i find sometimes when i get into a confrontation w/someone, once everything is discussed & you would think done with, instead of moving on, i keep coming back to it & basically drive it into the ground (& consequently drive the other person crazy). I don't know why i do this!! i don't know if it's a need for stimulation, or just that i don't feel like i've gotten my point across well enough, but a situation that was resolved, often becomes inflammatory again b/c of this. i guess i just have a hard time sometimes letting things go...

does anyone else have a problem w/this? :(

Yeah, in the same boat. I tend to have this issue becuase after the conversation I still am processig it in my head. Problem is it constantly is replayed and anything anoying get more anoying as it plays out in my thoughts. Problem is, think about it over and over and over, create numerous resolutions(if still on topic) and then never do what thought, final attempt at resolution is not anything like envisioned in the head.

Don't know if this helps.

I do it because I always have to be right :o

I do this too, reason being that I always think that I didn't get my point across. I don't know if the person understood what I was trying to say. Also, because in time of thinking about the situation, I have time to reflect and say what I want to say, and then it is too late, and I beat myself up over it. I say, why didn't I say that before. I should take more time with the come-backs. But thats just me. --- implusive

I have a hard time letting things go too. But I think its more because I dont talk about my problems. I just let it all build up inside of me so its harder to let it go. I'm still upset about things that happened in school three months ago because I dont talk about it and let it off my chest. Its a bad habit to get into.

Also, because in time of thinking about the situation, I have time to reflect and say what I want to say, and then it is too late, and I beat myself up over it. I say, why didn't I say that before. I should take more time with the come-backs. But thats just me. --- implusive

I resemble this remark. . . some times I am too quick resolve the conflict because I need time to think and reflect. This leads the other person to believe it is over so when I come back after having time to think they see it as me being unable to let it go. I have learned to simply state I need time to consider the situation so I will be in a better position to handle it in a healthy manner. . .

Pushing me isn’t a good idea because it brings out the worse in me. . . even the most hard headed (me partner Gary) learns after a time or two that giving me time to consider is better than having me verbally assault their self esteem.

IN all situations if I am still angry after 24 hours then there is a major violation of my personal boundaries or an injustice has occurred because I rarely stay upset very long. I don’t have the attention span.


When I am simply in the mood to have a conformational exchange I go into a debate area and do it intellectually.

It may be a consequence of being a little overfocused. I think that getting overfocused to the point of being intellectually myopic, one-track-minded and socially blind, is largely due to anxiety.

I'm not sure if it is an exclusively adhd trait, or is an autistic trait as well, and maybe a tad ocd-ish ??


ME :D

I cannot stop at "enough"; I have to keep beating that dead horse -- with different kinds of sticks. It doesn't have to be a big confrontation; I'm just always sure that there's some better way to say it or some point that hasn't been made.

Drives my family right up the wall.

Do you feel like you haven't been heard, or only partially heard, or that it's more compulsion/overfocus? Are you problem-solving as you talk--thinking out loud?

Whatever the cause, journaling would be a great solution--quite satsifying and less difficult on the family, plus after awhile if there's anything at the root of it, it'll eventually pop out in your journal.

Mead, you expressed my dilemna perfectly. If something keeps bugging me, it's because there's something at the base of it that needs resolved, injustice or invasion of boundaries. Just wish it didn't take me so long to puzzle it out.

i think you guys are right about the overfocus thing. that's probably partially the reason why I do this. i also have some ocd/anxiety (fun) besides the add, so that probably doesn't help :o. grade a, you stated just how i feel. a lot of times after the situation is over, i'll think i should have said that or done that, then feel really bad that i didn't. i could never be a lawyer, i am terrible trying to think on my feet. alot of times the things i do say in these situations just make it worse instead of better. arghh!

I do this with my husband because I don't feel like he understands what I'm trying to say. I can never verbalize my point to match what's in my head and I keep going and going just digging myself deeper. My husband says even when he says I'm right or he agree's ,that it's like I don't hear it because I still continue trying to argue my point. I guess this might be because I think he's telling me I'm right just to avoid a disagreement. He said it's impossible to win with me either way. The poor guy!

