Hello people, I am currently friends with someone who is just an utter nutcase and to make matters worse I am totally aware of her intentions but enjoy to be around her. As they say nice guys love mean girls, I may be nice but I do not allow her to make me do anything thats against my will.


Shes always playing mindgames with me and for some reason it doesnt bother me because I see all of this as a learning experience in some sick way. Usually she always calls me up everyday and we do talk about many things and get along real well when shes not drunk.


Sometimes I fell that she just wants me to fall in love with her just so her can break my heart and move on to the next guy and the reason I fell that way is probably out of paranoia or that maybe I really dont know why I fell that way.


I just havent met anyone quite like her before, I mean i've been in a moderate amount of flings/relationships and so far this one doesnt match the personalities of anyone of them.


At this point both of us are at a stalemate because she wont leave me alone and when she's pulling her crap I tend to go along with it or end up telling her off. This is just sick in a way, people have always said that I am weird or this and have always been a sort of misfit growing up and so she has as well so it's like I feel that i'll never been happy with your typical nice girl who wants a family, children and a big house; I feel that I wouldnt be happy with that because I dont live by your typical Judeo-Christian values. Also I am kind of screwed up in a way so I cant ever see any nice normal girl wanting to be with me.

For one I dont want to have children, a family or the normal complacent lifestyle. I just want to devote my life to writing music, my martial arts training and reading about science and experimental psychology. So in a way I feel there can only be two outcomes out of this experience. One outcome is that either I end up breaking her down and she surrenders to me or that I end up breaking down and I become a broken person.

Anyways please tell me if anyone of you guys out there had to deal with such a similar situation before and if you have please tell me what your outcome was so that I know how to get myself out of this because I am really not sure how to deal with this at all. It's a match made in hell I tell you!!! We'll end up spending our honeymoon in an insane asylum somewhere:confused:

ok....I see that theres people reading my post but no replies???? ;)

Given that she is Female, it is more likely that she is borderline personality disorder than a psychopath. Women don't usually rate high enough on the PCL (psychopathy checklist) to qualify for a diagnosis of 'psychopathy'.

I'd suggest you read a few books on psychopathy and borderline pd, for starters.

Sometimes when we are strongly attracted to someone like this, it is b/c we have had earlier life relationships with similar people/caregivers. It is called 're-enactment', or 'revictimization'. We all have archetypes like this, and the key is awareness to this relationship tendency.

Glad to hear you have some awareness of this person's risk to your well-being. :)

"Bad boys" or "bad girls" are fun for a while, due to their seeming unpredictability or spontaneity. Not so fun when they falsely accuse you of things you didn't do, empty your bank account, or sabotage all your friendships ('isolate and control').

The two core traits you will see with a personality disorder are MANIPULATION (may be covert) and RAGE (may be covert).

Try to talk to her Exes (or Ex-friends, of whom I'd bet there are many; they tend to seriously mess people around and burn bridges in life) ... and see what the Exes and Exfriends have to say...

NB. PDs can be overdiagnosed. So if you do not see the above capitalized core emotions/behaviors, it may not be a PD person you are dealing with.

stay safe,

Emma

PS. i'm pretty well versed in forensics.

I read all of your thread...One question - Do you like choaotic relationships? The reason why I ask is because I used be like this when I was younger...Not that I liked it, but I was liking the unknown about the relationship waiting for the ball to drop because that was how I grew up. As I got older I said to myself, I just want to be with a nice guy...and I found him. I don't know why I ever was in those chaotic relationships, looking back on it all. But hey to each his own, to me it doesn't sound too healthy for both of you, but what do I know.

BTW, I think you deserve to be happy and to be treated right, and vice versa, you don't have to be with someone that mistreats you, you have a choice. We all got the "you are weird" misfit" at one point in our lives. Just have to put it behind us and move on.
Hey, you deserve a nice girl...I don't know how many normal ones are out there though. lol j/k.

We'll end up spending our honeymoon in an insane asylum somewhere:confused:easy..don't get married :p if she drives you crazy NOW, it will just get worse over time (trust me, she sounds like me at that age)
so, onwards and upwards etc etc..

"At this point both of us are at a stalemate because she wont leave me alone and when she's pulling her crap I tend to go along with it or end up telling her off. This is just sick in a way, people have always said that I am weird or this and have always been a sort of misfit growing up and so she has as well so it's like I feel that i'll never been happy with your typical nice girl who wants a family, children and a big house; I feel that I wouldnt be happy with that because I dont live by your typical Judeo-Christian values. Also I am kind of screwed up in a way so I cant ever see any nice normal girl wanting to be with me.

For one I dont want to have children, a family or the normal complacent lifestyle. I just want to devote my life to writing music, my martial arts training and reading about science and experimental psychology. So in a way I feel there can only be two outcomes out of this experience. One outcome is that either I end up breaking her down and she surrenders to me or that I end up breaking down and I become a broken person."


I don't get it--what kind of values would you not have taht don't allow you to be happy, or with a girl who's not manipulative. We all live by different values and beliefs, and not everyone wants the "typicl" lifstyle....but taht shouldn't deter you from finding a girl who shares your lifestyle dreams... maybe I'm not picking up somehting here, but I think you deserve better than getting your heart broken :)

Sounds like you already know that you're a glutton for punishment, and that's what it sounds like to me. Sounds like you know that you won't have any problems with true intimacy with this woman, and it's a game. She could be a narcissist and boy, are they fun people.

If self-torment is your chosen path, sounds like you're headed in the right direction. And for God's sake, please don't have children with this woman. It would just be wrong.

Since you already know what you're getting into, you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

They always say that there is an element to dating the "bad boy." Every woman has had that attraction at some point in their lives. So, who's to say guys can't be the same way. I love bad boys, but know they are not good for me. Still, the attraciton is there. I think QueensU girl hit on an inportant subject of re-enactment. Could very well have something to do with that. Or, maybe it is the element of danger. You refer to her as a psychopath, the term itself can be enticing to some.

Ride the wave and see what happens. Just make sure you are upfront with her and tell her the truth about your intentions.