This is going to be a very random post. I'm just thinking and need to get it out. DH left for a business trip this week. First time I've been alone. I married ridiculously young and I've never ever been alone. We've been apart, but always apart with our friends. We've been going through a rough time for the last several months because I'm changing and growing. I'm not the person I was when he married me. Or maybe I conformed to fit the person he wanted and by doing that I gained security and believed that I'd be happy. I feel lousy. I've been asking myself for months now what I'm doing. I kept thinking that one day I'll wake up and I'll be happy. After a few months on Ritalin everything in my life has made sense except my marriage. My relationships with my friends are fantastics, I'm juggling work and school with ease. I'm a better parent. My life just feels so good right now and yet I can't make this one aspect make sense. I love him, but not the way I think that a wife should. It's a friendship. This week I have not missed him. I'm reveling in the fact that I enjoy my space. I've been happier. What an aweful thing to say. When we talk on the phone I feel like we have nothing to say. I've been seeing a therapist and we've discussed this time and time again, but I'm so damn scared to ever do anything. I'm still in school. It'll be over a year before I'll feel that I can be independent. What kind of person rides out a relationship like that? I keep hoping that I'll just wake up one day and everything will make sense and it never does...

This is going to be a very random post. I'm just thinking and need to get it out. DH left for a business trip this week. First time I've been alone. I married ridiculously young and I've never ever been alone. We've been apart, but always apart with our friends. We've been going through a rough time for the last several months because I'm changing and growing. I'm not the person I was when he married me. Or maybe I conformed to fit the person he wanted and by doing that I gained security and believed that I'd be happy. I feel lousy. I've been asking myself for months now what I'm doing. I kept thinking that one day I'll wake up and I'll be happy. After a few months on Ritalin everything in my life has made sense except my marriage. My relationships with my friends are fantastics, I'm juggling work and school with ease. I'm a better parent. My life just feels so good right now and yet I can't make this one aspect make sense. I love him, but not the way I think that a wife should. It's a friendship. This week I have not missed him. I'm reveling in the fact that I enjoy my space. I've been happier. What an aweful thing to say. When we talk on the phone I feel like we have nothing to say. I've been seeing a therapist and we've discussed this time and time again, but I'm so damn scared to ever do anything. I'm still in school. It'll be over a year before I'll feel that I can be independent. What kind of person rides out a relationship like that? I keep hoping that I'll just wake up one day and everything will make sense and it never does...I have no idea what to say to you, but I can appreciate what you are feeling. You married before you really knew who you are and now you have a better idea and want to be that person. Are you the same age or is your husband older than you? Have you talked to him about how you feel? Could you do that without hurting him, that is, just talk about how you are growing and what you want in life? Can he appreciate this? Do you share things?

As far as loving your space, I don't know too many women who don't when their husbands are gone! It is a sense of freedom and time just for you. Relish it!

What do you mean by "I love him but not the way that I think a wife should? " I don't think that there is just one way.

BTW, is your husband ADHD?