My husband says even when he says I'm right or he agree's ,that it's like I don't hear it because I still continue trying to argue my point. I guess this might be because I think he's telling me I'm right just to avoid a disagreement. He said it's impossible to win with me either way. The poor guy!
Interesting. Might be what I do sometimes too.

I've learned to write my husband letters when discussions go haywire--forces me to stay more on subject and lets me say exactly what I want, plus I can go back and read it and really see what I said. One of the problems with hyperfocusing on our own thoughts or comments is that it's really hard to notice how the other person is reacting, so it turns into something one-sided that only appears to be communication.

Yes! i have the same problem. I wont shut up about a fight, ill keep on until i basically get tired of the situation at hand. Which wont be for a while. Especially when i think im right. oh boy forget it. ive gone till literally 5 in the morning and it started at 11. I know what your talking about.

I drive my point home, especially if he doesnt seem to care.

i hate it. And then i usually give my self panic attacks.

Sometimes.;)
I do this, sometimes, when I *feel* initially bullied by someone, who isn't capable of 'accepting' my opinion, as valid as theirs.

I don't 'experience' this often though..because even in my 'silence', I understand that while the other person may *feel* justified by my not 'bullying them back', (by my demanding they reject their opinion, and only accept my own) it never *means* that my opinion has been 'demoted', to a less worthy one. Not to 'me', personally, anyways. :)




i find sometimes when i get into a confrontation w/someone, once everything is discussed & you would think done with, instead of moving on, i keep coming back to it & basically drive it into the ground (& consequently drive the other person crazy)....or just that i don't feel like i've gotten my point across well enough...
does anyone else have a problem w/this? :(

It is next to impossible for me to let an arguement go. it's like it nags and frustrates me to the point of distraction which makes me even madder especially when the other person says, "'Drop it. Forget it!'" Gr-r-r! That's the whole point I can't drop or forget it. And even worse is when I feel I am being patronized just because the other person won't let me have my say. Family members have accused me of needing to have the last word. I don't care if I have the last word. I just to know my point was understood and given due consideration.

Yes i have done this for years but i have learned the hard way that i cant sweat the small stuff,that you have to let stuff go or else you just dwell on them.:eek:

I sometimes can't let things go because I feel like I wasn't heard or understood. And I think of what I want to say afterwords.
Sometimes I am ashamed to admit I hang on to things because I simply want revenge, or I want to get back at someon for being a jerk to me.

It's one of the problems that has alsways been there for me since I was about 15. Before that I didnt hold any grudges. But now I hold grudges from when I was in elementary school!:o It's very bad somtimes

Aiz,
Do you mean you hold 'grudges' about the 'experiences', themselves, that you went through, during elementary school-

or

-you hold 'grudges' against individuals, that you went to elementary school with, and still *see or talk* with them, now ?

I'm just trying to 'understand'.:)


But now I hold grudges from when I was in elementary school!

Aiz,
Do you mean you hold 'grudges' about the 'experiences', themselves, that you went through, during elementary school-

or

-you hold 'grudges' against individuals, that you went to elementary school with, and still *see or talk* with them, now ?

I'm just trying to 'understand'.:)I mean I still have bad memories from elementary school. Beinf treated badly, that sort of thing. I don't see or know any of those people. I don't even remember their names. So I guess I mean I hold grudges about the expieriences.

Sorry about the confusion!:)

Thanks for 'splainin', Aiz.
I'm simply going to reply, to you personally, with 'I understand'. (0;

it is when someone says to forget it or drop it, that I really get worked up. like odd-scrooball said, i think it's the feeling of being patronized that really makes me mad, & hard just to let things go.

Right On, poe171717 Being patronized always leaves me angry and wanting to take revenge-but through what I call some devine intervention I somehow calm down. I just don't forget until a week or so later! It's really a momentary thing but O-o-oh that moment of rage I feel! Gr-r-r!! Of course it could be a red-head temper thing. LOL!

That's me, Odd-Scrooball {All Smiles that others understand} Yes! Yes! Yes!