I was just recently diagnosed as ADD and I don't feel that my husband thinks that it is a real "disorder" I was so happy after speaking with the dr that diagnosed me and when I came home to tell my husband his response was "oh, don't we all have that?" as if it was just nothing. I was very hurt by this but let it pass.. I am a college student who has taken 8 years to get an Associates degree. I constantly dropped classes, failed classes, and just could not concentrate in them at all. Taking tests has always been a horrible experience for me, I usually run out of time and don't get finished. After searching around on the internet I found that ADD is considered a disability by the ADA and that I could get accomodations in classes. When I told my husband he laughed at me and said "i think that's pushing it a bit, next you will be trying to get one of those handicapped parking tags" I just started crying right then. I just really feel that he doesn't understand. But also I wonder if the meds are just making me too emotional? I don't know I just feel really confused and there is no one in person I can talk to. I am thinking of setting up another appt to talk with the psychiatrist that diagnosed me. I just want someone to talk to.

Well girl you have come to the right place here

Welcome to the forums our home away from home

You will find lots of support here and many people who are experencing the same trials in life.

We are all at different levels of understanding and coping with our ADD and we all have many different views about many things

Read on and learn and come to call this place home

Bring your hubby here and let him meet some of the other supporting spouse of various ADDers. They come here to learn how to deal with and support there significant others.

READ READ and READ some more and when your ready you ask as many questions as you want as there is allways an ADDer who will be willing to respond.

We are a community of ADD adults mainly but some young ones who will some day be ADDults themselves and the rule are pretty simple here.

Be nice to each other

they are a little more structured than that but thats the jist of them

And Again

Welcome to the forums


Click the link on the bottom called "Various ADD Information" at the bottom of my post and it will take you to a wack of good info that has been gathered up and put in one place

There is also links to the homepages of our two super administrators who work extreamly hard keeping this community going.

I feel your pain Wendy... my wife believes me, but my father and stepmother both think that the idea that I might be ADD is a whole load of bull$hyte. Their position is, I am intelligent and perceptive and relatively calm about making decisions, so there can't possibly be anything that serious wrong about my mind. (Incidentally, I fully believe that they both are ADD as well and don't know/admit it.)

I find it easier to back off from them, as I don't live with them and can maintain some distance... it would be a different story if the wife didn't buy into it...

In the end, Wendy, we are here for you. Either your husband will come around or he won't. You don't have the right to order him to believe you... but you DO have the right to expect him to treat your beliefs with dignity and respect... so even if he refuses to believe in ADD... don't put up with him putting you down. You don't deserve that.

ADD is hell enough without people telling us we don't have it!

I hear ya Wendy ! I have ran into that problem from time to time myself. Trust me you have found the right forum! I have never found such a great group of people to talk with !!! Good luck to you and can't wait to read your posts!

I am another one who can relate to you Wendy. My sister thinks a load of BS to. I would suggest looking into counseling for a little bit. I have started and my therapist is almost like a coach. He has ADD himself. Also look for ADD groups in your area. I have had a lot of problems with my marriage do to my ADD. My wife beleives in ADD, but still is very frustrated and gets very mad about things I do or have done. Hang in there we are here for you

thanks Jim. So far the only really understanding person has been my boss. *she's awesome* I sort of wish I hadn't said anything to my husband.

Wendy,
I to regret I ever told my sister. I think it was good you told your husband. You are going to need him to understand at some point and to be a positive influence in your life. I know I am struglling right now in my marriage because my wife gets frustrated then tells me how I am not a good person. I know that I have done some things wrong and I can be very frustrating to live with at times. I know I have read that one of the key thing to helping with low self esteem of ADD is positive supportive of the ADD relationships. I know it is hard to talk about and to ask for help. I tend to retreat and back away when my wife is mad at me.
If it helps I flunked out of Baylor twice. :)
Hang in there Wendy. Glad to here about your boss!

Wendy, from my experience, you will find yourself crying at the beginning, even if it's just from the relief of knowing what has been going on with you, and the release of emotions you've been keeping inside.

Your husband has is own ideas. There are many different reactions. My husband said, (after I'd been telling him what I had been learning about this subject) "You know, I'm pretty sure I have ADD, too!" I told him, "Please, honey, you already have enough ailments, and see about two doctors a week. Can't I just have just this one to myself?"

I hope that you will be smiling, soon, and finding understanding, encouragement and compassion here and elsewhere.

I've got a tendency to gravitate toward undiagnosed ADDers, and personally I've found they are the people that are most violently opposed to accepting the disorder in someone else.

I have had supervisors and coworkers who didn't even think ADHD existed, let alone that I had it. I hate the perception that it's purely a discipline problem. Any one who has delt extensively with children and adults with ADHD should believe or is in severe denial. I just don't give a crap about them any more. Just like the person I work for who said there are no such thing as side effects. Some people just have thier heads up thier rears.

Wendy,

I can almost say I regret sharing this with my wife. At least there are times I do. She definitely does not understand. She tries sometimes, and while we have one of our "understandings" in force she really does honor them. Other times she will out and out deny the problem is anything but an excuse. The same goes for the depression and anxiety.

It does hurt a great deal, because I have put so much work into these issues. I don't hold them before me and expect the world to do for me. I do what I have to to work around them, and I still often fail, inspite of my best efforts. I view ADHD and the other problems as explanations, but not excuses. It isn't crippling, but it does require an awful lot of creativity and effort to adapt. So, being told I am making excuses when I am exhausted from afore mentioned efforts is a slap in the face.

Other times she seems to see just how much all this takes out of me. She does speak with my doctors, and she has a doc of her own, who as luck would have it is ADHD, so she seems to be slowly coming around.

It isn't the sort of thing that is easy to be patient with when you have put up with it your whole life and not had any defense. Suddenly, with a diagnosis, you have the ability to say, "You are wrong about me! There is a reason for this." and then utilizing treatment and learning new skills you can demonstrate just how wrong they are. Prior to the diagnosis you just had to suck up the abuse.

I know it isn't easy, but you should try to give your hubby's point of view a little understanding before you shut him out. He is not one of those people who did that to you over the years, and he has not been in your head the whole time to realize what that does to your self esteem and how important the diagnosis is to you.

On top of that, being as misunderstood as ADHD is in popular culture, he can hardly be blamed for being ignorant. Educate him before you allow your hurt to sink in and become resentment. It is such a subtle thing it is very easy for our Non-ADHD partners to see us as normal with character flaws just as teachers and, I might add, parents who loved us did. Remember, it is easier for us, who are inside of these skulls experiencing it to know something is definitely amiss than it is for him to see it. He sees you do really well at things you are passionate at and not so well at other things. Of course, this is normal in ADHD, but to someone who doesn't know how it works it looks a lot like an individual who is simply not applying themselves. I mean how many of us have heard the same thing from teachers and parents already growing up?

I am not saying his attitude is right, or that you were wrong to be hurt dear. I am just saying, as a guy, that we can be idiotically insensitive and not mean to be. He may not even be aware he hurt you. Speaking as a male who has placed his foot in his mouth often enough to be intimate familiar with brandname footwear by taste, please do me the favor of educating this young man before you get too very angry and hurt with him.

If he insists on being stupid after that, you have my permission to take the frying pan or rolling pin (take your pick) to whereever you think it'll do the most good. :-)