OK this is something that is really ticking me off. My husband is suppose to take his Concerta 36mg before he leaves for work and then he is suppose to take 10mg of Ritalin before leaving work for home life. I am not sure when he takes them or not!!! So do they work or not???
He also says he takes them when I KNOW he DIDN'T (concerta) !! It is now making me either not believe that the meds are working or not believe him when he says he takes them.
I count his pills(concerta) quite often to see and I notice that there isn't as many missing as should be. I pick up his prescriptions all the time. When I confront him on it he says he has some at work, but he doesn't have that many there!!! He has used this excuse so much!! This is for him!!! Yes it is for our family too but he is only hurting and fooling himself or making us feel that he needs to change his meds then because I don't notice a difference. But then I don't have much to compare to when I don't know if he even takes them or not!!!
I understand he forgets but just admit it then and say if he forgot!! He seems to get mad when something is going wrong and I ask him if he took his pill today. He gets all defensive and instantly says YES. But then a few days later may slip and say that he has been forgetting to take his pill!!! So why the big fight and just be honest then everyone will understand!!
If I know he didn't take his meds then it explains his actions/reactions and we all can understand for the time, but if he has taken his meds then either he needs to adjust the dose or change it or we have the right to not accept his behavior. Don't know if I said that right?!
I just don't get it and I am loosing my patience very quickly as this is all he has done is get meds, no counselling, no reading or learning about ADD nothing!! and I am just not going to sit around and argue about the things he needs to do and all the excuses he has. I am now feeling like he isn't going to do anything but talk the talk when I get to the point of ending this nightmare for me and the kids.
Thanks for letting me vent!!! but I guess I will be the one that has to do something!!!!

Oh MrsA it sounds like you need one of these {{HUG}} I am glad you came back to post! Its perfectly OK to vent here we won't bite ya :).

I think I remember you, please don't bite me if I get this wrong! It seems like your hubby is very resistent to accepting his ADHD and taking responsibility for the treatment plans that will help him function at a better level. How long has he been at 36 mgs? Do you notice any change in him when you know he has taken it? Does he report anything at all in the way of improved clarity?

I don't want to jump the gun but you sound so upset and your post makes it sound like he is just being noncompliant all the way around. You do have the right not to accept intentional noncompliance! He cannot simply talk the talk, he must walk the walk too, we all need to...isn't that how an adult is supposed to be? I know I put that same concept into practice and I have to stress it to my child all the time. Believe me, I KNOW how frustrating it is to have an ADDer look you in the eye and claim they took the meds when you can TELL that they did not. I have had to count my child's pills too, and she would do the same darn thing...say yes then when confronted admit she forgot.

I will let you reply now but I am online and will wait for your next post. :)

Thanks crazyfeet! Yes you are right about my hubsand and not wanting to deal with his ADD. At least your daughter will admit to you when she didn't take her meds!! That would at least be a step in the right direction for H.
He has been on 36mg for about 5 months. I sometimes have noticed him being more "in tune" with what is going on at home but he says that he notices a difference at work for focussing etc. When things start going wrong around home, he usually will say "I don't think the meds are working anymore" but it just seems like an excuse for the moment or maybe he hasn't been taking them, I don't know. Then I see him take them and I do notice a difference. So is it that he is or isn't and is blaming the meds for not working when he isn't really taking them? He is so good at finding excuses for everything.
He likes to "see" if I can tell sometimes too. Like a quiz"So do you think I was on my meds yesterday?" No matter what I say it isn't right! Maybe he can't tell the difference anymore. I have read that they can get "used" to the feelings of being focussed and "not in the fog" that they can't see if they work or not. Not sure if I understood that right and I am interested in why ADDers play this game with others.

Oh yes I also must say that he does have problems sleeping at times. Wakes up alot through the night. My son (ADD as well) also goes through spirts of bad sleeps. Boy does that ever play into how the meds work or should I say NOT work. Why is that anyway? I understand that sleep is important for everyone, ADD or not, but just wondering why the meds don't work. That could be what is going on with my H maybe.

