I am just so frustrated with this situation. My boyfriend has ADD. we think. He probably has something else on top of it as well though. Might be something to do with his frontal lobe from what I have been reading it sounds just like him. But the point is I can't stand how everytime I try to explain our situation to anyone they just assume that I'm really just a big nag and he's fine.

His biggest problem is staying motivated enough to reachhis goals. That combines with what he calls his "laziness" and what i call his lack of will power, his forgetfulness, his distractability, his difficulties in breaking habits and everything else. I think it's normal for me to want him to reach his goals and to support him in any way I can. and that's what I do. i'm not sure the exact best way to do it all the time. and yes it may come accross as nagging. but really it's not. and I realy don't want to be a nag. I think about it a lot "am i nagging?" but i think that nagging would be more something a person would do to further their own motives. like a wife might nag her husband to pick his socks up from the floor because she wants to have a clean house. but it's different when HE wants to have a clean house and he still doesn't pick up his socks.. in our situation i would have to remind him to do it, and i'd have to help him find ways to remeber and keep his motivation up and make sure he has somewhere to put the socks and keep everything running smoothly even though really i don't necessarily care that much about the socks but i just want him to reach his goals and over come his own obstacles.

anyways:here's what one of his attempt to reach a goal is like: Blake, my boyfriend, he is 5'11'' and usually weighs in at around 130Lbs sometimes even less. He is naturally skinny but he has gained weight before when he was really motivated and I helped him out a lot. He got up to 145Lbs and he was very happy with himself but he lost motivation and he just stopped eating enough and working out and he lost all of the weight. It's not like it's really all that hard for him to eat and workout it's more the rememberring it and the actually getting started and interupting what he's doing and planning ahead. he has plenty of reasons to get bigger. he fixes semi trucks for a living.

It's hard to be upbeat and encouraging when i'm basically depressed about the whole thing. I love him for his personality and not for his body because I'm not that shallow. but the weight he's at simply isn't healthy for his age and height and really from a completely selfish point of view it isn't fun cuddling with bones. and everytime i try to explain this to people they always think that I'm just a nagging selfish B** and he's the poor victim traped in a body that won't gain weight. I'm not a selfish person. If i was a selfish person I wouldn't bother to even think about his problems or to try to help him with them. in fact I'd probably have given up on it and left him long ago.

Hmmm... what you are describing really doesn't sound like ADD... I'm not sure what his goal is... Your goal comes in loud and clear...

You want your BF to bulk up... that's what I get from your post so far... You were happy when he was 145lbs... and now that he's backslid from your diet/workout program... You're not happy...

We could be having what some people call a "Failure To Communicate"... and I could be completely wrong... If so... I apologize profusely... but may I ask... what other symptoms does he have?

You sound a lot like me when I was in my 20's Schmoe! (did I guess right? 20 something?)

You may have to accept some other possibilities. One is that you are describing common effects of clinical depression.

Another possibility is that there are plenty of unmotivated "nice guys" in our society. Many of them will "agree" with you that they need to stop smoking, get up earlier, try harder, remember things on time....etc....but they are really often just appeasing you temporarily so you will stop "bugging" them and they can go back to their comfort zone. The comfort zone is doing things the way they always have, exerting as little effort as possible to get through life. I dated plenty of these guys when I was younger.

The ADDer may have these same qualities in appearance, but the disorder is quantitatively much greater. It can be more like inability to follow a three step order, losing ones wallet 5 or 6 days a week EVERY week, an inability to have a checking account because you have no idea what balance is in there, yet continue to write checks anyway because you forget to sit down and figure out what money is in there/is not in there.

Perhaps the only way to get anywhere in this situation is to enlist professional help. Only a qualified professional (therapist, MD, counselor, psychologist) can get you started to solving the puzzle. It certainly could be ADD...it could be clinical depression.....maybe something totally different, and it could also be a young unmotivated man who is comfortable doing things the way he is.

You can propose the idea of getting some tests done, and even help him make the appointments, but ultimately HE is the one that will have to go to the testing appointment. Only He can follow through on medication/therapy/coaching, etc... You can want for him to do it until you are blue in the face, and that doesn't mean he will.

After that, remember that your life is your choice. You must decide to continue on an unchanging train, or maybe get off at the station and try a new train that works for you.

Best of luck!;)

First of all.... Is he formally diagnosed with ADHD ? IS he on medications ?

If he is not on med, why is he underweight ?


He ought to get to the doctor and get checked out as things like thyrioid problems and dibetes (to name just a few) can cause adhd like symptoms (and maybe also cause weight loss).

see your doc


Me :D

Hi shmoe727!

I recognize myself in your boyfriend a lot, and I have ADHD. Of course he'll need to get diagnosed to know for sure if he has it.

I know exactly what you mean with him wanting to do things, but not being able to and you reminding him and helping him to get started for his, not your, sake.

I remember telling a friend about how I had failed to do something that meant a lot to me. She said something along the lines of "but that would have been to ask a lot of you, you didn't need to do that." not understanding that I was talking about my failure to actually do what I so wanted to.

The concept of nagging woman telling man to pick up his dirty clothes comes so much easier to peoples' minds than the concept of man asking woman to please remind him to pick up his dirty clothes cause he wants to keep a tidy house and he'll forget if she doesn't remind him. People expect that if a person finds that having a clean house is important to them they'll have no problem cleaning it.