Hullo people, how's everyone doing? Now here's my situation. Ahem.

1. My boyfriend is an ADD and he told me before we get together.
2. The first 3 weeks we’re together was truly amazing.
3. We have wonderful communication and allow enough space for each other.
4. However he suddenly feel crashed and was confused about the r/ship.
5. Several keywords he used are: distant, not in the presence, emotionally tired, exhausted, confused, I don’t know, drained, easily irritated, frustrated.
6. He said he wants to take a step back – no sex, no kiss, and no hugs.
7. I respect him and agree with it. But it has been hard for me (esp no hugs and kisses).
8. No more “I love you”, “I miss you” in his messages. He turned from highly expressive to down-to-earth cold. He even told me about this before I realized it.
9. He is highly sensitive towards his emotions.
10. Yet he will initiate sex with me and he enjoyed it. He said he still care and LIKE me a lot. I feel VERY upset and felt cheated.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p>11. </o:p>The step back has been more than 3 weeks now. He feels absolutely comfortable with the parameter he draws, but it’s very unlikely for me.

<o:p></o:p>
<o:p>My thoughts </o:p>
I’ve heard that an ADDer can be very touch sensitive but I don’t know what that means and how that will take place. Sometimes I touch him and he reflects that it’s irritating. Or simply no respond. I feel unwanted and rejected. It gets more and more severe now. He said he still enjoys my presence.

My question and doubt<o:p> </o:p>
1. Does anyone know anything about this TOUCH SENSITIVE syndrome of ADDers?
2. What are the right things for me to do, for his best interest?
3. Silly question: does he still treat me as his significant partner, or girl friend? He still place our photos all over his house and workplace. He never mention break up, just step back.
<o:p> </o:p>

I love him a lot and would like to learn what’s best for him. Thanksssss people :o

The Upset Heart

It sounds like he is depressed. I guess patience is needed here. At the same time I don't think you have to tolerate any more than you feel is reasonable.


No answers, just an observation...

ME :D

It is possible that he thinks that the relationship went too fast and needs to take a breather to see where he stands with you? Maybe you both rushed too fast and should date others?

hrmm... I would just flat out ask him where you stand. Girlfriend or "friend"? Nobody should be in limbo like that regardless of whether or not your interest has ADD. It is hard to stand up like that to someone. I have been there and done that.

I could speculate even more, but you need to talk to him and get some straightforward answers. Do this for your own peace of mind.

Good luck to you :)
-Sara

It could be some sort of sensory processing issue. It could be that something else changed for him that put his life out of balance, and suddenly the touchy stuff was too much? I tend to withdraw into myself when I'm stressed and don't want anyone near me.

Just some thoughts.

I feel badly for your situation and I understand that you care for this man a great deal. My husband does not have this sensory issue (especially when it comes to sex...:D )

2. What are the right things for me to do, for his best interest?
It sounds like you are not too happy about this new development. What is in your best interest?

3. Silly question: does he still treat me as his significant partner, or girl friend? He still place our photos all over his house and workplace. He never mention break up, just step back.
I would ask him some straight forward questions about where you fit into his life and get clarity for yourself. I agree with Sehrita that nobody should be left in limbo.

Good luck!

if you scroo dwon thesrs a bit on seroy needs an them who feel touch to much i think he loves an donts went to upset you its go fast an then slow with your realtship id take a step back an do more resach on ...add adhd an you know more
your still very new to this ...good luck an take each day a step at a time dorm

Without actually knowing your boyfriend, theres no way to tell you one way or another whether he has a sensitivity to touch or something else going on. To answer your question about touch sensitivity, its generally referred to as hypersensitivity and can be in any form (tactile, auditory, etc.). The term refers to an overtly reactive sensory system, and what might feel good to one person may be overwhelming or even painful for the hypersensitive individual.
From what you wrote, he could simply be feeling like the relationship was going too quickly for his comfort. Have you asked him what you are feeling about the relationship and his recent behavior? If you do decide to ask, it may help not to make it seem like a confrontation. By doing so, and expressing your concern without judgment, it would be more likely he will feel comfortable enough to open up to you.

Hullo people, how's everyone doing? Now here's my situation. Ahem.

