Is it possible to get along with an adder and have a happy life?
She is always complaining about something. Tonight she said"Hon I think I need physical therapy,I am so achy". The other day we were at her doctor and he ordered physical therapy for her. On the ride home she was complaining about it. Tonight when she said that, I nonchalantly said " I thought you had it ordered". She said "sorry that is another thing she didn't get around to doing was ordering it".Now she is upset,thinking once again I am mad or disappointed with her. aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggg,
Bruce

I am now sitting in another room on the computer just trying to enjoy the evening,feeling guilty I am ignoring her. She has been questioning me lately about what she said ,because I try to cope by tuning her out more. OMG
now she came into the room and slammed the closet door open. I asked her whats the matter. She said if I could see the look I gave her when she came in. After she left the room I went out to her and asked what is wrong. She is upset and crying saying she can't be wrong all the time. I said WHAT did I do.

Since this has happened she went from laying in bed saying (again) She just wants to go to sleep and stop hurting me. She thinks she is going crazy. Then she comes in the the back room and says she loves me.. then she comes in and out like nothing happened. I wish I could drop it and move on like that. IS it possible,or do I have to be ADHD>

Bruce

With proper meds will it ever be normal. I am upset saying I don't get why I am still alive and my sons 24 yr old friend just died. She comes back with "I don't know why my dad died and I am still here. MY dad would doing anything for anyone and I am a b***h"

Your ADHD partner has certain style. With meds she will be a lot less scattered and have fewer attentino problems.

If she has not been to a doctor, perhaps she could consider it, if not for any other reason, but to save her and your sanity in rying to make things work.

You have to realize that she has a lot going on in her head. Her mind is a busy place , and she is likely to be sensitive and probably a couple of steps ahead of your thinking, so implied things can cause her top jump to a conclusion a lot faster than it might for you. She needs some reassurance from you, I think.

Is she on meds now ? If so what meds ? Did the make her symptoms worse or better ?

ME :D

yes she was finally put on Straterra by a psyc.whom we had to convince that she had ADHD. We went to the Cleveland Clinic and she topped the scales almost,saying she had ADHD. She has an appointment with a new psyc.for an adjustment or change. Straterra has helped some.

Bruce

it may take a while to get the meds worked out. To succeed she has to learn to work with the doctor and to manage her medication. She also needs to accept her adhd, and educate herself about it as best she can.

ME :D

Thank you,I feel better,but feel like I have been run over by a truck:-)

Well at least the truck has a name now, so you know what to chase down when ya get up! Welcome to the forums Fresh.

Fresh, did they definately rule out bipolar?

I don't recall you saying!

Seek...I was thinking that but held back. I think I may occasionally project my own experiences onto others? :confused:

The degree of random, sudden depressive-modes could be a few things, bipolar or possibly borderline among many. Borderline will last for hours; bipolar for days.

Just my opinion, but her line about wanting to stop hurting him sounds more ADD than classic bipolar. But that's pretty much just cause I remember saying the same thing and it got better with ADD treatment.

Fresh, have you considered family counseling or a support group? My hubby (undx'd) and me (dx'd) had a lot of those issues and a lot of them got better as I got treatment. And counseling taught both of us how to work around our specific symptoms, like his chronic complaining and my not being clear. But to answer your question, yes we're both happy.

she is not bipolar and I am glad to see you are happy. We both go to councelors.

Today she couldn't find her keys. After she looked for a while I got up to help her look. I saw them immediatly on the table in front of her. I said here they are. She asked where and I pointed to them. She grabbed them up real quick, got that look. and left. I know she is frustrated and thinking she is going crazy. She has told me, how she just wants to be normal. She is angry because she feels she has a child disease. I sympothise for her but how do I stay ok and remain in a good mood,when I take the brunt of her anger?

Bruce

Good question, I too have a wife with a similar disposition. It seems the entire houshold dynamics hings on her mood. If it's good then great, otherwise watch out. I feel for you and hope to learn more about how to best deal with this in the days ahead.
Shawn

Bruce-- I feel your pain, I really do!

My husband used to lose his cell phone, wallet and keys about 6 days a week! (all of them).
I at that time tried to help him locate everything repeatedly and just chuckled to myself about how anyone could be so "absent-minded".

That eventually moved to the wallet and phone being relativley safe, but the keys went AWOL every day. I got really angry around that time and couldn't understand how anyone could be so "careless".

Eventually I just got in the habit of making 5 or 6 copies of all the important ones (house, vehicles). Now when he loses another set, I just hand him the new copies I have hidden away.

I try to remember it's just the ADD, it's not intentional, and pretend I'm a duck with water rolling off my back.

Good luck keeping your cool!

Having a sense of humor also helps---I understand how she must feel when she loses her keys....she's thinking--"how can I be so incapable when everyone else has no problem with finding keys." It's frustrating when the rest of the world can do simple things that cause you so much frustraion. I tend to get very upset when I'm driving because I get lost within seconds (literally). And I just feel really dumb and useless--it does help, though, when someone else who's non-add can smile about it and not get annoyed---remember your wife really can't help it.

Hope you both get the help you need---I think meds will def. help her out :) And i know it has to be tough for you as well dealing with all of this, but remember a bit a humor in the situation can go a long way.

Thank you all for your replys

I've done the key copying thing for myself. I've got 3 sets of keys, and I only know where one is right now and thats because its in my pocket, as soon as I lose one I am usually able to find another somewhere in the house. lol:)

Good idea dannyjvh...I'd follow that up with rekeying the locks annually or semi depending on how often you completely lose the keys.