hi..

first of all i AM add, so nuff with that.

and i'm NOT saying ya'll stupid, or unable to lead normal lifes. so nuff of that as well.

i'm talking to fammiliar situation, where u see a hot girl and u want to be with her..

do adders have problem landing babes?
silly query but it would seem so, after all, it's not like we are tuned with the body language, off ppl, if a girl stands in a crowed, sorrounded by men, she would most likely peek the fastest one. i've read adders have a problem being in tune with body language of others.

also the ability to cope with fast changing conversations, then u have some over-weight problems, might be caused by the depression of the situation.

just the begning of my thoughts.

I know from personal experience that social situations can be very uncomfortable for some ADDers.

. o 0 ( Calling them 'babes' probably doesn't help your cause either)

but i like short hands. and everyone knows what i mean.

Yes, many ADDer have trouble in social situations.

Have you read the book What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1036

perhaps. i'm biased, you know being an adder myself,
but, let's put it this way, 1) I (we?) can recognize the symptoms, 2) for those who don't recognize the "symptoms", you should (generally speaking) be percieved as being "high energy". In a bar scenario, you should not have a problem,
no one's going to know what you are until you tell them. . . . . i was diagnosed at 6 years old, and to this day unless i tell someone, no one knows.
i'm percieved as "bubbly, effervecent, enthusiastic, . . . . . ."
Not getting babes should have nothing to do with ADD.

Yes add can cause trouble in any social situation. I don't think traverler was saying that girls are turned off by people who have add i mean there's no way of evan knowing, i think what he was sayi'n is do they lack certain socail skills. also you cant' really say that being hyper helps because there are many different varieties of ADD ADDHD. I'm the predominately inattentive type and have never been very hyper/ high strung at all.
I'd be interested in hearing more about ppl with add lacking the ability to read body language cuz that seems so true, like it seems like girls and sometimes just ppl all togeather are telling me or sayi'n something that i'm deaf to hear for some reason

This is the second time i'v posted this so if it shows up twice that's why.

I think what traveler was saying is that ppl with add have have personal problems in social situations. Of course women arent going to discriminate against guys who have it because there's no way of knowing.

Also i don't think u can really say that it isn't a social issue because it makes you hyper which is good out at bars because there are many different varieties of the disorder, for example i'm predominately inatentive and have never been hyper or high strung at all.

I think it deffinately does effect that, i'm 20 years old and i'v only been in one real relationship that didn't last long. I was kind of interested in hearing more about the inabilities to read body language because it makes alot of sense. Alot of times it seems like i'm missing out on something ppl try to say without just being blunt and coming right out and saying it....AT

I agree, many times I have heard fellow AD/HD'ers speak about not knowing body language etc. I don't normally have that issue, though at times when my own head is really spun out about something, I have had that happen to me. As for relationships, I think the more we understand the person we are with, the more we try to know them, the better at understanding their body language. We arent the only people with issues and disorders in this world, in fact, i dont know very many who don't have a disorder of some kind or something hampering them emotionally which will come out in their ability to communicate verbally and non verbally. Also, many times people say one thing, but they feel another and their body shows it. That can be confusing. So sometimes it isnt us . I read alot about body language as a kid (I was very precocious) so maybe thats why I was able to side step this some.

Absolutely! I'm ADD (primarily inattentive) and I'm really not so good at reading body language and a number of social cues. When you couple my ADD with my low self-esteem (working on both!), I have a bad tendency to read positive cues as negative or simple not see them at all.

Let me give you an example from my youth (oh, so long ago). When I was about 17, I used to work out in the gym with a buddy of mine. At one point, on a lark, we decided to join an aerobics class put on by the gym. We quickly learned two things -- "wussy" aerobics was freekin hard! And, there were a LOT of "hot babes" in the aerobics class. The instructor in particular was gorgeous, quite naturally lovely with the firm toned body that only an aerobics instructor can have, apparently. But anyway, I digress!

