View Full Version : SubtleMuttle - Kentucky, U.S.


SubtleMuttle
12-10-03, 08:58 PM
Hello,

I am from NY. There, when I first went to school, I was nearly failing in the first and second grades; and was shy enough to warrant concern- yet very hyper off and on. I couldn't follow directions, I couldn't pay attention, I couldn't finish school work, couldn't learn to read, nor to count or to say the alphabet.

My first grade teacher attributed my failings to my quite obvious stupidity and near mental retardation. She liked bringing me up to the front of the class for for everyone to laugh at me anyway- because you know how hilarious it is to say something to a kid and watch them stutter trying to answer when you ask what you had just told them.

Not a smart way to treat a child, especially because this one's mother has a foul Irish temper and goes by the philosophy of, "...you've got to do it yourself." She pulled me out of that class and took me to a school counselor to be evaluated for a learning disability. Said councellor was of the opinion that I was autistic, and couldn't be helped.

My mother fought hard to keep me from slipping through the cracks of public education, and finally found not only excellant, understanding teachers; but found out by reading books about LDs that I was dyslexic (as is my father, two uncles, and both grandfathers) and a profesional confirmed her realization as opposed to discovering this for her. I am very lucky, for ever since I was in the third grade my teachers could 'know what they were up against'.

My family moved to KY when I was 10 and all of the support systems my mother had found in NY were unavailiable. Starting the fifth grade, I was once again failing every class, staying up til the wee hours of the morning struggling to do homework and catch-up work. She found a private school for dyslexics in our area, and I went there.

This school was a mixed blessing. There dyslexic kids found understanding and ways of teaching that really helped them learn- but through an unrelentless doctrine of strict rules we were condascended to, and not permitted to think for ourselves. I was in the principal's office for one offense or another weekly. And despite that we were all dyslexic; I was ostracized. What irony- dyslexics ostracizing dyslexics for acting dyslexic! But that school has supplied me with the means and dicipline that I continue to employ today, of which I am thankful.

LD and athoritarian systems don't play well together. Maybe that's why so many criminals have LDs. Maybe it's because they've fallen through the cracks of public education.

High school was wild. From the 'youth camp for dyslexics' I went straight to a public magnet school where students and teachers went on a first-name basis, got to sit in couches, could take off their shoes and walk barefoot if they wished, and speak their mind. This laid back environment is GREAT for kids with LDs, I think. I did fairly well, except in math.

My parents then divorced.. that's probably for another forum! I moved out when I was 17; and realized how much I truly depended on my parent's support before... and how I could manage in school without them.

After high school, I tried college. Twice. Dropped out and failed simultaneously, both times.


After realizing that I would never finish writing a story, never finish a painting, never finish a comic book, never make enough money to build my own darkroom (and especially never win the state lottery!) after four years of trying to become a free-lance artist; I tried college again, feeling useless and pathetic. I quit my job for this a year ago (not that I hold jobs for long anyway!), and devoted all of my time to school. This has been humbling, but one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

Despite that I'm just an art major, math is required. I still count on my fingers.. actually, I have trouble counting- period. Again, I have been lucky. My first college math teacher is the most brilliant math teacher that I've ever had. But I cannot finish the tests. And, though my major is in art, most of my time has been devoted to this pre-algebra class. So I had to get myself re-evaluated for an LD so I could have untimed tests.

I expected the evaluater to find what I already knew- that I am dyslexic. I've found out this week that is not the case.

.... the happiest moment of my life. I AM dyslexic, but that an evaluation couldn't detect it meant that I've simply overcome it.. at least schoolastically (except that I still read and think VERY VERY s_l_o_w_l_y) ; because it's a physical fact of my brain, not a developmental phase. All of my past teacher's and my mother's and father's patience and hard work and love have paid off. You can't change who you are, but I now believe it's possible to find ways to compensate your own weaknesses... if they are even weaknesses..

But now I'm ADHD, too. Is it okay for me to find that funny?

As I'm learning more about ADHD, I keep on thinking, "No wonder I can't finish anything! No wonder I have trouble carrying on a conversation! No wonder I space out for hours on end, can't tell what time it is, and always get lost and sometimes forget where I am!" These are the things that dyslexia only partly explained... And dyslexia is still so little understood and researched. But often AD/HD and dyslexia go hand in hand.. yet I never new I had ADHD. No one ever told me, and I'd never thought about it.