YW dear :) I have an ADHD hubby too and he drives a truck, so he has yet to see a doctor and is unmedicated, while trying to learn all he can about how the child and I experience ADHD (very similar) and the way he experiences ADHD (not as similar to the two of us)...whew! Its exhausting isn't it? I mean I HAVE ADHD and I still have to struggle to understand why he does the things he does....

I can give you a theory as to why he plays a game with you though. Years of untreated ADHD teaches a person many lessons and not all of them nice ones. It just so happens that adrenaline occurs naturally in the brain when it is stimulated in the right (:eyebrow: you'll see!) way and that stimulates the sluggish areas of the ADHD brain. ADDers learn to play games because the games trigger an adrenaline cascade in the brain, which makes us feel better, although we learn this unconciously and really do not understand what is happening.

Some games we learn to play:

"Let's have a problem"
"I bet I can get you to yell at me or hit me (children)"
"My thoughts are more terrible than your thoughts"
"Its YOUR fault"
"No, no way, never, you can't make me do it"
"I say the opposite of what you say"
"I say the first thing that comes to mind"
"Let's call it even"
"Fighting as foreplay"

(from Healing ADD by Daniel Amen)

I have played some of these games myself, and my child and BDH play some of them too but we have learned to recognize the games for what they are. I believe you may easily be able to see your hubby's liking for some of these games am I right? ;)

The search for that adrenaline is a hard, hard habit to break, even after meds. I was sooooo mad at myself when I took stock and realized that yes, even on my medications at optimum dosage I was STILL playing several of those darn games. It was like a knee jerk reaction, a soothing habit that I had grown used to.

BUT! The whole point of treating myself was to take responsibility for what I was doing. Those games HURT other people and feeling comforted at the expense of others was a rotten, low-down thing to do. Took me a LOT of hard work to even begin to break that gameplaying habit and to this day? I still relish a good debate :D because that adrenaline starts pumping and my brain likes it!

Anyway, there is really no way to tell if the meds are helping him like they should be or not if he is not willing to exert some effort, learn why he is taking the meds in the first place and what they should and should not be able to do for him. If he, the patient, will not bother to determine if he feels better or not? How would anybody really know for sure? You are so right when you stress that.

He may be getting some relief at least at 36 mgs because you can state you see improvement. He may or may not be at the right dose; no way to tell that. The meds very well may be wearing off too soon but without his input on a consistent and dedicated basis? He has you in the dark and from your posts, its beginning to sound to me like he kind of enjoys that power.

"I say the opposite of what you say"

"I say the first thing that comes to mind"

"No, no way, never, you can't make me do it"

What do you plan to do next? You can always come here and vent :) and we will listen, but in the end, his treatment is his treatment for him to comply with. This is something nobody else can do for him. You can support him, but you cannot help him. He has to walk that walk on his own two feet.

Do you feel any better just for venting? I hope it helps a little, because I am veeeeerrrryy familiar with the behavior of the treatment resistant ADDer. Its no fun at all and draining on its best day.

Oh yes I also must say that he does have problems sleeping at times. Wakes up alot through the night. My son (ADD as well) also goes through spirts of bad sleeps. Boy does that ever play into how the meds work or should I say NOT work. Why is that anyway? I understand that sleep is important for everyone, ADD or not, but just wondering why the meds don't work. That could be what is going on with my H maybe.Everybody exhibits ADHD-like symptoms when they do not get adequate sleep, and this becomes amplified in a person with ADHD. So if the meds take me to "normal clarity" on a good day, on a day when I do not get enough sleep I will respond like anyone else would...with some degree of symptomatology. Its not actually the meds failing, its an increase in the workload they have that makes it seem that way.

Many ADDers sleep better while medicated and many take a booster dose of some type close enough to bedtime to kill the flying mind and distractability that ruins sleep for so many of us. ADHD distraction is powerful enough to keep you awake even if you are exhausted.

