My problem in a nutshell. With my lack of social graces, I've made myself ( I believe) an outsider in my office (small dental office). I'm not readily included in casual conversation and when I make a mistake, I feel like I'm being treated like an idiot. I get paranoid when they are talking, that it's about me...slamming me behind my back. ( I know one is... I was told.) There is one gal in the office with whom I'm friends w/. That helps!!! She's very laid back and easy to work w/. I just need to stop being so paranoid that "they" talking about me behind my back and stop asking why can't everyone like me. ( I know, I'm such a whiner...) It's just so tough when I'm my own worst critic. I don't like making mistakes.

I had the same problem at a small H.S growing up. I got transfered to a large H.S. and "disappeared". I made friends who were more accepting of who I am. Plus, I learned from my mistakes of being too klingy and became more aloof. I just wish I had more accepting and patient people to work with.... I just wish I could break this obsessive and paranoid thought.

Thanks for letting me vent.

i think that is one of the down sides of add. feeling like you are the center of every one's attention.

or feeling like everyone is talking about you. they really aren't. it is heightened self-consciousness.

i still get it at times. i have to tell myself that i really am not that interesting to other people, even the ones i work with, that they would be discussing me every second.

it takes some work to get that feeling to subside. and it is really hard to believe yourself.

most people are too involved in their own lives to worry about others, except as to how those others pertain to them. in other words, they are more worried about what you might be thinking about them to be too concerned with you.

or, as my art teacher once said: "the world does not revolve around your navel."

i hope that helps. i know, it isn't much, but you really aren't alone with that feeling.

I know the feeling too sweetie, I have some wonderful friends but I sometimes feel like I'm the odd one out and I also get paranoid and obsessed that they're talking about me behind my back, socially I'm a little below average but I get by.

Darling...please don't feel alone

Selena

Wow - I do that, too!!!

I need to keep tabs on this thread :)

Up until the last year or less, I felt like everyone had to (should) like me - I'm easy to get along with & funny. :)

ANYWAY, instead of stressing/worrying over the ones who DON'T like me (I made a principal at the school here mad @ me), I am trying to REALLY ACT like I don't care. My first reaction was to go & apologize for any misunderstood actions on my part (which I prob. will since we'll have further contact with one another & I feel like it's the prof. thing to do). However, sometimes, in order to "compensate" I snub those people.

Maybe bec. I got tired of feeling like I was kissing everyone's butt to "make amends"????

I also come from a long line of jealous friends/acquaintances/co-workers & have been stabbed in the back more times than you could count. I think that's a fear of mine, too, is befriending people only to have them turn on me...

Ok...I'm babbling..

Meanwhile, back @ the ranch: I'll keep tabs on this thread :D

Sounds like one of the common over-analysis habits of us ADD'ers. In a general sense it's a great 6th sense that we look deeper into people/things for more details than a normal person. On the bad side though, we pick up on things (sometimes obssessively) that don't really exist.

I'm right with y'all........

People are weird, it seems like the harder you try to fit in the more they push you away. I think the general rule is: If your comfortable with who you are, others will be too.

People often talk about themselves not having good social skills, having good social skills is just being relaxed enough to be yourself around people.

I think anxiety comes first, then ackwardness in social situations, not the other way round. get rid of the anxiety, social skills improve.

I'm the sort of person that if i notice someone feels ackward, I will go out of my way to make that person feel comfortable. Unfortunately not everyone is like that. :(

WFH,
This is only a thought...

Maybe you're experiencing your feelings, due to feeling *hemmed in*, in similar 'smaller spaces'.
'Spaces' which contain less people, or smaller 'spaces' in general....

Which may explain why you socially do flourish in 'bigger spaces with more people'. (0:


(small dental office).
I had the same problem at a small H.S growing up.
I got transfered to a large H.S. and "disappeared".

Thanks everyone!! It does feel better knowing others are "just like me". Nova, you are right. I figured that out this week. The spotlight isn't on me in larger groups so I feel more at ease.

I will try to work harder on "letting things go" and relax. That's soo tough!! Any suggestions would be helpful. I've thought of going back to my Therapist and learning behavior techniques...haven't been back since diagnosis.... :p

I'm going to try to use self-talk to get me to "move on". We'll see how it goes... There are some times when I know they are gabbing about me, b/c of a screwup. That's just the way these "women" are ( I use women loosely b/c I think they're pretty inmature women!). I will need to start telling my self "so what....kiss my @** if you don't like me!:p

I can certainly relate... I always guess what other people are thinking, especially if they are in direct contact with me. I always assume they are thinking something negative about me, without saying it. If I see them look at me, or point in my direction I am convinced I am doing something wrong, or otherwise a complete fool. It is horrible, especially in crowded places. I hate going grocery shopping, and everyday things because of it.

i can tell you that as i have gotten older, and more confident living in my skin, that feeling is almost all gone.

but i have gone through a lot of personal changes in the past two years, starting with, unfortunately, my mother's sudden passing. the outpouring of support from coworkers i thought didn't really like me was phenomenal. and it built from there.

my mother was always my greatest fan, followed by my husband and now my daughter.

it was actually believing all they said that was always difficult, and then i went and proved it to myself, to the point where my boss once told me "they could use two of you" at the other office....

so, hang in there, and keep doing things that build your confidence in yourself, and prove to you that you really are great, and people aren't looking at you negatively. and remember, it's hard to soar with the eagles when you work with turkeys....:p

good luck.

