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Color Scheming
11-20-06, 02:17 AM
leaving me= killing me.



As soon as I heard the door shut
Plunged a knife into my gut
………………………………...........
When from us, you walked away
I saw my life, just float astray
I knew id never see another day
Saw my soul, captured by the red rays
………………………………..............
without you this life is unbearable
So I contact my temple with the barrel
………………………………..............
You told me baby please don’t you cry
I don’t like to see the pain in your eyes
Told me you’d always be by my side
The love for me would always reside
………………………………............
As soon as I realized you were never coming home
I used my wrist to take me to fire and brimestone

Color Scheming
11-20-06, 02:18 AM
Farewell.



i think its about time for me to end this ****
so im giving a goodbye farewell to all of this
to all of the people who cared about themselves
to all of you who knew i had a twisted mental health
to those of you who never stayed by my side
cared about what was right for you, not caring who dies
to all of you, who thought this was just some kind of a game
took me holding on for granted, you should be ashamed
to those of you who thought, "ah shes just saying that
you know tomorrow she will be right back on track"
**** you all!!, i tried to tell you what would happen!!
no one wanted to believe, now my last breath is passing
tell me, is everything you did, in the days you knew me worth it?
or if you could change things, would you actually reverse it?
now tell me why when i gave you signs about this being my fate
would you not change things then, why wait till this day, when i finally break?
i challenge anyone of you ****ing ******* who are out there
to come running to me, telling me that you really ****ing care
when i was still around, you never gave one minute of your time
only cared about your agression, when i was at the end of my lifes line.
please NOW tell me how i was out of line with my emotions and feelings
and tell me, as you look at my body in the coffin, is knowing your right THAT appealing?
now please look onto my eyelids and only imagine what my eyes were
never again seeing the color of my eyes, thats now all a blur.
for those of you who knew me, knew i could never look into someones eyes
maybe thats because i didnt want you looking into me, and seeing my pain inside
Now remember all the times i would laugh and joke around
and then turn to you all, and say look, i need you there now.
Why didnt you all just listen? why didnt you just believe?
Now your sitting there remininscing? Wishing this didnt have to be?
When my daughter is finally old enough to understand
please tell her that i held on as long as i can
And mommy will always be there looking down on her
making sure these emotions which surcame me, never even touch her
but i cant do that, here on this earth, i couldnt even protect myself
so i must be gone, inorder to protect my only heart, my wealth
Aricela baby know, that when i was pregnant with you i realized some things
That i couldnt be there for you, as much as you need
But this way sweetheart, you never have to the feel the pain i felt
When my parent left me, because his cards he couldnt deal with what he was dealt
i know your dad will take care of you, and love you more than he loves anyone else
So baby please, just do right in your life, never forget im in the clouds
Smiling at you, saying thats my baby, as the rain comes down
the rain are my tears, for how proud i will be of you
baby this is just something you will never understand, something i had to do.
i love you sweetheart and i just couldnt take hurting you any longer
i tried to ask people for help, asked them to make me stronger
and through that i realized no one could help me
no one ever understood the thing that surcame me
Aricela im sorry theres nothing for me to say, except i love you
and just know that one day, ill be there to once again hold you
To all the people who once told me they cared, no matter what would always be there
i hope your happy with your decisions while i was still around, still waiting for you guys to care
Im ending this now, with please, for me take care of her, and never let her feel a frown
because i catch you causing any pain, ill return as a demon, and track you down
so now i have to say goodbye, they are only allowing me so much time
so thank you to all of the people who caused this to happen, the cause and effect line.
**** you all, and goodbye

Color Scheming
11-20-06, 02:20 AM
One Gun shot

With one gun shot
so much is lost
as his body drops
Thinking that will make It stop
instead his soul the devil caught
Now left in eternity to rot
Everything in life that was taught
Has all fallen prey, to this day
All the words of strength, gone astray
Mother walked into where his body lay
Her heart now forever gone away
Family and friends now left to pray
Rest in peace is all that’s left to say
All the family that was left behind
Cant find the strength to make it through this time
Mother hysterical asking why my son, why mine
Friends asking why a soul that was so divine
Had to lose itself to one single nine
And a deal with the devil was now just signed.

