TracyeH
10-20-06, 08:43 PM
Hello. I'm new to the forum. I'd like to take this opportunity to vent some of the frustrations that I've been experiencing with my husband. We have been married for 6 years and have three boys--ages 16yrs (my biological son, his step-son), 5yrs and 4yrs (youngest is autistic).
I've been baffled about his irresponsible behavior and it's driving me nuts.
In late Jan of 2001, I was close to giving birth to our first baby together. A few days before I checked into the hospital, I had given my husband the money for my half of the rent. He said he would get a money order; I thought it was all taken care of--I had no reason not to trust him. Anyway, about a month later (while I was still on maternity leave), we received a summons to appear in court because the rent for Feb 2001 was unpaid. Angrily, I confronted my husband who sweared up and down that he paid it. He said he had proof and proceeded to look for the money order receipt. He never did find it. His response was, 'Sorry, but I lost the receipt.' I couldn't believe this man....the whole thing was a nightmare. Luckily, we immediately found another apartment. The unexpected moving expense and the discovery of another baby on the way (this pregnancy was unplanned and I eventually had to go on maternity leave again), forced us to give up our apartment and move back in with our families for nearly a year. My husband stayed with his grandmother and the kids and I stayed with my parents (their place is very small). His grandmother unexpectantly changed her mind about letting me move in her house even though she had room to accomodate us all. Of course, this caused a serious strain on our marriage because we were living in separate residences for nearly a year. We had a very hard time trying to find another landlord who was willing to rent to us because we had a civil judgment (unlawful detainer) on our credit reports. Luckily, we found another apartment in October 2002 but, I'm still furious with him for putting us into that predicament in the first place. That civil judgment won't fall off our credit reports until 2008. We are trying to find a bigger apartment right now, but we are often turned away because of the black mark on our credit reports. The kids are growing and need more room. We were talking about purchasing a home, but I felt it was better that we put it off until he could get a better grasp on his bills. Afterall, I cannot pay a mortage note all by myself--plus, I don't want to risk having another negative mark such as a foreclosure on my credit report due to his irresponsibility.
There have been other incidents as well. (i.e. his car was repo'd twice, wages were garnished at least twice, constant failure to pay car registration on time, letting auto insurance laspe, failure to manage his money and always bouncing checks, constantly misplacing things, forgetting the kids appointments, cellphone always disconnected due to non-payment,etc). He doesn't always reveal to me what's going on with his finances....he only tells me half the story. He can't seem to pay any of his bills on time. When it is time to pay the rent, he's usually short. That means, I usually have to COVER FOR HIM UNTIL HE GETS PAID NEXT WEEK. Half the time, he's not able to reimburse me which eventually, interferes with my cashflow. I have my own bills. I feel like I always have to rescue him because he can't budget his money. I have to take on the heavy duty task to make sure that we always have food in the house and that the utilities are on---because he says that he's BROKE AGAIN. He even has trouble buying a pack of pull-ups for our youngest son!!
I find it impossible to get simple information out of him. In addition, he doesn't listen very well. It seems that he always misses the important details in our conversations. He would swear up and down that he doesn't remember me saying this or that. It's frustrating. Also, even though my husband is employed, I resent the fact that he doesn't help enough with household expenses. Thank goodness we don't have a joint account together. That would be explosive!! He also has a tendency to procrastinate a lot. I get so tired of his pathetic excuses; it's crazy. When I ask him to do something like make a business call to get information, either he will forget OR if he does call, he will get the information wrong. I always feel like I have to follow up because I can't be confident whether or not he's giving me accurate information. I feel like I have 4 children instead!! It's already hard enough having an autistic child. When it comes to our autistic son, I always request that the doctor 's office contact me on my cell phone because my husband can't remember to give me the message. In addition, sometimes he's careless when it comes to watching the kids ...I always have to remind him about certain things. On the most part, I feel like I'm his mother, instead of his wife. In the meantime, I'm completey overwhelmed with stress and it's affecting me physically. My nerves are really bad right now. I hate feeling this way. My husband can't seem to do anything right. He wasn't like this in the beginning of our marriage.
I would be afraid to rely on him to run the household if I were to get sick. I can't even imagine that. I can picture myself checking out of a hospital so that I could go home and check on things. I don't feel comfortable letting this man take over in a difficult situation like that. It's scary to think about getting out of the hospital and come to find out that we no longer have a home due to his carelessness.
I've been doing some reading on adult add and I'm pretty sure that he has it. I've brought the subject up to him and naturally, he became defensive. He eventually agreed to see a doctor for this. I've already made the appointment, but I'm afraid he may turn around and 'change' his mind like he always does. When it's time for him to take action, he always manages to cook up an 'excuse.' I'm so tired of being the one to remember everything when it comes to the kids and the household matters. If he doesn't seek help, I have no choice but to leave him. :mad:
I've been baffled about his irresponsible behavior and it's driving me nuts.
