I'd like to hear about how other women deal with "friend", as opposed to "family", relationships with other women. I've always had better luck being friends with guys. It just seems to me that they don't "need" the constant attention that women need. I have found few women or girls, earlier, with whom I can be friends.

I find that women, not to generalize, are more "high maintenance" in this department, always with the "call me backs" and the birthday cards and the hurt (unintentionally) feelings. It has been my experience that guys,again, not to generalize, are not that way. They don't care if you don't call them back for a week or longer. They don't play things such as the "Are you mad at Me?" game.

What I have done in the past is just to make it a personal policy not to have "high-maintenance" people in my life (except for those I didn't choose). I am starting to realize as I get older that I may have been cheating myself. Anyone else? Stories, suggestions.

Post or PM me if you don't want everyone to read.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I had girlfriends up until my Jr. Year of high school. It seemed like I was always going through an argument with someone – it was sometimes over a “dirty look” I seemingly gave someone. It ended with a big falling out in the group. I stuck close to my boyfriend throughout the rest of high school.

I haven’t had any close girlfriends ever since. Just like you, I am now wondering if I am missing out. Now I try to make a bigger effort in calling the wives of my husband’s friends and getting together with them. You’re right though, it seems like it’s a lot more work to have female friends. I think they don’t realize how hard it is for me, but I am hoping that my efforts will pay off.

Ugh! I HATED the dirty look game. Can I take a shot in the dark and assume you were not in a sorority. HaHa. Good job calling the wives, I've thought of that one but I'm kind of scared I would embarass my husband by saying someting I shouldn't.

I have a few close female friends, but I've always found it easier to talk to males. I find I'm more likely to get weird looks from women, even when I don't think I'm being particularly strange. If women really are more in tune with others than men are, perhaps they spot our differences sooner. And I think there's more cultural pressure for women to conform than there is for men. Women who strive to be "normal" and "feminine" might find us disconcerting. I think that eccentric behavior is still more accepted in men.

I recently joined a mothers' group, and am gradually sifting through it to find people who don't give me "The Look." ;) Martha Stewart need not apply.....

I am so glad I read this one, because I never thought about it until now. I think I got along with males better too, they didn't mind my "ditsy-ness". In fact, they seemed to appreciate it as a fun characteristic rather than as a stupid one. I realize that I avoided the ritsy or snobby girls as well because I felt that somehow I just didn't measure up to them intellectually or creatively. I was above average and even made the National Honor Society, but I explained it away that it was because the teacher that nominated..just liked me. I have always done that to myself...sabbotaged anything that I may have managed to accomplish. I still, to this day, don't feel that I really have ever done anything great out in the world. Has anyone else felt this way?
You're entirely correct about the high-maintenance friends. I'm not all that organized to keep up with them on a daily basis. My friends are the easier going gals that don't pout over petty things.

krisp, you brave, brave girl. That is so great you joined a mothers group. Your kids will really appreciate it.

I'm already a bit younger that most of the moms who have kids the same age as my older kids, so there's already that obvious difference. I dress differently, listen to different music and watch different TV shows so conversation starters are tough. Not that I don't...I 'll talk to anyone who'll listen, but I'm pretty impulsive so once my mouth gets going, its really hard for me to stop or even slow down. Thats when the looks start. I always feel like the other mommies won't play with me, so at functions where there are moms and kids, I will invariably choose the company of the children. So accepting, not like the moms.

I'm halfway thinking of starting a AD/HD moms of AD/HD kids playgroup. If we do manage to organize enough to the point of actually meeting and most show up on the right day at the right time, we'll have to meet in a big open pasture somewhere.:D

Originally posted by FlakeyGirl
I'm halfway thinking of starting a AD/HD moms of AD/HD kids playgroup. If we do manage to organize enough to the point of actually meeting and most show up on the right day at the right time, we'll have to meet in a big open pasture somewhere.:D

Oh, that sounds like a blast! I'd join a group like that in a heartbeat.

Flakey: I've had a few, and I mean a few, GREAT female friends over the last ten or so years......and they have been great....I mean yes there is the negative things associated with being a woman and having them as friends....BUT they have been there for me, listened to me, etc. Frankly I know very few men who are GREAT listeners as women are.....

