Hello, my name is Matt, and I am this forum's newest member. All welcoming aside, I would really appreciate just one person reading what I have to say and pointing me in the right direction. I'll try to keep it as short and simple as I can.

I'm 17 years old.
I was diagnosed ADD a few years ago, had been prescribed ritalin, concerta, adderall, and dexedrine. I actually went to that psychiatrist for anxiety (I was 14) but that's what he diagnosed me. I pretty much just abused or sold the medication because I didn't feel that I needed it, or legitimately had ADD.
About one year ago, I was prescribed Zoloft for depression. It lifted my mood a bit but anxiety was still around. Lexapro came soon after, but it made me feel even more edgy and anxious. They seemed to stimulate me, which is not what I wanted.
I wanted benzodiazepines to help me calm down...social anxiety is apparent, but they were difficult to get at my age and with a history of minor drug-dabbling.

Now I am a wreck, with constant anxiety caused by depression; depression caused by anxiety, minor agoraphobia (stated by my current psychotherapist), and I'm feeling hopeless. I'm beginning to think I have ADD/ADHD symptoms, as I have noticed in half of my classes (I'm a senior in high school) I talk excessively, disrupt, get up, or don't focus. A friend of mine who was also a teacher of mine tells me that I am a genius and that the classes are just boring for me. He may be right, but I need to do well. I'm sure ADD/ADHD medication could treat that.

That's about it. If it's necessary to state, I am physically healthy and generally fit, rarely use drugs and alcohol, and have stable family relations. One side that doubts an ADD/ADHD diagnosis that I frequently stay home and use the computer for many hours on end, reading forums, newsgroups, and playing internet games.

Perhaps I am a teenage hypochondriac. Perhaps I am seriously mentally ill, and it is getting worse with time, as my symptoms deviate and fluctuate, from depression and anxiety, to restlessness, to fatigue. I just don't know anymore. My psychotherapy sessions are nice, but I might need to consider medication again. However, I'm not a big fan of SSRIs, I don't think.

My heart goes out to anyone who dares to venture into this spontaneous forest of text. My heart goes further for anyone that can point me in the right direction, of what I should do. Thank you all for reading.

My psychotherapy sessions are nice, but I might need to consider medication again

Only one way to get real treatment the right way, must go see doctor.psychotherapist can do the talk therapy but they can not prescribe medications, any more than people on the internet can diagnosis conditions. It takes some one with an MD license to diagnosis and treat conditions like ADD. . .May be worth finding a doc that knows ADD from a wet dish rag.

One side that doubts an ADD/ADHD diagnosis that I frequently stay home and use the computer for many hours on end, reading forums, newsgroups, and playing internet games.
Don't doubt ADD because you can focus on computer forums, games, etc.--in fact ADD'ers often have a problem with 'hyperfocus' for long periods of time. The ADD brain craves stimulation and a direction for its thoughts, and the computer games provide that.

Have you tried any of the internet self-rating scales for ADHD/ ADD? It's a real eyeopener if you do have it. I can also tell you that ADD in itself, without any co-existings, can cause depression or anxiety because ADD creates such challenges.

There's one at amenclinic.com, click on clinic or brain and it will take you to a page with the test links. Also http://www.maaddsg.org/ADD%20Self%20test.htm. There are a few better tests out there, if you do a forum search for online test or add test you may find them.

I think you need to forgive yourself for your rough start with ADD. I can hear some guilt about the some of the things you did in the past like not using your medication for it's intended purpose, and I think maybe some of the depression you have now can be associated with this. Rest assured things like spending hours on the computer, the depression, anxiety, lack of focus.. all of that probably has it's roots with your ADD.

You sound to me like a very smart, thoughtful and insightful person. I don't think a lot of 17 year olds could write such a post as well as you could, and you did it with the "disadvantage" of ADD! ;) And I use the word very loosely by the way...

Right now the most important thing you can do is to go back under the care of a doctor who knows ADD. Believe me, it'll take a while to go through all of those feelings you have but you will get through it.