He has been on 36mg for about 5 months. I sometimes have noticed him being more "in tune" with what is going on at home but he says that he notices a difference at work for focussing etc. When things start going wrong around home, he usually will say "I don't think the meds are working anymore" but it just seems like an excuse for the moment or maybe he hasn't been taking them, I don't know. Then I see him take them and I do notice a difference. So is it that he is or isn't and is blaming the meds for not working when he isn't really taking them? I can relate. Sometimes my partner seems off and I ask him if he has taken his meds. He sometimes gets defensive. I have explained to him that it is important to know because part of my job is to observe reactions and effectiveness. I go with him to the pdoc sometimes when I have comments on this because the person with ADHD is not necessarily the best oberver of his own behavior.

One thing I have noticed is that when my partner is coming off the Concerta he is more likely to be agitated. I try to avoid heavy topics that might cause friction during that time. I know that there are ways to help with this, like what your husband does sometimes. It could be when he forgets to take his Ritalin before coming home he is more difficult. My DP refuses to acknowledge this though and won't take anything else. I am working at this though and he might try Strattera at the end of the day. I'm not holding my breath though.

We have a role to play. I have found that I get much better results when I approach it without anger or upsetness and when I do not react but remain resolute in what I have to say. It is not an easy role for sure and I resent it sometime. Our partner's also have a role and they don't always play it! I really get po'd when I do lots of research and he does nothing. I told him once that if he had a diagnosis of a brain tumor he would learn all he could about it. He needs to take the same approach with his ADHD.

Often I ask myself how in the world I got into this situation. But when I weigh the pros and the cons the pros come out ahead. If they did not, I would need to do something about it.

Jamais

Thanks for saying that Jamias :) I sometimes get so wrapped up in observing everybody else's ADHD that I forget that understanding me is worth the effort on someone else's part, too. That was very validating.

Thanks for that!! I am trying to think if he truly does like the "games". He has always been a "don't bring up things that could start something" kind of guy. He just lets things go and forgets about it!! The next day he is fine as long as I am. If I am still hurt (angry in his eyes) he will avoid me as much as possible. He always takes my hurt as anger and that is something I always have to fight with him about. He just doesn't get it.

The "what will I plan to do next?" Don't know. It seems like I just keep waiting for him!!!! And I am really getting sick of feeling like I am waiting for nothing!! I guess I will have to make a decision soon about my life and my choices. All I know is I can't keep waiting....We are leaving for Hawaii on Friday until xmas so I just feel I have to survive this and the Holidays and I will make a decision in the New Year. Make it a New Years resolution maybe.....no.....but I am going to start thinking of myself and what I want for ME in the future.

I have no idea if it will be helpful to you or not, but I know with my husband ... I had to stop asking questions.

He wasn't telling the truth, so why bother? All I'd learn from asking whether he took his medication or not was whether he WANTED me to think he'd took it or not. His answer had no factual correlation with whether he actually took it or not.

So, I've learned to trust myself more. I know the symptoms he has when he's taken his meds, and I know the symptoms he has when he has not. (Granted, it's taken a couple years to get to this point. My hubby is on multiple medications, so it's sometimes difficult to be sure WHICH medication he hasn't taken, but his ADHD meds and his Bi-polar meds are usually the ones that get skipped.)

So I don't ask anymore. When he's acting like he acts when he has not taken them, I point out his behavior, inform him that it is how he acts when he has not taken his medication, and tell him that he needs to go take them. If he insists that he has taken them, I go to the cabinet and pull out the container, dump it, and start to count. At which point he says "never mind, I'll take it" and does.

It's a pain, yes. And I DID run this by his psychiatrist because of the ever-so-slight possibility that I will tell him to take a dose when he already has. But the doc gave me the go-ahead and symptoms of overdose to watch for. And you know what? He hasn't given a single symptom on that list yet, and doc does not think he's accidentally taken a double dose yet.

Something else that helps us is daily pill containers. My husbands meds must be taken at 5 different points in time - 6 am, 9 am, 1 pm, 6 pm, and 9 pm. It's a mess! So he has one daily pill container for each time, each pill container is labeled, and only the 9 am and 1pm containers go with him to work - but he MUST bring them home each evening. It makes counting much easier.