I think it's a matter of having the RIGHT women friends in one's life....and of course if they are high maintenance then make the choice not to engage them.....

But I think it's important to have both sex friends.....as each sex offers different perspectives of things....

2 cents from a man here... I have a few female friends who also seem to have always gotten along better with men that women. I can't speak for them or get into their psyches, but I have to say they are some of THE coolest women I have ever known or appreciated...

Thanks, WWC. I'm sure they appreciated their friendships with you, too. I've had friends of both genders, but in many ways men are refreshing. Too often, I see women subtley pressuring each other to "conform" .... and conformity is such a freakin' bore. ;)

Wouldn't it be cool if we could get all the women in the ADD forums together? I bet we could start some great friendships!:D

I have tons of male friends and tons of female friends. I do more with my male friends because they are more availiable mostly. They are more often not living with the kids. Women aren't as avaliable especially when they have a boyfriend. They seem to have relationships more frequently than men. The men stay single longer. My women friends don't seem to need me as much. I am a very unconforming and rather not needy, so maybe that is why they don't ask me to go to the mall with them, am I missing something? I mostly get together w/female friends to practice music, job related stuff. Then we chat a lot. The other reason is because we have kids that will play together. The men we go out and be silly. I make a lot of my girlfriends from my men friends girlfriends.
In school lots of girls got clingy, I couldn't relate and took it as a compliment but never worried about losing one. That may be the reason I never developed the kind of girlfriend you are buddys with since childhood. I regret that, but not too much. I am just not clingy. I have been teased that I am not clingy enough by men friends and boyfriends.
I love being with women and would love to have a "bestest friend" One of my favorite girlfriends thinks I am always too busy, and I think the same of her. A month ago I needed a friend, and called her and she was free, a rare occurance as she is in school, runs her own buisness, has a husband and a zillion hobbies and other great friends.
She didn't invite me to her anniversary party, she told me about it.
I then realized I wasn't invited so I said "you didn't invite me!" She said "I just always figure your busy" Anyway, I really didn't feel upset, I just tried to show her that I would have liked to have been invited. what is wrong with me? I am going to try to be a little more clingy, if I can. I know there is nothing like a good woman buddy. Well thats my story, I hope I didn't bore you if you read it.

Oh by the way does anyone want to be my friend? I am not clingy, but I am trying to show other woman I need them. So I can know what it is like to shop together! I hardy ever did that with a woman.
Janine

I can relate, Janine. I tend to neglect my friendships too, especially now that I have the kids. And I'm probably in the minority here, but I think shopping as a sport is highly overrated. ;) I've had a few great shopping excursions with friends, but I usually get antsy and bored with the idea pretty quickly. I have very little time to spend with friends these days, so I'd much rather spend that time doing something I enjoy more.

When I do go to the mall, it's usually to run one quick errand, and then let the kids go wild in the indoor playground there. I always see female friends shopping and chatting together, and sometimes I feel a little twinge of regret when I see how much fun they're having. But I know that if I joined them, I'd be bored within five minutes! :D (Unless one of you would like to go with me...!)

I'll go with you, krisp!

I like going to the mall. These are the reasons it is fun: lots of sensory stimulation, I like to spot trends, people watching abounds, good variety of food, retail therapy. If these sound fun to anyone, they are welcome to come to the mall with me.

I do not enjoy the choosing, trying on of items with friends. I find this part tedious. "No,(friend), those earrings do not make you look fat!" I'd rather just walk and talk and eat some teryaki chicken.

If I need something to wear or to purchase a gift I will go with a specific list. If I spend too much time at the mall, I get what I call a "shopper's daze" and lose all interest and sense of direction. I know it's time to leave then, or get some sugar in my bloodstream. The daze can also strike me at the market.

OK, I'm up for the walking/talking/teriyaki chicken part. ;) I also enjoy going through a variety of interesting stores. It's the "let's go through every single item on the rack" part that bores me to tears. Now that I think of it, that's probably why I enjoy shopping with my husband. We just never spend too much time in one place.

