Hi,

I have just finished yet another book on ADD. I find them all interesting but one part in Delivered from Distraction that has me feeling, well sad I guess, is the chapter " What Kind of Mate is Best if you Have ADD?"

As some of you know me from the past, I have been with my DH for 23 or so years. He was diagnosed (with my persistance) 5 months ago. There has been all the "stuff" I have read about going on since. Like the immediate happy feeling when he was diagnosed, then the reality of knowing the meds only do so much (if he takes them) then the resentment of all the years, not sure if I need this, blah, blah, blah. I now read this and say WOW He married the wrong type of person, ME. And then I read and also see it as WOW I married the wrong type of person. These are the things that we both have always complained about each other.

He put on an act and was someone else(some what) until we were married. Then his true colours came out(ADD). I do feel like his mom and his teacher and I hate it. I need support and attention, blah, blah, blah just as he does, but I know I won't get it now! But yet I am suppose to be understanding and supportive of him. I find we(kids and I)are being "pushed back" even further on his "list of priorities". (Meds have improved his job focus).

So now what, after reading that we are with the exact type of person we shouldn't be with? He treats me so much like my mom (I am always to blame for everything,in her eyes, having to defend every thought & feeling I have), which is probably why I chose him in the first place! Thats our relationship!! He feels the same!

Has anyone ever felt this way, especially after reading what is best for the ADDer?

Thanks for any input.
mrs A

yeah i know exactly how you feel. it's like they only try if they really really have to to get what they want. even if they WANT to try because they know it will make them feel better about themselves or make us happy they just don't seem to be able to kick themselves in the **** enough to do anything about it. so they rarely get any of their problems solved on their own leaving us to do it for them or at least help them and then get criticised by everyone and their dog about how we are helping them the wrong way...

Yes Yes Yes, OMFG this is my life to a T. It really bugs me when I'm so busy with home/kids/shopping/dishes/trash/working/school etc etc etc and then my ADD wife has the nerve to complain that something I was supposed to do isn't done. I feel like screeming! I'm living on 5 - 6 hrs sleep a night while she plays video games. I'm sorry this sucks any way you look at it. I'm trying to be understanding but it seems they just take advantage and we continue to take it.
Sorry to rant on your thread

Rant on! I have also found myself as a momma to my BDH and I also happen to have ADHD!

Its a PITA no matter how ya slice it :mad: and its one booger of a habit to break on both sides!