My husband of 3-1/2 years has ADD (diagnosed) and is finally on medication. He's tried therapy but won't stick with it (we didn't make it past the second session).

He was very verbally abusive, physically abusive a couple of times while drunk over the first 3 years of our marriage - we did not live together prior to marriage - second marriage for both, and I have children that live with me, he has one that does not. The problems started the day after we moved into the house, 2 weeks before the wedding...but I had no idea ADD was a possibility. Same things as a lot of posts here - I gave everything I had...emotionally, physically, mentally until I truly had nothing left. Being at the lowest point of my life, I decided I better make a decision as I had children to think about - one of my sons was already treating me the same way my husband did. I decided to leave. He decided he loved me now. He went to a doctor, he did all the right textbook things.

The problems I'm having are that I number one, don't know if I can ever get those feelings I originally felt for him back - the love. Second, I can't let go of the things he did and said to me, my kids, my family, my friends. I've read a hundred times in this forum that we as the supporters should let it go and remember the disorder, and let it roll off our backs...but I haven't heard anyone say it's ok not to.

Is it ok - the way I'm feeling? When I fell in love and got married, just like everyone else in the world, I thought I was going to have a mutually respectful, caring relationship. I don't want to feel like I should have to be a mom to another adult...I have three kids to raise which is hard enough.

I just would like for someone ADDers or non to tell me is it ok to say enough is truly enough, or am I just giving up still too quickly. And if I am, ho do I them let go of the resentment, and all the other things from the 3 years of hell I went through?

For my two cents, ADD or any other disorder, illness, etc....is NEVER an excuse for verbal or physical abuse. While ADDers may have a shorter fuse, trouble communicationg ideas, feel frustrated more frequently, it is not a license to take that out on you!!!!!!!
You have no obligation to accept his words unless you choose to. You are under no obligation to stay with him (even if you once said you would) I'm sure he vowed to love, honor and cherish you (or something similar) and HE obviously didn't keep his end of the bargain.
When the non ADD spouse supporters confer about letting it all roll off, we are referring to when they get grumpy because they can't find their keys again, or they walk away from a conversation because they can't assemble their words into what they want to say right then. We don't mean accept abuse for the rest of your life.
Only you can decide when enough is enough of course, but you owe it to yourself and your kids to take care of yourself first and foremost.
You and I are setting the examples of how to make decisions and deal with problems for our kids to learn from. Whenever I'm not sure of what the right choice is, I just think about my young daughters. What choice would I want them to make for themselves if they were in this situation?

Good Luck:) :rolleyes: :cool: ;) :D

I just would like for someone ADDers or non to tell me is it ok to say enough is truly enough, or am I just giving up still too quickly. And if I am, ho do I them let go of the resentment, and all the other things from the 3 years of hell I went through? Here it is from an ADDer...

IT'S OK!!!! REALLY!!!! TOTALLY OK!!!!

Is's called being ADD, not being an A**. Leaving the milk out: ADD. Being abusive: A**. Not thinking and telling your friends about the time you did something really embarrassing: ADD. Insulting your friends and family and being agressively hurtful: A**. Obligations to ADD: being understanding and supporitive. Obligations to A**: NONE. Except maybe letting karma get them good.