I need some idea's? that work, about household budgeting. Im trying to show my newly wed wife, about household budgeting and I need to, know how to approuch the subject that really works.

right now i pay all the bills am trying to do all the grocery shopping, just so i dont have to go so many times.

The real problems is she spends more money then she makes, its not that she makes big purchases, but she'll nickel and dime you to death.....lol

I relised am going to support her while she finishes her degree,

But I've try to show her a spreadshheet i made , just to show her how her spending habbits our.with no prevail.

The problems is i created a monster , by just giving her an ATM and a credit card. So for any person it would be out of site out of mind.


700 to 900 a month for a grocery bill for TWO people, :eek: and thats about 18 trips to the grocery store. Man am tried

god love her, she thinks she doing a good job :faint: we have two refigators and a pantry, full of food, but when she want to cook we dont have it.


Its not that am cheap, but we need to live, by our own means.

The problem that i find for a non add, Is that if I want to express any idea or concept to a adhd person, you have to do it in 5 seconds.

Then you got to express yourself so they dont get defensive or irritated.

I dont want to bash her or any other women,so am just used the grocery bill
but you can fortget about the idea,of me sitting down an saying honey could i show you something, we need to work together on something.

THAT DOG AINT HUNTING IN THIS HOUSEHOLD:cool:

I had finincial chaos until I went on a budget and automated my bill payments. I have a bank card, no credit cards (I know better than to have a credit card in my hands). I give myself a fixed amount of cash to spend each pay period and I have no choice but to stay inside my budget.
It works pretty good so far.

Me :D

I had finincial chaos until I went on a budget and automated my bill payments. I have a bank card, no credit cards (I know better than to have a credit card in my hands). I give myself a fixed amount of cash to spend each pay period and I have no choice but to stay inside my budget.
It works pretty good so far.

Me :D
thank speed but she not going to give up the credit card, OH by the way i just got a phone call to get something at the store,,,,,,:p

Hi Tommytwotone -
Sorry if my comment sounds flip or off the cuff, but...if she isn't handling the credit card within budget, it's not her CHOICE whether to give it up or not...it can be cancelled (especially if she's unable to talk about it to have a financial plan you're both comfortable with). R

Hi, I'm not clear from your post who has the ADHD, you or her, but the nickle and dime you to death sounds very familiar... lol

I've made progress over the years, wasn't easy. We started marriage with no savings and a large amount of credit card debt. I am the ADHDer here, I was never good with budgeting or running my own finances. But getting married and moving out of my parents changed that. I felt I needed to get it under control.

Today, we have a nice chunk of savings, only a little CC debt.

She always had a tendancy to buy things we didn't really need, small purchases that added up.

Here's how I tackled it:
1. No using the credit cards anymore, yes that was hard. But the balances and monthly payments caused me great anxiety, every time I found new charges on the bill, I'd get angry. She slowly got the message
2. Set up a plan to reduce the balances, pay more than the minimum, transfer to lower interest cards. Pay a fixed amount each month regardless of what the minimum is. This creates a snowball effect and balances reduce faster and faster as you go along. Tackling the lowest balance card first, and then moving on to the next helped psychologically.
3. Put something aside for savings each month.
4. When buying big items like cars or a house, buy something which fits your budget comfortably. You might be tempted by flashier features or bigger house, but ask yourself what you really need.
5. When our savings got big enough, I started using that rather than credit for larger purchases, I make sure to 'pay it back' a little at a time. At least none of it's going to interest. For instance, We buy a $500 item, then I put an extra $50 back into savings each month until its paid off. But I also make sure that savings doesn't go to pay for essentials, otherwise it's an indication that something's wrong.
6. Spending money. With debit cards, There was always a ton of transactions on the statement each month that were tough to sort out. So now, we each get a set amount of cash each week that we can spend on anything,- no questions asked -. Anything beyond that requires consulting the other person.
7. Involve her in the finances. It's one thing to say there's no money, it's another thing for her to see negatives in the checking account.

As our incomes increased, it became easier. Last year, she was finally making enough money that our incomes finally exceeded her natural spending rate. But then she got pregnant, and is now a stay-at-home mom, so I had to become more strict in implementing the above steps again.

