A couple of days ago someone I work with was telling me about their son. He is a smart boy who scores well on tests but is having trouble completeing his homework. Much of what was described sounded like ADD to me. I suggested this and was told that he was not hyper and not like the other kids she had seen with that label. I suggested that she research ADD and not ADHD.

Well today she told me that it fit her son exactly and she never even knew you could have it without the hyperactivity. She then proceed to rant about where she may have gone wrong. "Worked to much, too strict, not strict enough, too much TV, ect." Next came the diatribe about not starting her son on medication and the apocalyptic "What am I going to do now?"

After fighting off the impulse to go tell her that it must be because she was a terrible parent and that she's messed up her kid for life, I explained what I know to be true about creativity, intelligence, and other positive aspects. I'm not sure how it went over. What I do know is this was the first time since I've been diagnosed where I felt the need to defend the positive aspects of ADD.

I was just wondering who else may have experienced things like this and how they handled them.

Each and every day and its a form of advocacy, not to mention a nice spin on something that is often regarded as negative (an attribution I disagree with completely). The difficulty isn't necessarily in working to figure out how to reconfigure the status quo to allow us to thrive. Instead, it is in allowing ourselves to be who we are and believing in the incredible amount of strength we have.
Regardless of how she received what you said, you put a different voice in her ear, and gave her something to consider in the midst of her negativity. She sounds like shes also in the stage of blaming herself for her son's problem and hopefully she will find her way through that and learn to appreciate her child's genuine uniqueness. Bravo for your advocacy, we need more like you!!!!!


A couple of days ago someone I work with was telling me about their son. He is a smart boy who scores well on tests but is having trouble completeing his homework. Much of what was described sounded like ADD to me. I suggested this and was told that he was not hyper and not like the other kids she had seen with that label. I suggested that she research ADD and not ADHD.

Well today she told me that it fit her son exactly and she never even knew you could have it without the hyperactivity. She then proceed to rant about where she may have gone wrong. "Worked to much, too strict, not strict enough, too much TV, ect." Next came the diatribe about not starting her son on medication and the apocalyptic "What am I going to do now?"

After fighting off the impulse to go tell her that it must be because she was a terrible parent and that she's messed up her kid for life, I explained what I know to be true about creativity, intelligence, and other positive aspects. I'm not sure how it went over. What I do know is this was the first time since I've been diagnosed where I felt the need to defend the positive aspects of ADD.

I was just wondering who else may have experienced things like this and how they handled them.

I explained what I know to be true about creativity, intelligence, and other positive aspects. I'm not sure how it went over. What I do know is this was the first time since I've been diagnosed where I felt the need to defend the positive aspects of ADD.

Bravo I am glad. . . there does need to be a balance in views. Yes we do struggle more than most with some issues thus we are ADD however there are positive aspects as well. I am glad you have reached the point of being able to see this.




What I do know is this was the first time since I've been diagnosed where I felt the need to defend the positive aspects of ADD.


I experience this all the time and on ADDF among others who have ADD more so than any where else on Earth literally . . . . . . . . . .

I was just wondering who else may have experienced things like this and how they handled them.


This thread has about 35 post and is a decent example of such a discussion. . . we have a few indecent ones floating about here and there.

undeveloped ability? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=28021)

my personal ideas I think. (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=287198&postcount=14)

My qualms and their presentation. I have done more debating about the positives of being ADD here on ADDF . . . . usually the face to face discussion do not get any where near as heated as they do here so those I normally breeze through. . . come to think of it shortly after this post hyperlinked below I breezed my way into actual debate forums although the language can be harsher the counter presentations are rarely as challenging as I have been subject to here. Several have gotten more intellectual but few have become as heated and remind open.


Controlled counter point (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=306470&postcount=262)

from Pure ADD (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29478&page=7)

So yea I know exactly what you mean but the desire to defend the right to have a positive out look upon one placement in life doesn't necessarily decrease with time. . . .I have yet to engage in this intensity in real life conversations! So this has been most excellent preparation !