After class one day, my buddy and I were hanging around outside the locker room, getting ready to leave. Who should come sauntering up but this young aerobics instructor, looking positively delicious. Well, she starts up a conversation, and it seems to me she's totally interested in my buddy. He chats with her for a while, while I mostly look at the ground, at my hands, anywhere besides this gorgeous young woman. After a few minutes, she wanders off, looking vaguely puzzled.

We start to leave, and my buddy turns to me and punches me in the shoulder. He says "what is WRONG with you? Didn't you think she was attractive?" Puzzled, I reply that of course I thought she was gorgeous. "So why didn't you chat with her?" I said that well, she was so much more interested in him, and she was clearly out of my league. "You idiot! She wanted to talk to YOU, the whole conversation she kept looking at YOU and tried to get YOU to talk to her. But you just stood there like a rock, eyes down, not talking much. It seemed like you really weren't interested. I think you hurt her feelings!"

I never went and talked with that aerobics instructor, and to this day I regret my lost opportunity to have made possibly a wonderful friend -- possibly more.

But the moral of the story is that this is the story of my life! An almost identical situation happened just about 2 years ago when I went on a date and at the end, wanted to kiss the girl but didn't because I thought I was catching "I'm not interested" signals. Later on she sends me an email asking why I wasn't interested in her!

I tend to misread positive signals as negative, or just not notice them at all. When you couple this with my low self-esteem (something I bet a lot of ADD'ers have), it makes it very, very hard to strike up conversations with women I'm interested in or to actively "pursue" them (as the man is still expected, by society, to do).

So YES, "adders have problems landing babes."

-- Tom

contemplates the word "babes"

. o O (Wondering if I need to add that word to my vocabulary)

I say that word with a chuckle, because I don't think I have EVER, in my whole life, referred to the female half of the population as "babes." That's so... 80's...

lol....Maybe the fact that you use the word "babes" could be a big part of why you have trouble "landing" them....

I just want to convey that calling woman a "babe" even coming from another woman isn't held in high esteem. I tried it at Shop Rite...........not only did I not get any coupons or a "Thank you come again" but someone flattened my tires.But the bag boy seemed interested.

:laffs: . o O ( Wonder if Shop Rite is hiring?? )

I call my girlfriend "babe" sometimes. But she's not "a babe" -- she's a grown up woman.

There was a movie named Babe..........funny, the star didn't look like any female I know........now the baseball Babe......that Babe looked like my paternal grandmother.

i call my fiance babe,
he calls me babe,

i call other women chicks,
a couple years ago, i used to call people "spunky"
until i heard the root word used in "erotic media"
then i called the spunky in spite of it ;}

I was not referring to the practice of calling a loved one "babe", which I think is cute. :)

i was broaching another term for women and people in general,
wondered if anyone would notice really ;)

Ok i call my youngest Goober, my oldest Splub and my middle kid Princess Grunchetta..........I have to say while im not in the habit ( yet) of calling chicks ( some kind of contradiction going on here) "Babe" I do have a annoying habit of calling every one I meet"hon", "Sweety" "Doll" or "shug" It really ticks my kids off. I never thought of it as annoying but ha evidently it annoys alot of people, dolls, hons, shugs, and sweetys, out there.

LOL
"splub"?!
LOL

i'm so glad my dad didn't have access to that word,
he so would have called me that,

when i was under 10 years old, he called me "Creep" and i think i remember "worm"

now, i'm 26 and he still calls me kiddo.

"Splub"
that so rocks my world!!

