"inattentive ADD" how do I deal? [Archive] - ADHD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community

Dissonance

11-27-06, 06:58 PM

I'm just sick of failing EVERTYING I set out to do. No matter how hard I think I'm prepared for something, it always falls apart...

So, what are you good at? Forget all the things that are negative. I spent so much time on what I wasn't doing right that I felt like a putz. So what if I don't finish all my projects or follow through with the activities I start. I am CREATIVE. I can think of a big project and start to make it happen. I might need a little help getting it finished, but I've always got big ideas. I love that about myself. My husband hates the fact that one day I feel like mountain climbing and the next day it's hiking and the next day it's art, but think about it... Life is an adventure, who cares if you start at A and on your way to B you land at C.

My daughter is defined as "sensitive." I hate it, because everyone make it seem like she's weak because she's sensitive. No way! She's intuitive, thoughtful, compassionate. Those are incredible qualities to posses.

Forget what other people say about you. Start thinking about what makes you unique and interesting. The positive aspects that make you, you.

Vhan

11-27-06, 07:49 PM

Grade A, you wen't compleatley wrong...I am hard on myself, but I can't say that because If I do, then I am letting myself get away with something.

I dont know how I am supposed to say this, but its to the point that I can hardley do anything, I dred school, I dont talk to anyone anymore, I cant sleep.

I constantley keep a effort to keep myself from hearing myself think. I play games as much on my free time as I can, because if im not doing that, then I think, and I just keep thinking, and thinking, even if its something that I dont want to think about, I just cant get ANYTHING done....I get to school, and I'm mad, I'm mad because I know that at this rate I am going to become some kind of homeless snob...and then I ask myself "whats the point, if im just going to fail anyway?"

(as im writeing this im hitting the keys just about as hard as I can, Im mad flustrated, and even stop, and just try to pop my knucles, because i just want to do something with my hands.........)

I dont know how to manage this constant feeling of being overwhelmed by every little challange......

I joined a animation for video and film class, when I signed up, I allready had 2 years experience with softimage XSI (pro software) Now im a failing c student that is always falls behind in class.

I just wanted to suceed in at least THAT CLASS that was supposed to be something that I love to do, I was looking foreward to that class, and now I get there and just can't wait to get out...I HATE THAT, im not supposed to be like that, this was supposed to be my oppertuniety to find my porentail, but big suprise...im just failing again....

My head is full of everything I dont want to think about, and I cant keep myself to stay on track with what I know is inportent...

i know that all sounds so stuiped, but I cant get everything in the right order, I'm to concerned whta what I should say, what I shouldnt say.

I keep typeing something, then going back and sraseing it, I keep lifting my hands from the key board and shakeing them, they keep twitching to, I odnt know what im so mad, but I am, and I am really starting to hate this...I fell like i am goinig nuts, I dont know what to think, how to ack, what to believe, eveything is just going nuts but one thing that I do know is that

I HAVE TO SUCEED AT SCHOOL, but I'm not, and how can I expext myself to do anything in life, if i am sruggleing this much of stupied crap.........

jeaniebug

11-27-06, 08:04 PM

Vhan

11-27-06, 08:19 PM

I just dont want to care anymore...but I know that isn't going to help, and nothing else seems to do the trick, I dont know what I have to do to fix things

But telling my dad that "hey einstein didn't have it easy in school" that wouldn't cut it.
Ever since my docter handed me my meds, my dad acts like now im going to be a strait A student...he doesn't know that I'm failing Math, and bareley staying afloat on my outher two classes...I'm running out of excuses of why I dont have my report card...

jeaniebug

11-28-06, 02:22 PM

Vhan,

So your Dad has extremely high expectations. He needs to back off and become more educated himself.

I have extremely critical parents and that does make it harder to deal with ADHD. You are in a tough spot, Vhan.

There are a couple of really cool dudes on this site who have some good things to say that you need to hear. Solarlife, Seek and others. This is a thread that you need to read, even though it starts out talking about a sister, the advice later in the thread is priceless.

PM some of these guys, and they will help you deal. Good luck! :cool:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34269

D.B. Cooper

11-28-06, 04:14 PM

Im the inattentive poster boy. I failed literally all of high school and my math skills are on par with low middle school level. Inattentive ad/hd didnt even exist back then and i really wish it had. Dont give up, people obviously know theres a problem and theres even a word for what you have which is more than i can say.

Sometimes meds can turn a light on for you but your doctor has to be willing to experiment. Personally im on a pretty hefty dose of dexedrine. You just have to be patient in the med department, impatience gets you stuck on the wrong med or none at all.

Despite lacking much education im still able to maintain some sort of intellectual ability via research papers, message boards, etc. You can be smart in many ways.

Vhan

11-28-06, 05:41 PM

D.B there has to be some kind of alternitive...I can't just settle for that. I have to know Precal. Trig. Algb. II and have a basic concept of C++

Thats to get into Fullsail (university in florda) I have to get in, my entire future is rideing on me getting into that university!!!

D.B. Cooper

11-28-06, 06:35 PM

I tried going the programmer route for a while despite my obvious problems, i really just had to be realistic to myself and say i couldnt do it and find a different outlet for my computer interests like networking.

Im not saying you should do this but it is what i did.

Vhan

11-28-06, 08:59 PM

I'm not doing that. I'm going to keep fighting this, but i need to find out everything I can to win over the odds to my side. I know that Getting through fullsail will be one of the hardest things I will ever have to put up with, but maybe something will start kicking inside when I get into that enviorment (I hear that the university is open 24 hrs a day, and more then than a handfull of stuends pull all-nighters to get thier work done) I'm kinda get excited when I think about a enviorment like that, that encourages that kind of commitment to the creation, design, and development of a game!

...anyway thanks for the help so far, are there any books? Things I can do to keep me focued, and is there a way to manage that "hyper-focus" thing? Anything is great!

msam76

11-28-06, 09:22 PM

YOU ARE NOT A STUPID PERSON!!! Don't believe that about yourself. You try hard and do your best, that makes you very smart! People who recognize they have a problem and don't care or don't try, now that's dumb. All you can do is your best. Don't do what everyone else expects from you. Do what you expect from yourself. Set your goals small and work to acheive each step. My spelling really sucks too. But that is why there is spell check on the computers. I can honestly say that I have never had a problem with my spelling at work and I am a professional. LOL, my brother went to the parent teacher conferences for my nephew who is in the 7th grade. His english teacher was really saying he was horrible and not a very good speller. He really needs to try harder. My nephew was standing there looking and listening to her the entire time. Now, mind you, my nephew sits at the table for two hours each night working on spelling and english. So my brother knew better. He looked her in the eyes and told her that the room is full of computers that all have spell check. His spelling is YOUR problem, not HIS.

Vhan

11-28-06, 09:36 PM

Thanks MSAM, I have a bad habbit of selling myself short, I really dont have many ways to validate myself when I try to argue with someone that I am not a idiot...I tend to lose those arguements, and of course that means that I only prove the person right..

==polite coughf==

Anyway.

msam76

11-28-06, 09:51 PM

Don't argue about it. You know you are not an idiot! If someone tells you that you're stupid, shrug your shoulders and walk away. I know it is hard, but arguing with them only brings you DOWN to their level. You shouldn't have to stoop so low to feel worthy. People will come and go in your life, hang on to those who accept you for who you are, ADD and all.

Vhan

11-28-06, 10:14 PM

:)

I had someone like that, but unfortuneitley a fight ended that relationship...

Thats kind of a problem I am haveing with my family right now. My brother thinks that "ADD is just a excuse made up by people who are to lazy and stuiped to work things out on thier own"

My Dad, well, he still doubts that I have add, he always uses a tone when he talks about my meds that says "are you happy now?" I feel like to him hes just has a attittuede of "playing along"

My mom thinks im crazy, so I dont talk to her much...

Jaycee

11-28-06, 10:53 PM

Vhan,

If you have just started taking medication, it may not be titrated yet (you may not have found your correct dosage). 18 mg is the lowest dosage of Concerta available. In one of the earlier posts you said that you are still struggling to not "hear" your thoughts. This could be an indicator that the meds are not strong enough. You may need to follow up on that with your doctor.