I'm also familiar with "the daze." I get overstimulated, my blood sugar drops, and I just have to have some downtime. If I keep trying to shop past that point, I'm more likely to buy things on impulse and wonder later WTF I was thinking. :eek:

Originally posted by ferrette1976
Wouldn't it be cool if we could get all the women in the ADD forums together? I bet we could start some great friendships!:D


Totally agree Diane.......:)

LOL, krisp! Sometimes I think they have intentionally distorted the mirrors in the shops. I have about 5 WTFWIT items in my trunk right now!


Ferrette, I think that would be very cool! I already have gifts for 5 of you.:D

I get bored doing the clothes things at the mall too. I like to people watch though! Actually the Mall thing was a bit of a joke. But I do wonder why I never did those supossedly typical female things. Ilive within a mile of two malls, and would rather stay home with my son.

Originally posted by krisp
I can relate, Janine. I tend to neglect my friendships too, especially now that I have the kids. And I'm probably in the minority here, but I think shopping as a sport is highly overrated. ;) I've had a few great shopping excursions with friends, but I usually get antsy and bored with the idea pretty quickly. I have very little time to spend with friends these days, so I'd much rather spend that time doing something I enjoy more.

When I do go to the mall, it's usually to run one quick errand, and then let the kids go wild in the indoor playground there. I always see female friends shopping and chatting together, and sometimes I feel a little twinge of regret when I see how much fun they're having. But I know that if I joined them, I'd be bored within five minutes! :D (Unless one of you would like to go with me...!)

Arrrggghhhh. I hate shopping and small talk. When I was a teenager, my mom always wanted to take me shopping for clothes. I hated it. I'd see something I liked and say "Ya, that looks good." I WOULD HATE TRYING ON CLOTHES!!! (I still don't).

I don't mind shopping as much as I used to, but even still, I don't find it to be entertaining. It's just ok, but can get boring really fast unless I have something in mind that I really want to buy-- which probably isn't all that good either since I have some bipolar tendendies too.

It's a good thing that I'm broke. (Hard to go on a spending spree when you have no money to spend). Actually, I say that jokingly. I'm not a big spender at all. My parents both taught me early on to save money and it is a lesson I've never forgotten. :D

~Sandy

Come the mall with us Sandy! No small talk or trying on of items, I promise. ;)

I wish my parents taught me that lesson. They never let us have any money to goof off with or make mistakes with. We HAD to save everything.

I am getting my kids their own checking accounts as soon as they get to high school. Your money, your mistakes, I say.

My parents started us saving money in our own bank accounts at a very young age. I learned it. (I'm very frugal). My sister didn't. (She spends). Go figure.

I never learned to save. There is always something important to buy. And it isn't clothes! Toys are my weakness. And paying my bills. I am lucky I don't have the time to Christmass shop!
I have had a bank account since I was about 10 yrs old, I am not capable of planning ahead. so far. Still trying.

Thanks gals, all who responded. I just wanted you to know that I do consider you my freinds even though I have been here for just a short time. Its so nice to find some kindred spirits. :)

Okay- so I'm only 22; but the friendships I've had with females never really worked out. I don't currently have any female friends. I used to when I was in high school. And back then, if I had a boyfriend, and they didn't; acceptance or non-acceptance of that showed me who my real friends were- and on the female half of the spectrum it amounted to none. They wanted to go out of their way and make my life miserable for it if I let them. And the guys who remained my friends even when I wasn't availiable romantically, from high school, are still my friends to this day. They don't even seem to mind me becoming a bit reclusive; they understand it better than all the females I've known.

I always suspected a primitive programming in women to be somwhat combative with each other, sexually. It could be my age group; I'm not really sure what the deal is.

But it's good to hear that other women have had the same difficulty with others!

Originally posted by SubtleMuttle
I always suspected a primitive programming in women to be somwhat combative with each other, sexually. It could be my age group; I'm not really sure what the deal is.

I think you're on to something there! I've sensed the same from females, especially from the junior high years through the 20s. From what I've seen, I'd say that men seem to compete in ways that are more physical or status-related, while women compete psychologically.

