I have no one to blame but myself.

Makes sense.

A lot of people here just seem to feel sorry for themselves and blame ADD or ADHd for everything.. that is a reason for failure - not having ADD/ ADHD.

Stop blaming your disorder and seriously do something about it.

Blaming everything on ADD is so sad.

So many great people have had this disorder and so many people have mad something of themselves. The differences .. is they tried..

Some people paint such a bad picture of life with ADD.

I'm a doer not a complainer..:)

BYe BYE

I am making a life for myself with ADD.

And I think I'm doing a fine job. But I do realize that it does affect my life in so many different ways, and that is why I post here. To find solutions to behaviours I want to change. I don't think anyone wants to live a life of doing nothing. We just need to realize that everyone's situation is different, and you shouldn't judge them because they are not doing the exact same thing you would.

I also make a very nice living for all the issues I have. I just try my best and leave my issues out of my workplace.
Come on now easy there, you can say what is on your mind here for the most part, but remember this is a public forum for people struggling with ADD/HD, and trying to get some help and understanding.

Also, if you notice there have been more than a few threads that say good things, like sucesses and Upside of life and so forth.
Try is a big word for me....I try something everyday, and most people do. We are not in eachothers every day lives here. People only post what they want to.

I do not judge people. I am very opened minded.

Again, that is just my wooden nickel so-to-speak!:)

I'm a doer not a complainer..:)
No offense but this post isn't the best example of you not being a complainer. I think for the most part the people who post here are doing the best they can and there is certainly nothing wrong in looking for support in others who are in similar situations and can relate.

My life does not suck. I have a loving husband and a darling son. We live in a nice place in a very safe town. We have a good life all in all. We don't starve, we are warm in winter and cool in the summer. Santa stops here each Christmas and there is enough money after bill paying each month for us to take in movies and/or dine out sometimes.

I have challenges and obstacles in life, who doesn't? Mine are different from other peoples, as theirs are different from mine. I think part of the reason there seems to be a large number of complaints on the site is that for many of us (myself included) there really isn't anywhere else to voice these frustrations and disappointments. People without ADHD may just not get it, period. Also, sometimes when people are having a harder time, they may spend more time here, when things are going relatively smoothly in their lives (note the word relatively) they don't have as much of a need to check in to the site as often.
I go through some times of reading these posts each day, other times I don't come here for a few weeks or a month, then I am back. All depends on what else is going on.

And who defines "making something of oneself"? I may not be a doctor or lawyer, and I won't have my Bachelors degree for a few more months, so perhaps in some people's eyes I haven't made anything of myself, but to me, I am raising a great child, I have a fantastic marriage, my family comes first, period, I have an enormous capacity for love, empathy and compassion, and I wouldn't have my life any other way...(ok a couple million wouldnt hurt but thats it, hehe)

So, maybe you are right, maybe not, either way you are entitled to your opinion.

-A

Dear Missfit,
Many of us use this forum as a place to vent or cry (metaphorically speaking). That means that there may seem to be a high percentage of posts in which people are "complaining". Many of these "complainers" do soldier on quite bravely and without complaint in their daily life; they are "doers" and they are doing something about their "problems". But giving people an outlet for "complaint"is one of the purposes of the forums.

Me personally, I complain all the time and am pathetically pathetic and definitely not a doer. I wallow in my utter uselessness. And I am moved by your posting to seek a new life, a better life, one in which I shall serve humanity, probably go to work in a leper colony (the only one in the continental US is in Carville, LA, by the way and since nowadays they can pretty much cure leprosy -- or Hansen's disease which is the preferred name, it's basically just an elder living facility.). But first I have to find my car keys.

Missfit,

AD/HD affects everybody differently. Also many people with AD/HD also have co-existing conditions which make things even more complicated. You are entitled to your opinion however your opinion seems to be based on ignorance. It would be helpful both both you and all those that you judge so harshly if you took some time to educate yourself about how the brain works.

"Me personally, I complain all the time and am pathetically pathetic and definitely not a doer. I wallow in my utter uselessness. And I am moved by your posting to seek a new life, a better life, one in which I shall serve humanity, probably go to work in a leper colony (the only one in the continental US is in Carville, LA, by the way and since nowadays they can pretty much cure leprosy -- or Hansen's disease which is the preferred name, it's basically just an elder living facility.). But first I have to find my car keys."

