I am 29, been married almost 5 years and have thought about divorce off and on. We have one little boy together. I need to make a decision: committ my energy to a happy marriage or part ways - I hate living in the gray area on this one (Thinking of divorce one day, okay the next, next day divorce.)

However, I can't seem to follow through on it because I am not sure if it is just the ADD that is the frustration or if I genuinely would be happy in another situation. Yesterday I was darn sure divorce was the answer, today I'm not so sure.

Before I write some long, boring autobiography, is anyone else troubled with a decision to stay married that is complicated by wondering if these thoughts originate because of your ADD?

-kirc

I think divorce should be the very last option a person takes. Can you honestly say you have tried your best to make your marriage work? Have you tried counseling? Have you tried communicating better? Have you took a long hard look at yourself to see what part you may have played in the breakdown of your marriage? You owe it to yourself, your husband/wife and even more to your son to try everything in your power to make it work. If you have then my advice would be a divorce. I've been married almost 11 years and I'm 31 right now. I know for me the 6th and 7th year were by far the most difficult. Boredom had set in and I think in some ways we stopped doing the little but important things. Like getting all dressed up and going on a romantic date, complimenting eachother, showing affection, the phone calls just to say I love you....stuff like that. It's easy to forget about all that especially when you have small children and you begin to take eachother for granted.

I agree with Casinowife...It's really important to remember that divorce is a HUGE decision that not only affects you and your husband, but your child, and possibly others as well. If things are awful between the two of you, you owe it to your child, and yourselves, to do what you can to try to fix it, such as going to marriage counseling or learning how to communicate your feelings to each other better.

If you aren't ALWAYS contemplating divorce, then there must be some good times between the two of you, right? Maybe you could look at those days, and figure out what made those days, days that you didn't want to get divorced. Then look at the days that you did want the divorce, and look at what happened those days. Then you'll know what needs to be worked on to make your marriage much more happy.

In the end, if the two of you just aren't making it, you'll JUST KNOW that it's over. Right now, I suspect that you don't really feel that way yet, or you wouldn't have posted. It's just my opinion, but I think that the reason you haven't followed through has nothing to do with ADD, but more with your not being sure if it's the right decision.

Just so I respond to your question, though: I have to say that basically everything that I do, and every decision I make in life has me wondering if I would be going down the same path, if I didn't have ADD. I THINK that it affects everything about me. I'm sure that my husband and I would have way fewer marital problems and a much happier marriage, if we were both "normal", but we're not, so we do what we can to make things work. There have been some really bad times between us, when we both thought it was this far from being over, but we keep trying to make it work, and we haven't reached that point yet - where we know we would be much happier apart, so we keep on working on it. It's a real challenge, but I think it's worth it (usually!)

I can state, unequivocally, that I always question whether such thoughts stem from ADHD impulsivity. So the answer to your question, from me to you, is yes, over any such life-altering decision I drive myself crazy wondering if its me or the ADHD doing the thinking.

I can state, unequivocally, that I always question whether such thoughts stem from ADHD impulsivity. So the answer to your question, from me to you, is yes, over any such life-altering decision I drive myself crazy wondering if its me or the ADHD doing the thinking.
Well put KZ! I second guess myself with the BIG things in life too.

That's interesting. I've never seperated what behavior,problem or perception is me and what is ADD related. I just assume they are one of the same. I guess because I worry more about how to fix it instead of where it came from. Does it help you to figure it out?

That's interesting. I've never seperated what behavior,problem or perception is me and what is ADD related. I just assume they are one of the same. I guess because I worry more about how to fix it instead of where it came from. Does it help you to figure it out?Sometimes it helps and other times its crazy-making behavior. I am nowhere near as impulsive as I was when I was younger (I am considered a PI now instead of a combined) and oddly? Its seems that MORE of my impulsivity comes into play with big, huge decisions than with little momentary "Should I buy this new package of socks?" decisions (the answer is no, the Kid will need that $5 for lunch money).