Of course, I am aware that some people could intentionally dump pills rather than ingest them. That's a danger. But not one I've had to deal with and I hope I never do.

I don't regret taking this approach, because I know from experience that the more often he takes his pills, the more likely he is to take the next dose. So when I can keep him on track for a week or so, I usually have a couple weeks to relax in. Then something happens, he skips by accident, and then starts resisting taking them until he's back on schedule.

Hopefully you can get something useful from how I deal with similar issues in my home. Hang in there!

Don't know if this will be a helpful suggestion, but what I have done with my ADD spouse is get a pillbox. One of those inexpensive plastic jobs that have a compartment for each day of the week. One of us loads it each week with his meds and a multivitamin and each morning he takes his meds and leaves the lid open. It sits on our bathroom countertop. This works great because I can tell at a glance whether he has taken his meds for the day and if not, I take them to him with a glass of water (more effective) or I remind him (less effective). He doesn't get agitated about it and I think it helps that I only remind him when he hasn't taken them, so it isn't like nagging.Haven't figured out a solution for the late afternoon short-acting stimulant, but I think he considers that optional anyway. Plus, it makes me feel better that he is at least covered for *some* of the day!

That was great info DianeS!! I really like the daily pill container idea! Yes I do see what you mean about them having to get back on track again. I am just waiting, I think, when he gets back in to see his ADD psychiatrist because I feel there is definitely more than ADD going on.
I remember years ago (before he was diagnosed) we both went on Zyban to quit smoking. He was so calm and so easy to get along with. My daughter remembers too. He wouldn't kick toys out of the way if he walked by them etc and yell. He was just so nice to be around. Our family dr. said that she has heard many stories like this since she started presribing Zyban! She said many people have mild depression and never even know it until they try Zyban to quit smoking. I told my husband this and he just ignored me then. It did the opposite for me. Made me so anxious and edgy. I did quit smoking even though I couldn't stay on the Zyban. He eventually did too.
But I want his ADD psy. to know about this!! I know this dr. has only spoke to my husband once and that was 3 months ago. I wanted to go with him but he didn't want me to. I will if I can so I can tell his dr. the things I don't think my husband believes that he does or is like. He insists its always me! Thanks for your story it did make me see that there can still be ways to get him to take his meds without feeling "dumb" that he forgot or something.

Thanks winterwynd I was replying to DianeS at the same time as your post. Yes I think I will invest in one of those and I get your point of him not feeling like he is being nagged or picked on. That is also a man thing I think but the ADD just makes it worse.
Why is it that if we say Did you take your pill? That is nagging. It is reminding and I guess for someone that forgets all the time it is like poking him with a hot poker!! I have to try your ways. This is new to me. He was diagnosed in May and is 45.
Thanks again for the tips.

My DW sometimes takes them, sometimes doesn't depending on what she is doing that day.

I understand he forgets but just admit it then and say if he forgot!! He seems to get mad when something is going wrong and I ask him if he took his pill today. He gets all defensive and instantly says YES. But then a few days later may slip and say that he has been forgetting to take his pill!!! So why the big fight and just be honest then everyone will understand!!
Please don't take what I am about to say the wrong way. But, being female, you might understand this. Put yourself in his shoes. Think about this for a moment: You get upset about something your husband does. You go to him and start trying to discuss it with him and you get emotional, and your husband says to you "oh, it must be that time of the month again." Now, imagine that every time you get angry with your husband, boss, friends, whoever, their response to you is "oh, it must be that time of the month." Most women has had someone say that to them at some point in their lives. Usually this is answered with a big "NO!" (regarless of whether it is true or not) Why? Because it makes us feel that the fusterations or emotions we are expressing are not important or not being taken seriously because the other person thinks it is "hormonal." Your husband may feel the same way when you ask him abou taking his pill. It may make him feel that what he is expressing isn't valid because he has ADD/ADHD.