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=Sienna]Hi thewfh, I know how hard it is when you're struggling with feeling socially inept. First of all, I don't think you're paranoid as you already have knowledge of other's who are talking about you. Second, and I know this is a really toughy, it really doesn't matter if others like us as it is their Loss if they don't. Honey it is far more important you like and accept yourself. You Are a Worthy person and those that take so much pleasure in your mistakes and enjoy belittling you; have a far worse social ineptitude called Rudeness. Remember that! Now go look in your mirror, Smile :D And say every day I am a worthy person and give yourself a Hug for every hurt caused by others. :) :D I'm rooting for you. :D
Good Luck :) :D

That's me, Odd-Scrooball :) ;) :D :)[COLOR=Sienna]

Thanks to EVERYONE! I cannot say enough good things about the people I've "met" here. It feels soo good to get replys of encouragement. It makes tackeling the daily grind so much easier! I used to have a lot of confidence in my abilities but going back to a job I haven't done in 8 years was a challenge in isself! Then to have a boss who expects more from you (b/c he's been asking me to come back for 8 yrs) and talks about "how great you are and she won't need much training." Duh! We both agreed at my review that was a baaad thing. I'm good at what I do. But, I'm also human. Screw 'em if they can't handle me, right!:D

Thanks and I'll let you all know how things are going!

That's the Attitude, thewfh, You got more Spunk than you realized. Keep us posted to how things are going as I know I'll be checking back on this thread. I have no sympathy for bullies except to say: Those that belittle others are of little mind and a sorry bunch.
May success roll its red carpet at your feet as you reach that proverbial pot-of gold :}
Are you a cat lover too? I love your Cool cat avatar:}

That's me, Odd-Scrooball :}

Yeah, big cat lover, dog lover, animal lover, whatever is furry luver....:p

I'm doing better All! I had a screw up last week at work and was approached about it by my boss. Addressed it and moved on.... Even the gal who brought up the screw up was good enough to say on my next "treatment plan", for a patient said "good job". So, I told her thanks and yes the paperwork is my downfall and I appreciated the help. So, I've got to turn off the paranoia switch. I know they're talking about some things about me, but not ALL the time. Silly me, I even found myself saying out loud in the storage room, "I'm not that interesting...I'm not that interesting". Boy if someone could've heard me!!!:D

Merry Christmas to you all and tell the voices goodnight!!:p
The WFH

[/COLOR]Hey WFH, :D Glad things at work are going better for you :D getting praise for a job well done is Always a morale booster and makes anyone feel good. Hugs to you on that one. :D :D :D Just remember this-in any job-even those we love-there will be aspects that we don't like. I've never been good at or liked paperwork either and if math is involved :eek:As for those that are still talking about you-One of 2 things come to mind, either you must be a Very interesting person in which case your love of animals and dedication to your job definitely accounts for you being an interesting topic of conversation. the lives of{those Rude gossips} must be so empty and boring they have nothing better to do than try to tear someone else down. Rude gossips really are such a sad lot aren't they? Just don't let them get you down. :)
That's me, Odd-Scrooball :) ;) :D :cool:
PS How many furry critters do you have? :D :D
We have four cats who adopted us. :D :D


[SIZE=4]

Totally agreed.

I think there must be an 'imaginary' university, that maybe some individuals graduated from...


One that some of us, chose happily, to not enroll in.

Envy U.


Just my opinion...nothing more.


Toodles (0:




the lives of{those Rude gossips} must be so empty and boring they have nothing better to do than try to tear someone else down.

Hi thewfh, :D :) :D

Haven't spoken to you in a while and was wondering how you are doing and whatcha' been up to. :D I did check back on this post to see if you'd added anything so I'm hoping no news is good news....? Take care , Hon. :D
Animal lovers unite! :D :) :D

Hey Odd, I've been very absent from this forum for a while. Gee, isn't it like an ADDer to go "full tilt" into something fun and new...then it gets "old"? :rolleyes:

I guess the "newness" has worn off. Not that I'm not getting any good help here!! Just something else caught my eye. As my hubby says... "You saw a butterfly, didn't you?"

I've been studying for my Personal Trainer certification... so that's been on my mind. But I do need to check back in more often.

OH yeah! Works going good! Another co-worker I get along w/ is back. Her and I get a laugh out of the gossipers in the office, how they are friendly to each other's faces and how they backstab each other asap.
We keep each other sane....:D

Funny thing is, the less you care about whether someone likes you, the more likely they will.

Go figure ha.

I'm putting in my notice b/c I'm tired of them talking about me behind my back.... My friend at the office encouraged me to check into another office and informed me that they are indeed making fun of me when I'm not working there. She told me she's sorry to see me go and would leave herself, but she's not sure if she even wants to continue working in a Dentist office. So, screw them all and I'll take my time, find an office that fits me!!!!