I love this response. Too bad the colony on Molokai is no longer there, but you would have to find more than your car keys to get there.:D

One thing appears to remain not done (or perhaps accidentally forgotten or over looked)

I would like to remind all participating in this discussion, weather you are a doers or don't doer, this means whiners and cheerleaders alike

Please review the ADDF guidelines here (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15843)
before responding in anger or defensiveness.

The main goal of ADDF is support of those whose lives are effected by ADD/ADHD (weather that effect is positive or negative it doesn't matter)

The following guideline was grossly over looked

While forums are meant for debate, flaming or forcing your opinions on other members without regard to their feelings is uncalled for. This does not mean that you can't post sensitive issues or get into heated debates; it just means you have to use some common sense and courtesy when posting your opinions/views/debates. People intentionally posting to create flame wars will be dealt with by the moderators or administrators through warnings and bans as they see fit.

There was absolutely no problem with what was said however how it was said was way over the line. Please be mindful of wording as I believe many a good idea can be totally missed due to unintended harshness. Weather accidental or purposeful ,this rudeness will cease and desist or the thread will be closed (warnings may be issued).

***Any concerns or questions regarding this moderator note or staff actions should be private messaged directly to staff, this will prevent further disruption of the discussion. Thank you.***

I post here because I feel as though I was lucky enough to receive help when I needed it most, and I feel a deep obligation to help others in the same predicament. We all have difficulties we must face, whether we have AD/HD or not, but there is nothing wrong with asking for help when it is needed.

And just so you know, when I had to alter my medication recently due to an insurance company "error," I suddenly went from being the organized and capable guy working on a multi-billion (yes, billion with a b) dollar medical proposal to being suddenly unable to organize the papers on my desk or keep a basic "to-do" list. Thankfully, I had relatives who were able to help me pay for Adderall XR (not cheap) out of pocket, and am now functioning much better on the dose that my doc and I want me to be on, but it really drove home to me exactly how intelligence, ability, and effort can be so completely overpowered by this disability. Sometimes no matter how hard you're trying, no matter how smart you are, when you need help, you need to ask for help.

Fortunately, one of my boss's kids has other similar neurological learning disabilities, and she was very much aware of the difference between trying and having difficulty vs just not trying. She was also very discrete in transferring some of my busy work off to others while having me concentrate on one or two larger things that were easier to keep track of, without making it appear too obvious to anyone else.

Oh, and just so you know, before I was diagnosed I had almost managed to fail out of college, and had a GPA just barely above a 2.0. My GPA the semester after being diagnosed and starting meds: 3.5. So lemme tell you, all the effort and ability in the world won't always be enough.

And as far as I am concerned, there is nothing wrong with asking for help.

I think we all have periods of time when life aint so pretty. When people are getting thier needs met weather in personal fullfillment or restruant service they are normally going to be more posative how ever few will proclaim thier satisifaction with half the zeal they would a complaint. When the bird of life takes a huge dump on my heads I will complain loudly.

I have been treating my ADD for over 13 years and I have had my cheese and whine. . .

I am a positive person I place a lot of emphasis on maintain a positive attitude about self which includes the ADD part of self. I doubt few here have posted as much as I on how attitude effects perspective which effects response to life's events. I have taken my beliefs to the debating mat more than once here however I also acknowledge that I have yet to corner the market on "absolute right". . . .how I see things is right for me but not for all.


Every living thing needs a certain amount of rain along with specific amounts of sun shine. The amount of rain/sun mixture required for a cactus to thrive is not the same as what is required for an Ivy. The journey to ADD acceptance is full of sun shine and rain because both are necessary for growth. I may be a cactus while another members is closer to an Ivy. neither of us is better than the other we are merely two different kind of plant with different needs.

If a person tells me they have never experienced anger at being ADD, they have never wished for being "normal" it is a pretty safe bet they have not reach the acceptance phase.

One last little gem I have learned during my little journey is

One of the first signs of self acceptance is acceptance of others.

Yo Missfit!!

I just have to ask , what inspired your outburst??

Everyone on this forum struggles more than "normal" people every day. We are not blaming our stuggles on ADD, everyone has struggles but ours are harder to overcome because of our ADD. On this forum we support each other. We dont look at others as lazy or complainers, we understand. This is the reason why I love this forum soo much. I can come here and talk about my struggles and people understand where I am coming from and give me better advice than my friends or family.