It sounds like you husband might not be dealing with his diagnosis to well. Men in our society are often raised to be the "strong" one and to be the "leader" of the family. This is changing, but it is hard to change the way you have been raised. When you count your husbands pills and ask him at the first sign of anger or fusteration "did you take your pill today?" he may see it as "I didn't take my pill today. She isn't happy with who I really am." This may not be true, but he could see it that way in his mind. Also, does he experience side effects with the medications that he may not be sharing with you.

Put anger and fusterations aside, I know it is hard (I have a hard time dealing with myself sometimes), but try and talk to with him one on one. Pick a good time of the day/night when there are no distractions and the kids are not around. Let him know that you support him and love him for who he is. It may take him a while, but hopefully he will open up to you!

msam thanks for your thoughts. He gets so angry and can't deal with the kids or gets so defensive over things that is when I notice the meds not working or he isn't taking them. The way he gets is sometimes frightening to the kids and I then have to get him to think about what he has done or is doing to them with the words he uses. So demeaning and thats when I ask him if he took his meds. If he didn't then I and the kids can understand this!! I have tried many many times to talk to him. He doesn't like to talk about ADD. He always makes it sound like thats all I talk about!! I won't say anything about it for along time and then try to get him to talk and then he says this all over again. He only has wanted to talk about it when I have said I have had enough and want the end it. Then he starts talking about how hard it is on him bla bla bla I have heard it so much it doesn't mean anything anymore. As far as side effects, he has told me of none that seem to be concerning him. He just wants to forget all about this! Well through 23 years of this hell I have had enough and now knowing what it is and he can get some help (if he wants) well, he better because now there is no excuses. If he doesn't take the proper meds (I think he has more than ADD) and get therapy and learn about what it is and what it does to him and how to try and deal I will have to end this, not just for me but the kids as well. This is so hard on them. He doesn't think of anyone but himself and that has always been a problem with us.
If he can't even take his meds then there doesn't seem to be much hope in him going to counselling. He needs to be honest with himself first and foremost. He is not fooling me any longer.
Sorry about the negativity but he just doesn't seem to care what I am feeling. He is too consumed with himself to even notice what he is doing to his kids or wife.

msam, what a great analogy...I've had that time of the month thing happen to me, a nonADDer and wow did it make me mad. Very frustrating!!!

thanks for that, it really brings a fresh look to the ADD perspective!


Crazyfeet, I love your "games" post, it just so fits, it's freaky. That reminds me I have Healing ADD sitting in my To Read pile...looks like I'd better get to reading it.

cs

Yes 1 more comment. I understand the idea of the PMS thing. Only thing is for me my husband doesn't believe in it. He thinks its a womans excuse for being b--chy!! So I get your point but haven't experienced it.

mrs A~ never say sorry for expressing your feelings! I know it is difficult to deal with ADD, I have a difficult time with myself! At this point, the kids are your number 1 priority. What they see and hear is very improtant and will play a part in their adult life. If the cycle keeps going, give him a choice. I know it is hard, lots of time/love/effort involved, but after 23 years, if it has not changed, it probably never will. He is not only disregarding his feelings, but also those of his kids. My father was very physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive to myself, my brother, and my mother. My mom never left him because she didn't want her kids to grow up without a father. Her father died when she was 14 and she knew what it was like. I understand why she did it, but it was the worst thing she could have done. I wish I could tell you what to do to make it better, but, I can't think of anything.

Hi Mrs. A: Wanted to tell you that I hope you have a great trip. I haven't been to the private forum because I'm out of the country for two weeks and I forgot to bring the password! Hope you'all can enjoy yourselves -- have a good Christmas and I'll talk to you soon.

Mrs. A, no need to apologize for negativity, seems like just good honest frustration & anger with a very difficult situation, in my book. No reason you should have to pretend everything's ok when it isn't, and venting is part of staying sane.

The appropriate (but inflammatory) answer to the question of "so do you think I took my meds yesterday?' is, 'Sorry, can't distinguish between when you're off meds and when you're deliberately being a jerk." One of those answers that would only make things worse but would be oh, so satisfying...