Be excited that there is some incredible talent or knowledge hiding inside of you. Who knows what it'll be but it's there! :)

Take care. Hope to see lots more posts from you.

you sound like me a lot at your age... benzodiazepines are a nightmare I may add. If there was a stimulant that was calming then ask for that I take dex and used to sell ritalin in high school am I recovering benzo addict as well and became manic on SSRI's And SNRI's (strattera effexor) just describe how you feel to Doctors and Therapist... Describe is the key and reflect on past treatments... we have the same 1st name and well I graduated #7 in my class and completed AP level schoolwork in 1/4 of the time as everyone else yet was the troublemaker from hell rather than going to Berklee School of Music went to jail instead for Aggravated Assault due to partying and fighting etc. so meds and patience are key and you need one to help learn the other if you are an ADHDer

what ...genius... do ...spontaneous forest... you ...pointing... think?

there a few drugs that help with anizty witch i have iam on bett blokers to name a few things finding ordoer in ones life helps as well NLP therpy is a great way to do it look on net or ask others here cos you never read that spelling buts it really works keep fath in your self an your in the right place cos now you with others like you who understand a very warmwellcome to you dorm,

Wow, thanks for all the responses you guys. My first internet support forum experience has been quite eye-opening. However, a few comments concern me.

I understand I could talk to my old psychiatrist again and ask him about ADD (we've never actually discussed it), and we could consider medication. It's just...I don't know what to do about that. I've already mentioned that I've been on four of them. I am worried about the ups and downs of them...I already have pretty bad mood swings, would a stimulant really help? I'm also worried about abuse factor...if I'm feeling groggy in the middle of the day, I wouldn't want to see myself popping more of them. That was the one thing I liked about SSRIs, if you wanted it to work faster or better, it would take a long time. Stimulants are nearly instantaneous in comparison. However, I don't really mind being addicted to them as long as my grades come back up :)

Your post gets to the problem! (Shame is hiding you, it seems, from communicating with your old doctor. :S)

I think you should print up your post (Cut and paste) and take it to a new ADD doctor. It expresses your situation very well.


Your ADD Doctor sounds like he just relied on RX meds, only. :( That is only good, until you run out of, or get tired of, taking pills and having side effects. Polypharmacy sucks too.

It sounds like You have not even had good ADD testing, to determine the deficits that ADD is causing you. (Which might be upping your Anxiety as you try to go thru day to day living and encounter ADD-related challenges !!)

Yours is a common experiences of many of us, and nothing to be ashamed of. Pill and drug use can even be DIAGNOSTIC, eh?

Hopefully you can get some Assessment (don't worry, substance use is not used against you by a well trained ADD doctor (PhD or MD); rather it is a symptom), and learn where you are weak, so you can better function.

Anxiety *can be* managed. You are not alone.

We often need bodily/stress awareness training, trigger-discovery training <G>, and SKILLS teaching and skills implementation, not just Benzos.

(Which is why i love SENSORIMOTOR PSYCHOTHERAPY and Mindfulness training so much! It really gets to the core of listening to the body and what it is telling us about our emotional responses and feelings, before we hit *10* on the Trigger Scale of Anxiety.)


My own MD has not prescribed me any Benzos for Anxiety (except clonazepam) since 1998, due to all the problems that you mention being caused in her patients! (NB. You are likely having Rebound Anxiety, due to the Benzos wearing off, i bet, which will feel worse than the Original Anxiety!!)


If you are/were taking large amounts of Benzos, be wary of stopping SUDDENLY, as it can lead to seizures. (Similar to drinking large amounts of alcohol for days and then stopping abruptly.)

Be brave and go forth. <G>

Acknowledging the addiction potential in your self is a worth while point. . . . .I would be classified as an addict in my distant past but even when I lived in that world I was different than most others in that I did not take drugs to access. . . I only used the then illegal stimulants to allow me to focus when I reached a certain point (later my therapeutic dose) I didn't have any desire to do more. . . I was a weird addict treating a condition that did not yet exist in the medical profession. In short I was self managing my ADD with the exact same drugs that are prescribed to me today. . . . I forget to take my medications way to often to be addicted to them. . . . . I do not have any desire to over use them either, because taking to much gives me a horrible head ache(taking to much was an accident- I took a second dose because I had forgotten I had taken the first one).

QueensU_girl: You are right, I hope that the next doctor I see will give me some sort of diagnostic/statistical test in help with my diagnosis rather than just basing my symptoms off directly of what I tell them. I worry a lot about doctors in what I tell them and what I should tell them...its just hard to know where to draw the line for me.

meadd823: I am learning that self-medication of ADD/ADHDers is a common symptom for those that have it and those that don't know they have it. Your doctor must be pretty leniant in giving you abusable medication.