Wow, feeling kinda weird being a woman in control of the household budget:

For me, I found it WAY easier to just take over the whole thing. I totally understand wanting to be in it together, but for me the headache and the hassle wasn't worth it. Luckily my husband can be trusted (mostly) with the credit card. Some issues with the ATM card but I dealth with that by accepting my credit union internet banking offer.

A few things I do:
There is a set limit on free money. I'd hand her the bills and say "This is it, there ain't no more. Don't ask and don't go to the ATM." Or have a second account where spending cash goes and make that the ATM card she uses. When it's dry it's dry.

Never shop hungry or depressed.

Why do I shop? Am I driven by the spending money, or novelty of possesion, or the being in the store.
I totally could nickle and dime us to death but learned that what I like is looking at things and pondering them rather than actually buying. Now I just window shop. (Unless I'm at a fabric store). My best friend however is a true shopaholic and the spending of money gives her a sense of power and control. She had to hide her cards from herself. Tricky until she got the idea to hide them at my parent's house.

Going cash only when the credit cards debt builds up. I've taken them, frozen them, hide them, wrapped them in Contact paper (which is acturally plastic,hmmm).

Have absolutly no problem saying no, taking things away, returning things. (sometimes I feel a bit more like a mom than a wife but it seems to work out in the end) Example, husband wanted to buy a reem of cardstock. I asked what it was for and he said "Chapbooks to give out at my book signing" "What book signing as it's still sitting at Leisure and will for at least another year?" I was answered with silence and so continued. "Put it back. If you want it for that, we'll get it when it happens"

hope those give you some ideas.

As for us, I (the non-Adder) take care of all the bills and money. It was something I HAD to do or we wouldn't have lasted 2 years together!! I have been in the bookkeeping/accounting field and it is just my thing, but also I hate owing money and have always planned for big purchases (big meaning anything over $500)
We both never purchase anything over $50 without discussing it with each other. That was my number. We manage to live on his income only(I am a stay at home mom) and have paid for our house and a couple of vehicles, boat, etc and every year a holiday while raising 2 kids. It can be done but you have to be on them all the time!! If theres no money left in the account that the ATM accesses then it can't be spent!
I do all the shopping because I know what price to pay for things. My husband has definitely learned over the years and he is much better now with money. It just takes persistence. Hang in there and stand up for what you feel is best!! Good Luck

haha my boyfriend is SO bad with money. he makes WAY more than most guys his age but he has a car loan to pay off and his driving is so crazy that he keeps getting tickets and he's a total car guy, loves four wheel driving so he spends money on the jeep he's rebuilding and he is usually to lazy to make his own meals and do his grocery shopping so he usually goes out to eat etc etc so he just squanders all his money away and then a little while ago he had to go to school for 6 weeks cause he's still an aprentice and they have to for their aprenticeship training so he couldnt work and he's like 1500 in overdraft debt with his bank plus his car loan. i work part time and i only make like 9 bucks an hour and i have more money than him. the thought of moving in with him is really scarey because of his budgetting issues but we live about half an hour apart (15-20 mins for him since he drives like a nut) so at least if we lived in the same house he could save on gas :D

Ok... My wife and I both have ADHD (even if she is yet undiagnosed)...

The problems you state have gotten us into considerable credit card debt... and we have just now started to work our way out of it.

My wife sounds much like yours, in that if there is something to buy... she has to have it. They are never big purchases... but they are "ON SALE"... and we don't need them. In fact most of them never make it out of the bag... they just sit in a corner or closet until one or both of us decide to clean... which can take years.

On way that we have devised to get past this is to budget our money... WAIT!! It's not as hard as it sounds... Here comes the ADVICE:D

:soapbox:.... Ask her how much money she needs for a week... to buy everything she needs.... Increase this by $50 and give her cash for the entire amount every week. TAKE AWAY HER DEBIT CARD! Let her keep the credit card and let her know that NOTHING is to be put on CREDIT unless both of you agree. Keep up with the credit card spending to make sure that credit is used wisely.

Debit cards are like casino chips... they aren't real money... so they don't really get the same consideration that cash does... Trust me... when she starts seeing how fast she goes through her "allowance"... She'll start learning where to cut.

Anywhoo... Hope this helps:D