In late Jan of 2001, I was close to giving birth to our first baby together. A few days before I checked into the hospital, I had given my husband the money for my half of the rent. He said he would get a money order; I thought it was all taken care of--I had no reason not to trust him. Anyway, about a month later (while I was still on maternity leave), we received a summons to appear in court because the rent for Feb 2001 was unpaid. Angrily, I confronted my husband who sweared up and down that he paid it. He said he had proof and proceeded to look for the money order receipt. He never did find it. His response was, 'Sorry, but I lost the receipt.' I couldn't believe this man....the whole thing was a nightmare. Luckily, we immediately found another apartment. The unexpected moving expense and the discovery of another baby on the way (this pregnancy was unplanned and I eventually had to go on maternity leave again), forced us to give up our apartment and move back in with our families for nearly a year. My husband stayed with his grandmother and the kids and I stayed with my parents (their place is very small). His grandmother unexpectantly changed her mind about letting me move in her house even though she had room to accomodate us all. Of course, this caused a serious strain on our marriage because we were living in separate residences for nearly a year. We had a very hard time trying to find another landlord who was willing to rent to us because we had a civil judgment (unlawful detainer) on our credit reports. Luckily, we found another apartment in October 2002 but, I'm still furious with him for putting us into that predicament in the first place. That civil judgment won't fall off our credit reports until 2008. We are trying to find a bigger apartment right now, but we are often turned away because of the black mark on our credit reports. The kids are growing and need more room. We were talking about purchasing a home, but I felt it was better that we put it off until he could get a better grasp on his bills. Afterall, I cannot pay a mortage note all by myself--plus, I don't want to risk having another negative mark such as a foreclosure on my credit report due to his irresponsibility.
There have been other incidents as well. (i.e. his car was repo'd twice, wages were garnished at least twice, constant failure to pay car registration on time, letting auto insurance laspe, failure to manage his money and always bouncing checks, constantly misplacing things, forgetting the kids appointments, cellphone always disconnected due to non-payment,etc). He doesn't always reveal to me what's going on with his finances....he only tells me half the story. He can't seem to pay any of his bills on time. When it is time to pay the rent, he's usually short. That means, I usually have to COVER FOR HIM UNTIL HE GETS PAID NEXT WEEK. Half the time, he's not able to reimburse me which eventually, interferes with my cashflow. I have my own bills. I feel like I always have to rescue him because he can't budget his money. I have to take on the heavy duty task to make sure that we always have food in the house and that the utilities are on---because he says that he's BROKE AGAIN. He even has trouble buying a pack of pull-ups for our youngest son!!
I find it impossible to get simple information out of him. In addition, he doesn't listen very well. It seems that he always misses the important details in our conversations. He would swear up and down that he doesn't remember me saying this or that. It's frustrating. Also, even though my husband is employed, I resent the fact that he doesn't help enough with household expenses. Thank goodness we don't have a joint account together. That would be explosive!! He also has a tendency to procrastinate a lot. I get so tired of his pathetic excuses; it's crazy. When I ask him to do something like make a business call to get information, either he will forget OR if he does call, he will get the information wrong. I always feel like I have to follow up because I can't be confident whether or not he's giving me accurate information. I feel like I have 4 children instead!! It's already hard enough having an autistic child. When it comes to our autistic son, I always request that the doctor 's office contact me on my cell phone because my husband can't remember to give me the message. In addition, sometimes he's careless when it comes to watching the kids ...I always have to remind him about certain things. On the most part, I feel like I'm his mother, instead of his wife. In the meantime, I'm completey overwhelmed with stress and it's affecting me physically. My nerves are really bad right now. I hate feeling this way. My husband can't seem to do anything right. He wasn't like this in the beginning of our marriage.
I would be afraid to rely on him to run the household if I were to get sick. I can't even imagine that. I can picture myself checking out of a hospital so that I could go home and check on things. I don't feel comfortable letting this man take over in a difficult situation like that. It's scary to think about getting out of the hospital and come to find out that we no longer have a home due to his carelessness.
I've been doing some reading on adult add and I'm pretty sure that he has it. I've brought the subject up to him and naturally, he became defensive. He eventually agreed to see a doctor for this. I've already made the appointment, but I'm afraid he may turn around and 'change' his mind like he always does. When it's time for him to take action, he always manages to cook up an 'excuse.' I'm so tired of being the one to remember everything when it comes to the kids and the household matters. If he doesn't seek help, I have no choice but to leave him. :mad: