How am i supposed to know who i am? I don't mean to speak on behalf of other people, but it seems like everyone is, to some degree or another, psychologically dependent on dexamphetamine. I have not personally been off dex for many many years, and the possibility of a day without them is a terrifying prospect.

I know i have not learned to deal with my own paranoia, other peoples feelings, negative self talk or periods of boredom because i have always been given access to these pills that can, to some extent, alter my mood and (dare i admit it) my personality.

Somebody previously posted a really amazing message about dexamphetamine- with some really deep questioning of the role of medication in your success. FOr example, how much credit can you take for the work you produce whilst on stimulant medication? Everybody says: you are accessing this creativity/ clarity of thought that is already there, just suppressed by your adhd... this is so weird to me (and it incidentally reminds me of what my doctor always told me- "you are just getting to a level playing field") because it glosses over the entire dilemma. If i were really accessing my secret hidden self, why do i feel so inadequate and guilty about it? why am i so terrified of my unmedicated self if it is so close to my current reality? i have grown accustomed to this 'self' that can think of clever answers and give sage advice and sit down for long chats with friends... To lose amazing people in your life because you could no longer sustain a fabricated self (and, to be honest, if we can wonder how much of our ideas are derived from medication, we can wonder how much of our personality is fabricated) is a heartbreaking outcome of finding one's true self.

Chimaera

How am i supposed to know who i am? I don't mean to speak on behalf of other people, but it seems like everyone is, to some degree or another, psychologically dependent on dexamphetamine. This confuses me :confused: and the rest has a very Zen answer:

Is water still water when you put it into a glass? How about in a puddle? If its muddy and murky is it still, in fact, water? If you strain out the garbage and muck is it fabricated water or is it real water?

That's a mind bender huh? ;)

Thats an interesting analogy :) I don't think those kind of metaphors are useful when we are talking about the human brain/ mind/ soul though...

But thanks for your reply. :)

I didn't think it was too hard, but then again I am sort of known for my analogies around here...:)

Muddy water == ADHD unmedicated

Clarified muddy water == ADHD medicated

Its still water, its not fake or fabricated. Its at the best potential, IMHO. Is that an answer to your question?

Spiritual answers are difficult but we do have a forum for spirituality here to post in if that's what you are going for?

Well, thanks for breaking it down but i did understand what you were trying to say. I just think it is easy to sweep these questions and experiences under the carpet with a glib metaphor. :(

It would be nice to hear from somebody who can relate... the metaphors and hypotheticals are great to explain to a kid why she should take her medication, but it doesn't ring true in my everyday experience...

Sorry about that, I am still confused about the rest of your post and cannot answer any better than that. I also actually believe what I say, so that's how I feel about it. I take my meds and my child takes hers.

Who is this "everyone" who is psychologically dependent on Dex? That bit has me totally baffled!

Thanks for your honest response :)

I will definitely look around for that spirituality/ social issues forum. Its a bit weird to cut and paste, though! I'll see how i go.
Cheers,
Chimaera

Exactly.
How are we supposed to help explain your everyday experience ? :)

in my everyday experience...

Exactly.
How are we supposed to help explain your everyday experience ? :)Good point...I keep coming up with my omnipresent analogies though :o...how about this:

We can compare medications to tools. Does a a toolbox build something or does a person use the tools to build something?

Maybe I am just old and have done my time on this question and maybe I am not being fair, but at the place I am in my life right now, I believe that I am me regardless what meds I take. Meds do not change who I am, there is no "real me" and no "fabricated me" on or off meds because I KNOW who I am. "Who am I?" is sort of a universal question all people face down at one time or another.

I can tell you this: I was unmedicated for 40 years and that seems to be very different from your experience OP. So I did a lot of this questioning before meds entered into the picture. I can state that meds DO NOT change WHO I AM.

ADHD is a part of me, and I am ADHD but that does not mean my meds alter my moods or my personality. Being terribly scattered and forgetful and constantly spacing out does not comprise a set of personality traits, it comprises the criteria for the diagnosis of a medical condition, in this case ADHD.

If I use a hammer, I take the credit and if I function well on medications then I also take all the credit. I do not credit medications for who and what I am and what I accomplish or fail to accomplish. Some days I might feel like thanking the man who handed me the hammer though :) since he did give me a valuable tool...but I built what I built on my own.

possibly there's nothing wrong with ADHD or ADD when the human being is not living in the sort of social construct we inhabit today. maybe in a different sort of environment there's an advantage to being ADHD. but unfortunately given the expectations put on us by 'civilization' in its present form, people with ADHD oftentimes find themselves at a disadvantage when considering 'success'. (definitions not given. ;0)

blindness is only a disability where creatures need to see because there is light. there are blind fish in underground caves where light never penetrates. in that environment they are not disabled but if we put them in a lake under the sky, they would be.

ADHD is like that.

Medications, like dexedrine, can be used as a means by which people with ADHD can accomplish not only the outward manifestations of 'successful living' but also give the focus necessary for doing 'inside' work. mind work. oftentimes by the time people are diagnosed and given the option of taking medication, all sorts of difficulties have caused all sorts of problems for that person in their view of themselves. negative stuff can't possibly be a good thing for anyone. in conjunction with therapy, dexedrine can help a person to evolve from this sort of state to one that is healthier mentally.

there is nothing fake and phony about a person who gradually changes. normal people who are not taking dexedrine are also changing because life experiences change them. decisions they make about their own lives result in changes. none of that makes them fake.

i know people who have hypothyroidism. before treatment they were tired, lacked motivation, were depressed because they had no energy, had swelling of their faces and heart troubles because their body provided insufficient energy for normal cardiac function. once they were taking thyroid hormone their lives improved dramatically. should we not give people like this thryoid hormone because it makes them fakes? because their true state is one of total exhaustion and slowness of mind?