Everyone on this forum struggles more than "normal" people every day. We are not blaming our stuggles on ADD, everyone has struggles but ours are harder to overcome because of our ADD. On this forum we support each other. We dont look at others as lazy or complainers, we understand. This is the reason why I love this forum soo much. I can come here and talk about my struggles and people understand where I am coming from and give me better advice than my friends or family.
Ahhhh what a nice post!!!:) :)

Missfit. Wording of your post "sucked". By the way, never, ever use the word "sucks", its blatantly meant to be rude and makes everything you say reflect that light. It's not friendly, professional, uplifting, or even that descriptive. You needed to pick your words a lot better. Now, let me rephrase your original post and see how that fares....

"Hey everyone, I've been reading a lot around on the forums and it's come to my attention that some people here seem to use their ADD as an excuse for bad things that happen to them. I'm not saying that everyone with ADD is like this, but I feel some people who use their ADD as an excuse are making the rest of us look bad. I understand that ADD makes some problems a lot harder to deal with, but using it as a reason for all of your problems just isn't right in my opinion. I just think this it's somewhat ridiculous when people center their whole lives around this disability."

Even THAT'S a little edgy...this is an extremely sensitive subject, and I don't think it's wise to post it here, especially since most on this forum will probably disagree with you.

By the way, I feel somewhat the same way about it, I hate when kids in my class tell me that they can't work in the group because they have ADD, and when I spit it right back at them, they're shocked. I try really hard to control mine, with help of medication now recently, and I think it's critical to see some form of effort on others' parts when using ADD as a reason for things not getting done.

I don't mean to offend anyone, just my two cents.

Missfit. Wording of your post "sucked". By the way, never, ever use the word "sucks", its blatantly meant to be rude and makes everything you say reflect that light. It's not friendly, professional, uplifting, or even that descriptive. You needed to pick your words a lot better. Now, let me rephrase your original post and see how that fares....

I found the above quoted portion confusing as more than one intent can be seen by me.

I ain't never used the word ain't because ain't ain't in the dictionary? - jovial

Or using the word ain't means I ain't being nice - condescending

You ain't got no manners so I won't have them either - return fire

My the main point among the many possibilities is one's intentions can be mis-interpretated even if the majority agrees to a single interpretation. It does appear as if this person intended to insult the 10,000 or so people who come for ADD support.

However. . . . . .

Some times the witting comes off harsher than intended by the original poster. . . .other times the negative passion felt at the time passes. Then there are those who struggle with appropriate presentation. Communicating a negative thought can be challenging for most people but those of us who tend to be impulsive may find this even more challenging. I won't even touch on the real life pressures that could have driven such a harsh presentation.

I do want to emphasize that I came to the same conclusion you did. The idea was not a problem however the way it was presented was over the line. I am not excusing such behavior after all I am expected to intervene but one of the ways I prevent my self from being angry at the person (as opposed to being upset by their action) is to come to terms with some of the reasons behind my own harsh presentations.

I have had more than one badly worded post that came out much harsher than I intended. . .I try to understand I did not corner the market on occasional rude behavior (unintentional or other wise) . . . there fore some times I am stuck on the receiving end. I don't care much for it either, but about all I can do with it is try to learn from other's mistakes (I probably won't live long enough to make them all myself-jovial ).

one of the great lesson in life that i have learned is this....

If in any situation, the actions or behaviour of another bother you, simply ask your self....

"What is it that i dont like about my self, that makes me not like what this person is doing??" As its just a reflection of your concious/subconcious self reflection...

As a person , who has zero personal issues, has no issues with anybody else...

Every situation we face in life that is not total peace, is one of the lessons to achieving total peace!!

have a great day!!

Thank you for the bodhi buddha Luke! :)

whoa! i can't see an ADDer posting this... maybe an ADDer in denial and lacking legit info. abot ADD. I know everyone is different,, of course.
britt

OHHHHHHH!!!
how priceless...i should of realized that if i just SIMPLY became a 'doer' and not a 'complainer' that my life would be ..i dunno...symptom FREE!!
thanks for those wonderful words of wisdom. i've never heard that from my parents or teachers or spouse or the nike ads either..'just do it'
i should of thought of that before
what are we??? IN THE 50'S?? should i stop using the microwave to defrost now and put on my apron with ruffle trim and be the perfect wife?
maybe if i just pretend i don't have adhd i can just be a much better person.
i'm not one of those ppl that thinks that if i had a choice i would choose to remain with adhd..i would choose to be rid of it. it has effected my life drastically and regrettably. i've done a lot on my own before i even knew i had it- to adjust to life.

