alot of the help I got for feeling good about ADD was from here.

Good luck

Thankyou hun, I need positive replies like that. I need to put the past and all my failings behind me and move foreward. I guess it doesn't really matter that I am starting from scratch.. at least I have a chance how to make my life work.

I suppose a frustration point for me has been the attititudes of the people in my life who either "refuse" to get it or just "can't" get it for whatever reason. This board has already helped me with some of my quieries... I guess I need the support here while I learn more about myself and try to educate the people who I have to live with. Still.. if they refuse to accept me.. sod them as I said before.. my life is too important to fritter away worrying about people who won't even try to understand me.

thanks again for your kind post :)

Ya know...you don't have to justify yourself to anyone! Screw 'em!

I for one am really impressed with your positive attitude - you're giving it a go and you're gonna make it. You have the meds now (lucky thing!) and you can try again.

You're always going to get the idiot who is disbelieving, but whatever - it's YOUR life and we're all on our own timetable.

I'm excited for you getting this new start - you go girl!

Best wishes,
Debbie :) xxx

Thanks Debbie :) It is nice of you to say you are impressed. And true.. there is always going to be some sceptical person.. but then.. they don't have to live with it hey, so they wouldn't know. Thanks for being excited for me... I am looking foreward to making it work. I hope you have sucess like I did in your road to diagnoses. xx

Thankyou hun, I need positive replies like that. I need to put the past and all my failings behind me and move foreward. I guess it doesn't really matter that I am starting from scratch.. at least I have a chance how to make my life work.

I suppose a frustration point for me has been the attititudes of the people in my life who either "refuse" to get it or just "can't" get it for whatever reason. This board has already helped me with some of my quieries... I guess I need the support here while I learn more about myself and try to educate the people who I have to live with. Still.. if they refuse to accept me.. sod them as I said before.. my life is too important to fritter away worrying about people who won't even try to understand me.

thanks again for your kind post :)

Most people in my life family and a few friends don't believe in ADD and ya know what I don't care. My husband and my kids understand me, they live with me they "get" me.

Look into yourself not others ;) and you'll be good to go

I only wish my guy "believed" in adhd. My.. mum does now though, after years if saying it was an excuse. To be honest, I think she has it too, she was a teacher and saw too many kids blaming their bad behaviour on their adhd and some weren't even diagnosed. I a glad she believes now though.

I also have started to stop caring about those why dont believe in it. My guy is getting better in the sense that he is now at least willing to accept that I may actually have it (I mean I was diagnosed by a neuropsychologist for god sake grrrrr).

Sorry.. was waffling.. thanks again for your post :) You are very supportive :)

Hey Crazy,

It's pretty normal to go through a period of anger, denial, frustration, or whatever after diagnosis. I was diagnosed almost 3 years ago at age 33 and it was tought for awhile. But a positive attitude can overcome anything. I had an epiphany one day after diagnosis. So many people end up letting life live them rather than them living life. People think they have to stay in a job, or do a certain thing because their future is already "painted" for them. (Following a family business, following what someone thinks you should do, etc)
But, I realized when I examined my life that my future (even at age 35) is still a blank white canvas. And when I looked closely at myself, guess what? I was the one holding the paintbrush. And the best thing is that in this situation in our lives, we are all "picasso's". You can "paint" anything on your canvas. You want to paint a janitor, ok, that could be pretty easy to paint. You want to paint a brain surgeon? Ok, that will be a lot harder to paint but you can still paint it. My point is, forget the other people. Too many people are "experts" about everyone else's lives because they don't want to look too close at their own. So I say you are on the right track. I just started back to college 1.5 years ago to "finish what I started." And, to paint my new future.
So my obvious question to you and to all of us is........what are you going to paint?

Hey hun,
You know i really do agree with Funkymonkey's attitude towards this! And your story sounds so familiar, i screwed my A-levels, i did access courses and scrwed them up each time all due to....um....i dunno why really, i just got frustrated, or bored, or got "into" something else...i'm sure you know the score! But hey, you're 2 years younger than me, have 2 kids and you actually finished an access course so you are way ahead of me! lol

I know what you mean with people not taking you seriousely with the ADD thing. I get that, or, i get that typical English 2 faced polite thing occasionally, which i hate cos i'd much rather people be blunt with me so i can tell them to f*ck off properly!

I sit in my council flat, on benefits, learning stuff i'm hyperfocusing on or obsessing over but not really acheiving anything watching life pass me by not really knowing how to grab hold of it, if you get my meaning. Hmmnnn, you know i DID have a point when i started this....oh yeah, your time out thing. I think that's a great idea, i've kinda been doing that too. You know why i'm really aggressive about peoples attitude toward my (and others) AD/HD? Well, around the time not long before joining this forum (which was when i realised i had ADD) i was in such a bad place that i was thinking i'd need putting away for my own safety, i just was so convinced i was too worthless to be here. Alot of that was because things came to a head and i couldn't take being constantly told or reminded how much of a useless failure i am by people, especially those i loved.

My failures all round were constantly being used to batter me with. Once i realised what was different about me one of the first things i did was make it clear to anybody who knew me that this is the situation (the ADD thing amongs other stuff) and that if they wan't to know me they shut up from NOW or be told in no uncertain terms where to go. That went for my ex too.
It was really liberating for me, i also told myself to do the same, and instead of focusing on how useless i am and how i've never acheived anything i began to get to know myself, and look for the good bits about myself and how ADD plays a part in those good bits (which once i became honest i realised there was alot). So what if i don't measure up to what society measures success as? I decided MY definition of what's desirable in a person was more important. Society as a whole can go whistle.

Ok, rambling again....anyway, i think you are doing great, and i'm really glad you don't care what other people think now, or are at least working at getting to that point. You are on the up, just because you had to take a break from your degree doesn't mean you have failed. You have made progress in completing your college course, and it's like they say about riding a horse, if you fall off, get back on it. You'll get there in your own good time. It's not a race.

I would say producing two lovely citizens of the world is a major accomplishment.

I would say producing two lovely citizens of the world is a major accomplishment.ditto, and going back to college :D
You can do it CLT...I know you can

Sorry I didn't answer sooner guys, 2 days ago I tripped over a cable attached to my laptop and broke it. I am on someone elses right now and I am not impressed.

Thanks for your lovely reply chloe... I sort of felt a lot of what you were describing. Infact, some days I just felt like I could live with myself no longer and felt on the verge of a breakdown. I sytill get days like that now actually.. but I am trying to soldier on. I just hope I do finish my degree.. sometimes I wonder if I can do it.. but I have to try.

You know.. I have never once looked at "positive" adhd qualities.. never. If I stopped and looked ta my life I might find some good there.

And thanks imnapl and tracy... my kids are pretty special so I guess I already did the world a huge favour there :)

It is finding this thread after a pretty crappy day that has made me feel a lot better.

Thanks x