LOL Im may not accomplish much or be much of a looker, but God keeps me for comedic releif... if my kids end up in therapy Im sure I'll be sorry

well you might be sorry until they're like 20,
after that,
they'll just make fun of you,
you'll have absolutely no power.

splub

yeah, that rx my world,
can i use that?

funny...although i am ADD i cant say i have ever had any problems knowing if someone is interested in me or not.as a matter of fact i am highly talented at "seeing" how others feel.i am sought after by friends to observe men they are interested in etc to tell them if theres a possibility.LOL.i wonder if its body language i pick up though,or if it is just pure empathy.i tend to feel everyone around me.heres the kicker.....in superficial social situations i lose all focus and have no idea how to function.small talk????what the hell is that???...*sighs*

scatter, i have the same ability to "read" body language,
and i too am asked by friends to read "eligible" ppl that they find attractive, even going so far as to approach the person first to feel them out. . . but yet i never seem to have any problems with relations and socializing myself.

Definetly, I've mostly only met women from on-line where I'm comfortable. In person, I never seem to come across right trying to talk to someone and I'm completely introverted and it's a total mess. I just figure it's a personality trait, a complete inability to function with members of the opposite sex- although I'm fine once I get to know someone. Just no bars for me..

it's funny you mention that kula,
i met my fiance online,
sept 1999, we met in person jan 2000, i moved to the states in sept 2000 ( no, i didn't drop everything to be with him -Boston university has an excellent anthro prgm). now we live together in swampscott mass,
we haven't planned the wedding or the date, but it'll happen when it's supposed to.

personally, i think ppl are ppl, doesn't matter who has what,
all of us here either have "neuro issues" or have family members who do. . .
that sad little phrase "it takes one to know one" really is true.
and i know so many who have "the symptoms" who aren't diagnosed and so many who are.

i hate to bring this up but, god or the fates or allah or whoever, will kick us all in the butt (at least in the right direction) when that special someone is right for all of us.

if we're shy we're shy,
if we're spastic we're spastic.

don't ever worry, b/c everything happens for a reason, whomever (ourselves or some higher energy) is doing the "happening"

Andrea,
I certainly hope this is true! I truly thought I had met that one person, and it was online as well and someone from another country.. but things seem to happen for a reason, even if you don't always think they should have. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment to make those online relationships last, and more so in person, but when you get it to work it's just magic.
Congrats I hope everything continues to go great for you :) What country were you living in?

Funny, anthro was my minor in college- great subject too.

-William

i'm going to be completely frank here (only don't call me that)
i was engaged when i met rodd.
he and i both were (he was engaged to some chk named lz, i was engaged to a guy named ls)
great fine and dandy eh?!
yeah,
right!
you want to know the key to a relationship?
TRUST
COMMUNICATION
PATIENCE

les stopped trusting me, he also b/cm impatient with me b/c i was spending more time with my education than he wanted.

when his lack of trust and patience stopped
i stopped communicating (perhaps that's the add in me ~ go see tara's post about sub types).
as far as i was concerned i dissolved our relationship a month before it was "officially" over. . . .
incidentally, rodd's first visit came two weeks after my 3year aniversary with les (we broke up two days after that occasion)

and he's still my best friend.

Loved that Goethe quote. Goethe only lived a couple of hundred years ago, but whenever a quote comes down out of another era in time and hits us we know it's solid.

Frank

I'm another ADDer that can practically read people's minds through body language, and so I've always had good radar for when someone was interested in me. It's kind of weird to me when people can't read others in this way, I guess kind of like a sighted person who lived around a lot of blind people who seemed as though they could see...

My problems meeting people have always had to do with self-esteem, some of which is ADD related... mostly those self-esteem problems are in the past now, thank God.

Yep Frank, some truths are constant :)

I'm yet another ADDer who can read people. I can tell anyone who is interested in them, but whenever it comes to telling if someone is interested in me...well thats another story. Odd since I have actually studied body language. Does anyone else out there do this?

I read body language all the time. I swear, sometimes I feel like I have a sixth sense. That sounds crazy!

I have the problem of reading too much into people. I meet someone and think they don't like me, and others tell me I'm wrong. I think my self-esteem plays a part in that.