What I was thinking about in the shower last night (where I do my best thinking) is how in-depth I should discuss my substance-abusing past with the next doctor I see. I am afraid that once they realize that I am 17 and smoke pot occasionally (and used to do worse things) they will instantly turn me away.

I was caught in a maladaptive thought pattern of what to say to let them know that I am serious about my symptoms, and not just trying to coerce drugs off of them. And I worry that if I bring this up with my doctor, he/she will have even more of a reason to think that I am lying to them, etc. It's a critical negociation, the way I see it. I have always been nervous about doctors (mostly psychiatrists) and their ideals and that they will judge me based on every single word that disperses from the cloud of "things I shouldn't say" stationed in an auxillary part of my short-term memory. I am afraid. Then again, this might just be more of a reason to seek help, and just be another symptom of AD/HD.

I need sleep. It's three in the morning. Happy Thanksgiving everyone :)

Matt...yet another post I found interesting (or the bits I skimmed through LOL)
I honed in on this I was diagnosed ADD a few years ago, had been prescribed ritalin, concerta, adderall, and dexedrine. I actually went to that psychiatrist for anxiety (I was 14) but that's what he diagnosed me. I pretty much just abused or sold the medication because I didn't feel that I needed it, or legitimately had ADD.
I often think if I had been *forced* to take these meds as a teenager, I would have put up a fight like you. When I think back, I couldn't see anything wrong with me...I am sure a lot of other people would have disagreed though..

It takes a lot of trial and error to get the medication sorted , and it can make you feel quite yuk until it's quite right. Back as a teen I would never have had the patience or inclination to keep trying different things that made me feel sick, headachey etc, but as an adult I know I NEED to sort it out, and I am happy to try different measures as I can see my ADHD behaviour now..

so, Tracy's rambling again, but I hope you get the jist of what I am trying to say :-)

it's great to see such a young adult with such an outlook as you

meadd823: I am learning that self-medication of ADD/ADHDers is a common symptom for those that have it and those that don't know they have it. Your doctor must be pretty leniant in giving you abusable medication.

It helped that I had been completely clean of all drugs for almost three years when I went to see him. I didn't care if he gave me medications or prescribed a daily chant! Considering that I was diagnosis with ADHD in 1993 it is still amazing that he did take such a chance with me and not only prescribed me an abuseable medication but prescribed the type of medication I was “abusing” in the past.

I consider my doctor a very special guy he instinctively knew ADD medication decreased the potential of future drug abuse before the study came out and proved it. . . statistically

He also saw some thing else most other doctors would have miss. . .wasn’t just doing drugs I medicated my ADD effectively using the correct substance no less. See I didn't do just any drug on the street although I certainly had the capability. Nor did I just do stimulant drugs until the drugs and money were gone - I procured "X" amount from local illegal chemical distributor and only used "X" amount of the drug. I was some how able to get pretty high up in the drug abuse food chain so what I was getting was pretty consistent as far as strength. . . I didn't do like many others and keep using more and more to get high. . . I only used enough to be able to sit down and do my school work .

Not many doctors would have asked enough questions to find that stuff out. . . see I had never really thought about my pattern of drug use until he asked. . . he saw me not as a drug abuser but as some one treating their undiagnosised ADD . . . when I decided to stop stimulant drugs because drug screening became popular I simply quit. . . and stayed quit for three years. . .

What drove me to seek help was while I was a "drug addict" I managed to pass my GED and attend nursing and graduate in the top five percent of my class. Two years of sobriety later I went to further my education and I could barely pass the SAT and only made a mediocre grades in remedial courses ( I had made "A’s" in chemistry and anatomy courses before). . .okay according to the "How Things in Life Work" pamphlet life simply isn't supposed to work that way. Illegal drugs were supposed to make my grades go down not go up and stay up for months to years. The difference was so startling I complained to my mother she too thought this to be very odd so she began looking for the why. . . few months later she came up with a book simply titled "Adult ADD" (which I couldn't sit long enough to read past page three until after I was receiving medications for the adult ADD the book talked about . . . silly me :eyebrow: )

Life with ADHD can be an interesting experience . . . :rolleyes: