Hi everyone,

hopefully maybe anyone here has an idea.
Currently from all the things that bug me I think my lack of self confidence is the worst and probably the most damaging one. (Back on meds now, which helps with most of the other things)
There is rarely an area that isn't affected by this. I know that I act weird in social situations, so I don't even really feel like someone that people would want to be friends with.
In business settings I am usualy making myself smaller then I should and a lot of times when things go wrong I take the blame myself.
All that, in my mind, doesn't make a great partner etc.
A lot of times when things are getting discussed I just know what to do, what the right course would be, but I just don't trust my judgement enough to say it.

I am not saying that it's only the ADD thing, yet it still makes me feel damaged. You know, who would want to be together with a guy that has to take meds every 3 hours? Who trusts someone with ADD to do doing proper project management? (Which I am not good at, if the circumstances aren't working for me... Namely clients that deliver output/specs etc by themselfs)

Just the pure facts, as Barkley delivers them, makes one feel like crap. Hartmann is cool, so far that the focus is on the story that works and makes one feel good, yet does it give enough credit to the real issues?
Being the next big step in mankind would be nice... I learned in the recent 1-2 years that theres something about the whole icarus story.

So, what is your pitch on ADD? How do you look at it in a way that gives credit to the things that need special consideration and yet makes you feel complete and good?

Any input would be greatly appreciated :)

T

No takers? "What's your frame for ADD?"... No?... Ah, well

Well, Yeah, I think that not always feeling perfectly Ok with oneself is pretty much of a human condition and certainly not limited to ADDers alone, or in my case Bipolars or quasi-autistics :rolleyes:. I don't feel like I am unworthy of love or companionship just because I happen to take meds every few hours. I believe diabetics do the same.

I am not unworthy because I wear my glasses ;) I do so because without them I cannot see well at all. The same goes for my meds. My disorders also lend me some pretty unusual and special gifts.

I like who and what I am for the most part.

I'm in the same boat as YEAH.. Although it does come and go in spurts.



=V

Welcome aboard, vision. Let's see if we can get the hell out of here...

Thanks a lot Crazy~Feet... Maybe thats my ENFP part that needed a kick from the outside into the right direction.
This part really had me clicking:
I don't feel like I am unworthy of love or companionship just because I happen to take meds every few hours. I believe diabetics do the same.I was rolling it around in my head for a while on my way to work. I was just standing at the tube station, which is actualy outside on a bridge over a huge street.
The sun was behind me and I was right above said street, with all those people running around down there.

Then I had this notion that probably all of them are affected by something, if not themselfs then at least someone close to them.

I don't believe that someone with diabitis should feel any less about themself. Doesn't make sense in my head at least. So yeah, i totaly agree on that... Then when I came into work I did another quick check on the forum and read this one in the Salvia Divinorum thread:
Tryptophan has been implicated as a possible cause of shizophrenia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia)in people who cannot metabolize it properly.
Hmmm, so the source of something like shizophrenia is (ok, might be) just another aminoacid that one is not metabolizing well...

So, I am trying this one on for size right now:
Everyone I know has some allergic, doesn't diggest well certain food, has some chemical inbalance etc.
So our ADD is something like that, one or two chemicals are just not in balance. The bummer is just, it's in our heads...
Yet the source is something so common, it's actualy not even worth mentioning.

I believe that's a brilliant start, Yeah! That sounded like a very lovely moment :) makes me wanna put the Baby in a stroller and go people watching.

Yep, its brain chemicals and yep, we can kinda get a bad rap because people cannot see the disability (Look, Ma! No crutches!) or because they do not see how we struggle (Well, it certainly LOOKS like you're lazy...) :rolleyes:.

Give your ENFP a kick from my INFP and lets go soak up some love from this crazy world!

Try some cognitive stuff. For instance, carry a notebook around with you and every time you have a negative thought about yourself write it down. When you get home at the end of the night, write down why that thought is wrong. Once you've proven that thought is irrational, you won't think it again.

Overall, I would suggest trying to eliminate negative and self-limiting thoughts. They have absolutely no benefit in life and if you can manage to keep them to a minimum, I guarantee you will feel infinitely better about yourself.

Overall, I would suggest trying to eliminate negative and self-limiting thoughts. They have absolutely no benefit in life and if you can manage to keep them to a minimum, I guarantee you will feel infinitely better about yourself.I know that and I am very aware of what kind of self talk I am having... The end result is that I am beating myself up for being so negativ.

I might try that notebook thing though. A lot of stuff realy dissolves when it's out there. In my head now it just seems to feel even worse when you write that stuff down. Nonetheless, good idea. I will try that.

I know that and I am very aware of what kind of self talk I am having... The end result is that I am beating myself up for being so negativ.


See? That's an example of negative thinking. You should be proud of yourself for taking care of a problem, not beating yourself up for having it. There is a positive aspect in every negative aspect of life. Just gotta look for it.

I guess i view ADHd as a strength for the most part.

There r things that obviously i wish didn't come with it - such as saying some inapprioirate things at the wrong time - but on the upside - i know that their are things in my personality that sparkle because of the add.

Work with what you have, not with what you don't have.

Fake it till you make it. Put a rubber band around your wrist and every time you think or say something negative about yourself snap it. Ask yourself what is the worst possible outcome if you were to speak up at the next meeting and share your ideals and suggestion. You may get laughed at? Ignored? Who in their life hasn't been laughed at or ignored at one time or another? Try it next time and I bet you'll surprise yourself at the positive response you get. The only way to learn to trust your judgement is to use it and see how it turns out. I have the same self esteem issues. You're right, it is difficult to be in a relationship with someone like us. I just had this discussion with my husband last night. I have a habit of projecting my own insecurities onto him. Inside I feel like my opinions don't matter. So when he disagrees with me I automatically think that he thinks my opinions are stupid and unimportant. That's not what he's thinking at all though. It's hard to communicate with me. I end up shutting down and he ends up afraid to voice his true feelings. I can see how it might be even harder for a male to have a low self esteem. I'm not sure if I'll ever get it figured out but I'll still keep trying because I have come long way in the last few years.

I think self-esteem is like a see-saw. Some days I feel fine, others I feel that I am at the bottom. I don't have ADD, but like you said everyone has something (like your other post, again you are soooo right). I have anxiety and although I have not fully admitted to myself probably depression, too. I feel very weird about that.

But I do believe that no one else is as aware of whatever it is that makes you feel self-conscious. Everyone is so focused on whatever is in their heads that if you say something off or whatever, they probably are kicking themselves for not getting people. There is a saying that you would not worry so much about what other people are thinking of you if you knew how seldom they were.

My sister-in-law was my, I wish I could be more like her person - totally confident, real organized, motivated, ran marathons perfect kids, perfect house, was so fun to be around, etc. We would get Christmas cards of the kids and her sitting in a canoe or some fun thing, and I thought they really knew how to enjoy life. Then one day we are looking through her photo album and I commented on the canoe picture and she said that was the one vacation of the year and they don't go anywhere anymore but the grocery store. The next year, she said she was unhappy and divorced my brother-in-law.

So I think that when we look at everyone else, all we see is that one vacation picture and think we are missing out.

So intead of writing the negative thoughts, maybe we should write down the positive and reread those every night. (Sorry that last bit was a bit Oprahish.)