Some women get friendlier to other women as they age .... some do not. I wonder whether this had any evolutionary value in the past. I hope so, because it is certainly annoying to me now! :D

I was remembering something I read about the difference between men's and women's communication styles and I was wondering if AD/HD women possibly feel more comfortable jumping into conversations (or interrupting) the way men appear to do.
Have you ever been at a gathering where the women seem to clam right up in the presence of men and let them do all the talking or (worse yet) divide into gender camps and don't interact at all?
I think growing up with all brothers also affects the way I relate to men. I tend to agree with the "high maintentence" component to most (not all) women's friendships.
I guess I've always wanted a female friend who isn't so particular about remembering birthdays (and their kids birthdays) and isn't afraid of everything!
BTW shopping malls are my idea of hell. I just feel too overwhelmed and bored at the same time. I do like poking around in little towns, combing thrift stores and having a nice lunch at a small cafe.....

I've got to agree with joanrdtobe here. I've found it's easier to be friends with men, but that there is no substitute for the intimacy of a good female friend.

In school/college, I had primarily male friends . . they were pure simple fun, without a lot of baggage. But I was painting all women with the same brush. One doesn't have to be part of a "gang" of female friends to have good female friends. And while my male friends are dear to me and irreplacable, there is a lack of shared experiences.

I think (just for me, not saying this is for everyone) that I was afraid of women. School peer games had been brutal, and I was afraid of trying and being rejected. But when I did become close with women (just 2 or 3), I was able to share so much and receive so much that I'm glad I allowed myself to trust them.

Ok i will admit this is the first thread i read all the way through on this board. I have to say i was absolutly stuck, focused and mouth open gobsmacked.

All the way through school i was picked on and had no friends at all, boy or girl. Then in college i made one friend who didnt drift off after a few minutes conversation. We did psychology A level (sorry not sure what the US equivilent is) and part of one of studies we did was on "Male/female" brains. Well interestingly according to all the tests i had a male brain type and my male friend had a female type brain.

I now know that my lack of friends was due to most all body language and subliminal messaging going straight over my head. I would get enthusiastic about something and just steam roll everyone in my excuberance.
If i was bored i looked it as well, though i had no idea it was written all over my face.
So i lost friends before i even made them mostly.

After that i thought i had a beter understanding of how men thought and that gave me confidence to try and make friends.
Sure enough it wasnt so hard to make male friends and we had lots in comon as well. They didnt even notice that not only did i never wear nail varnish, but there was often motor oil under the nails too(old engine oil is soooo hard to wash off), unlike all the girls.

So after a few years i gained three good male friends and married one of them too. Women just didnt make any more sence to me than they did to my male friends(maybe we were a dence lot).

My eldest daughter is just like me, almost a carbon copy so we can relate completly. My youngest daughter however seems to be a different species. She has what feals like a psychic ability to read peoples mood and attitudes. When dressing her in the morning she will refuse an item of clothing and point to a replacement and when she is dressed you can see why. She just has that ability to arrange things in a way that pleases the eye.

Then i started Concerta and it was like a whole new world to me. Suddenly i could actually read people. First it was only my children and then other children and slowly now adults are making more sence to me. I can see where the sudden raging tantrum has come from in my son rather than just be shocked by its arival.

And here are all you people who seem to be able to understand it and put it beter than i could ever hope to. Women really are high maintanance and complex too and not just fickle like i used to think.