We all live in systems within systems.

I'm here to learn more about ADHD- I have lots of documents now but find I can hardly read them, ironically. They're not very interesting.

You people are! This is a great way to learn.

I've know that I've been very fortunate in my experiences; and if I know something that has helped me in the past I hope for a chance to pass it along and spread the love to help someone else. I am very sad that most people with LDs don't 'get caught' in time to save them from many years of thinking they're nuts, or unintelligent, or lazy. It's NEVER a person's fault- it's an insufficiency of social systems and a defeciency of common knowledge, and brain research. In an ideal world for LDs, knowledge of them should be likened to street smarts... because its about people and how they live and learn! Makes sense to me.

Aside from math and what else I rambled above... my biggest set back now is social interaction. I am terrified of people, based on a history of being rejected by my closest friends because I'm socially clutsy. Even though most of my past and present friends are AD/HD to extremes! Can I find that funny, too?

If you have read all of this, my heart goes out to you, it really does. My apologies about the length. But that's my LD background... I hope this isn't narsacistic! It's a nod to my family, if it means any more than what it is. Because this story could have been a tradgedy without them.

Just a few more things that I've heard along the way:

learning disability = TEACHING DISABILITY


LDs ARE BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE.


If someone isn't hyper-active... PLEASE, check their pulse and call a doctor.


And; there are two kinds of 'Learners'. There are those with a learning 'disability', and the other is a clothing retailer.

Ace
12-10-03, 10:15 PM
Wow, you've got yourself quite a story, SubtleMuttle. Looks like it would make a first-class movie. Welcome to the forum. I am new here myself, having arrived a week ago. There is a lot of warmth and welcoming spirit here.

SubtleMuttle
12-10-03, 10:45 PM
Thanks for the welcome! I've read your intro too- you have my deepest respect! Where I've been helped and taken by the hand most of my life; anything that I've been through is hardly anything in comparison to how others have struggled- especially not knowing that there was a rhyme and reason. I look forward to your posts!

Andrew
12-11-03, 09:51 AM
Welcome to the ADD Forums, SubtleMuttle. Make yourself at home :)

Tara
12-11-03, 10:38 AM
Welcome to ADD Forums!!!

SubtleMuttle
12-11-03, 03:19 PM
Thanks! This site is too cool!


I just found lots of interesting forums that I hadn't even noticed before. You guys have a great thing going here!

Brianne
01-09-04, 06:34 PM
Well you just welcomed me to day so I thought I'd check out your story. In many ways you and I have grown up with the same issues. We even have alot of the same issues now. I look forward to getting to know you better. I have a feeling we can help eachother out a lot. :D See you around!

SubtleMuttle
01-09-04, 06:47 PM
Thanks, I'm sure we will and I hope that the help will be equally mutual from my end! I'll be 'round! :D

Draga
01-09-04, 08:01 PM
Subtile the Mini series! LOL! Joking, anywho you are lucky to have such a tuff mom as am I...we are forunate to have parents to fight for us. Cheers babes!

I must say for both of us It's about time we posted and introduction:p. The time I have known you has been an awesome time and you are a cool person to know and I still am looking forward to reading poerty from ya. Talk to ya soon hun.

SubtleMuttle
01-09-04, 09:37 PM
Mini Series!!! FALL OUTTA MY CHAIR LAUGHING!! Still laughing! Thanks :D You sweet typer you; ditto back

Draga
01-09-04, 09:51 PM
Well garsh I try to be sweet:D I thought the mini-series was hilarious too. LOL

krisp
01-14-04, 08:35 AM
Sorry to hear about your problems with the educational system! Sounds like you became a success not because of your teachers, but in spite of them! (As the mom of a 5-y.o. who is already having some problems in school, I felt that old "smack the hell out of the teacher" reflex coming on as I read your post... ;) )

Welcome to the forums!

SubtleMuttle
01-16-04, 07:56 PM
:D it's a good reflex to have as a parent working with school systems. It's mommy rage!

I have had really awesome teachers in the past though, thankfully! They're out there, the problem is that they had to be actively sought; and then Mommy Rage would come into play to make sure her kids got placed into their classes. Good luck with your son!