How do we non- adders,not let the adders mood affect us. It is so hard to tune out all her cursing and her frustration with herself and life. She has been gone today doing her running around, and I have remained in a good mood and have got alot done around the house. I miss her,but know as soon as she walks in the door,her life and moods will take over. She is starting to get upset at my tuning her out,and missing some things she tells me. I know there has to be a way to make us work.
Bruce

I think you both could use some counseling to help you work thru all the issues you are having from the way it sounds.

However, here is a helpful thread I saw posted just today that may help in the meantime.

ADHD and Intimate Relationships (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33125)

Best of luck! :)

Great article,thanks

Hi Fresh: I think everybody goes through this, and it's the big question we're all asking on this board. I don't care what that other guy said, anger is an issue with almost all Adders. There are certain characteristics of ADD folks that make if difficult sometime to hold on to your serenity. But I used to be married to a recovering alcoholic and I went to Alanon, where we learned about detachment -- I think it's the same thing with this. When he's nattering away, if he starts doing the angry outburst thing on his computer (definitely not directed at me, but crazy-making all the same), there's a door I can close so I can't hear him, or another part of the house I can go to, or a bikeride I can take, etc. And he doesn't do it all the time. In my ****nal of weapons to stay sane are: inviting people over for dinner, getting his kids over for a movie, getting him out of the house on a walk or drive, planning something for the future like a vacation, saying things like "I'm thinking I'd like to clean for an hour, wil you help?," but maybe more than anything, paying attention to my new business, keeping up with my friendships, never letting his moods interfere with my exericise routine. We're also going to counseling.

Thank you so much for your post. She tries to say she didn't do anything, and I am just imagining it. It drives me nuts because I know I am not imagining it.

Bruce

That's so funny to see what the "editor" deleted...I assume you can fill in the blanks -- defnitely not a cuss word! So many of the things we're seeing in our partners look like laziness, carelessness, stubbornness, etc. but when you start reading these boards, you see that they're often a common complaint from the non-Add spouse. I was reading another thread where the wife was furious her husband didn't lock the door. I bet that resonated with so many people -- it's like another symptom of ADD. It's easy for us to say: Why can't they just pick up the dang plate and put it in the dishwasher. But the thought of cleaning up after dinner is so hideous to some ADDers -- one even said "I would rather have a hot poker in my eye." So that gives you some clue as to how awful it is for them! But still we have to live, and we want to be safe and have some semblance of order and I think there are ways to do that and let them be themselves.