[QUOTE=solitary bee]possibly there's nothing wrong with ADHD or ADD when the human being is not living in the sort of social construct we inhabit today. maybe in a different sort of environment there's an advantage to being ADHD. but unfortunately given the expectations put on us by 'civilization' in its present form, people with ADHD oftentimes find themselves at a disadvantage when considering 'success'. (definitions not given. ;0)
[QUOTE]

I too hold this belief. If society were a bit more open, and able to provide "jobs" based on an invdividuals abilities, we'd be a lot more happier and wouldn't need medications. But unfortunatley we are in a free market economy where you to work hard or else you will fall through the cracks... it's not pretty.

with Dex, I appear "normal" ..and that is only *normal* to some people..

without Dex I spend 24/7 trying to be the me I become, when I am take dex..

basically....with dex I have to make little effort to appear *normal*, but without it, my life becomes "I have no problem, act normal..just act normal...normal..you can do it..etc etc.."

I have 2 lives nowadays...the real me, and the dex me...honestly, most people seem to prefer the *dex* me, yet I still prefer me..

see...it's late, I have no idea how to respond, and this is the *real* me :-)

Interesting. When I first started on stims in my early 20's (albeit illegaly, for this first time since grade school) it did alter my personality; I would get very withdrawn and I hated being around people. I only used them when I needed to get something done. Now I don't think I tell much differance, maybe others can, who knows.

I often have mixed feeling about stimulants. I always felt like my ADD was mild and I could "manage" it on my own. Even convincing myself it was gone at times. So then I would feel gulity for taking meds. But as of late I found that every job I had just never worked out. I blamed those who fired me, those who couldn't relate me know. I still don't know for sure who to blame, the past is the past. On one hand I feel like everyone is overmedicated and it is wrong to alter someones natural state. My parents felt somewhat like this and in retrospect I'm somewhat resentfull of being less consistantly medicated in school. I'm much less successfull in my life than I may have been otherwise. WE have to function in the world we live in that we have no control over. In a perfect world we all could do whatever we wanted and nothing would mater but I got tired of my life being stagnant. I got tired of trying be be a non-conformist. I want to comform now too a point. I don't feel dependant on my meds at all however. I take them at work because it makes me a better employee. I alter the dose slightly sometimes. On my days off I only take one dose... sometimes not at all. I believe in downtime so I don't lose focus of my natural state. Point is *I* decide how I want to use my meds. Technicaly this is wrong but I like to be control of my treatment. I would certainly not recomend this to everyone but I think it's underexplored by most. In short meds are a tool to enhance my functioing in a world I don't like living in but I won't let them change who I really am and what I believe.

I feel when the medication is working properly, I have an advantage over other people. It's like having super powers, though I don't want anyone to mistake that term for an amphetamine-induced feeling of superiority. That's not what I mean at all. Rather, it seems that ADD'ers seem to have innate gifts that go unexploited, due to the ADD. The drugs remove the blockades, allowing you to use your God-given talents to their full effect.

interesting post

stirred up many of my own personal issues

I have pondered this many times, especially since I used to take a drug called Provigil (for narcolepsy - I don't have ADD). That drug did amazing things for my brain power.

I finally came to the conclusion that a mental performance enhancing drug cancels out the negative effects that our culture has burdened us with. So, you could be really brilliant if you were a monk living in solitude with perfect clarity, or you can live in our society and take the drugs which give you a boost to access or get back some of your potential.

I often mull over the same issues as you guys are discussing. By any definition, I am very succesfull. I'm about to graduate with a degree in neuroscience in college, I get good grades, I have an active social life, and yet, I struggle constantly with powerful feelings of self-doubt and depression.

I've always felt alienated from my peers. I'm either "on", as in talking at hyperspeed, shifting postion constantly, blurting stuff out, getting bored, etc. Or "off", asleep:) Most of my feelings of insecurity stem from the fact that my *entire* life people have been saying things like "lay off the coffee man," and "my god, you so have ADD." I never feel like anyone around me shares my expierence of the world: one in which i can only hold my attention on something for minutes before I'm so bored I feel like I'm going to explode. I *can* make my self sit through an entire two hour lecture about physics unmedicated, but I'm miserable the entire time.

I'm often so hyperactive that I don't enjoy doing enything. As I shift my attention to a new task, I'm already bored of it. I have the self-control to make myself complete the things that I'm bored with, but I hate it.

Dexedrine allows me to complete the tasks that I otherwise would but would hate and be miserbale and twitchy and jumpy doing, without feeling like I have electricity shooting through me every second.

I'm the same person I always am when I take dexedrine, just a less hyperactive one. I can actually take pleasure from completing tasks and achieving goals, rather than being so bored I feel like my brain is melting by the end of it.

You are what you repeatedly do, nothing more, and nothing less, regardless of wether or not you're taking a perception altering drug.

the drug gives you control over yourself. it alllows you to do what you already want to do. you take it because of a neurological reason that you can't change

it's how you were born , so you HAVE to take it, to do what normal people do. you need it so that you can focus on work or whatever etc etc

otherwise, ur just a bummy free spirited person