I am a 31 year old single mom of a 7 year old boy in second grade. He was just officially diagnosed with adhd/odd. I've know it all along, however, I'm starting to question it all. He's supposed start concerta tomorrow and I guess it's nevers making me feel this way. I guess my main issue is that I don't get to talk to other parents in the same boat and feel as if my son's problems put us on an island of our own. My biggest "grief" is the night time noise and hyperactivity. The fact he can't fall asleep until 10:30 p.m. is frustrating. Are there any other parents that have gone through this and can talk me through it. I guess I just want to compare notes so I don't feel so alone.

Welcome. My heart goes out to you. I know that it is difficult dealing with a child who as ADHD/ODD -- especially around homework and bed times. All that coupled with you being a single mom, well, you have your hands full.

My daughter was diagnosed w/ ADHD/ODD last year when she was 7. Neither my husband nor I have this condition, so it is all new to us. We do not have her on meds.

The best advice I can share is to educate yourself. Read everything you can. Find an advocate if needed to help you deal with his school. Visit this forum -- people here offer a wealth of information.

Look beyond the diagnosis -- instead help him find his genius. I believe my daughter is a right-brained person living in a left-brained world. I do everything I can to help her find and bring out her passions.

I know he can push you to your limits -- but you're all he's got. Fight for him.

My daughter and two granddaughters live with me. The 8 year old has AD/HD and never goes to sleep before 10 pm, then up at 7 am. Some nights are certainly worse than others in terms of her not being able to relax and get quiet, getting out of bed over and over, to get something she forgot or complain about an itch or a pain. Her mother especially ends up shrieking after the 4th or 5th
time she's gotten up AGAIN. I bought a bottle of Melatonin supplement and over the last couple of months my granddaughter is learning to tell us which nights she feels like she needs to take "a sleeping pill", which is more often than I do actually.

I'd suggest that you look for a support group in your area. I've been attending one here for the last couple of years and it's been so wonderful, not just in terms of helpful suggestions, but in simply knowing that many others also struggle with the same things that my granddaughter and I do. A therapist or an ADD coach can also be very helpful.

I am a 31 year old single mom of a 7 year old boy in second grade. He was just officially diagnosed with adhd/odd. I've know it all along, however, I'm starting to question it all. He's supposed start concerta tomorrow and I guess it's nevers making me feel this way. I guess my main issue is that I don't get to talk to other parents in the same boat and feel as if my son's problems put us on an island of our own. My biggest "grief" is the night time noise and hyperactivity. The fact he can't fall asleep until 10:30 p.m. is frustrating. Are there any other parents that have gone through this and can talk me through it. I guess I just want to compare notes so I don't feel so alone.
I really feel for you sweetie! It is hard being alone-keep on the forum, it is a big help, I know I don't feel so alone anymore. Just wished we could meet in person occasionally. You sound like a loving caring mom, this is so good for your son!

Sounds like bedtime might top priority to where you want to make some changes. I have the following suggestions. I am a mom, child developement/parenting teacher and had a tough kid-I did not do everything right, so give yourself permission to make mistakes. This is not a miracle cure, but should help you improve a tough situation! I will bullet the list to make it easier to read:

Figure out a bedtime routine to follow everynight-he may not need to sleep till 10:30 :( .
Instead of laying down the law, like an authoritarian parent, use the democratic parent approach, he will like being a part of planning the routine, you will have time together, and he will be more likely to follow it more of the time! Plus, you can tell him he made that choice.
Talk over the problem with him-ask him how he feels about it, tell him how you feel, and say, how can we work together to solve this problem? Kids love to be needed-and come up with great solutions!
Stay as positive as possible, praise concrete examples of behavior you would like to see repeated. Be honest and tell him is won't always be easy for either of you, but together you can do it!
Help him see his room as a positive place to be. Don't send him to his room as punishment or discipline. If you use time-out, find a different place in your home. (They suggest this for insomniacs-only use the bed for sleep and .....)
Allow him to read books if he can't get to sleep instead of getting out of bed-at least his reading will improve, and you will get more time for yourself-which single mom's need! Have him put a selection next to the bed. (Get books at thrift stores and used bookstores! Very cheap!)
Think of Natural consequences for refusing to follow, being disruptive,disrespect, and other issues related to this-such as: I am so sorry you can't watch tv today because you yelled at me and ran around the house last night instead of following our bedtime routine last night. Do this without yelling or arguing, just keep repeating it calmly until he quits begging, pleading, etc. Be empathetic, but firm. You will be so less stressed.
The following are suggestions and ideas for the routine-you have many of your own, I am sure your son will too! Keep it flexible -these are the things we agreed to follow every night so both of us get a good night's sleep. Does it matter to you that the same order is followed for everything? Allow him to make some choices, you will have some that are not a choice!