Sun rise means bed time for meadd823! Nite all!

I feel like I have to defend myself at work. My boss understands and I can talk to him easily enough. His wife is a resource teacher so that helps him understand. But, the other gals at the office treat me like I'm some scatterbrained idiot who doesn't know wheather she's coming or going! I got yelled at the other day b/c I didn't bring up a Pt, chart. "go get it! I need it!!" Hell, I didn't even have it! The doc did! He was walking out of his office at the same time, so I fired back, " I don't have it, he does...yell at him!" I was ****ed. SHe just assumed since it wasn't on her desk, it had to be my fault...:mad:

ARRGH!!

The current medical community characterization of ADD is incorrect.
Though the rabbit is diving for cover ...
because the current medical community take on mental disorders is flawed ...
because there is no model for mind
and therefore can be no understanding of altered mental states.

Of all the mental disorders - ADD possibly represents the most enigmatic - if only because of the seeming mildness relative to other mental conditions.
Difficult to quantify though - if only because all mental 'disorders' are difficult to diagnose categorically.

... so - the tale continues.

The medical community then propagates the error - because a failure to understand the development of mind and the process of evolution which provided us with mind
actually positions a large number of non-mental disorders as being mis-characterized.
None of this is to state that therapeutics will not work - more a comment aimed at the nature of physiology and pathophysiology from an evolutionary perspective.

Tracking backwards through the evolutionary patterns of life - and backwards yet further - allows us to travel in the reverse direction - and arrive at the here and now - though with truer perspective in on the future.

This perspective offers the unequivocal stance that ADD is an evolutionary adaptation into the future.
No pats on the back - no taunting of nonADDers - that'd be silly.

What's required now - on many different levels and including your newly diagnosed ADD kid and mother - is an understanding of the substance within the scheme above - so that needless suffering can be avoided.

In many ways - I'm left feeling as though those who recoil at the idea of ADD being an evolutionary adaptation into the future - rather than the popular myth that it's a legacy from the past - are shirking their responsibility to society.

Strongish words - but from over here - true.

Listing the positives to ADD isn't an attempt to hide the cracks in our make-up - it's the very insight into the future of man.
Dwelling on the negatives - drowning in self-pity at one's plight - of no use to anyone - especially the individual - and how that individual will react - when the perspective shift occurs and a model for mind is revealed.

In truth - the model is there - we're currently in a countdown to the largest firework display conceivable.

Everything changes.

The sorts of pattern which reveals the imminent nature of the disovery of mind - exists in the popular scientific magazines.

The last few months of 'New Scientist' (the British 'Scientific American') - have been littered with mind - and as Nova has pointed us to - Scientific American have recently added a second journal to their collection
Scientific American - Mind.

Everything changes.

Sleep - don't worry about the kid and his confused mother -
the correction in our reality will be beginning shortly.

:-)

... hold onto your sleeping cap ... ... :-) ...

Everything changes.

But, the other gals at the office treat me like I'm some scatterbrained idiot who doesn't know weather she's coming or going!

If these girl are your peers then their behavior is not professional or appropriate. I have an “H” factor with my ADD meaning I am hyperactive I am also verbal when pushed. . . You have ADD yes like my self you do not use your ADD as an excuse!

I have a saying I use in these moments

It goes along these lines. . .

If I can not use my ADD as an excuse for bad behavior like calling rude people jerks then rude jerks have absolutely no right to use my ADD as a reason for being one.

Their unprofessional behavior is a reflection of who they are this has nothing to do with you being ADD.

Some more refined people may politely pull said offensive person aside and politely discuss the problems associated with their poor behavior. I might ask them a time or two to refrain from moronic assumptions because it decreases the appearance of their competence.