At leaset I know I'm not paranoid! I quit the office b/c a friend of mine there told me that they do nothing but complain about me and make fun of me behind my back. She initially wasn't going to say anything b/c they would then (possibly) turn on her for "ratting them out." So, when I told her that I was contemplating leaving, she told me we have to talk. We went to lunch the next day and she spilled everything. I confronted my boss and told him that I'm tired of feeling like I'm on trial every time I come to work. I told him that they were told repeatedly that if there are things I'm missing to come to me. Reasoning being, let's avoid conflict. I was ****ed. I confronted one gal and she said she came to me repeatedly and "didn't get the response she was looking for". I told her "no". She never did that.. ****ed me off. Then her next excuse was I should know better and she shouldn't have to tell me if I'm missing something. Again, I referred her back to our conversations telling her that I can be forgetful and to please inform me if something is missing! I told her, "Instead, you chose a different route. You chose to stew over it, gossip about it behind my back until you were soo ****ed that you had to start making fun of me! Now we are left with a hostile enviroment and all that could've been avoided." Dumb broad!

My Boss was sad to see me go...

Now my friend called me today to tell me it's started on her. She right away confronted the boss and told him it's this petty crap that's going to drive her away just like me! Hahahaha! Geez Louise! I feel for her!!

This is only my perspective...

Every type of profession, has 'office gossip' involved.
If it isn't about *you*, it's about someone.

And what's really dorky- is even if you refuse to participate in some of 'gossip', you'll definitely be 'gossiped' about.



The best solution that I've found, that works for *me*, personally (and don't try this unless you can deal with being *talked* about.


I've personally created my own 'gossip'.


Not fictitious- but I throw out my own silly information, that is 'deemed' gossipworthy, intermittently.

I call it 'throwin' 'em' a bone'.


There is a song titled:
'Let's Give Them Something To Talk About'

At least this way, I can laugh about it.


The trick is to make one person 'think', the information is a huge secret, of mine.

It works.


If you're going to be *talked* about, might as well have fun during the process.
As much as possible anyways.
















At leaset I know I'm not paranoid! I quit the office b/c a friend of mine there told me that they do nothing but complain about me and make fun of me behind my back. She initially wasn't going to say anything b/c they would then (possibly) turn on her for "ratting them out." So, when I told her that I was contemplating leaving, she told me we have to talk. We went to lunch the next day and she spilled everything. I confronted my boss and told him that I'm tired of feeling like I'm on trial every time I come to work. I told him that they were told repeatedly that if there are things I'm missing to come to me. Reasoning being, let's avoid conflict. I was ****ed. I confronted one gal and she said she came to me repeatedly and "didn't get the response she was looking for". I told her "no". She never did that.. ****ed me off. Then her next excuse was I should know better and she shouldn't have to tell me if I'm missing something. Again, I referred her back to our conversations telling her that I can be forgetful and to please inform me if something is missing! I told her, "Instead, you chose a different route. You chose to stew over it, gossip about it behind my back until you were soo ****ed that you had to start making fun of me! Now we are left with a hostile enviroment and all that could've been avoided." Dumb broad!

My Boss was sad to see me go...

Now my friend called me today to tell me it's started on her. She right away confronted the boss and told him it's this petty crap that's going to drive her away just like me! Hahahaha! Geez Louise! I feel for her!!

Some workplaces just seem to cultivate petty mindedness. I am sure you will find a place with kindred spirits. Let us know how it goes!

My husband and I decided that for now, I won't look for a job. Summer's coming and we have a 10 yr old. So, don't need to stress over who's watching the "squirt" while we are both working. She was a happy girl knowing Mom's staying home for the summer.

I'm also working on my Personal Trainer certification (I've been a Cert. Fitness Instr for 15 yrs) and my hubby told me to focus on that and see how I can expand on that for the summer. I'm crossing my fingers that the Gym I work at will hire me as a cPT when I get my certification done. Tough test, though! I've been studying since early Jan and I was hoping to take the test in April. I'm going to push it back to May b/c I want to do well. I'm crossing my fingers!

Naw Nova, It was mean gossip. Making fun of my hyperness, "sighing" too loud and making fun of my other job. (I'm a Group Fitness Instructor) When they start to isolate you and treat you differently, that's when it's time to leave.

Thanks though.... help is always appreciated!

This is only my perspective...

Every type of profession, has 'office gossip' involved.
If it isn't about *you*, it's about someone.

And what's really dorky- is even if you refuse to participate in some of 'gossip', you'll definitely be 'gossiped' about.



The best solution that I've found, that works for *me*, personally (and don't try this unless you can deal with being *talked* about.


I've personally created my own 'gossip'.


Not fictitious- but I throw out my own silly information, that is 'deemed' gossipworthy, intermittently.

I call it 'throwin' 'em' a bone'.


There is a song titled:
'Let's Give Them Something To Talk About'

At least this way, I can laugh about it.


The trick is to make one person 'think', the information is a huge secret, of mine.

It works.


If you're going to be *talked* about, might as well have fun during the process.
As much as possible anyways.