Bath or shower everynight-suggest this as the start of the routine because it is calming and relaxing.
brush teeth and floss
read a book-calming and improves school performance-let him choose one, then you chose one-longer chapter books are good, one chapter a night-kids love following the story
quiet play-art materials, legos-anything he can do independently-to give you a break
shut off TV/x-box, computer, etc at say, maybe 9? (record your shows to watch another time-this is temporary! Sleep is so much more important.)
Play relaxing, calming music once he gets into bed. Good for you and him! Try meditative music, I have a CD that warns me not to drive while listening, I could fall asleep! It is called First Rites-beautiful. Stay away from upbeat, exciting music.
get a night light if he doesn't like the dark-there are new 25 year blue ones that aren't too bright and don't hurt eyes. (Lowe's+others)
In the beginning, give him 3 items he can use to get out of bed, have him give you one each time and when they are gone, he can't get out again. As he improves, he may not need them.
Put a bottle of water by the bed-outsmart the I need a drink thing!
Does he need a lovey or blankey? My son took his from that age to the USMC with him! :) Make sure he has it!
Let him set up his bedroom the way he would like it and then pick new sheets, blanket etc-if you have the $ or try just one new thing like he would like.
Let him come up with ideas of what he can do if he can't fall asleep easily! You will be surprised!
Set a new bedtime to work on-what you like it to be? 10, 9:30? Too early will probably not work if he is a night owl.

Work on making bed time earlier 5 minutes each week until you reach the goal.
Gradual change works better! Much less resistance from any child-especially the stubborn ones!

Decide on a reward for following this routine better rewards for increasing amounts of time following the new routine, i.e. days in a row!-3 days, 5 days, 7 days, 10 days and so on.

Put a calendar on the frig and let him mark off the successful evenings!
Start with simple rewards-stay away from food and candy though-and increase the reward for each length of time.
What does he want really badly? Make this the ultimate goal for staying with this for 2 months with allowance for say,3 bad nights. This is like bonuses at work for excellent performance and company improvement!
By this time, the routine should be established, but you may need to reuse the reward system if he begins to revert to the old ways. Not bribery! He has to earn them! Bribes are used to make people do something.


NOTE: You don't have to follow all these at once-start slowly, don't make the changes all at once-people handle change best with a level of 10% change at one time. And don't worry if you have failures, they are part of the learning process, and opportunities to talk with your son and say, why didn't that work, and so on. If things aren't working, talk with him again and see what needs to be changed. This method will ensure you are still the parent, but help him learn independence and decision making skills with you! I will find some info on parenting styles that might help you and post later-either here or start a new thread.

Take care and get some sleep. PS, Get a copy of Parenting with Love and Logic, excellent book, designed to let children learn responsibility through natural consequences, help you stop yelling or whatever else doesn't work, reduce stressors, and let parents have fun being parents. I use the teacher version-makes a remarkable difference in the classroom-I remain the teacher, but the kids work harder and love learning a whole lot more! Not perfect, but I am much less stressed!

RADD

Our step-son is 8 and had ADHD. The doctors were trying to get his medicine right for a little while, and we finally got it "right" with Concerta. He now goes to bed at around 8:30 or 9 and we can tell that he definitely needs that amount of sleep. Keep your head up :) I think that the Conerta might help with the sleeping IF your child needs it. I also think that some kids don't need that much sleep.

We have really laid down the rules in our house and explained to our son that if he stays up past bedtime that it is MANDATORY quiet time. I told him that God only allows my body to have "talking time" for so many hours in the day, and then he tells me that my mind needs to rest and read a book or chill in front of the TV. I do have to remind him of this, but he does a really good job of making a hard attempt to respect this.

Good luck to you! Keep us posted and let us know if you see any improvements :)

Do you have a CHADD group in your area? Seeking out a support group locally could really help you. Just knowing that there are other people who are struggling is comforting. Trust me, you are not alone.

I told him that God only allows my body to have "talking time" for so many hours in the day, and then he tells me that my mind needs to rest and read a book or chill in front of the TV.I love it!

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We have really laid down the rules in our house and explained to our son that if he stays up past bedtime that it is MANDATORY quiet time. I told him that God only allows my body to have "talking time" for so many hours in the day, and then he tells me that my mind needs to rest and read a book or chill in front of the TV. I do have to remind him of this, but he does a really good job of making a hard attempt to respect this.


This is worth highlighting again. I love it too.!:D

I found that once our son knew it was ok to be awake, he was more calm. No battles, just rules similar to those above. He often takes out pen & paper and writes. He's almost 8 & with a fairly severe written output learning disability so for him to do this is actually very good.

Good luck.

Karen

I have a little girl,she is 9 years old.She was diagnosed with ADHD combined type at the age of 5.She has been on concerta since then.She has insomnia badly.She does not sleep at all unless she is given her night time meds so I totally feel what you are feeling.Have you spoke to your sons doctor about how he is not going to sleep until late?because one of the side effects of concerta is sleeplessiness so it could get worse.I hope it does not as it is no fun but it can.Please feel free too pm anytime,i would love to talk with you more.