The next thing I'd suggest is getting in touch with your school counselor. Tell them that you have been diagnosed with ADHD and ask what things you can work out for support at school.

Without knowing you better it is hard to say what your major stumbling blocks are with school. If your like most of us, time management is an issue and so is being organized and getting things turned in on time. If you are determined to take upper level math courses, see if the NHS students offer after school peer tutoring. This is usually more helpful than using another adult. Ask to be able to type all written assignments for English and use the spell check.

There are accomodations available if you really need them. Talk with your teachers about what things they think will help you out. Some of the ideas are simple to do.

Remember that you are trying to change a lot of things at once. Do not overwhelm yourself with new things. pick a few things to change and work them into your routine until they feel natural before adding others. Overwhelming yourself will lead to failure because we just can't remember that we were going to try that many new things.

One of my poster in my classroom
"Don't argue with idiots; they just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience"
If someone doesn't understand you that is their problem. Remember that positive self talk is half of the battle to succeeding! You can do it!

meadd823

11-28-06, 11:34 PM

Agreed the 18 mg is normally a starting dose. . .I know very few people who are actually maintained on this dose (I am sure there are some but not many). . .Concerta in a search engine more information possible. . . medication is a trial and error thing. Much to our collective frustration so is life. . . .

Vhan

11-29-06, 12:34 AM

Yea...next time I go see the doc, im gonna ask him abour raiseing the dose...there was one day that I took three of my 18mg pills, (56mg) I felt GREAT!
But how Am i supposed to tell the docter that?

charonshanti

11-29-06, 03:02 AM

Hey, Vhan. Wondered how you were doing. I was really hoping the meds would kick in at the level the doc gave you. So sorry things aren't going better.

Just want to throw this out to the rest of the forum, I don't know if this idea has any merit or not... can Vhan start an IDEA evaluation himself? Or does he need the assistance of his dad? Would there be any advantage to it? (I'm thinking evaluation and validation to the doctor with less dependence on family members.) IDEA instead of 504 because the school has to take more responsibility for a support system, and family isn't providing that. Anyone have experience here?

Vhan, it seems ironic to suggest that a gifted young man should consider trying to enroll in what is basically special ed. But 50% of young people using IDEA or 504 are doing so because of attention deficit difficulties. There might be tremendous benefit to your ability to learn and being able to document things to get the doctor's attention, but I'm throwing this to the forum because I don't know what the disadvantage would be, including social. But I'd rather see you get assistance in high school and move on to college with a better basis, than keep struggling like you are.

When can you get back to talk to the doctor? Even a call to say it isn't working and can you try a higher dosage might help.

msam76

11-29-06, 08:36 AM

Vhan~how are you doing today? Hope things are looking a little better! I just noticed you are from Texas, so am I! I live in Pennsylvania now but was born in Alice Texas, lived in Orange Grove, Larado, Bryan, and Conroe.

Charonshanti-um...what's IDEA and 504? Sorry, but was just wondering!

Fluvial_Shell

11-29-06, 10:35 AM

Hey Vahn,
Thank you for sharing. I'm 33, but jeez, you could be describing me at your age--minus the meds, because I wasn't diagnosed until last year. If you're not tired of it already, the whole "you're so intelligent" bull may eventually make you mad. I know it makes me mad, because it's always a know-nothing preface to a personal slam, "...but, you really have a problem with this or that." Obviously, there are different forms and elements of intelligence, and ADHD people lack some critical parts--like a supercharged V-8 engine with a broken regulator valve, or better yet, a faulty air-flow sensor. That's not a good thing, and it has to be addressed. If you know anything about mechanics, those parts are crucial, and you can't even get your hot-rod out of first gear. So yes, you're brain is a V-8, man. Believe it--if people are telling you that repeatedly, they're not just stroking you. They probably really do see something. But that V-8 brain has some broken parts, that you're going to have to cope with your entire life. It's not your fault, it's a design problem. Every kick-butt sports-car (or truck, if you prefer) has one or two things that break easily. It's just that simple.

It's got to be tough for parents to spend money on medications and not see immediate results. My wife is in medicine, and she has to charge money for not-so-guaranteed results all the time. That upsets a lot of people in this fast-food, money-back-guarantee culture we live in. But medicine is a process, and your doctor should be communicating with your dad directly on these things. Medications will help, but it's a bit like dating--usually people have to date around a lot before they find the thing that fixes...well...that broken part that will let your hot-rod fly! And even then, it may take a while to get the dosage right--a bit like finding the right size wrench for a bolt.

I hope the auto-mechanics analogy works for you.

Chin up, dude. I'm totally there with you.

charonshanti

11-29-06, 03:04 PM

Hello, Vhan. Wish you had more family support, stronger intervention from your doctor. But you can succeed without those things, even though it's harder. Knowledge is power, and while I wouldn't say it to most your age, you are strong enough to do it. Consistency isn't possible until you've trained your skills for working with ADD, so don't get discouraged.

A major victory over ADD is recognizing what went wrong. Not as in life sucks but why specifically didn't school go as it should have today? You'd think that would be easy, but in fact it's darned hard. ADD is amazingly subtle for the profound havoc it wreaks. Normally we don't have to break down the separate parts of doing homework... you do it or you don't. For the ADD'er, identifying the specific spot where it goes wrong is crucial.

Here's some examples...
Hyperfocus. Good when it kicks in on important stuff, deadly when it pulls you away from necessary stuff. Even worse when it holds you for hours on a game or surfing or whatever... and when you finally do stop, nothing you should have done got done and you feel cruddy. Some people set timers to pull themselves out of it. Other people have to actually close the door to the room where the computer is, not even turn it on, before the homework is done or before they go to work. Sort of like alcohol to the alcoholic--one sip and it's all over.

Initiation: starting the work you should be doing. A HUGE ADD problem. Partly because our brains just don't keep sufficient amounts of neurotransmitters available to think with, and it takes either real interest or panic to get enough in the brain to act. Part of why ADD'ers sometimes turn to shaming or condemning themselves just to try to get into action. Meds work better, when you get the right one. In the absence of meds, exercise, or game-playing to get the creative instincts kicking in.

Distraction: you can get started, but you keep forgetting what you're working on and get pulled off in random directions or walk away from it all together. Or forget to come back to it after you take a break.

Time tracking: ADD'ers can have a real difficulty seeing very far ahead because of this. Hours can seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours, 4 days from now might as well be an eternity and you think you can realistically plan 3 major school projects in one evening. And everything can become very overwhelming and feel like it is due NOW.

Stimulation hunger: ADD minds get bored more easily, need more interest to keep running on. The danger is that the brain keeps wanting to turn back to where it's happy--video games, reading, surfing, often. If you're fortunate, some great interest or enthusiasm that actually contributes to your life. For some people, eating. A lot. Some get addicted to soap operas, alcohol, drugs. The challenge of the stimulation-hungry mind is to feed it in a way that makes you stronger, not weaker. The other challenge is to keep it happy while working on something routine. You have to get creative. Not as in doing something creative, but as in learning how your unique mind works and find a way to work with it. In my case, music is the magic, keeps the mind happy and otherwise undistracted. Take away the music nothing gets done.

Is this useful at all? Sound familiar at all? Tell me if you want me to keep going, maybe we can isolate some of the ways ADD is messing with your life--and then you'll know better how to work around them. You can also get these out of the 'Not Lazy, Stupid, Crazy' book or "ADD friendly ways to organize your life"--both of which would give you a lot more tools to get where you want to go. Even when your meds work, these are the tools that keep your life on track---observation and problem-solving. It's sort of an adventure.

AND you can go back to the doc and say, 'yeah, doc, even with the Concerta, I still can't initiate, my distraction is still just as bad, and...etc. I don't think the Concerta's working, because shouldn't these be improving? I want to try a higher dose.' More likely to get action than 'it didn't help'. And if these things do not sound familiar, it's possible that ADD is not your primary difficulty and more Concerta would not be a good idea. Once again... knowledge is power, and you are the primary observer and designer in your life.

Another great tool is exercise--sounds lame, but truly, it isn't. Aerobic exercise just happens to produce a lot of those neurotransmitters ADD brains are so in need of. Some people here on the forum who couldn't take meds have relied on exercise & other ADD-management skills to manage rather bad ADD and make it thru college. AND it's a great way to take anger and your family's attitude and blow it off in energy--that way instead of damaging you, it makes you even stronger. And you don't have to rely on your dad to make it possible for you to exercise. Some kind of exercise, 20-30 min, regularly, that gets the blood flowing and oxygen flooding into your body. Enough to be aerobic but doesn't have to be painful. Just... whatever you do, don't sit down in front of the video games for 'just a few minutes' first. (Personal experience speaking here. Sigh.)

Anyhow, that's one you can start today or tomorrow, chances it will help enough that you'll want to keep it up even when you get meds that work. I've got one friend in college, gets up and hits the track every morning after taking his meds. He's not the athletic type, more creative, but he keeps it up even in bad weather because it clears his head, keeps him motivated, helps him keep his grades up.

Vhan

11-29-06, 06:11 PM

charonshanti

11-29-06, 07:33 PM

Wow, thanks charon, a lot of useful information in there!

but umm...there is someth you said that makes me wonder...

"Vhan, it seems ironic to suggest that a gifted young man should consider trying to enroll in what is basically special ed"

The who special Ed thing is a little...uncomforable with me. but what did you mean by "A gifted child like yourself"? Well... I've read your posts, Vhan. They ain't average.

The thing about ADD is that your mind can have awesome processing centers but the circuitry that carries information and thoughts between those centers doesn't consistently work right. Our brains might use unusual ways of moving info around because the normal ways aren't working well enough. You may have trouble getting information into your brain because of that, but remember it forever after... or have a lot of information in there but the retrieval system doesn't work when it's supposed to. So ADD can give you a weird combo of genius-slow. Plus inconsistency. The right meds let your brain use its circuitry in more effectively.

And I didn't say gifted child, because if you were still little I'd definitely be pushing for IDEA for you. It's your advanced age (for a minor:) ) that makes me uncertain about this route. The whole idea of special ed is uncomfortable for me, too. But because ADD'ers learn differently than average, having a teacher who knows how to teach to your disability is so valuable. The ADD brain spends way too much time compensating and struggling until you learn to work with it. Well, even then, but it's better. As an adult, this becomes your job, to know how you learn and teach yourself accordingly.

I was telling my husband last week that if I'd grown up thinking I was dumb as a stump I would have just plodded along and made the best of it. It was growing up having all the evidence of brillance, and then not being able to use it in any large practical way for years that just killed me. Learning about ADD has been the key to resurrecting the potential. Not easy, but worth it.

The problem is that intelligence does not equal competence. Life skills are harder to learn with ADD. An ADD brain may be brilliant but unfocused, inattentive at the wrong moments... one of the facets of ADD. You're ahead of the game because you're learning about ADD while you're still forming life habits. The younger your diagnosis, the better your prognosis, the better you will be able to use whatever gifts and potential you possess. That's the good news. The bad news is that it takes some observation and determination to decipher what's happening with you, and problem-solving to change it. No doubt that it's work, and takes time... you have to think of it as an adventure.

So for starters.. what did you think of the exercise idea? Any merit to that for you? The goal is to clear your head and get your brain going for the job ahead of you.

Vhan

11-30-06, 03:00 AM

Yea, I can understand its benifits. Ever since I stop playing football, and my bike recentley sufferd a punctred tire, (and I keep forgetting to buy a new one...) I haven't been getting outside like I should.

pogo

11-30-06, 11:07 AM

Hi vahn! I am 36 and just now getting around to addressing my add. I have to say you sound a lot like how I felt in high school. My first year in college my grades got even worse. But I found an area of study that really interested me and I changed my study habits so my grades got much better.

Also, I became heavily involved in the snowboarding community. Finally, I found something to put my energy into, people I felt at home with and something I felt positive about. I guess all I am saying is that maybe it takes us ADDers a little longer to find our niche in life that really energizes us. I still struggle in other areas of my life and that is why I am seeking treatment now. but I have to say, if it wasn't for the add I probably would not have just packed my bags, moved across the country and found something that I truly love and that captures my spirit.

Now, I am not advising you to do the same, but just be patient. You are young and I bet most 16 year olds, add or not, have many of the same issues. High school can be very “un-inspiring” and difficult. My older sister was a straight A student, class vice president, so on and so forth. I had one of her teachers for consumer economics. I remember he asked me a question and I did not know the answer and he said, oh I forgot, you’re not Anne (my sister). I was so shocked that a teacher would say something like that, it just killed me!

The good thing is that you are addressing all of these issues at your age so you have a great chance at managing add so it works for you.

Just out of curiosity, have you ever tried meditation or yoga? It is hard for me to sit still most times, but even if it is 5 or 10 minutes of breathing exercises it can be very helpful. Also, check out What the Bleep Do We Know and the sequel, Down the Rabbit Hole if you have not seen them. They are about the mind and quantum physics. I think you will really enjoy them if you have an open mind.

Cheers!

Liz

Vhan

11-30-06, 06:15 PM

What the Bleep do we know, I loved that movie! (I have been studying physics since the 9th grade, I always found it a good thing I could thhow my mind at, and let it stick to it for a while)

I have tried some meditation, the method I do by now is counting your inhales, and exhales untill you reach a point that you can keep your head clear without the counting. I don't keep up a regular pace with anything I so, so setting time aside for that gets a little challangeing at times. As A result I always have to start over at the begining of counting...

I know that high school isn't supposed to be the best time of our lives Pogo, and I know that things will get better when I go to fullsail. I have every intent on going, but I'm worried that unless I start finding a way to chew on my homework, (instead of my pencils) and start really learning!

I have to have a "firm understanding" of Alg 2, Geometry, and pre cal. Its also "advised" that I know trig, and C++ intro.
Thats for the enter-exam. I am going to need those skills when I get there, and I simply don't have them now.

I always sound stuiped saying this (because I know no one believes me) but I intend on being one of the best Game Delelopers in North America.
And I want to make shure that I am. So getting into this university, AND, suceeding when I get there is VERY inportent to me.

I started this thread to learn ways to cope with my ADD, to understand the diffrence in challanges between myself, and someone who doesn't.

I feel like if I understand the subtle diffrences between me, and someone "normal" I would have a little more direction in the "how to go about this challange, by doing this" department.
How to inprove my focus, and what books I need to be reading, and how to tell people that I meet that I have ADD, and even tough I act like a idiot, im really not.

I'm beginning to realize that I am going to have a diffrent set of challanges, and diffrent kinds of hurtles to jump than "normal" people.

Right now I know that those challanges, and hurtles ARE, diffrent, but thats all I know right now.
What I need to know is what exactley those challanges are. And I think that will make all the diffrence!

charonshanti

11-30-06, 08:14 PM

Vhan, you've mentioned not doing as well in math as you'd like. Any guesses why? A few possibilities would be that you have trouble understanding in class, have trouble paying attention in class, don't get homework done, or working memory difficulties (math becomes more difficult if you don't can't remember what quantity you borrowed, or the last total that you now have to add in, or can't remember the sequence of operations easily.) Do you have equal difficulty in math, english, and science type classes?

About 'initiating', or starting....starting to get ready for school, starting homework, starting chores, starting just about anything. Wanting to start, knowing you should start, hating that you aren't starting... and just sitting there or doing something more comfortable. The more specific you can get with yourself about the times you're having trouble starting, the better you can solve this one.

Solutions: everyone has different solutions for this one, for me it's to simplify things to absurdity and beyond. Non-distracting environment and workspace. If your desk is flooded with homework or stuff that makes you feel overwhelmed or anxious, or even visually distracts you, you won't be getting much work done. Some people use fidget toys or background music to keep their mind happy during boring tasks. I use music to mask other distracting noises and for stim hunger previously discussed. If it's hard to start because it seems endless... setting a timer and negotiating with yourself for 20 minutes works for some people, or just doing one small part. I frankly bribe myself on occasion, negotiate with myself for a task I really don't want to do w/ time set aside for something I really want to do. Equally important is figuring out what you usually do when you should be doing something else, and set firm limits for yourself about not even starting those things until you're done with homework, chores, whatever. That one gets easier as you go, because you'll feel better each time you succeed. Figuring out your "black holes" and reserving them for after your responsibilities will keep helping you even after your meds get straightened out.

Sometimes it's about starting, sometimes it's really about too many choices and the ADD brain gets overloaded or can't figure out where to start. Don't laugh (you'll be laughing at me) but for some ADD'er's it's extremely important to limit how many choices in clothing they have, or they'll get overwhelmed just thinking about getting ready for school. Just for example.

Vhan

11-30-06, 11:23 PM

Ok, exciteing news. I decited to take a break from posting, and go check the mail.
And.....

My Fullsail Information packet arrived today!

All the typical stuff was inside, but there was also a "catalog" of courses that were availible...and one of them is....

================================================== ===============

Behavioral Science--"introduces students to the psychology of self-awareness, self-regulation, motovation, empathy, and social skills. In this course students explore the importence of self-efficacy and self-assessment in achieveing success in today's working world. Insight is given to the need for skills such as building rapport, critquing outhers, and leadership. By developing emotional intelligence, students are given the opportunity to develop awareness of outhers, and explore how to handle situations and emotions more effectiveley.

Course Objective--To enable students ro realize thier full potential through the steps of self-awareness and planning, as well as exploreing the need for organization, and flexability in the workplace

================================================== ===============

O YEA! oyea oyea oyea!

...*polite coughf*....:p

I dont know about you guys, but I think that is a very "un-offical" way to say:
"Yea, we know our campus draws alot of the ADD crowd, so were giveing youa 4 week course to make shure that they dont flop out, and make us look bad"

charonshanti

11-30-06, 11:38 PM

Fantastic!

pogo

12-02-06, 10:07 AM

Hey Vhan, check out the sequel to What the Bleep, Down the Rabbit Hole, if you have not already. They really get in to the science of quantam mechanics. Cool stuff! I have been into this stuff for a long time too. My mom used to make fun of me when I was younger (ever the skeptic, she is a chemist, everything must be proven) but the great news is there are proving a lot of the things many have thought to be true for a long time!!
If you put your mind to it, you can and will be one best game developers in north America. Recognizing you have add at your age will allow you to learn study and motivational habits that work for you. The great thing is when you do get into a university, there are so many resourses available to students to help them achieve their goals. On the other hand, teachers don't hold your hand like they do in high school so self motivation is important. If you don't turn in your homework or skip class, that's your problem, your wasted time and money. I learned that the hard way my first semester in college. One thing I did that really helped was going to the library (or somewhere other than home) to study. That way, I knew i was there for a purpose, i knew i could not leave until i got my homework done. There where much fewer distractions around. I would bring a walkman and listen to classical music to keep my brain awake.( i found music with words to hard because i would sing a long and not pay attetion to what i was doing!) If I found focusing got hard, i would get up and go for a walk or relocate myself. Also, exercising inbetween study sessions was very helpful for me. I have a yoga dvd that has 20 mintute sections based on the time of day or what your body needs at that moment. If I am feeling in a funk and need to get some work done, i will do the "creativity" section on the yoga dvd and it really helps re-energize me.
So do you have to take an entrance exam specifically for this school or do you need to take the ACT / SAT ?

Vhan

12-02-06, 12:04 PM

Its a entrance exam.

I looked at the test they sent me (its just one they send you so you have a idea of whats on the real test)

It just looks like tier 2, of the kind of math I'm used to seeing. Same format of equations, just....even harder.

The good news is that they teach Trig, and Cal. as a course, so I dont need to learn those things in high school.

Here is a problem tough, Pogo you said:
"Recognizing you have add at your age will allow you to learn study and motivational habits that work for you."

Ummm...I'm not currentley reading anything....or....yea....ummm.....

Are there books i need to be reading, or...stuff?

charonshanti

12-03-06, 09:01 PM

Hi, Vahn. Check out these threads:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=16621
http://www.ucc.vt.edu/stdysk/checklis.html

If you have a good bookstore or library, check for ADD or ADHD books and pick the one that seems to fit you best. Or amazon.com under ADD or ADHD. Maybe for ADD +student,college.

To design your personal best way of learning, there are 3 steps.

1) Learn how the ADD mind works and know what to look for in your own life. (ADD books are my best resource.)

2) Pay really close attention to what you're feeling and sensing. Very small changes in your environment can distract or help you. Don't ignore feelings of irritation or overwhelm--figure them out.

Things you need to know about yourself-- Do you work better when you fidget, or in a perfectly quiet enviroment? Do you learn best with a little background noise, or when multi-tasking? Do you learn better in visually simple environments? Are you getting distracted a lot during class or homework? What's causing it? (This one's subtle sometimes. Sometimes it's just our own thoughts.) Is anything making it hard to see or hear the teacher in your math class? Is your memory holding you back? (Can't remember stuff you read, can't remember the sequence of math steps, can't remember the result of the last math step...) Do you not get started because you can't get yourself going, or because you feel overwhelmed by the amount of choices or information? What subjects are easy for you? (That one might help you figure out where your mind works best, if you're more visually or verbally oriented, or have to hear things.) If you learn great sometimes and not others, what changes--subject, the way you feel, weather, noise levels....

Your posts show you're a keen observer and thoughtful, so it's a matter of turning that observation toward yourself, once you know what you're looking for.

3) Once you really know your own style, problem-solve & make things as simple and automatic as possible. Figure out what grabs you when you should be doing your study, or kills your motivation, and AVOID IT til you've gotten the important stuff done.

Meds can help a lot on observation and problem-solving, so once you get meds that work for you, make sure they're in your system when you need them.

There's a lot of stuff on the internet about learning styles and creating study structure. Don't get discouraged if doesn't all work for you--you have an unconventional mind (comes naturally with ADD) and it needs creative solutions... and we're back to the ADD books for that.:cool:

Vhan

12-03-06, 11:01 PM

OoOOOooOOooOoo...my add has STYLE...<dramatic pose>

Wow, I don't think I quite grasped the diversity of ADD out there.

I kinda need to figure this stuff out ASAP, tonight my dad told me:
"If I'm going to be paying for this, I want to see results of you focusing, so get your work done"

Me, and 'em kinda got in a fight a few days back. Turns out hes reading a book about ADD/HD "If your child is hyperactive Inattentive Impulsive Distractible"

It was published in 1990...so I doubt its accuracy...

During the arguement, I asked him point blank if he thought I had Add, he said "I don't think you have Add, I think you have a focusing problem"

He keeps telling me "you have to make yourself focus"

***stops to glance through the book***

Wow, this book is total crap...I mean that...

Ingoreing the fact its written for children (witch it is)
Its saying that the first step of makeing you child focus, is keeping them from fidigeting...

Correct me if im wrong, but isn't that encouraged to fidget if it helps you focus?

**stops again to read book**

Forget it, this thing is for kinds under 10...

But there is a bigger isshue at hand here, If my father is getting his information from a book written for children, and won't lision to me, what am I supposed to do?

charonshanti

12-04-06, 12:40 AM

Wow. Talk about a gift for finding misinformation.

Can you get him another book? How would you describe him... technically minded, or kind of a surface guy? Can he handle a serious book, or does it need to stay light?

The doctor gave you meds for something. They don't hand this stuff out for imaginary problems. Just because the meds aren't working at this level doesn't mean the doc's diagnosis is wrong.

I love the "I don't think you have Add, I think you have a focusing problem". That's just classically beautiful.

And about your ADD having style... LOL. Leave it to you! Uniqueness, individuality, peculiarity.... Everyone has A style. Up to you to make it STYLE, ok?

Vhan

12-04-06, 01:21 AM

:) well add is a fashion these days (ever get around to reading the post about the cia recruitment?)