Ladies, you don't know how good it is to hear you are not the only one who thinks women are the opposite sex! ADD/D girls have a tendency to be Daddy's girls because Dad communicates more clearly and with far less psychological warfare. Tradiionally, the father was the one who doled out punishment in typical households ("Just wait until your father gets home!") and we knew what to expect from him whereas mom was another story...
My female friendships took a weird path. I was fortute enough to have one close girlfiend most of grade school and high school but I always sought out the friendships of guys first. And boy was I judged for it! Because I did not look like a tom-boy per se, everyone put a sexual spin on it! Most of the boys on the soccer team happened to be in my grade 12 homeroom and friendshiops with them came easily (I played soccer too) BUT, as the new girl at this high school, an unsavoury reputation soon developed. I highly doubt the boys were the originators of that rumour-they were too busy having fun. I was probably the first girl kicked out of Girl Guides because I kept skipping meetings to go to Boy Scout meetings, the reason being they did stuff that was fun, challenging and adventurous. I would rather do a tresure hunt than sew any day! So at 13 I was deemed 'boy crazy' and some sort of moral threat to my fellow Guides. Ditto summer camp. As I got older I learnt to generally mistrust women who toyed with my friendship in order to seek favour with any number of my male friends. The other BIG issue has been the jealousy(UNFOUNDED-but if you are worried about your pretty do getting undone in the poo,of course they are going to prefer spending timewith me!) of the women involved with my close male friends who have plotted to get rid of me and succeeded too often than not! I can honestly say that I have never pined over the loss of a female friendship in my life. Which saddens me on one hand but reaffirms that I am emotionally hard wired to men. Fortunately I have found other women like me as I got older and I don't paint everyone with the same brush. But I can still spot a manipulator at 50 paces!! LOL ! I admit it I have a male soul in a curvy body -what's a girl to do?! Has anyone else bring out the silly jealousy behaviour in women?

Ha Ha Ha
make that "your pretty do undone in the pool" not poo, in which case I would worry about my do too! BTW I do know how to spell, my fingers don't always get the keys right-hello ADD!

I was wondering about that expression! I have three daughters and I hope to teach them (if nothing else) how to spot the manipulator and steer clear.

Originally posted by zzzatwheel
My female friendships took a weird path. I was fortute enough to have one close girlfiend most of grade school and high school but I always sought out the friendships of guys first. And boy was I judged for it! Because I did not look like a tom-boy per se, everyone put a sexual spin on it!

Wow! I can so completely relate to that! All through school, I only really had one close girlfriend, and a lot of close guy friends. Being the way Jr. High and High School girls tend to be, they always assumed the worst about me. Which made me like them even less. As I've gotten older, I have had a few female friends, but most I would almost consider aquaintences, not true friends. It's weird, I just always feel more comfortable around the guys, like I can just hang out and be myself, not worrying about being judged by anyone.

I have (had) one female friend, and we no longer speak. She is probably the best (adult) friend I ever had. I am going to try and reestablish our frienship. I'm not sure how, but I think I'll post it as a goal in peer coaching.:confused:

I think that is an excellant idea FG. And I have no trouble making and keeping friends female or male. My husband says I meet a new best friend everyday. But, in actuality I'm shy around crowds so I start talking and don't shut up. lol and he's right I have met some of my very dearest friends in the express lane at Walmart. lol

I can completely relate to this-- I have one best girlfriend, and the rest of my friends are guys, both gay, bi and straight. I don't know what it is about girls, but I just can't maintain close friendships with them like I used to (except for my best friend, who is very understanding and doesn't make me feel smothered/ controlled-- in fact, she's a lot like me, so we get along)

Most of my friends are either Bi or Lesbian.. or Drag queens.. I tend to not get to close to any of my female friends.... I mostly hang out with the guys..

I'm just recently diagnosed wth ADD, and honestly, reading through these forums is scary sometimes! I guess this is another facet of my personality that I can put down to ADD.

I've never kept female friends for more than a year. They eventually seem to think I'm weird, bossy, mean, or all of the above. Sometimes I just have no idea why they suddenly started to dislike me - some of them even go out of their way to make life difficult for me - is that a general female thing, or is it only directed at females with add?

I've always got on better with men. My best friend is male, and has been my best friend for more than half my life. I guess I can identify with the 'high maintenance' issue - we live 6000 miles apart due to my job, and most of the time, I won't call him in the 2 months between trips home and he won't call me. It's never a problem for either of us, and things are always right back to normal as soon as we hit the pub!

I'm also a real tomboy - always have been, and really not into the whole babies, shopping, make up thing. I guess that's another reason why I don't get on great with other women - lack of common interest.