Now the topic has moved to body language I am getting behind. Well, back to the last page. I call my son " Petunia Face" among other things. I used to call his father that as his face loked like the cute face on a flower. Little yum yum is another.

Originally posted by atomx
Absolutely! I'm ADD (primarily inattentive) and I'm really not so good at reading body language and a number of social cues. When you couple my ADD with my low self-esteem (working on both!), I have a bad tendency to read positive cues as negative or simple not see them at all.

Let me give you an example from my youth (oh, so long ago). When I was about 17, I used to work out in the gym with a buddy of mine. At one point, on a lark, we decided to join an aerobics class put on by the gym. We quickly learned two things -- "wussy" aerobics was freekin hard! And, there were a LOT of "hot babes" in the aerobics class. The instructor in particular was gorgeous, quite naturally lovely with the firm toned body that only an aerobics instructor can have, apparently. But anyway, I digress!

After class one day, my buddy and I were hanging around outside the locker room, getting ready to leave. Who should come sauntering up but this young aerobics instructor, looking positively delicious. Well, she starts up a conversation, and it seems to me she's totally interested in my buddy. He chats with her for a while, while I mostly look at the ground, at my hands, anywhere besides this gorgeous young woman. After a few minutes, she wanders off, looking vaguely puzzled.

We start to leave, and my buddy turns to me and punches me in the shoulder. He says "what is WRONG with you? Didn't you think she was attractive?" Puzzled, I reply that of course I thought she was gorgeous. "So why didn't you chat with her?" I said that well, she was so much more interested in him, and she was clearly out of my league. "You idiot! She wanted to talk to YOU, the whole conversation she kept looking at YOU and tried to get YOU to talk to her. But you just stood there like a rock, eyes down, not talking much. It seemed like you really weren't interested. I think you hurt her feelings!"

I never went and talked with that aerobics instructor, and to this day I regret my lost opportunity to have made possibly a wonderful friend -- possibly more.

But the moral of the story is that this is the story of my life! An almost identical situation happened just about 2 years ago when I went on a date and at the end, wanted to kiss the girl but didn't because I thought I was catching "I'm not interested" signals. Later on she sends me an email asking why I wasn't interested in her!

I tend to misread positive signals as negative, or just not notice them at all. When you couple this with my low self-esteem (something I bet a lot of ADD'ers have), it makes it very, very hard to strike up conversations with women I'm interested in or to actively "pursue" them (as the man is still expected, by society, to do).

So YES, "adders have problems landing babes."

-- Tom

Amen, Tom. :) Great story. Been there... I think. I haven't had the friend to punch my shoulder after the fact.

I used to... but then I went through a period where when I got into conversation with a potential partner, hyperfocusing on HER seemed to help. I guess women love attention. :D I haven't had a lot of relationships, but the ones I have had have been very very intense...

For me, it took coming across an ENTP biomedical researcher (back during the heyday of "Love@AOL") who could connect with my modes of thinking. I suppose even then I was too unsure of myself to play "the game" correctly on the physical side.

Then she played "Claire" to my "Tom Jerico" and did some things I still do not understand (or even wonder about the truth of events) and dissapeared. The references are to the movie "Engima".

My scorecard shows so little permanent success (7 years max) that I would have to say my internal babeometer seems to be wired incorrectly. I'm trying to get it fixed, but it still needs some fine tuning. I'll check back in 20 years and let you know if I've had any better success.

Sleepz

LOL ya got me beat, sleepz, my marriage is my only relationship that has ever gone beyond two years--we've just celebrated three married and five together, and it's been touch and go sometimes whether we would stay together...

I know the difficulties. It is good to see you are still in there and congratulations on the distance you have travelled and the obstacles overcome. Well done to you...and well done to your wife. :)

Sleepz

Never married and never been in a relationship long-term...thanks for the "babeometer" Sleepz.....did you invent that??

I guess I'm a "babeometer" failure....the last relationship was the best, however....but it was a just a short term thing too.....