=but now back on track=

I didn't know my dad had such a eye for classics (but really is that a common idea?)

When he gets to reading something, he really gets involved, witch is one of the things that made mme wonder were he stood. untill now I havent seen any books on add, and he doesn't even ask me about anything....

he just read the book, and tells me "You have to make yours self focus!"

So I guess there is a part of him that is just largeley uninterested...

I allmost get the idea that he sees this as something that I don't understand, but only I can fix.

He brought up the subject of me haveing add, and takeing me to the docter to get checked out (when I was younger, this was back when docters thought I would "outgrow it"). He said "it tore him up inside" So I wonder if he had/has a really negative view of add, and maybe that is why he thinks I have a "focusing problem". (he just had a really negative tone during the whole conversation, the way he talked about it, the way he made it sound, it was like the docter told them I had cancer)

If thats true, then that would explain a lot, If hes not seeing all of the negative effects of ADD, (that he thinks are there) but are not there, then to him it must be something else.

Hence "focus problem"

That would explain the lack of interiest as well, when I asked him what he has learned from the book he said "nothing that i havent learned before when you were a kid" (thats what prompted me to check the publishing date)

To him, this is just a re-hash...a "nothing serious" deal...

And because of all that, I don't think he understands the scope of the isshue either. (well thats a big D.U.A) When I told him that I wanted a higher dose of my meds (currentley 18mg) But he was reluctent to agree, and had a tone of "why do you think you need that?"

--whew, long post--

Anyway....Hmmm so how do I go about getting him to realize all this....that this is kinda serious, and effects my entire life, not just school (thats a biggie...) etc etc...

--yawn--....going to bed now...sleepy...ZZZZzzzZZzzzz:p

jeaniebug

12-04-06, 12:06 PM

. . . he just read the book, and tells me "You have to make yours self focus!"

So I guess there is a part of him that is just largeley uninterested...

He brought up the subject of me haveing add, and takeing me to the docter to get checked out (when I was younger, this was back when docters thought I would "outgrow it"). He said "it tore him up inside" So I wonder if he had/has a really negative view of add, and maybe that is why he thinks I have a "focusing problem". (he just had a really negative tone during the whole conversation, the way he talked about it, the way he made it sound, it was like the docter told them I had cancer)

If thats true, then that would explain a lot,
Vhan--

You sound so much better in your posts than when you startedd, so I wanted to share that observation. You obviously have a great sense of humor.

The main thing I think you need to remember is that your Dad maybe the type of person

1) who just to "fix" things and is uncomfortable with the process

2) Is torn up inside because he can't "fix" you and may even feel responsible for your ADHD on some level (he may have it too)

3) wants the answer to be easy because he is very worried about you and your future.

I think you hit the nail on the head in there where you said "If that's true ...." You never know where someone else is coming from. His problem is not about you, it is about his own baggage/interpretation of the situation. It is impossible to get to the bottom of it if both of you can't see where the other person is coming from. And that is a really difficult thing to do without professional help. Because feelings get in the way.

So he doesn't understand, maybe doesn't want to understand, but more likely has no idea how to understand. In his generation, the solution was to address perceived laziness by literally beating it out of the kid in question.

I think it is good that he is reading something. He just needs to read something else in addition to what he has.

You need to cut him a little slack if you want him to cut you a little slack. You will understand him a lot better when you are a father.

Obviously he is not doing a very good job of being there for you. But there are a bunch of reasons why, and most of them probably have nothing to do with you and more to do with his parents/childhood/life perspective. So you can't take it personally. Easier said than done.

Try being really specific about what you really want from him. for instance "Give me some time to figure out the right medication level with my Doctor."

"Please read this book on ADHD (put in title from suggestions in this thread) for me."

"This adjustment is very hard for me, what I really need from you is a pat on the back/hug/tell me you love me no matter what ...."

Try to be brutally honest and not angry or defensive no matter how angry or defensive he is. You may really need to see a therapist together to facilitate productive conversation without laying blame or guilt or triggering other issues.

I'm glad you got your packet. Good luck with that!

How is school going? :cool: Rock on! PJ

Vhan

12-04-06, 03:43 PM

pogo

12-04-06, 03:54 PM

I was talking to my sister about my add diagnosis and asking why our parents never did anything about this when i was younger. I don't think parents want to believe that anything can be wrong with thier childern. And dads (like most men) just want to fix things. Like jeaniebug was saying, your dad can't fix this and he is probably frustrated. I am dealing with many of these same issues with my boyfriend who said to me the morning as a was working on a cover letter for a job "just make a pact with yourselft that you are not going to do anything else until it is done" or how about this one - "just use your planner to stay organized" or "you should be sending out 25 resumes a day". If i could F*****G sit her long enough to do all that, it would have been done already!!! Easier said than done.

I haven't told my parents about my ADD and my sister has not told them about the anti-anxiety drugs she is on because my mother will just blame herself and my dad will think it is all in our heads. (and we our in our mid 30's!!!)

Vahn, I know it is hard because you want your dad to understand ADD. It sounds like he has some conflict with it within himself (guilt, frustration, anger ect...). The best you can do is focus on improving your habits, studying skills, ect... and try to educate your dad. He's either going to get it or he isn't, meanwhile you have your own life ahead of you (after all you are going to be one of the best game developers in North America, eh?)
There are certain things i gave up discussing with my parents, but i have the luxery of not living at home!

Vhan

12-04-06, 06:18 PM

Thanks Pogo, I dont think thats a side of the coversation many people would point out, thanks for shareing your info. :p

the only problem is, he expects results...I have a 48 in geometry, and I just bombed my animation project...(Of all weeks of the year, I have to run out of meds during my 2nd most inportent animation grade!)

I can't tell him that tough, I can't tell him about my flustrations, because all he will do is give me the same lecture and end it with "you have to make yourself focus"

I can't explain to him about how I feel when I sit in math class, or when my english teacher says there is a research paper someing up...

I can't talk to my dad without him accuseing me of "challangeing him".

I get so uptight sometimes because I have no outlet for all of this, I don't have that friend I can go to, or that family member to turn to.

These problems my add is causeing is effecting my entire life, my relationships, my schoolwork, my religion, my free time, and my dad thinks that all of that is going to change with 18mg of concerta...

As much as I wish I could, I know that there is no way I will be able to take ths on solo.

A man, who acts as a individual, can survive a conflit, but a man who acts with people at his side, can overcome, a conflict.

My school councilers are no help, and getting a theripist is out of the question.

Pogo, you seem to have some experience with doing this without the help of your parents, is there anything you can share that I need to know? :eyebrow:

jeaniebug

12-04-06, 11:45 PM

Yea, I started thinking about that this mourning, your playing with fire any time you assume anything...

I'm going to check out some of those books, I don't know if its worth trying to win my father over to my side, so maybe its best I learn to manage this solo.
I think you are probably right, Vhan, about needing to manage solo. It is so much harder without any support from your parents. I know that because my own parents are still critical and unsupportive. My sister said to me recently "You cause all your own problems!" So I just don't share information with them because it gets thrown back in my face.

I did learn all those strategies for coping that I shared with you from years of therapy, and they are useful with people other than family members. sigh.....

I always thought that I ruined my parent's life by being born. One of their favorite sayings was, and still is, "If you got kids, you ain't got nuthin'!" Since my older brother, undiagnosed inatentive ADHD died of liver failure due to alcoholism at age 40, I wonder if my parent's feel that puts them more in the "win" column since they now have one less kid.

It wasn't until I became a Mom that I believed unconditional love even existed. I wish you had great parents, but you can survive without it. Not happily or under the same roof, however :eyebrow:

I love my daughter so much I didn't know even know that this much love existed in the universe, let alone in my own heart. So here's a big hug for you. Best of luck!

Vhan

12-05-06, 12:36 AM

Thanks alot for you guy's info (a special thanks to pogo, charonshanti, and jeniebug!)

I've accumilated quite the pile of information in this thread... :p

I gotta look at myself and my problems in a whole new light now. I'm going to have to go back and re-learn some things to...

