I was wondering if this is just me or an ADD thing...

When life is going smooth (ie: work is great, grades are good, Adderall is remembered on most mornings) I end up in a relationship with a crazy. I'm not talking about the "stalker with a machette" kind of crazy; I'm talking about the "life in shambles, runs an illegal poker room, let's go to the beach and drink Captain Morgan at 4 a.m. on a Monday " kind of crazy.

I realized that when my life is smooth sailing, I seek out a way to add chaos. I meet a crazy, we get along, then I spend all my energy on him and the relationship. After a few months, when things start to settle down, we break up. Then I spend days reading self-help books trying to figure out why I'm 27 and single, until a few months or maybe even a year goes by and I start the whole thing over again.

Maybe the crazies help you have a better self image? Vs. someone stable where you might think you're "beneath" them....

I don't know how your childhood was growing up but I know when people (like me for example) grow up around chaos and drama it becomes so normal to them. Even though they know it's not healthy for them they still regress back to it because it's all they know. It's where they feel most comfortable. I have anxiety when everything goes too well in my life. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I use to think "normal" people were fake. Afraid to get to close because sooner or later their true colors would come out. I can handle being rejected by someone who is just as messed up as me because I expected it and saw it coming. My now husband was the 1st normal guy I ever dated. I would say drop the Mr.Nice guy act but he still has it 12 years later so it wasn't an act but I broke up with this guy every other week. To be rejected by a normal guy was more than I thought I could handle so I would reject him before he got the chance. I always ran back to the dysfunctional guy. Even after 12 years of being in a healthy functional relationship I still find ways to sabotage myself. I have everything I could ever want and more in my life now but I still seek chaos in form of different types of addiction because I still don't believe I am worthy. The key to getting through this is to identify your triggers. What is going on in your head or life right before you seek out the chaos. Keep a journal. I have to be very aware of myself or I will slip backwards towards my addictive behaviors. My triggers tend to be
when I hold my true feelings inside out of fear that I they don't matter and when the boundries with my both of my sisters get weak and I get overly involved in their dysfunctional relationships. I want to save them but I know I can't.

It might help to start by trying to figure out what exactly is so attractive about these individuals. Is it the person or is it the drama that comes with the package?



I was wondering if this is just me or an ADD thing...

When life is going smooth (ie: work is great, grades are good, Adderall is remembered on most mornings) I end up in a relationship with a crazy. I'm not talking about the "stalker with a machette" kind of crazy; I'm talking about the "life in shambles, runs an illegal poker room, let's go to the beach and drink Captain Morgan at 4 a.m. on a Monday " kind of crazy.

I realized that when my life is smooth sailing, I seek out a way to add chaos. I meet a crazy, we get along, then I spend all my energy on him and the relationship. After a few months, when things start to settle down, we break up. Then I spend days reading self-help books trying to figure out why I'm 27 and single, until a few months or maybe even a year goes by and I start the whole thing over again.