After the professional approach failed I would more than likely make a mission of finding come backs that illuminate their moronic behavior the more embarrassing to them the better . . . by the time they recovered from seeing the knees of grasshoppers they would have forgotten all about me being ADD. . . . I would simply be the person who embarrasses those who talk down to her. . . I do manage to stay employed as I rarely have to resort to this sort of thing more than once or twice plus I am normally really hard to offend. By the time I have been offended their embarrassment is well deserved. . .

However in all honesty I do not reserve my annoyance to those who are my subordinates or peers . I have said things to supervisors too. . . (when one screamed at me I asked her if she had been talking to deaf people all day. Hmmm then there was my comment about how loud speech doesn’t improve my memory any more than it increases the understanding of English in the strictly Spanish speaking ) hierchy means so little to me but in a non-ADD world this is not recommended. . . I am not sure how I stay employed maybe it is my tendency to say these things in a even tone of voice. . . as if they are observations instead of accusations.


Dwelling on the negatives - drowning in self-pity at one's plight - of no use to anyone - especially the individual - and how that individual will react - when the perspective shift occurs and a model for mind is revealed.

Maybe that is why I am the way I am. I rarely perceive others poor behavior as being a result of me being ADD (or any thing else for that matter). . . .how a person behaves is a reflection of that person and has little or nothing to do with me. I do not feel inferior any more so I do not see others treating me as such as being appropriate. I strive to do my job well. I am open and honest I have flaws but so do they as does every one . . . a flaw war is not a good thing to begin because I can find some thing wrong with perfection the imperfect are such easy targets. . .maybe my attitude has a lot to do with my perception which does determine how I perceive others as well as myself. People who treat others badly because they are different are jerks which has absolutely nothing to do with any one else. . . jerks are just that jerks they would be better off being ADD instead of simply being an a**!

I'm always a little cautious about the whole "positive spin" thing, for two reasons:

1. It can sometimes cause people to underestimate or ignore the problems that can occur when it goes undiagnosed and/or untreated, and I have known people personally who use it as an excuse not to seek treatment "oh, there are good things about it, too," or "well, I think I've got the symptoms under control...now where did I put my keys..."

2. I worry that some people might find it insulting or demeaning. I am also deaf in one ear, and I have never heard someone, when informed of this, responding "oh, well that sucks, but I bet there's a great upside to it." I would worry that talking about the positive aspects of ADHD might be discouraging to someone who might be reading it and wondering why he or she is only experiencing negative symptoms and never any of the positive ones.

I prefer to stress that ADHD does not mean being unable to accomplish your goals, it just means that you may wind up getting there through the strangest paths, and it means that you'll probably have to try ten times as hard as the next guy just to be half as organized. Rather than focusing on labelling things as "positive" or "negative," I'd rather just focus on how to work with, against, around, the symptoms, and of course that treatment is essential.

Oh, and SB, it's entirely possible for something to be both an adaptation for the future and a vestige of the past. Almost all adaptations are exaptations, after all, so I guess it's all in how you see it. I would certainly hope that ADHD is part of a future adaptation, since that means that ADHD people (and Homo sapiens sapiens in general) continue to survive.

But yeah, who knows, maybe future events will cause ADHD to be a useful trait in society. After all, it's already quite well tolerated in many professional vocations in the US, jobs where expertise is at a premium and they're more than willing to hire a secretary or three to keep you organized.

So I will grant that your hypothesis has some merit...after all, those lobe-finned fish probably looked pretty funny at one point, too.