My "picker" has always been quite off.... men who were unavailable...same old same old....

I'll probably end up like Paul.....my future husband being my only long term relationship....hey nothing wrong with that....the question is have I learned from my past mistakes???? Yes....my picker's much better....:)

Well after being recently seperated and my marriage having been together(sporadically) seven years and married six of them, I can only say, CRAP... I can LAND em.... I I just can't keep em or want to keep em. I'm a twisted individual

Originally posted by Lafnalot
Well after being recently seperated and my marriage having been together(sporadically) seven years and married six of them, I can only say, CRAP... I can LAND em.... I I just can't keep em or want to keep em. I'm a twisted individual

Crissy: I am reading your post pretty much right after you wrote it....I'm sorry about this....VERY much so:( I hope you can find a lot of supportive people in your life now to be there for you....(if that's what you need)....In fact, given some of your previous posts, I know that a lot of people love and care about you...and we at forums are all here for you too:)

P.S. YOU twisted??? I don't think so!

Wow thanks Joan. And I have been so incredibly blessed, more so than any one woman deserves, to have two very strong and awesome individuals in my life. Having BP II Disorder doesnt help right now and they have talked me down out of the tree a few times recently.

I am fragile right now, but not without some hope and definately more blessed than I deserve. Thank you again and you have been a very positive and upbuilding individual to me.

This is the first time I've read this thread. Its hilarious. Thanks laffs for the humour from 5 months ago at the Shop Rite. Did that really happen??? lol

As for myself, Iw as always feeling out of social cue in a college fraternity/sorority environment. However, my ADD was undiagnosed and untreated. My sleep apnea, which was even worse than the ADD, was also undiagnosed and untreated. Both of these slowed down my processing abilities, and apparently processing is important in social situations.

Oddly enough, though, I never lacked a female companion. My craziness was great for the college days. I was a good romantic date, always treated dates to a quiet romantic dinner in a fine restaurant, usually as a first date. That always made an excellent first impression. I also gained the skills early on to simply be brave enough to ask a girl out. Since many guys at the younger ages, are not feeling the courage to ask, the guys who ask score points just for asking. Sure I got my share of "no thanks" excuses, but that is part of the game. If you don't ask, you don't have a chance of hearing a "yes I'd love to".

I took out some of the most beautiful desireable women on campus, and I was only 5'1" tall, not a model of the tall women's dream man date, but my ability to ask, just ask, overcame that obstacle. Not all dates resulted in ongoing dating, ofcourse not. But they were fun! We got to know each other, and if we didn't continue dating we were always able to smile at each other.

See, I think ADD for me, made me a talkative person. I love to talk talk talk. How many guys does a woman go out with who doesn;t talk? Too many I think. And I have no interest whatsoever in the sports scores. So our conversations were on real things, not sports. No offense to the sports loving guys and women. I think that women found me to be different, and more fun, because I would talk, and then talk some more.

I was also born totally unafraid to seek the kiss. That is essential! One must be totally fearless and seek the kiss at that romantic moment when the two of you are close enough to give it a try. The worst that can happen, you don't kiss. Big deal, no problem, try again later, maybe. If you do kiss, and sparks go off, you are going to be dating that girl again soon.

I think it helped that an adult told me young, to be brave enough to ask, be brave enough to try to kiss, be brave enough to play the game and hear the "no". He also told me that the other kids were self conscious too, not just me, and that helped me feel better.

I think this applies in adult environments too. Other people are self conscious about the dating game too. You are doing them a favor by asking them out, by simply making the social situation easier. Remember that when you are afraid to ask the important question - "would you like to have dinner with me", say "this Tues day night". Well, everyone is busy on weeknights. They always say "Tuesday is not a good night", and they might say "how about Friday", or you say it, and then you say "Friday it is! See you at 8?" It does not work all the time, but nothing in life is full proof. Just trying, just asking, increases the odds about a billion percent, if you are a person who has not asked anyone out in a while. Try it!