Color Scheming
11-20-06, 02:21 AM
seven minutes


Just 7 minutes of suffocation
will end this obsessed fatuation
7 minutes is all it takes
to see exactly what’s real and fake
7 minutes for a stop to my cancer
cancer from leading a life with questions unanswered
7 minutes to bring this journey to an end
and see exactly where souls descend
7 minutes in trade for 17 years
of screams, shouts and tears
7 minutes of hating everything you have
sold to an eternity of wishing to get it back
7 minutes fall prey to one
heart failed, corruption begun
7 minutes of revenge
just to smell the devils scent
7 minutes of hating being alive
from all the times you fought and tried
7 minutes of water saturation
without a moment hesitation
7 minutes of head in water
because you’ve felt no “heavenly father”
god has a plan for everything?
suicide is the plan for me

Color Scheming
11-20-06, 02:23 AM
Religion and Race Cries


how did this world go astray,
to become what it is today,
so much has changed
but judging has remained

whipped to the bone
death by stone
being burnt alive
Religion and Race cries

judgments are made
hearts start to fade
our society decays
with each passing day

minds are closed
truth left unexposed
there are few who truly care
but unfortunately they are rare

care about the person inside
they are the ones left wondering why
people still get denied of life and friends
left wondering, when prejudice will end

silent wars go on in so many minds
for the fact this remains, even in these times
there is only one thing in society that is fictious
that’s everyone who all though preys, is religious

people who read and study the bible
are living a life full of denial
many people i have seen
say they are with christ, but still judge human being

to all those people im asking you this
in the bible is there a part i must of missed?
i thought it was about EVERYONE being family
so how did so many minds, end up decaying

true, everyone has talked bad about a race at one time
but realizing it was wrong, is what sets apart the minds
and in this world, their are truly few who are strong
they are the ones who stand up and say, prejudice no matter what is wrong

no one should be forced to feel bad about themselves
because, of their race religion, weight, height or even wealth
if everyone bled, even the ones we hate
all of us would realize and find, the same thing escapes

red blood, nothing changed because of people not being the same
so answer me: if everyone’s the same how is it judging remains?

Color Scheming
11-20-06, 03:18 AM
mentality combustion

My mentality once again is about to combust
From this fact of not being able to trust
People will always deceive and lie
As long as in life, it gets them by
But I’m looking towards the sky
As I’m on knees asking god why
Why is it no matter how I hard I try
To keep the truth and keep it honest
People take my heart, and trust, only to taunt it
Rip my heart to shreds and begin to flaunt it
My childhood is full of memories that are haunted
Having to lie about the one that was supposed to be my hero
that’s why my trust as a kid was warped as it began to grow
Because I had no adult example to follow
All I was taught was to lay a web of deceit
I did whatever it took to make him proud of me
But anyone being proud of me, is never a possibility
I Followed all the words that he said
Followed them too hard, now all personality is dead
My eyes once only saw happy, now they are filled with a crimson red
Each tear, is made up of shattered trust and broken heart regret
I’m left now in this world, with only my dead heart and my loneliness
I was naïve and uninformed in my ways of life, realizing as I reminisce
Now I’m wondering how god is going to make me get through this
Through all my battles in life that I’ve been forced to experience
Has taken away the ability to feel happiness and bliss
Only able to feel miss, and the warmth of each tears kiss
No one will ever be able to truly hold my hand
Look into my eyes and tell me they truly understand
I’ll spend eternity searching through this whole land
Trying to find a person who will love me with unconditional love
Until we reach the gates of the heaven above
But someone like that will be hard pressed to find
so spending life living in this sorrow that’s consumed my mind
Its envitable it will stick with me, for all time
I need someone who can look deep in my eyes
See the sorrow that’s locked inside
Let me know they are there, no need for me to hide
And to them ill always be able to confide
No matter how difficult the ride
They will always be my side
Ill never find it, people only see the anger I portray
From living with a heart screaming for suicide each day
So I always scare everyone away
With the fact I already want to reside in a grave
Jesus died, for our sins, every human he forgave
So why is it, that I cant bring myself to say
You know what, what you did to me, its okay
My love for you its still the same way
My open heart for you will never fade
But for me I will never be able to break my pride
My anger and mistrust will always reside
No matter how high the tide of problems may rise
Nothing will take my dignity in life