I do agree with you that its possible to feel so empowered that you don't see a need to seek intervention, that is a sort of blinder that protects us (our ego, for want of a less psychoanalytic word,lol). I hope it didn't seem that I was suggesting that one not seek help, however I also trust in the intuition/gut feeling of any person to recognize that they are strong and capable, yet some things in their life are simply not the way they would like them to be and they need help finding insight to progress. Its not an underestimation in my mind. Instead, its a sign of good judgment for anyone to realize their strengths and weaknesses. If you choose to focus on the weaknesses alone, you are doing yourself a disservice by not realizing what you already possess to balance the equation.
As far as what you referred to in point #2, oddly enough, I also am nearly deaf in one ear since childhood. I never have viewed it as a negative and actually, it was a great boost to my own self image to figure out how to maneuver around the obstacle. I grew from using my own resources very early on, to understand even as a young child that if I wanted to be successful in hearing what a person was saying that I needed to adjust my stance to face them a bit more with my "good" ear. That behavior and other I learned come naturally now to me, as an adult and I seldom even think about the fact that my ability to hear is compromised.
Its just in my nature to see the positive in things. I experienced the opposite for a very long time and it just didn't work. I am not naive, and I don't ignore the work that I have done and continue to do to meet my goals, but for me, i'd rather wallow in optimism. ;)


I'm always a little cautious about the whole "positive spin" thing, for two reasons:

1. It can sometimes cause people to underestimate or ignore the problems that can occur when it goes undiagnosed and/or untreated, and I have known people personally who use it as an excuse not to seek treatment "oh, there are good things about it, too," or "well, I think I've got the symptoms under control...now where did I put my keys..."

2. I worry that some people might find it insulting or demeaning. I am also deaf in one ear, and I have never heard someone, when informed of this, responding "oh, well that sucks, but I bet there's a great upside to it." I would worry that talking about the positive aspects of ADHD might be discouraging to someone who might be reading it and wondering why he or she is only experiencing negative symptoms and never any of the positive ones.

I prefer to stress that ADHD does not mean being unable to accomplish your goals, it just means that you may wind up getting there through the strangest paths, and it means that you'll probably have to try ten times as hard as the next guy just to be half as organized. Rather than focusing on labelling things as "positive" or "negative," I'd rather just focus on how to work with, against, around, the symptoms, and of course that treatment is essential.

Oh, and SB, it's entirely possible for something to be both an adaptation for the future and a vestige of the past. Almost all adaptations are exaptations, after all, so I guess it's all in how you see it. I would certainly hope that ADHD is part of a future adaptation, since that means that ADHD people (and Homo sapiens sapiens in general) continue to survive.

But yeah, who knows, maybe future events will cause ADHD to be a useful trait in society. After all, it's already quite well tolerated in many professional vocations in the US, jobs where expertise is at a premium and they're more than willing to hire a secretary or three to keep you organized.

So I will grant that your hypothesis has some merit...after all, those lobe-finned fish probably looked pretty funny at one point, too.

or this thread is. . . . maybe i have been sitting to long. . . .brain fog setting in. . . . poor blood supply to brain. . . .which end is it on ????

I'm always a little cautious about the whole "positive spin" thing, for two reasons:

It is always a good thing to be cautious ,this is prudent. Those who do have a less then positive out look about ADD are a part of a balance enjoyed by the entire community. Besides the more perspective offered the more options we each have to choose from. . . more options are better than less options when it comes to perspectives.


It can sometimes cause people to underestimate or ignore the problems that can occur when it goes undiagnosed and/or untreated, and I have known people personally who use it as an excuse not to seek treatment "oh, there are good things about it, too," or "well, I think I've got the symptoms under control...now where did I put my keys..."

Hmm people who actually live in denial will use just about any thing as an excuse. . . the” I think I have my symptoms under control where did I put my keys” reminds me of my partner “I don’t have ADD, why do I run in circles all day and feel like I get nothing done” (my answers is usually “Because you don’t got no ADD”)

I have recently discovered he denies his obvious ADD because of the negative connotations associated with it. When I accused one of his ingenious ideas as being a real ADD thing to do he argued with me that he wasn’t being ADD but innovative . . . never realizing being inventive can also be ADD . . . he associates being ADD with being dysfunctional not being innovative . . . . . . .less than five minutes after comparing his e-bay participation to my ADD forum participation . . . . he blurts out he couldn’t be ADHD because he isn’t brain damaged . . . ..obviously forgetting I am ADHD. . . . .nope no ADD there. . . . I would be mad if it wasn’t so funny. . . . .plus I can function in both worlds. . . where he can only function in one. . . his!

