Sc@tterBr@in_UK
12-10-03, 08:21 AM
I posted this in response to another thread, on another forum, but would like to know if others have experienced similar things.
I have found time and time again that I tend to be attracted to people who are closely related to an interest (obsession) of mine, or show some autistic/ADHD traits, or both.
Those with autistic/ADHD traits I don't have a problem with (apart from the communicaiton issues!) and I find it far easier to relate to them than so-called "NTs" or people with very different personalities or with mental problems that exhibit aggression.
However I find it difficult with interest-related friends and relationships because I either lose interest in the obsession and lose contact/topics to talk about, or in intimate relationships I am considered a "fraud" after a while because my knowledge of the common interest is often very factual, with few genuine opinions and ideas on my behalf.
My first "boyfriend" (I was pretty much used and taken advantage of by an older man, whom I had developed a strong crush on - he did look younger though!) worked in the library that I frequented feverishly (both because of a strong fascination with libraries/books as well as the fact that libraries were my prime source for information about my obsessions before the Internet). I don't believe for a moment that I would have been attracted to him if he had worked in a shop or if I had been introduced to him through other people.
My second "boyfriend" (again, with hindsight it was not actually a relationship, just a continuous one-night stand) I got to meet through a language course (Portuguese, which I had started because my first "boyfriend" had been from Brazil). Again I don't think I would ahve even dreamed of talking to him if it hadn't been for this connection.
My first "real" (mutual) boyfriend I met in a phase where I obsessed over music, in particular Britpop and Indie music and the alternative scene and clothing that goes with it (My first age-appropriate interest).
He was very impressed by my knowledge of all the bands and singles, although he soon realised that my passion for this style of music was entirely different from his, and started finding flaws in my insecurity, social ineptitude, lack of spontaneity and my tendency to be a bit loud at times and constantly "state the obvious".
Then my ex-husband, him I met because the previous obsession had turned more towards an obsession with the UK, as well as the start of a strong interest in computers and the Internet, as well as to some degree still my music knowledge.
My current boyfriend I got together with after leaving my marriage (which had turned more and more abusive, with my husband being the perpetrator of loud, hurtful verbal and amotional abuse and some near-misses with physical abuse), and he is the first person I have got together with who I can generally talk with even without him being linked to special interests of mine.
He does have traits of NLD though (socially uncomfortable, slightly clumsy body language, bad sense of orientation) so we are quite similar in many ways (yet so different in others!). However there are still a lot of very ftrustrating moments communications-wise, and I also find it incredibly hard sometimes to explain to him what's going on in my head.
It does sometimes drive me nuts because we found out about NLD together, so I have a feeling inside he still is convinced that that's what we BOTH must have (yes there are some aspects of this to Aspergers but they are still fundamentally different in many ways), or he even seems to hope that that's what I have because to him it's something that connects us (thankfully, far more connects us than that!).
The few friends I have are not exactly NT's either, and while they are very different people (I have 5 people I can call "friends" although most of them are probably more acquaintances, and 4 of them are in my country of origin and I don't get to see them too often), they all have some very strong "differences" and are usually people who were the odd ones out back in school.
I have found time and time again that I tend to be attracted to people who are closely related to an interest (obsession) of mine, or show some autistic/ADHD traits, or both.
Those with autistic/ADHD traits I don't have a problem with (apart from the communicaiton issues!) and I find it far easier to relate to them than so-called "NTs" or people with very different personalities or with mental problems that exhibit aggression.
However I find it difficult with interest-related friends and relationships because I either lose interest in the obsession and lose contact/topics to talk about, or in intimate relationships I am considered a "fraud" after a while because my knowledge of the common interest is often very factual, with few genuine opinions and ideas on my behalf.
My first "boyfriend" (I was pretty much used and taken advantage of by an older man, whom I had developed a strong crush on - he did look younger though!) worked in the library that I frequented feverishly (both because of a strong fascination with libraries/books as well as the fact that libraries were my prime source for information about my obsessions before the Internet). I don't believe for a moment that I would have been attracted to him if he had worked in a shop or if I had been introduced to him through other people.
My second "boyfriend" (again, with hindsight it was not actually a relationship, just a continuous one-night stand) I got to meet through a language course (Portuguese, which I had started because my first "boyfriend" had been from Brazil). Again I don't think I would ahve even dreamed of talking to him if it hadn't been for this connection.
My first "real" (mutual) boyfriend I met in a phase where I obsessed over music, in particular Britpop and Indie music and the alternative scene and clothing that goes with it (My first age-appropriate interest).
He was very impressed by my knowledge of all the bands and singles, although he soon realised that my passion for this style of music was entirely different from his, and started finding flaws in my insecurity, social ineptitude, lack of spontaneity and my tendency to be a bit loud at times and constantly "state the obvious".
Then my ex-husband, him I met because the previous obsession had turned more towards an obsession with the UK, as well as the start of a strong interest in computers and the Internet, as well as to some degree still my music knowledge.
My current boyfriend I got together with after leaving my marriage (which had turned more and more abusive, with my husband being the perpetrator of loud, hurtful verbal and amotional abuse and some near-misses with physical abuse), and he is the first person I have got together with who I can generally talk with even without him being linked to special interests of mine.
He does have traits of NLD though (socially uncomfortable, slightly clumsy body language, bad sense of orientation) so we are quite similar in many ways (yet so different in others!). However there are still a lot of very ftrustrating moments communications-wise, and I also find it incredibly hard sometimes to explain to him what's going on in my head.
It does sometimes drive me nuts because we found out about NLD together, so I have a feeling inside he still is convinced that that's what we BOTH must have (yes there are some aspects of this to Aspergers but they are still fundamentally different in many ways), or he even seems to hope that that's what I have because to him it's something that connects us (thankfully, far more connects us than that!).
The few friends I have are not exactly NT's either, and while they are very different people (I have 5 people I can call "friends" although most of them are probably more acquaintances, and 4 of them are in my country of origin and I don't get to see them too often), they all have some very strong "differences" and are usually people who were the odd ones out back in school.