A lot of re-"self discovery" I guess....

time for sleep :p allmost missed my bus yesterday....

pogo

12-05-06, 04:23 PM

I don't know Vahn, I think there are some realizations i came to that really helped me.
1. I can't control what other people belive/think. All i can do is do by best to educate them on my beliefs/point of view and if they don't see it my way then it is not my fault. I am not going to beat myself up trying to prove something to someone, life is too short.
2. I make my own choices and i have to own up to them (add or no add, i refuse to use it as a cruch)
3. Regardless of what happened in the past (what my parents did / didn't do, cheating boyfriends, ect...) is in the past and i am not going to let it define me.
4. I laugh at myself often and try not to beat myself up too much. This one took a long time and i still struggle with it - especially hard being in a relationship - but that is for another thread:cool:.

I don't always practice what i preach, but I really do belive all of these things. Like they talk about in What the Bleep - changing that neuro-net. It takes practice and i find the more i practice the better i get!!

jeaniebug, i am sorry you had so many problems with your parents. It sounds like being a parent has eased a lot of pain and brough much joy into your life, i am very happy for you!

Fortunatly, my relationship with my parents was never bad, i just know there are certain things i cannot talk to them about. My mom is English so she isn't much of a communicator anyway! :D

Vahn, i am sorry that you don't have any friends and family to turn to, but you have us!!:)

BTW, why is therapy out of the question?

Have you seen Bowling for Columbine? There is a part when Michael Moore is interview the guys from South Park and they were talking about how your high school years do not define you. I just thought it was an interesting conversation and a good point.

blah, blah, blah, better cut myself off or i will be on here for ever.

Btw, i start my meds tomorrow (wellbrutrin for add and mild depression) wish me luck!!

Vhan

12-05-06, 08:47 PM

I wish the best for you Pogo!

As far as therapy goes, its just something I dont want my dad asking why I want it. When I brought up the subject of my add to him, he argued with me about it untill I broke down in tears. Hes responce was "I had to break you down to this point so I know your telling the truth"

The last thing I want is my dad to do the same thing again...There are still alot of things that I havent told him about, and would prefer to keep away from him.

Thats a little more personal that I would like to go tough...

Vhan

12-05-06, 11:17 PM

Just to make myself clear, I'm not letting this thing getting the best of me. From what I have gatherd so far add has alot of upsides, and I hope then when I finally get put on a higher dose of meds **crosses fingers for 32mg this thursday** I think things will get a lot easyier to handle. (Just a sidenote but I have been off my meds for about 2weeks now...Grr... :p )

pogo

12-06-06, 10:47 AM

I am so sorry your dad is being so difficult to deal with. It seems like relationships are one of the more difficult factors of add. But you are right, there are a lot of positivies!
The movie "The Secret" http://whatisthesecret.tv/, talks a lot about the law of attraction. Basically, if you think about the negative, you will get more negative. If you think about the positive you will attract more positive. The movie and the website can be a little hookie, but the message is very true. Also, neurso-scientist are talking a lot about mirror neurons, pretty cool stuff. I think really getting into the sciene of the brain helps me cope with this. I am just fascinated by it all!

What has been your mom's role in all of this? Can you talk to her?

BTW, i just learned a good tool from another post. Get a timer and anytime you step away from you homework for a break set the timer so you know you have to go back to work when it goes off.

kcbradygirl

12-06-06, 03:55 PM

Vhan,

for what it's worth, I found the following site to be a tremendous help in demonstrating to people how the world gets filtered in my ADHD brain.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoodminds/attention.html

There are some clips there that really help illustrate for the non-adhd person how we receive information from the world. If you look at them and think 'Wow! That's exactly what happens when someone tries to give me directions!' or 'When I read, that's what happens!'

Hope this helps with your dad somewhat.

Vhan

12-06-06, 06:09 PM

While I "can" talk to my mom...things are a little "strained"

Bacically, without it getting to personal, she is a good mother, but there was a time in my life that I dipped in and out of a 2 year depression, I don't remember her trying to help me. After 6 more years of liveing with her I was seeing a shrink (against my own will, the school pretty much told my mon that if she didn't "do something" with me that I would be expelled) that I wasn't opening up to, and my brother was hospitilized for "behavioral control"...because he punched a door...yea, he punched a door and gets sent away for a week....

The last time I opend up to her she called me crazy. I can't tell her whats going on now, because todays topics, are alot worse than the ones she called my crazy for...

The last thing I need is for her to blow it out of porportion, and tell my dad.

======================anyway====================== =============

There was something I was wondering about. It seems that in the past year and a half, my add symptoms have gone through the roof. I mean, in school before, alltough I had all the signs of ADD (some of my teachers would even ask my mom if I had it, she always said "no, hes been tested allready") I could still manage in school. I could still keep up decent grades, but it seems that in the last year or so, things have gotten worse...

I read somewere that with Innintnetive add the smarter the person, the later in life it shows up...Soooo....Its normal for this stuff to "hit" me now? even if I didn't have all of the signs that I have now.

What I'm trying to get at is my dad thinks I still have "borderline ADD" but I think that "innettitive ADD" is...worse? So if he says "you have been doing well before now!" Is it valid for me to say "well its not the same thing as before." ????.... heh :p

jeaniebug

12-07-06, 12:21 AM

There was something I was wondering about. It seems that in the past year and a half, my add symptoms have gone through the roof. I mean, in school before, alltough I had all the signs of ADD (some of my teachers would even ask my mom if I had it, she always said "no, hes been tested allready") I could still manage in school. I could still keep up decent grades, but it seems that in the last year or so, things have gotten worse...

I read somewere that with Innintnetive add the smarter the person, the later in life it shows up...Soooo....Its normal for this stuff to "hit" me now? even if I didn't have all of the signs that I have now.

What I'm trying to get at is my dad thinks I still have "borderline ADD" but I think that "innettitive ADD" is...worse? So if he says "you have been doing well before now!" Is it valid for me to say "well its not the same thing as before." ????.... heh :p
IMHO, for me when my stress level gets higher, I find it harder to cope and "pretend" to be normal. When my daughter was born hearing impaired, that upped my stress level. When I got divorced, that upped my stress level. I find myself less able to cope, which also increases my stress level.

When I was living at home my Mom did all the cooking cleaning and washing. That made my life a whole lot easier. I went to a tiny school (6 in my grade school classes) and that helped me I think. Being married, even in a rather horrible relationship actually helped because he paid the bills and kept the cars running and mowed the lawn.

As you are getting more worried about college, you may have increased your stress level. Your Dad putting more pressure on you may have increased your stress level. I think most people on this forum can point to a time where they went from "sort of" being able to live or at least cope with ADHD, and then suddenly couldn't handle it any more and suddenly became completely overwhelmed. Some times I have heard of it like "hitting the wall." You get to a place where you can't function very well at all.

Please people correct me if I'm wrong. So yes, to answer your question, it may be different than before. You may have hit your own personal "wall" and thus are having a much more difficult time and not able to function.

After my divorce I was unable to get around to filing my income taxes for like 5 years. It was only when I got threatening phone calls from the IRS and I got a good friend to help me that I got through that. And they even owed me money.

Its very hard to describe to someone who hasn't been there. But I have been there, and I do understand. Wish I had a magic wand to wave and make it better. Do talk to your teachers or a counselor at school and try to explain and get some kind of timeline set up. Or tutoring, or extra credit, or at least tell them about your diagnosis and your non supportive family situation. They want you to succeed, not drop out. Really. Then you can breathe again.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. :D

Vhan

12-07-06, 01:00 AM

meadd823

12-07-06, 04:36 AM

When it come to the "progression of ADD' what is normally happening is the ADD doesn't change as much but the expectation of the person with the ADD changes. As a teen gets closer and closer to adulthood they are expected to do more complex task with less help from teachers and parents. The school no longer wants a book report on a piece of paper they want a full blown project. Teachers have more student in the high school years because high school student are expect to be able to plan , organize ect with little or no outside help. . . also the fear of becoming an adult also may add to your stress level.