If your husband only got diagnosed in May he may be dealing with a lot of anger and grief and general disappointment. Not an excuse, but might explain some of the game playing. Especially if he is now confronted with responsibility for things that in the past he could smokescreen or pass the buck on and get by with. Or if in the past he felt he was an ok guy with his family and now everything's his fault.

My husband doesn't ask if I've taken my meds... he asks if I have my contacts on, because that's what the meds are like--glasses for the brain. 'Meds' implies all sorts of stuff that would be uncomfortable if it came up in public, or implies that I'm 'broken'. Well, ok, in a sense I am, but I don't like thinking of it that way. I prefer to take meds 'so I'll be at my best' instead of 'so I won't be an idiot.' Semantics, but it's a question of dignity.

Diane, I loved your post. Forget about the question and go to the behavior--lots of wisdom in that.

Mrs. A, I hope Hawaii is beautiful and PEACEFUL for you.

This is just a bit from my perspective... I'm not trying to antagonize anyone, but I feel that it is important to say it from an ADDer's perspective.

I'm pretty dilligent about taking my meds, Once in a while I'll forget and I'll get pretty hyper, and sometimes run into problems.

Believe me, I don't like it anymore than the people around me, but it is the best I can do.

Because I forget, I'm not offended if someone reminds me to take my meds. I'm likely to be grateful for the reminder. But I most definitely do object to the idea that I must tranquilize myself to make someone else happy.

I have a certain cognitive style and it is most definitely not like yours. I have no choice in the matter and if you are going to be around me, you need to accept it, because it is not going to change.

If you want me to take a pill, want me to shut up, sit down, and be a good drone you can forget it, because I won't be interested in that. If you are concerned for my wellness, I appreciate it... but please respect my right to be who I am.

ME :D

Speedo, loved your post. Eloquent and to the point as usual.

Didn't realize til I read your post that my previous post could be read as 'ADD'ers are jerks if they're not medicated'. That is NOT what I meant to say, or feel, and I apologize to anyone that read it that way. It had very little to do with ADD and everything to do with the actions of the particular spouse under discussion... playing mind games and not taking responsibility is a difficult combination for relationships. A reasonable person acknowledges their mistakes to the extent they are capable and does what they can to resolve them. That applies whether the person is ADD or not.

No, I was not taking offense. I just felt like the other side of the story needed to be told. There are many ways for a person to be dysfunctional, but very few ways to get it right. Sometimes people just have to work through it all. Sadly, some don't, and there is not a lot you can do about it. In some cases, ADD is a factor (or not).

The ability to be self-aware is important if an ADDer is going to identify and work around his/her issues. Without being self-aware there is not much chance that a person is going to see the need to correct their mistakes.

I've read that people with mild ADHD are more likely to be self aware and are thus more likely to seek medical help and self-correct themselves when they can. In more severe cases it might not be possible to be self aware. I've also read that IQ is a factor and that the very high functioning ADDer typically has a high IQ and leverages his/her intelligence in compensating for ADHD.

When it comes to dealing with their issues, some people do, some don't

ME :D

I've read that people with mild ADHD are more likely to be self aware and are thus more likely to seek medical help and self-correct themselves when they can. In more severe cases it might not be possible to be self aware. I've also read that IQ is a factor and that the very high functioning ADDer typically has a high IQ and leverages his/her intelligence in compensating for ADHD.

When it comes to dealing with their issues, some people do, some don't

ME :DInteresting point. The presumption is that if someone was aware enough to seek a diagnosis and medical help but does not wish to follow through, despite objective evidence that it is distressing their family, it must be deliberate, but there are situations in which that might not be true.

My own experience is that my judgment becomes more clouded as soon as the meds are out of my system, to the point that I may not recognize that anything has changed or is wrong. Which is why I have reminder systems, and when things don't go well the first thing I ask is whether the meds are on-board. But I can see the possibility of a person off-meds becoming progressively less able to reason on the necessity for them.

And of course the possibility of co-morbids complicates things--a person who with simple ADD would be able to self-regulate to some degree, might be completely unable to cope in the face of bi-polar or oppositional defiant disorder without a strong incentive / support system such as therapy.

