View Full Version : An "INATTENTIVE" ADDer's TALE


justhope
10-09-06, 12:56 PM
Ok so I posted this in my yahoo 360 page...but then figured many of you will never click on my link....and I think most of you...esp the inattentives...will get a kick out of this one.....so enjoy! Hope


(Warning this could be a "shocking" novel enter at your own risk, and for my ADDer friends, make sure you have taken your meds, I do nothing in a "short" version...)





AN "INATTENTIVE" ADDer's TALE


I write this not out of depression, self hatred, or my usual doom & gloom.



I share to cease the constant "revving" in my head. Share for both the "AHA" effect for those who would like to see inside the mind of an Adder, and also to provide the "UH HUH I hear ya sister" reaction from my ADD brothers & sisters. Mostly, this is for me, to reflect on, to be honest with and laugh at myself! So let's begin.



My favorite Battle - A Typical Weekend.


I spend all week at work. Looking forward to Friday. An end to the grind, which is especially painful for ADDers. I also start the vicious cycle. The "famous" sentence or dialouge I repeat over and over again in my mind, my mantra, my chant.



Friday, the day I can get all the things done at home I need to do. I am looking forward to this, looking around at everything that needs to be done, in my minds eye. So Friday is here, the engine "revvs". I can get home, get the menial duties done. Like dishes, trash, vacuum etc.



Late Friday, this is the adventure, here begins the "saga". Some of you already know ,or have caught onto, where I am going right? The ritual, that drove me back to medication after 10 years. Friday, I am tired from working all week, but determined. And I start a few of the above mentioned things. Then I sit in front of the TV or the computer and act, how? Like a typical ADDer. And Friday night slips into early Saturday morning.




My mantra & chanting begins.



"Tommorrow" , I will get done. Minutes before sleep sets in, I say my chant over and over again. Tomorrow I will get it all done. Then morning comes, hmmm then noon is here. I stir, ok time to tame the "beast" called procrastination. I venture out of my "cave" and look around ,running a virtual laundry list of things that need to be done in my mind. Then, I spend countless hours staring at the TV or wishing everyone would move, or leave, so I can get started.



Saturday late afternoon. I am up and fully dressed, 1/2 of the battle done. I spend the rest of the day tripping over myself, in distraction, or general feelings of being overwhelmed by that virtual laundry list, I have swirling around in my head, driving the "revving" engire harder. Overwhelmed and frustrated, I never start.



" The tape plays on, chanting, Tonight! I Will Get It Done"



Then I am distracted by others. Usually kids in and out, as ADD as their mom. Like a tangled mass of energy and destruction waiting to happen. They leave me in Awe. When are they going to do something? So I can get started! (are you laughing now?) Then there is the unmedicated partner, who is either running around, like I would be if I were hyper, instead of mostly inattentive. Or he is sleeping.?? When is he going to move, or get out of the way? So I can get started! (now I know you are laughing, right?)


Frustration is sufficiently built now, looking around I don't even know where to start. 10pm Saturday night. I never begin.



Ok so time marches on.....early Sunday morning approaches, steam rolling in.....(insert tape here and begin mantra & chanting) I will get it done tomorrow.



And Sunday is much like the Saturday described above, except about 7pm I realize that there are things that MUST be done to survive the upcoming school/work week.



Now I am ticked off. I usually take this out on mostly innocent bystanding, distraction feeding, scape goats, I call my kids & thier father. Throughly, Chewed up and Spat out upon the floor., in a heap they go, often looking bewildered at what just took place?



(On a side note, or bunny trail, I sometimes even have a whole day free of them, and I still get nothing done, yes I know ,I know)



Ok so Sunday evening, and flurry of routine "musts" have been completed. Resentfully so, but done all the same. I then collapse in bed 12 am exhausted ,,"by what?"



The "revving" has not died down yet. The static and swirling are still with me, building to a climax. Except ,now they are intermingled with the burdening weight, of every Adder's dreaded transition, Monday Mornings, and now my minds threatens to implode on it's self.


Aggravated and spent, the silence screams out at me. I think God , why can't I call off tomorrow ,and then I could get this all done!!!!!. (now keep in mind, I have little personal time left at work, between sick kids, doc appts, and OH Yes, other wasted days spent not getting things done, that are justified to myself later as overdue mental health days. )



My mantra & chanting begins, again.



The comedy of it all is, here in bed now 12:30 am on Sunday/Monday morning,



The tapes begins again......Oh well I can get it all done Next Weekend. I will this time (promising self and partner if he is awake) ....
(pause here for hysterical bout of laughter at one's self)



This my friends is what it's like to be, ADD me. (hey but the BPD doesn't help either, does it?)



This is the "bad" side of ADD. The one I am determined to overcome. Even funnier is it's now 1:45 am on Saturday night. My house if void of all "awake" bodies in motion, and here I sit typing away on the computer! Now that is comedy, ain't it!



But OH, it's sooo creative, it's sharing, therapy?

HMMMMM,,,, or perhaps it's another ADD, self-driven distraction tactic to avoid the whole getting of things "done' thing,, that I have been rambling on about.

I will now, read this and head over the the "motivation sucking" "procrastion feeding", ADDF Site to see if my "also" inattentive playmates are up!


So you can all "giggle" now , either because you relate totally, or because you find this all so absurd.



Either way, this is a "typical" weekend in my ADD life


Yes welcome to my world, Ain't life grand!



(and if you are not drooling on yourself by now, or if you are still reading and not off distracted somewhere else, here are a couple of quotes)



Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
Chinese Proverb



I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time! ~Author Unknown


All the mind's activity is easy if it is not subjected to reality. ~Marcel Proust,

Lafnalot
08-05-07, 06:43 PM
oh oh oh oh my G*d this screen is a two way and youve seen me, havent you?

justhope
08-28-07, 10:21 PM
Ha..I just saw this....tee hee hee..yep that's me...watching you watching me...


Now through in some BP and heck it's a wonder I get a dang thing done at all. TG for meds...since I wrote this..these things don't plague me ...everyweekend..just every other..LOL