Stress does make ADD symptoms worse. . . heck enough stress will cause non-ADDer to have ADD like symptoms so for us that were born with difficulty concentrating adding stress may make concentrating literally impossible. Untreated ADD and high school will make the problems associated with having ADD much worse. So the fact that you are just now having trouble doesn't mean you haven't been ADD it just meant that you were able to cope with the symptoms because the things that were expected of you didn't calash with your symptoms as much. More than likely teachers were still breaking down assignments for you they were still acting as your frontal lobes but now that this is no longer an option the inability to organize and plan is beginning to show up. . .

then we add stress of high school social stuff the feeling of failure brings on depression which all make the ADD symptoms worse. So telling your Dad the ADD isn't the same now is correct you are experiencing it much differently and for good reasons . . . . many good reasons. . .

Your dad needs to read the basic material on CHADD and quit treating you badly for his lack of knowledge. I think it is a shame you are having to educate your parents they should be educating them selves. . .you have enough problems to deal with right now. . . they are supposed to be the adults here. . . . what a shameful way to treat a young man who is trying to help himself. . . . .Please do remember . . . their treatment of you isn't a reflection of who you are it is a reflection of who they are. . . .

jeaniebug

12-07-06, 10:45 AM

Yea, I can see what you mean Jean...I have a VERY hard time in math. I absolutley DRED it, and with all the stuff I am going to have to learn, (and comprehend) makes me...shakey....

It is VERY stressfull because I am SO COMMITED to makeing this all work, but I just can't get my grades to reflect that. I give myself these little prep-talks about how I'm gonna make things better, and turn things around, but then I get that test, or project, and bomb it...

My animation teacher told my two days ago : "you are one of my smartest students, you should be doing the best in here" "you just seem to have this mental block when you do projects"

The harder I try, the worse off I am. I was at the point were I was cutting myself to remind me to stay focused during class.

(I even had a strange phase were I smoked, yes smoked green tea because It would help keep off the add symptoms for about 4-5 hours, then make them worse)

It was after that wasn't working that I came to my dad about wanting to go to the docter about my ADD, (he still doesn't know, neither does the docter)

--yawn-- time for bed. :p
Vhan,

I have been thinking about your situation and I wanted to add something else. When I was growing up I had an older brother who was a major underachiever. He had a very high IQ but he couldn't do math. and Wouldn't do it. My Dad expected great things from him. He was very tall (6'5") so he was supposed to be a good basketball player. He wasn't. He was supposed to do a lot of chores on the farm like milk the cow, feed the cows, feed the pigs, run the tractors etc. He did a lot of work too, but he hated it. He used to withdraw into reading sci fi books. If he had had a computer then he would have been on it. Nothing he did was ever right, so he got yelled at daily and smacked around fairly often.

I on the other hand tried to be invisible. After getting spanked for being absent minded it did motivate me to do well in school and I did. I was not a squeaky wheel. Also had youger siblings who were very "squeaky!"

Anyway, the family dynamics created sort of a buffer zone around me, because my brother was always screwing up and my youger bro and sis always argued and were very verbal. I sort of dissapeared.

So you are in the position of being the screw up and the focus of attention. I don't know if I could have handled that very well. Girls and boys handle inatentive ADHD very differently.

My brother died of alcohol related liver failure at 40, (I know, I already said that). But today and yesterday after thinking about your situation, I realized how different his situation was than mine. And how much harder it would have been to be him. And how hard it is for you feeling so much pressure.

Just wanted to share that. And say thank you to my brother, Brian, for being the center of the storm so I could "hide" from the wrath of parents.

BTW I had world class grandparents, and that may have been what saved me.

PJ

pogo

12-07-06, 12:02 PM

I totally agree with stress making things worse. I just moved from Lake Tahoe to SF. Up by the lake I had a comfortable job where I was on my feet a lot, it's quiet, easy going, easy on my brain. Moving down here has been very overwhelming. I attempted to start my own business and failed because I got so overwhelmed I froze up like a dear in headlights and couldn't do anything. I almost moved back to Tahoe but I want more out of life. That is why I decided to finally seek treatment. It is hard job hunting when you self esteem is in the toilet.

Vhan, the green tea thing isn't so strange. I smoked cigarettes and drank pots of coffee to get through undergrad. (Not advisable, I now find smoking repulsive; I replaced those habits with exercise)

Do you have tutors at school that can help you with math? Are the counselors at you school really that bad or do you just not want to see someone at school? You obviously aren't going to get much help from your parents and if therapy isn’t an option, you need to find other resources. Being a minor, it might be a little harder, but I have to believe there is something/someone out there that can help. Have you googled help centers for teens in your area? Do you think you are afraid to ask for help from others because of your parent’s reaction to your asking? I just don’t want you to get in the frame of mind that everyone is going to react to your situation the same way your parents have. There are plenty of highly trained people out there that understand what you are going through and will not judge you. It might even be helpful if you could find a mentor.

Keep your chin up!

stratdude1

12-07-06, 03:47 PM

Firstly, I'll admit I couldn't make it past the first page of this thread. On a side note, maybe we should make a mandatory 1-2 page limit before thread is locked given this is an ADD board.;)

But anways....Vhan - I believe there's definitely a "mind over matter" aspect to feeling this way. I'm a recently diagnosed ADD'er, and haven't found my right treatment. I AM now convinced I have it (some people question that even after doc diagnoses it) after research here and elsewhere. So with undiagnosed/untreated ADD, let me provide some examples of the mind over matter deal:

Negative mind over matter:
I have a difficult time in social situations, because I already walk into those situations thinking I'm going to struggle finding interesting things to talk about. Therefore, I come across as a moron. I allow myself to fail before I even give myself a chance to succeed. In contrast, there's social situations where I'm a ball of fire with complete strangers......and that usually only occurs when I don't doubt myself (easier said than done).

Positive mind over matter:
I ended up in a career I probably have no business being in. I never received formal training. I don't know anywhere close to the amount of stuff other professionals around me know. However at some point I convinced myself that I could do this job, and low and behold I have - and am viewed as one of the top performers in my company. In reality, I probably should have never made it into this field, or at least failed once I did. But that wasn't an option in my head. I didn't "will away" failure....I just never entertained it as an option.

What I found helped me at your age was to find things I could succeed at to build your confidence up. Try sports. Try clubs.I found in previous years that when you unexpectently succeed at something, you suddenly realize that you can unexpectantly succeed at other things. And there may be a pleasant surprise that your mind is your biggest roadblock to succeeding in school and other things.

When you convince yourself that people who can do stuff that you can't really don't really possess "magical skills" that you weren't blessed with.....you may find that you can do something you thought you couldn't (don't "will it", but rather accept it as FACT with no question).

It's sometimes a really difficult mindset to get to, and I still haven't figured it out. But I do know that when I accomplish somethign I never thought I would, it's one of the most fantastic feelings in the world.

Vhan

12-07-06, 04:13 PM

Hmm...."accept it as a fact with NO QUESTION"...
Makes sence.

pogo

12-08-06, 11:42 AM

Well said stratdude1!

charonshanti

12-08-06, 08:21 PM

Hi, Vhan. Been thinking about your situation...

If I read your posts right, your dad believes that you don't have ADD, just aren't focusing and that you're making excuses. For whatever his reason is.

Also that the expense of treatment is an issue.

So you can go it alone.
Or you can educate him.
Or..... you can bargain with him. Maybe?

Quick Parental Perspective Lesson: Parents almost always feel their kids take them for granted. They provide food, clothing, games, bedroom with roof, etc. Just the basics cost a lot, and just the basics don't win any points with their kids because that's just what the kids are supposed to have. So parents often feel they have to work their rear ends off just to stay even, get no appreciation, and kids always want more. And kids these days...don't say thanks, aren't willing to lift a finger to help, don't even do chores... ok, maybe this is your dad. Or not.

So how do you get his attention? Two ways. Offer to give up something you would normally expect and want in order to defray the cost of meds. If he normally gets you holiday stuff, ask for medical care instead. That should get his attention. He's less likely to think you're just making it up if you're willing to make sacrifices. But be specific about what you're asking for in return, to the extent you can.