But if a person can recognize the existence of a problem that distresses their family, whether they are capable of identifying the problem itself, hopefully they will follow through on trying to resolve it to the extent possible. That's where the character of the person becomes apparent, in whether there's a large gap between what they are capable of and what they are willing to exert themselves to do.

As you said, when it comes to dealing with their issues, some people do, some don't. Maybe some people can't, but that's an especially sad situation because they may be so affected that relationships, jobs, etc simply become unsustainable.

And I suppose there are cases where people would rather be the selves they're comfortable with and risk losing their family, than to deal with issues that might arise with medications or change a lifestyle they're comfortable with.

,,, I do see what you mean about them having to get back on track again. I am just waiting, I think, when he gets back in to see his ADD psychiatrist because I feel there is definitely more than ADD going on. From my experience, I think it's best to do your best to get him regularly taking the meds he has already - BEFORE his next appointment. If he's already taking them regularly, the doc can discuss the behaviors that the meds aren't touching. If he's not taking them regularly, the doc may want him to do so before he listens to what they may or may not be helping. In other words, you may speed the process along if he's already doing what the doc wants him to do and you can show there are still other things going on.

But I want his ADD psy. to know about this!! I know this dr. has only spoke to my husband once and that was 3 months ago. I wanted to go with him but he didn't want me to. I will if I can so I can tell his dr. the things I don't think my husband believes that he does or is like. I believe that I almost, well, bullied my way into my husband's psychiatrist appointment. I simply showed up at my husband's work, picked him up before he reached the car to drive himself, informed him I was going and walked in to the appointment with him. He didn't make a scene in front of the office staff, and since he didn't object to my presence the receptionist assumed I was invited. The doc straight out asked me why I was there, and I replied that I had information that I thought might matter to the course of treatment, the doc asked what it was, and we were off and running.

Of course, I was MAJORLY prepared for that meeting. I had listed out every single symptom that I thought might mean anything. I had them grouped under diagnosis heading when a particular diagnosis and treatment had taken care of some of them (like the ADD meds took care of "unable to notice the passing of time - cannot tell 5 minutes from 30 minutes", and "unable to sit still without fidgeting during boring times", etc.) I listed all the other symptoms in the order in which they appeared, and noted how often it happened, if there were certain circumstances that had to be there before the symptom occurred, etc. I devoted whole sheets to describing the details of certain symptoms - like my husband's left eye would sometimes droop during episodes of extremely mis-remembered memores (still don't have an answer for that one). I brought along a calendar on which I had been noting the rise and fall of his moods (that calendar was key in having him diagnosed as bipolar). And so on.

I knew I might just have the one chance - if I didn't have anything useful to say, or couldn't back it up, I might not get another shot. But that appointment went well, and we even left with instructions that I was to come to ANY appointment when I thought I information to give the doctor. And it gave me courage to see his other doctors, too. He's been evaluated for hormone level disturbances, possible seizures, sleep disorders, etc. Some of them find something, and some don't. But every time they find something else that can be treated, it helps.

Of course, I was risking a lot with this approach. And I did it anyway. I had reached the end of my rope with his behaviors. I won't go into them - the point is that I was willing to risk my marriage in the hopes of getting him correct treatment. It paid off for me, so far, but that is no guarantee it will work that way for anybody else.

He might have fought so badly against my coming in the appointment that I could have left and never come back. He could have been so angry that he assaulted me. I may have been wrong - the treatment given because of my input could have sent him over the edge. HE might have walked out because of his perception of how I was treating him. Etc.

All that to say, I'm not promoting this course of action. Simply telling you what I did and how it worked out for me.

Hang in there!

I think maybe some people forget their meds and make excuses that alow them to deny that they simply forgot.

Some people don't like meds and will avoid taking them if they can... for whatever reasons.
I think it varies a lot from person to person.

Me? I'm likely to simply forget once in a while. I'm not avoiding meds, I'm just kinda scattered and easily sidetracked, so I sometimes forget things.

ME :D