1. My boyfriend is an ADD and he told me before we get together.
2. The first 3 weeks we’re together was truly amazing.
3. We have wonderful communication and allow enough space for each other.
4. However he suddenly feel crashed and was confused about the r/ship.
5. Several keywords he used are: distant, not in the presence, emotionally tired, exhausted, confused, I don’t know, drained, easily irritated, frustrated.
6. He said he wants to take a step back – no sex, no kiss, and no hugs.
7. I respect him and agree with it. But it has been hard for me (esp no hugs and kisses).
8. No more “I love you”, “I miss you” in his messages. He turned from highly expressive to down-to-earth cold. He even told me about this before I realized it.
9. He is highly sensitive towards his emotions.
10. Yet he will initiate sex with me and he enjoyed it. He said he still care and LIKE me a lot. I feel VERY upset and felt cheated.
ffice:office" /><O:p>11. </O:p>The step back has been more than 3 weeks now. He feels absolutely comfortable with the parameter he draws, but it’s very unlikely for me.

<O:p></O:p>
<O:p>My thoughts </O:p>
I’ve heard that an ADDer can be very touch sensitive but I don’t know what that means and how that will take place. Sometimes I touch him and he reflects that it’s irritating. Or simply no respond. I feel unwanted and rejected. It gets more and more severe now. He said he still enjoys my presence.

My question and doubt<O:p> </O:p>
1. Does anyone know anything about this TOUCH SENSITIVE syndrome of ADDers?
2. What are the right things for me to do, for his best interest?
3. Silly question: does he still treat me as his significant partner, or girl friend? He still place our photos all over his house and workplace. He never mention break up, just step back.
<O:p></O:p>

I love him a lot and would like to learn what’s best for him. Thanksssss people :o

The Upset Heart

Thanks people!

We've known each other for more than a year before we decided to be together. For him our relationship is 'the good old days' and he wants to make future plans together. However he has difficulty to maintain a long-term relationship. Our bonding is deep and we still are.

I also miss out an important point that he is experiencing severe physical disability recently and he mentioned it drains him a lot. He also feels easily irritated.

Speedo - "..he is depressed. I guess patience is needed."
Yes he mentioned he is depressed. I know it's not easy for him and I think I've been very patient about it (yet it's not easy for me too.)

Sehrita - "..needs to take a breath to see where he stands with you?"
That's what he implies too. He mentioned about 'balance'.

Confuzzled "..sensory processing issue ..something else changed for him that put his life out of balance, and suddenly the touchy stuff was too much?"
This is really interesting and makes a great sense for me. He felt out of balance. He felt unfair to me to have physical intimacy while his mind is absent.

Seamonkey - "...you are not too happy about this new development. What is in your best interest?"
Yes Seamonkey, how could I be happy about the development!? Was really upset. But I think to love a person is to give what's best for him. What are the things that I can do for him, as a friend-lover, at a situation like this?

dormammau2008 - "Your still very new to this..."
Yes I am... I'm learning hard. And I'm so glad I found this forum! Hugzzz!

Buffalopc7 - "...might feel good to one person may be overwhelming or even painful for the hypersensitive individual."
You're right Buffalo, he feels irritated by touch.

"Have you asked him what you are feeling about the relationship and his recent behavior?"
We promised to bring everything on table in our relationship that's why he brought all these up before I even sense the distance. He brought up his feeling with a coupla assumptions but generally he didn't know why he feels this way because our relationship has been great. He feels like his mind is cluttered. Unable to give me more. And the physical pain drains him a lot.

About being left in limbo.. Well he mentioned that he's grateful cuz I never put any stress on him eg. set a time limit. Early in the step-back discussion he also mentioned he'd like to talk to his ADD therapist again this december. So for such a newbie like me, naively I think I'll be alright and should be patient and see what his therapist suggest.

So I feel I might sound confronting if I were to ask the question about 'are we friends or lovers'. I'm afraid to add up pressure on him. Somehow I think his problem is greater than mine and I'd like him to take time for them.

A new update: I told him that I'm feeling down about adjusting to the change. He said he didn't realized that cuz I seem to be doing really well. He said he wants to make things easier on me but not sure how to do when his insides are in so many directions. What does that implies? I'm learning to understand him. That's all I can ask for. And thank you everyone who stops by and take time for this.. I really truly very appreciate that.

Happy thanksgiving everyone!