missfits comment is ridiculous in my book.

adverserial and there doesn't seem to be much I can do to change that. Perhaps there needs to be a place for people to communicate thier feelings toward those ideas which offend us. . . to vent back at the many times we have heard things along the lines of

"Well if you would just do it it would be done"
(if I knew how to make myself do it I wouldn't be listening to this crap)

"If you would only try harder."
(yea like I have not thought of this one before)

"You could do so much more if you simply applied yourself"
(If some one could just give me the simple instructions to self application in English I'll get right on it)

"Why don't you just pay attention?"
(Because it annoys you. . . why should I be the only one annoyed by my wondering mind ?)

how priceless...i should of realized that if i just SIMPLY became a 'doer' and not a 'complainer' that my life would be ..i dunno...symptom FREE!!

No they would simply diagnosis you as having hyper active ADD – okay that is what happened to me any way.

I can be a doer and a complainer – I call it multi-tasking they call it ADHD – subtype primarily hyperactive!


As a person , who has zero personal issues, has no issues with anybody else...

Every situation we face in life that is not total peace, is one of the lessons to achieving total peace!!

I agree to a point but only to a point. He who has no issues has no boundaries either. Personal boundaries are important so we know where our “stuff ends” and some one’s else’s begins.

Accepting my ADHD and accepting myself for who I am weak areas and all has allowed me more room to accept others however I can have my feelings hurt by others words even if they are not true. . .it can hurt me just to know some one feels that way toward me.

I am hyper active and walking in constant tranquility would be perfectly boring. . . so I seek periods of tranquility but to live there constantly would be like being in the dead zone. I need conflict we all do to a certain extent.

Did you know that in order to have a plot there has to be conflict? Why? I think in order to have a life there must be some kind of conflict some where.

missfits comment is ridiculous in my book.


one of the great lesson in life that i have learned is this....

If in any situation, the actions or behaviour of another bother you, simply ask your self....


When I first read this my impression was what the *&^@! is up with this, man talk about being in a bad mood. . . . .wonder who farted in her Fruit Loops? (gravy) With in seconds the moderator in me clicked on and that was the end of the emotional thing. . . .

Do I whine when I should be doing? Yea some times I do . . . did I get insulted when I read the initial post ? Not really I am not sure why . . . I saw some one who was frustrated with the negative out look some here have. I know the feeling I have experienced this before.

I have been treating my ADHD for a long time now and have grown past the part of hating it. . . .hating having ADHD is part of the acceptance phase . . . even after the acceptance phase there is still brief moment when I wish I didn’t have to be ADHD. I don’t care for having to take medications so I can sit down long enough to fight the dyslexia so I can do moronic paper work. Frankly I find the dyslexia more annoying than the ADD. . .I find the hypoglycemia more annoying than the dyslexia.

I do occasionally feel frustrated when every post is about how horrible having ADD is. . .hating your ADD won’t make it go away. . .Complaining about it won’t either . . . . so we have ADD what are we going to do about it?

Being frustrated by some of the symptoms is perfectly understandable. . . . . .so when I read a lot of “I hate my ADHD” I perceive it as the need to vent frustrations with some of the symptoms.

Some times we need to talk to people who understand that being on time to work is not some thing we can “just do”, keeping our desk in order is like an impossible dream, Having some one come here and tell us we can make it all go away by seeing the positive side, to accuse every one here who has ever complained about thier ADD of being a whiner, basically saying it is our whining not the ADD that is the problem can be a slap in the face. Many here spent a life time feeling misunderstood, they come here to be understood, accepted and helped. For some one to come here and say the same things that have hurt us before feels like a violation an insult.

I can see both the positive and negative aspects of my ADHD. . . in the end I saw the initial post as some one who needed to vent. I see the angry responses the same way. Both the initial post and those who felt insulated have valid points. I do not feel offended by either side I accept both perspectives. . .as they way it is.

Actually the complaint is very ADD-like.



whoa! i can't see an ADDer posting this... maybe an ADDer in denial and lacking legit info. abot ADD. I know everyone is different,, of course.
britt

Originally Posted by DynamiteBritany
whoa! i can't see an ADDer posting this... maybe an ADDer in denial and lacking legit info. abot ADD. I know everyone is different,, of course.
britt
Actually the complaint is very ADD-like. And so is the irritability! :)

And so is the irritability!

irritability what irritability?