Jonathan

Well, sadly enough, sigh, it did happen. I was actually trying to be funny with her........I think she thought I wanted to get into her apron...the bag boy honestly offered to help me get the stuff into the trunk. Lets hope it was store policy to offer.

lol...well, nothing wrong with a bag boy trying to get your things into your trunk! lol

And nothing wrong with thinking the clerk is a babe! lol

Sorry about the flat tires....that is one of the worst consequences I have ever heard of for comin on to a "babe" even if you were not comin on to her.

Usually a little flirting is harmless in most situations, unless the boyfriend is right there, then its not cool.

So, how about that bag boy??? Cute?

:)
Jon

Yup I bet it was store policy to offer Crissy....at least it is here in Florida and was in California:)

INTO HER APRON???:D :D :D I haven't heard THAT one before:)

Also, as far as social discomfort, I have always been uncomfortable in larger social settings. There is too much to process, too many personalities to try to keep track of, too much auditory information to process.

Oddly enough, though., I one time took an anti depressant, the trycyclic type, Elavil, for a few weeks. Unfortunately it started making me demonstrate some mania traits, and my life was in danger for lack of judgement and the dr took me off it quickly. However, while i was on it, my fear of the large social situations disappeared, because all of a sudden computing the social setting became so much easier. It was a wonderful experience. I'm sure there is something in the elevil that stimilates something related to ADD and processing social informatin.

Otherwise, I was always feeling out of the loop in the large social settings.

I guess I adapted by having small private gatherings.

Jon

I also have trouble in large groups, i dont know where to begin with the sensory stimuli. As for the tires at the shop rite, honestly it appeared I ran over nails in my driveway :D

Oh and the bag boy? The title is there for a reason............a boy.......I yike grown ups. :D

Joan, I may not be much for the long haul but I sure can twist a saying up huh?I used to get red marks over all my creative writing assignments

Crissy, Maybe the shop-rite girl had just watched the movie "Babe..pig in the city", (yes..it was about a real pig..cute, but still a pig)...one just never knows.

Sleepz

back to social stimuli, i am finding that the discomfort in social situations has considerably abated. I think the use of medication(s), and the success in psychodrama group therapy has been responsible. I would put more credit to the psychodrama as the cause of this feeling comfortable. However, the medications increase the odds of processing what someone said, so that also has to be given shared credit. I remain a huge advocate for the psychodrama process and believe it would help many people with LDs of any type who feel uncomfortable socially. It has helped me with the social, with my marriage, with my family life, with my children, with my career, with my business, with my spiritual, and with finding some harmony and peace within myself.

Jonathan

Crissy.... isn't it always like that...everytime I think someone stole something (because I can't find it) I soon find out its hiding right where I found it. So I have tried to stop assuming a person actually did something to me....

I'm referring to the nails in your tires, ylou said you probably ran over them, especially since the hot babe behind the apron didn't even have time to run out ahead of you and the panting dreulling bag-boy in time to flatten those tires... unless you and the young bagboy took a pitstop on the way to the car??

:)

lol

Jonathan

Did I mention the trip to the cucumber section? IM KIDDING!

ROFL>>>>>>>>>> nooo....tell me about it!

LOL

Jon

Welll;
I am ADD, I am what is being referred to as a `babe`...in this case, a female. I`m not ugly... as I have been approached by some pretty good looking guys.
As for not being able to land good looking people for romantic relations (I am trying not to be heterosexist here), my boyfriend is good looking... and not just by my opinion. I actually didn`t start dating him b/c of his looks, b/c back then, he was a tall skinny boy who looked about 14... and now he`s a tall lean young man who looks like he`s 18 (we started dating when we were 19 and now we`re 24). I`m glad I got him while he was young and insecure... I think it has to do with the fact that he doesn`t know how good looking he is.