So to be honest I had never considered people being in denial because of the positive aspects or perspectives. I am not saying you are wrong to the contrary I am saying it is a not some thing I have witnessed. It seems like if a condition were seen as a good thing then people would want to have it not deny having it. . . interesting a point worth considering. . .


I worry that some people might find it insulting or demeaning. I am also deaf in one ear, and I have never heard someone, when informed of this, responding "oh, well that sucks, but I bet there's a great upside to it."

I can see where this might cause them to feel like their emotions are invalidated.

I can also understand where some positive interpretations can and have been taken as denying the negative symptoms. This has lead to misunderstanding which is why tolerance is the best practice for all.

SB sees ADD as a evolution forward this is how I read it as well . However he does understand that some of the effects of being ADD can create problems; he experiences them just like the rest of us do. I have read his post enough to know he relates mostly to the inattentive ADD,(although is more than likely DX as combined according to DSMV)) day dreams or surfs the net when he is supposed to be working(like I am now), fidgets when bored, tends to be restless, has trouble sleeping at times, he finds exercise and mediation extremely useful . . . some of his more child like behaviors (which can impulsively erupt) are considered strange and not in line with social expectations. He is either extremely engaged or not able to engage at all and he is accused of being . . . .moody. . .

The primary symptoms of ADD he has not denied, in fact he has admitted to having several of the traits himself. . . the basic description of his ADD sub-type and symptoms I learned in open forum by reading the same post as every one else. If I remember correctly SB has received a clinical diagnosis of ADD and takes medications for it.

SB’s major difference is in the origins of ADD. Main stream sees it as a dysfunction SB sees it as man kinds next step in evolution. .I don’t do evolution but believe I am as I was designed to be. . . being ADHD isn’t some genetic mistake (all I can say about that. . . .gotta play by the guidelines. . . ya know)

The thing is both of you see how ADD can create problems with in the context of today’s social expectations and work/school environments. Main stream feels our symptom need to be treated so we can conform and function. . . SB and others like myself feels like society could use some changes in attitude about those who are different we need to focus less on co formality I think we all know both are correct in their own right.

No matter what the origins or heading is for ADHD weather dysfunction of result of evolution I think I can safely say we all understand at this point in time ADD treatment is necessary for us to function our best in the world as it exist . . . .when it comes to Stabile, SB, as well as other like myself and Nova who are different in our perspectives I feel it worthy to remember we gladly post side by side with members of the main stream camps when the existence of ADD or the need to medical treat it is called into question by some individuals who claim ADD doesn’t exist or folks in scientology and other groups with bigger problems than having a condition like ADD.

We are all really on the same side. . . we all have struggles because we function differently. . . I believe this some thing we all need to remember when reading each others post. . . because ADD and the struggles it presents is the glue that binds us together as a community with a wonderfully diverse membership.



Meadd823 must force disengagement form computer and ADDF gotta go to work pay the bills all that rot. . . . Hi Ho HI Ho ba-hum-bug. . . . .laters!




.

I really, really, REALLY hate it when people see a ADD/ADHD child on say "all that kid needs is a good spanking. None of this damn medication they got now." I am a product of that philosophy, trust me, it didn't work. I still have ADHD and the metal/emotional scars to prove it. My brother is guilty of that. I am concerned that my nephew may have it. But my brother refuses to listen to why. He says my nephew is fine and is a typical boy. I feel for my nephew sometimes.

People are SUPER DEFENSIVE about the idea of their kid having any problems. It is tempting to be a Rescuer and suggest solutions, though, isn't it?

Just listen, if you can.

If it is stressing you, change the subject, or get busy with something else.