I don't have any female friends. I'm not comfortable around most normal women. I know the looks all to well. I feel like I can't be myself or that I have to pretend to be like them and that's just not me. I'll just stick with the family I have left.

you are a woman after my own heart, sandy - i abhore shopping; i detest the mall. i feel uncomfortable in large crowds. i feel weird when i have to go to the mall.
give me a bookstore, or even a grocery store - i could (and do) spend hours there. i like to check out the newest food items, and see if i can use them feeding my family.
and since i love to read, bookstores are easy for me.
my daughter (also add) loves clothes shopping and the mall. (she's 14, so i guess that's "normal").
she has finally learned that, when dragging me clothes shopping, she sits me down, hands me a magazine, and says - you stay here, i'll come show you all the stuff i pick out.... yay!

I'm like futs in that I make friends easily, I yak to anyone in the store, or yak back if they yak first. I love when someone I don't know just talks to me. Had one tonight in walmart.

My friendliness/oddness seems to put others at ease. Yet in I never fit in growing up in the school system.

Now,I make friends often. It makes me feel good, because although I had friends growing up, I didn't know how make them or keep them, I was too insecure. Now I do! My good gal friends are finnally catching up with my guy friends. This is a first! Whoo hooooo!!

I just find girls too GIRLY. I don't have time to go buy nice clothes to look like a fashion model, moneywise and sizewise (I'm a starving student and I am 4'11....)

I've always been "one of the guys", and since I have two brothers, I am definitely a tomboy kind of person. I don't wear skirts at all...
I do wear makeup though...

I haven't had any long term real female friends... my best friends have always been guys. maybe because they're less judgemental?
hmm...
what do you all think?

I tend to make "pals" easily. having been an army brat in a place where no-one remained past 3 years, i learned to get to know people quickly. I even managed to remain friends with many of the people i met that way. Unfortunately, they all live far away. And none of them (that i know of) are ADD.
But I only have 2 or 3 close friends here, where I live. But at least I have those.... and even with those, at times I feel like I've said or done the wrong thing and they can't wait to dump me.. sometimes ADD just sux.

I don't generally share enough interest with the normal girl, what is normal for me is artistic folks, unusual interesting people off the beaten path. I at the age of 40 have never been asked to the mall by a girl friend. I had a boyfriend who wanted to have a mall day each week, what a strange bird. He would walk around gazing in windows.(and at women)and driving my kid and me out of our minds. He didn't last long

Pembroke says--------"I haven't had any long term real female friends... my best friends have always been guys. maybe because they're less judgemental?
hmm...
what do you all think?"

I say------Perhaps we are not competition for the guys but trophies.

Perhaps some women are offended by a women who acts differently, as they might percieve it as a boldness of which they couldn't muster up?Therefore threatning.

Guys don't compare us to themselves, but they probably do that to other guys.
And girls of course compare us, but wouldn't compare a guy to themselves.

a girlfriend of mine in 7th grade got really nasty at me, and then sent me a note appologizing, she said she was jealous of me because I knew how to act around guys, and she didn't. (I was a tomboy that's why) She hated that I surfed with them and got more attention while she (a model) who layed on the sand.
And I wasn't interested in them, just the waves. But she figured I went out to be with them, boy was she boy crazy!! She was absolutely goreous, but they were frightened of her cause she was all girl.

A lot of us adders are tomboys so we fit in with the boys easier. Don't ya think?

I don't know about all that. I do know that at the beach, I CANNOT just lie there and soak up sun. I'd rather surf, dig big holes, run.....

As a girl, I always felt more comfortable with the boys. But then, I grew up with brothers and no sister, so it was what i was used to. I think that the boys just accepted me for who I was and didn't judge me, like the girls did. if I was different then them that was okay, after I was a girl.

Fast forward many years and i think that i am getting better at this girlfiend thing. I am aslo more confident in who I am as a person and if someone doesn't like me, oh well. Now I have a few good girlfriends. There have been many that have come and gone over the years - and new ones that have come to take their place. The true friends are the ones that accept me for who I am and have been there for me when I needed them and let me be there for them when they needed me.

I used work very hard at making friends, getting along with extended family members by doing things for them. I was going to do everything that i could to have a good relationship with them and if it didn't happen it wasn't my fault. It's like I knew some people didn't naturally like me and then my goal was to try and win them over. The only thing that would happen is I would get all gived out.