If you`re talking about how to pick up someone at a night club or bar... I guess we`re not talking about resulting relationships being of high quality... but I can probably go into a club and pick up a decent looking guy, just because I am hyper and it`s interpreted as confident...well, OK... I guess I`m confident about my dancing ability, but only because I get hyper and caught up in the music and just ....DANCE. I love it, and it is not true that when you do something that you love, you put your heart into it, and that`s what is attractive to other people?

I find it harder to have conversations OUTSIDE of the bar scene and pick up... but I still get interested approaches sometimes, simply because I come across as friendly and approachable...which again can be interpreted as coinciding with having ADD.

The body language thing... I am a highly visual learner, so I don`t have trouble with understanding body language too much... it`s the words that get in the way. I had a learning disability test done, and my IQ is in the gifted range, but my acheivement scores were low... so I qualify in the the learning disabled category... my verbal and visual interpreting skills were very high, especially in the social cues and puzzles areas.
So, I`m not sure if I am different than `most` ADDers. I have heard though, that it is not uncommon for ADDers to have high IQs and average acheivement scores, which can bring them down to learning disabled.

Interesting stuff...
but as far as `landing babes` goes... I had a guy who is a Josh Hartnett lookalike become interested in me, so I think it is more of being crazy and having fun and people will be attracted to that fun loving side of you... and we ALL know that ADDers are fun loving.

Like my signature says... I may have ADD, but I will never be accused of being boring!

be true to yourself, be true to others and let your fun loving nature shine through. People will gravitate toward that... and if people think you`re crazy and hyper...who cares? At least we`re enjoying life (so long as it`s not harming others, of course)

uhhh...
I just read over my post, and realized that it might come off as sounding really really conceited... I wanted to apologize...
I`m not conceited, more the opposite in most matters.
I know that each person has something amazing about them, something that really sparks the glimmer in their eyes when they are interested in something... and that is what I try to figure out when I first meet someone.
I love talking to people and learning about what makes them tick...
Anyhoo, smile, ask others about themselves, because we all loooooove talking aout ourselves and what interests us.
I wish we could meet in a chat about this! It`s an awesome topic!

dear not boring


how fortunate you are to scorehigh in social cues. I wonder how many other ADDers are doing well in social cues.

Your suggestion that when doing what you love doing, people are attracted to you, I agree with that, but never thought about it. I think its a good thing to keep in mind, so thank you for that little piece of wisdom. you do not sound conceited.

I think its a good idea for people to post and respond about successful techniques for handling social scenes. Its always better to talk about effective action, along with any problems, than it is to simply moan about the problems and have no effective action choices.

So please post your social scene issues, your difficulties with social cues, and let others who really can interpret social cues, help decipher the meaning, Those who have trouble with this can learn what these little things mean, and those who are good at this can reinforce their own understanding.

Thanks for your interesting post. One lesson in there will stick with me probably forever, that people are attracted to you naturally when you are doing what you love doing.

Ta ta for now!

Jonathan

Originally posted by healthwiz


I think its a good idea for people to post and respond about successful techniques for handling social scenes. Its always better to talk about effective action, along with any problems, than it is to simply moan about the problems and have no effective action choices.



One lesson in there will stick with me probably forever, that people are attracted to you naturally when you are doing what you love doing.

Ta ta for now!

Jonathan

Could not agree with this more....and also the corollary is true.....I am extremely attracted to people when I see them doing what they love.....

That is true. People having fun are attractive. My second "major" relationship was a girl named Cheryl, we stayed together for a year and had a lot of fun in that time (interpret that however you want), and I asked her at one point what was it that attracted her to me.

She said it was because she saw me acting on stage in a local amateur theatre group. My acting wasn't especially good :) , but she said "you looked like you were having so much FUN".

She ended up dumping me a year later because she "couldn't see me ever raising a family".

Hehehe, she was both right and wrong about that... got the family now... but it is rough sometimes...