Second way--get involved on cutting the costs. Especially if your dad doesn't have health insurance, figure out how to get what you need for less. Look for clinics, effective meds at the least cost, suggest partial prescriptions if it's an expensive med and you don't know if it's going to work (with the understanding that if it doesn't work you'll call the doctor and ask for a higher dosage or different med if this one doesn't work.) You're going to be doing this stuff anyway when it comes out of your own pocket, so you might as well get started and make your dad feel like you're doing it because you appreciate the expense he's going to.

You know how he works, so you may be able to bargain even if he doesn't understand. If he feels unappreciated, see what you can do to change that. ADD makes it hard to be consistent but it's worth the try.

If you think there's a chance of educating him, maybe he'd fill out some of the tests for 'adult add' on the internet with you. www.drthomasebrown.com (http://www.drthomasebrown.com) is good too if he likes to get into the research. But he may just not want to think anything is wrong that he can't fix, or that if you really have ADD he hasn't responded the way he should have.

Vhan

12-08-06, 09:06 PM

charonshanti

12-08-06, 10:53 PM

Today in the doctors office he said "after reading the book and reviewing what I learned before I have no doubt that he has ADD"

what? thats not what I remember...:) Progress.

Somehow I don't see 'dad, I was just trying to be economical' going over very well if you get brought home in a police car... You need your dad's cooperation, and you're risking a lot with that particular joyride.

Are you on a different dosage now?

jeaniebug

12-09-06, 09:40 AM

Thanks for the insight Charonshanti.

I do what I can to keep the costs down, (makeing shure to keep my phone bill below $25 a month, lol I hate talking on phones, and I find shop-lifting fun so thats a plus I guess I don't like the idea of pulling my own string, but I will say that I do what I can to keep myself a cost efficent child)

Today in the doctors office he said "after reading the book and reviewing what I learned before I have no doubt that he has ADD"

what? thats not what I remember...

Anyway, after the visit with the docter he has nothing negative to say about me asking to up my dosage. We had a brief talk, and I explained to him that its not like i can "just make myself focus" he said that "he had no doubt that, thats true" and the rest of the way back to school it was something of a akward scilence...
Ok, Vhan,

The first thing you should give your Dad for Christmas is a son who has stopped shoplifting! My older brother had a big problem with that, it will lead you down a path where you don't want to go. Perhaps increasing your meds will help with your impulses, but I think you need to stop and think about the shoplifting and stop cold turkey.

It does sound like your brother is causing the bigger financial problems, but only because he couldn't hide the "evidence" of his crime (the totalled car).

OK, lecture over. To me it sounds as though Dad is now "on board," or at least circling the raft, with the ADHD diagnosis. The Doctor visit story gave me hope at least. Do you feel relieved? You should. Perhaps some of your perceptions about your Dad have shifted.

Back masagers are nice, as well as a gift card for 15 back masages from you. Does he have any creams for pain relief? Tiger Balm is a good one, if you can find it. A heating pad? A reusable ice pack with cover? Someone to ask him how he is feeling who will also listen to him talk about say and validate his pain? "Wow that must be hard to deal with all the time! Is there any way I could help?" If your not taking out the garbage you should start. Without being asked. That is what my daughter does for me.

Get him a book like "Delivered from Distraction." You can get it online fairly inexpensively.

Lastly tell him thank you for going to the doctor with you and you really appreciate that he is doing some reading about ADHD. Tell him you love him. If you guys don't do that, start with saying it in a Christmas card. It is hard at first but gets easier with practice. And it is a life skill you need to have!

Good luck. Is the new dose making a noticeable difference? ((( BIG HUG))) :D

Vhan

12-09-06, 10:37 AM

Well at any rate, he has accepted it, and he is being less critical, and less arguementitive about it, so I'm thankfull for that. I don't know what changed his attittude, or what may have changed his mind, but at least he is less defensive about the subject.

I do feel better that this is happaning now.

Note to self: stop shoplifting...

I dono about the gift so much, something that he can heat up and lay down on/ sit down on wile he is reading, that would proabley be the best sort of thing, I'll go to the mall and look around.

I'm his support child, Its kind of funny, when he describes me to his friends he always says "yea, hes my son that I can talk to about physics, and politics, etc etc hes really smart, bla bla" Except that we hardley ever talk to each outher, its me who starts the conversaion. My dad has A idea that if its inportent to talk about, then we'll come to him with it. But that really doesn't matter. He'll bring up his back everyounce in a while, and ill tell him something like "well wth the way they make you work etc"

And today is my first time useing the higer dose, 32mg.

charonshanti

12-10-06, 05:22 AM

Vhan, you sound great...

Notice any difference at the higher dose?

Vhan

12-10-06, 11:45 PM

Do I really sound that diffrent? I have noticed a change In just, how mutch more clear my thinking is, its like I have had this "white noise" drifting around my head, but its gone now....

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I cant hold it in anymore.

YAY!:) :) :p :cool: :rolleyes: :cool: :p :) :p :eyebrow: :cool: :rolleyes: :D :o :eek: :eek: :) :p :rolleyes: :cool: :rolleyes: :D :D :D

Vhan

12-11-06, 03:59 PM

Ok, I'm in my animation class (during break) and here is how the med thing is going so far...

I can think, alot more clearley, I dont have that "white noise" or "brain fog". So I can hear everything the teacher is saying, but its just not registering. I seem to forget what my teaher said right after he said it. I am also more distracted by noices, and outher things. I noticed the SAME effects around the same time I started my 18mg of concerta. (When I started the 18, after two days I got a really..."strange day" went off meds for allmost 2 weeks, and now I'm getting the same "strange" sensory things.)

Things like my keyboard, and my mouse, seem diffrent when I touch them, I am moody, and grumpy, unsocial, all things I was when I was on 18mg. (and is it just me, or is this post a little more unorginized then most?)

Well, if its like my 18mg experience then is should clear up by tommorow, is this just my brain "adjusting" to the medication, cuz I feel kinda lightheaded, and im startying to lightley sway back and foreth as I type...

I'm pretty outta it right now.

charonshanti

12-12-06, 02:38 AM

ADDifficultLife

12-12-06, 03:36 AM

Hi, Vhan.

Your med is 'time release' but it doesn't mean steady release... I think you get an initial dose, then a couple of other discrete doses at later intervals.

Practical application.. ever had a caffeine headache when the caffeine wears off? Similar when the ADD med wears off, all the little hyperactive 'vacuum cleaners' the med has been blocking suddenly turn on and suck all the neurotransmitters back into the brain cells, leaving the synapses dry. And scratchy. And yucky feeling. Brain cramp time.

If you find you still get grouchy moments after adjusting to the med awhile, it's worth watching the clock to see if they happen at specific intervals after you take your medicine. You may not be able to change it, but you might be able to adjust when it hits, take some advil, etc. It's a good idea to know how long your meds last anyway so you know when they're out of your system in the evening and you're back to full ADD. Good idea to get your homework & heavy family conversations done before then.

I find that my peripheral vision is tremendously more distracting when my meds are working. Irritating! Now when I'm driving suddenly there's all this bright shiny distracting stuff out the corner of my eyes where I just used to know there was another car there.... just mentioned that because it sounds like your senses are reacting a little differently too.I used to use time release capsule XR and am back on generic for now because my insurance company sucks. Didn't really notice a huge difference between the two, other than the XR maybe lasting a little longer per dose. What I do seem to notice is the initial dose in the morning doesn't seem to do all that much untill I take a second dose in the late afternoon. It seems like it fires on all cylinders for a few hours inbetween the first dose starting to wear off and the new one kicking in. Has something to do with the timing I'm not sure.

Also agree that while it does take away that feeling of your head being a cement block, It also seems to make me more anxious and more easily distracted. Well there is no such thing as the perfect drug. Still worth it for me, as I can at least think without straining through the fog. Also Vahn, do you notice yourself being more "hyper" and overly excited when talking to people? Funny how the Adderall(Or you using rytalin?) makes the calm ADDers hyper and the hyper ones calm.