I have purposely tried to cut out any one way relationships or minimized my involvement with family members where I feel it's not a give and take relationship. I can't affords to spend all my energy on other people that frankly, come acourse like they could give two hoots about me. I have a wonderful husband and four great kids that I am focusing on for the most part.

The funny thing is, when I stopped looking for friends, I have found them, and good ones too!

Believe it or not, I can relate to many of the stories in this thread. Like some of you, in school I found it easier to relate to boys as friends than girls, and easier to relate to boys not as "boyfriend-girlfriend" but just as friends. It's getting easier for me to relate to other women, but I've had to work at this.

I can't believe this. I just joined this group so I'm in a state of amazement that other people went through what I did! I'm in shock.

I had a series of best friends through elementary and high school, but I was never part of a "girl group." I never fit in. I always figured I missed out on some essentially girliness somewhere along the line. They all seemed to come from a different planet. I just felt more comfortable with the guys.

The high-maintenence thing is familiar, too. The only friends I keep for long periods of time are the ones that can handle long periods of silence. No tit-for-tat, I called you last stuff.

The shopping mall daze is also familiar to me. I just get overwhelmed after awhile with the sensory overload.

I really wish I could meet you all in person. Ahhh, to be understood!

I guess I dont make a good friend to girls. I was always considered a TOMBOY. I played with all the boys in the neighborhood and loved the great outdoors. I didnt take interest in playing with dolls and getting them all dressed up. I was way too busy for that. You would find me down at the creek catching turtles and building them habitats in my mothers garden. LOL!

As an adult, I forget to call and say happy birthday, I forget people's special events and I seem to be too hyper to listen well. I dont know - I just dont get mushy enough I guess. I have never set through a movie at a theator because I got to board. Girls think I avoid them and I just dont care enough. I have no girl friends at this point in my life. My husband has plenty of guy friends who we all hang out go out and ride fourwheelers. Their wives don't like me much because I will participate in the "guy activities" that they despise. I invite the other wives to come along and they never do unless there will be alterative activities that they will enjoy there. Ohh well I wish I could be more sentimental. I am with my kids - I think.

Some girls are control freaks - not me I dont have time for those games!

This has been so interesting for me to read. One thing I will say about girl friends is that they have been more supportive than my male friends about my ADD diagnosis. Most of my friends have kids the same age as mine (still pretty young) and they know how much I have struggled over the years to keep my life in balance and more importantly my house clean! My closest friends have just been so happy for me what this has meant for me. Male friends tend to think that it is just a "fad".

I do know some women who are very concerned with things like thank you notes- that is just not going to happen for me. I used to get a huge pang of guilt when I would get a thank you note when I knew I never sent one- I am trying to get over that!

finally i have figured it out - the reason i don't have femalie friends. i always just thought i had a sh*t personality. :-)

I have three good female friends, all three of them are quirky, but one that I just met when I moved down here (and unfortunately I'm moving again soon) is just like me, crazy and quirky and not like other girls, she's totally non-comformist and this is so refreshing. She also gets along better with guys, but nothing can replace female friendship--there's just so many things I can talk about with her that I can't talk about with guys and that guys wouldn't understand. She's probably ADD too, I told her about how I was diagnosed and she said she had so many of the same problems I did back in Junior High.

If only the other women wouldn't turn on each other so easily, the make our gender look bad.

I guess I am just lucky, my profession brings me in contact with awesome females.
I didn't always have good women friends. And now I feel lucky, I think women need to reach out and try to put each other at the top of their list of importance.
While the men are great too, the women in my life understand me in a different depth.

This is an interesting point to me -- I only learned I have adhd a year ago (I'm 47) -- and within +/- 6 months also learned both my daughters have it. As a teen, and in my working years, I'd say that I too found I got along more easily with men. It hasn't occurred to me in the past year that this is related to ADHD but it makes sense.

I remember in h.s. feeling frustrated that none of my girlfriends would go skating, or play tennis, or biking with me -- so I went with boys when I could. As my girls grew up, I learned that in the teen years, girls tend to want to "hang out" and talk/relate, while boys' friendships are more often centered around activities. I could see that I (and my girls to a degree) like relationships that center on activities, so perhaps this is part of the issue as well.

