I just want to know how Non-ADDer's feel about their jobs. Do you feel everyday at work is a night mare or is it just a part of life you barely need to think about?

I just want to know how Non-ADDer's feel about their jobs. Do you feel everyday at work is a night mare or is it just a part of life you barely need to think about?

This is a tough one and I've been wondering about this too because I have difficulty relating to my husband's comments about work. He is unmotivated, easily distracted, and has difficulty working towards deadlines unless he leaves things until last minute.

I don't feel that everyday at work is a nightmare. I generally like my job, but there are days when I do not want to be here. My job is intense. It can be very challenging (good), but also very stressful. I go through stages where I am not motivated and easily distracted. However, I guess the difference is that when I decide to get something done, I can sit and work on it until it is finished. I rarely feel anxiety when I come home, unless something has gone completely haywire. On the opposite side of things, my husband is often anxious about not meeting deadlines, etc and becomes hyperfocused on it during the evenings/weekends. He is often worried about losing his job.

Hopefully this is the kind of feedback you're looking for...

My job is very busy usually, and sometimes too busy which I find stressful. Sometimes there are issues that I have to resolve, and the worst are those that are conflicts with people because sometimes I want to avoid it, and then work feels like hell and I awake each morning with dread until the problem is resolved.

When it gets crazy busy, sometimes I feel overwhelmed with things I have to complete and i think my head will explode or something.

For the rest of the time, I would rather not go before I get there, but am usually pretty ok with it once I'm there, if that makes sense.

Very rarely do I "barely need to think" about it, although sometimes I wish that were true.

I dont' like it when it's completely dead, thankfully not often, because my mind turns into glue and my eyes roll up in my head.

Maybe this helps a bit?

cs

Sometimes, I admit, I feel a little jealous. Non-ADDer's aren't born with organization and time management skills, but we learn them. When my job gets hectic, I feel overwhelmed. I suppose that's what an ADD person feels like everyday.

that is interesting,timmy!!.... I was curious how ADD folks feeling overwhelmed is something that makes you, a nonADDer, jealous sometimes?

It's not really a pleasant experience for them, and can make some quite ill with the stress, so I don't think I get your comment

thanks

cs

that is interesting,timmy!!.... I was curious how ADD folks feeling overwhelmed is something that makes you, a nonADDer, jealous sometimes?

It's not really a pleasant experience for them, and can make some quite ill with the stress, so I don't think I get your comment

cs
Hey, crime_scene, let me try to explain a little more clearly:

It's not that I am jealous of the ADDer for feeling overwhelmed and confused. I am jealous that when I, as a non-ADDer, feel overwhelmed and confused, I do not have a disorder to blame for it.

This may come across as controversial, and I hope I do not offend, but I am speaking candidly as a partner of a person with ADD. I sometimes feel that my partner gets a "free pass" when things don't get done but I don't.

My comment may be a little off topic, but it is related.

I am a retired non-ADDer. My ADD partner just retired and is now thinking of working in the summer and finishing a book (he is an academic). I am not happy about this because when he works he hyperfocuses on work and work is the most important thing. I don't think that he will be able to relax into retirement the way that I can.

So, what does this mean? I enjoyed working and had good jobs all my life but am now ready for something new. I am interested in trying my skills out with perhaps a part-time or flexible job that will allow time for fun. I see my ADD partner on the other hand not being able to change his pattern. I think he likes the stimulation of the latenight preps and deadlines and will not find stimulation enough in retirement.

I always enjoyed my work. There were some bad days when I was totally overwelmed, and I remember coming home really stressed out. It felt like my body was in high gear and it would often take a few hours to calm down. I'd hate to think that ADD'ers experience that often.

I sometimes feel that my partner gets a "free pass" when things don't get done but I don't.This sounds like a great reason to look into couple's therapy with an ADHD knowledgeable therapist. ADHD is never an excuse, but it may be a reason. Learn as much as you can about ADHD from reliable sources so you can tell the difference and you will feel a whole lot more confident when dealing with relationship issues. Balance in a relationship is something all couples struggle with, especially when children enter the picture.