Thanks for the story Paul....Um, she couldn't see you ever raising a family??? Well, in MY opinion:) (not that you asked).....she was totally wrong.....not just half wrong....

You got your family and you are raising a kid....yes it may be rough sometimes, but heck those rough times with your child and wife are totally normal and expected....doesn't mean you "can't raise a family......"

Oh well.........

Do you feel add is completely responsible for not going up to talk to that hot babe? There might be some other issues at work--maybe fear of intimacy, fear in general, fear of committment. When you think of a time when you were confident in meeting a hot babe, what factors are consistently there and how are you responding to those factors. Good luck on your new adventures in Life

When possible, put yourself in many difficult social situations and over time you will get better and better each day in every way

Originally posted by atomx
Absolutely!
I tend to misread positive signals as negative, or just not notice them at all. -- Tom

This is MORE of the problem than i think gets appropriate attention!

I don't miss the cues, I see them! I mis-interpret them! By 180 degrees.

Highly formal social situations with prescribed conduct can make it EASIER, because approaches look like approaches and withdrawls look like what they are, more, but....

I've notice that in board games, like chess, or monoploy or GO, an din other endevors as well, there is a secion of the process where I think I'm losing when i'm really winning.

What are you SUPPOSED to do when you are losing? Cut bait and try something else. So how does this work? BADLY!

On the one hand i get accussed of perseverating, on the other of giving up too easily? How much is from a "dyslexic" reversal of the "sense" or "significance" of an event or set of events?

If i can't trust my INTERNAL orientation because it is BROKEN, whose social orientation can I use?

What is the "Books on tape" version of a converted social relationship?

Well, you story says it! The solution, as i contend it ALWAYS IS, is PRESENT in the situation to begin with!

Your friend is getting the signals straight. He needs to say, in plain english, It's obvious to me (hint hint) that she's like to speak with you, really. wait here while I go over there and get a coke....) and then come BACK and jump start the interaction if it isn't going.

The thing is, Our social lives will probably forever need to be subtitled, video described, prompted and interpreted by others or we will mis-participate, and miss participating!

It could be worse! the solution could be unknown! now arranging for this kind of help seems harder than it should be, but that is a very different problem!

IMHO

I need the social cues to be BLATANT....and I mean LOUD...or I won't actually interpret them as an honest to goodness "cue"....I mean I don't miss them either....I see them alright...but then I wonder what they MEAN......how to interpret.....

Gosh I'm still wondering at the family wedding I went to a few weeks ago in Massachusetts if this guy (Arthur S.) - whom I've known for YEARS (he and I are not blood related) -- was flirting with me -- or not? Was he being a tease or not? First question out of his mouth to me was "Do you still live in Florida"? Why did he ask that? To be friendly or did he want to know if I've moved back to Massachusetts so we could possibly "date"?????

Heck if I know....and my sister says to me "Joan -- you got a hug and a kiss from Arthur S. at the end of the wedding -- but I didn't..." But my sister is married for God's sake...Maybe Arthur didn't want to appear too flirty with my sister.....

Darn those social cues....:( ARGH........:( :( :(

I am ADD and NVLD so I have huge trouble enterpreting body language, and an even tougher time with facial expressions. Basically, if you are sad, TELL ME! Don't wait for me to guess, because I probablly won't. If you like me, SAY SOMETHING!! I am tired of people telling me about how so and so obviously likes me, and me being the only one in the room who doesn't see it.

Dang, I forgot to look at the date of the thread-another resurrection from the dead! Yikes. He must have landed a babe or been severly humbled by one of our own. :D

I think the problem is not ADD, it is in the term, "Landing Babes"

See, we are not babes, we are women or young women, real people. Babes is the equivalent of a good time buy nothing serious. Perhaps you should rephrase the term, unless a "relationship" is not in your vocabulary.

All I could see is you trying to get a girl to arrive on target on an aircraft carrier.

Just a voice from the XX chromosome side.