Having said that, I've had wonderful friends with women over the years and in my 40s have really begun expanding my women friends. It's probably true that I turned off women along the way by not being thoughtful/responsive/conformist enough, but fortunately, there are plenty out there who have accepted me anyway.

I agree with the person who said -- try to have both in your life. Thanks for making me aware of this as an ADHD issue.

I do not enjoy the choosing, trying on of items with friends. I find this part tedious. "No,(friend), those earrings do not make you look fat!" I'd rather just walk and talk and eat some teryaki chicken.



I hear that! I will only make 1 trip to the dressing room, after that it is boring. Forget waiting for other people to model their 50 items.

The vast majority of my friends are male.. I just find it much easier to get along with them. I severly dislike the high level of maintenance that comes with typical female friendships... My pet peeve is hands down "does this make me look fat" "no" "yes it does"... I hate that game, and once someone forces me to play it, my opinion of them drops, and generally so does the friendship within a short amount of time.
I met my best friend (female) about 4-5 years ago.. Her general flakiness meshed with mine pretty well..She also had trouble keeping female friends, and we often joked about it. Little did I know she has ADD as well! She never really mentioned it, though I knew she was on meds for something.. I finally found out this year! Another good female friend of mine also has ADD.. I suppose I'm drawn to ADDers! lol :D

I find I have better relationship with women...friendshipwise. Someow they can put up with me better.

I do not enjoy the choosing, trying on of items with friends. I find this part tedious. "No,(friend), those earrings do not make you look fat!" I'd rather just walk and talk and eat some teryaki chicken.
I hear you on this one. When I was a teen, my mom enjoyed shopping for clothes. Not me. I just wanted in and out. She couldn't understand why I didn't find fun in this. To me, it was just a pain in the patoot.

even thought i've got one mate who is a chick, generally ive got along better with guys. at school at lunch times chicks would jstu sit around and ***** about stuff, while guys would play sport so i'd just join in with them instead. Like what a lot of you have said.. ive wonderd where i missed the girliness part too. im scared of make up and i dont own a hair drier either.

I'de rather stay home than go 'shopping' with someone. My fiance and I have more arguements about this than most anything! When he says 'let's go to the Farmers Market' (bear in mind, I'm in Atlanta and they are HUGE with stuff and people from all over the world) he's saying 'I just want to get a few things I can only get there, then leave'. What I hear is 'let's wander around and look at all the cool/different stuff for the afternoon'. Fifteen minutes after we get there, he's ready to go and I'm like WTF?? WHERE exactly do we HAVE to be in 5 min?? and if this was all you wanted to do why did I have to accompany you?? I will go to the Mall, etc., and it's more theraputic for me. I'm usually not looking for anything specific, but it's more the 'thrill of the hunt' than the 'kill'. Yes...I will flip through the crammed racks at Filene's, etc., to find that 300.00 jacket marked down to 30.00! My best friends have ALWAYS been men. Just something about women I've never really trusted. In my teens I was kind of chubby, odd one out. I hit my 20's lost the 'baby fat' and until I hit 45 (and quit smoking after 20+ yrs) I was always around 115-120 except when I was pregnant. Back then and now, I don't dress like other mom's either, and I'm probably older than most of my daughters friends moms. I had #1 at 33 and #2 at 35, I'm now 46. I still go to concerts and love them now as much as I did my first in '73!! I tend towards the 'unconventional', always have. Could this be my ADD shining through?:rolleyes:

my problem , apart from acting like im 16 (im 23) is that i look 16 too.......
when i was 17, i got into a theme park as a 13 year old.. so i guess its got some benefits.
looks like i maybe never *grow up* wohoo!!

i own a hair dryer and make up.. i just dont want to USE them lol

Ive never had many female friends. The few good ones Ive had were ADD. Also my mom (and brother) is ADD so I didn't have to go through some of the "torment" some of you other gals went through.

Still, back in HS, it was embarrassing to have friends over because our house was such a wreck and we were chronically late for EVERYTHING! I just couldn't understand why we couldn't get our "act" together like normal families.