I loved my last job. It was fun and challenging and forever presenting new and interesting people and places. I hated my narcissistic boss and the ADD head engineer, but other than that I liked my job and most of the people there.
I have noticed that I tend to have dysfunctional people around me though. It's strange, I was the project manager and my head engineer was also clearly ADD however I didn't realize this at the time. My boss said we worked well together and I'm sure this is because of the long time experience with my ADD wife and kids.

I do wonder if other non ADD spouses have noticed a similar tendency towards ending up in work relationships with ADD people as well.

It becomes very demanding emotionally when you deal with this at home and at work. I was finally forced to leave the job as I could not get a promotion or transfer away from the undiagnosed, un-medicated head engineer.

I'm now working from home as a consultant and much less stressed for it. Even quit smoking!

Thanks timmy!!, what I think is soothing to oneself is to know there is a specific reason for why something is happening...

It would be nice to know that one's anger issues stem from differences in brain chemistry and setup rather than one being just a "mean person". One verdict suggests that there might be options for management and control and that you can be basically good hearted, and the other verdict says you are just a bad apple.

Of course, there are other possible reasons for being angry often other than ADD, for example you could be reflecting some issues earlier in your life, or you could be depressed, or you could be borderline ADD...not enough criteria for a confirmed diagnosis but somewhere on the continuum, or maybe you could be under a lot of pressure or stress...anyway maybe the bottom line in all cases is....how do you want to deal with it?

I guess historically (and in the not too distant history at that) there were a lot of so called bad apples...but now we can start to look a little deeper, which is encouraging, I think. :)

cs

I just want to know how Non-ADDer's feel about their jobs. Do you feel everyday at work is a night mare or is it just a part of life you barely need to think about?
I like my job. I work with nice people and if I get into a bind, they will help me. It's part of my life and I only think about it after I leave work if something unusual happens.

Now with my husband it's a totally different story. Right now he's having a very tough time at work. It went from being fun for him, to him hating it. The small office quarters doens't help. The ppl he works with aren't talking to him anymore. This scenario has happened MANY times throughout his job history. Given the past, it looks as if he will get fired (or quit). I wish I know how this breakdown happens. It's all good at first then it turns into a nightmare for him. I don't understand why when I have a hard time at work, my bosses try to help, but if it's him it seems they try to force him out the door and make him miserable by constantly pointing out his faults. it's so sad

I am SAHM to 5 (4 children and a step grandchild) but when I did work it was just a job. I dealt with what I needed to deal with there and generally left it behind.

Now if you ask me about my "job" now? yes! It's a nightmare! I would much prefer to work. I am not ADD but I preferred the structure of my previous job.

This is a tough one and I've been wondering about this too because I have difficulty relating to my husband's comments about work. He is unmotivated, easily distracted, and has difficulty working towards deadlines unless he leaves things until last minute.

I rarely feel anxiety when I come home, unless something has gone completely haywire. On the opposite side of things, my husband is often anxious about not meeting deadlines, etc and becomes hyperfocused on it during the evenings/weekends. He is often worried about losing his job.

Hopefully this is the kind of feedback you're looking for...Yes!!! this is exactly how I feel. I am a really really young adult (I haven't been diagnosed but I DEFINITELY think I have ADD) and I have been suffering with anxiety attacks for about 10 years now! and education and work are the main culprits. "... I too am unmotivated, easily distracted, and have difficulty working towards deadlines unless I leave things until last minute."... Don't know what the problem is! Even if I start a project a month earlier... it is of no use! Might as well start the day before with my blood pressure reaching so high that I might have a heart attack. Its not that I'm lazy its just I am not focused enough and ... I don't know...! I too am worried about losing my job! ALL the time. But you know what I realized lately! Working with other people on the same job (I mean sitting together at the same table) helps a lot because it keeps you "in this world". (But maybe after a few days... of working with others maybe I'll just return back to my normal unfocused self.. we'll have to see about that.. its just been today that I worked with other people) Just thought your husband should give it a try too.

It sounds like a time management / planning coach would help. When I went back to school as a mature student, I had the very good fortune of befriending a classmate who was the queen of organization for assignments and studying. She would casually ask if I had started my flashcards for the exam coming up in two weeks, etc., etc.. and I really appreciated her thoughtful help.