Ok here goes. Might be long but I gotta start somewhere but I have heard us add's talk in circles yet we have no attention span so if you get through this congratulations!
I am a 32 year old female, married with 2 small children, recently diagnosed with ADD/Anxiety. No official testing but between psycologists and a brother and father with it....hmmm.
I have thought for a while since having children anyway that my husband also has add. He finally went to get tested offcically after "trying" some of my Ritalin. What an amazing difference. Well he definately has it and has been told to start with Adderall, which his dr. is waiting on an official report before prescribing it and it is taking forever! I am soooo frustrated because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it I feel like I am going to go out of my mind waiting for him to be on meds. He is VERY intelligent but true to ADD...very slow in processing things, forgetful, overloaded, etc. It is very diffucult for me to ask him to do anything because he gets mad and tells me that I am pushy and have no patience and that he will get to it when he gets to it. (BTW- I have the kind of ADD that I need to be physically busy, talking etc and he has the kind that he can watch tv/play games while the fire alarm goes off and CANNOT multi task!). But lately I have been trying to keep quiet, not ask alot and take my own meds while I wait for him to get some but life does go on (he is building an addition :eek: , Christmas, parties etc.). Well yesterday he told me that one of the reasons he has to take meds is so that he can communicate with me:mad: . I told him that I didnt think that that was fair because typically when we communicate I am on meds! I know that he doesnt think this but he comes across like he thinks he is better than me. And that he could handle his ADD if it were not for me. Lord knows he has done it all his life very well too. What he doesnt understand that it is not me, but that because there is sooo much going on in his life now including a spouse that he is starting to come unraveled.
I cant talk to him about anything...he has so much going on in his head that it would just make him ugly and think that I am blaming him. I wish he could see that I didnt go on meds either untill kids and a husband but I dont say that to him! I feel like things will be so different after he is on meds but I feel like it cant come fast enough! What do I do? I want to tell him my views on him being diagnosed and all the things that I am hoping will change (I think that one of the reasons we are in marriage counseling is because we both had undiagnosed ADD) but am afraid...not sure of what though? R there any coulples out there with ADD in both of you? Please help me.....it seems that we are at each others throats all the time lately and I dont think that his results will make it to his Dr. untill after the first of the year. He hasnt even hung the Xmas lights....Pretty soon why bother at all? If you made it this far...thanks for listening to me.

My hubby & I were together for almost 20 yrs. He had been dx with ADD as a child & I wasn't dx until I was 45. He stopped taking his ADD meds when he was a kid because he didn't like the way they made him feel. 3 of our 6 kids have ADD.

After I was dx and put on the proper meds he decided to give try the meds again......and the difference was like night & day, for both of us. I have ADD without hyperactivity & his ADD is classic with impulsive behavior, ect. He was a really hard worker but couldn't keep a job because he would get mad & tell his boss off. We had been married app 15 yrs when I was dx & when he got back on his ADD meds. I honestly don't know if the marriage would have survived or not had my dx & him getting back on the meds been sooner. And the "what if" game is nothing but a huge waste of time.

All the years before he got back on his meds, I never saw him pick-up a book & read it.....you know like people normally read a book. He might have picked one up to get some info out of it but then he put it right back down. And I never saw him write anything down. Plus he also had a temper & there were a number of times that he lost his temper with me & became "very rough" with me to put it mildly. I remember right after we started dating he told me that if I had something important to tell him & he was watching TV for me to turn the TV off & then talk to him. He said that he would tell me that he was listening to me but he really wasn't. After he started on the meds I saw him read several books cover to cover. And he started a Journal/diary and wrote in it everyday. And him losing his temper like he had before stopped.

I know how anxious you are waiting for him to get his meds. But try and look at it this way. What might be the sourse or main root of the problems that the two of you have, has not only been identified but has been addressed and corrective action has taken place. The short version is that you are closer to thing being more "normal" so to speak, that you ever have been before.

I don't mean to pry, but have your kids been tested to see if they have ADD ?

BlessedLady

kikins,

Try to be patient until he starts the medication. In so many ways I was just like your husband before I started Adderall last August ('06).

My wife would ask me to do something or go somewhere and I'd get angry. I had a driving job awhile back that required tight scheduling and frequently dispatch would call and tell me I would have to go back to stop or would have to make an unscheduled stop. I'd get so mad. After the adrenaline waned, I could not understand why I got so angry. If I chose to do the same thing, it was no problem, but if asked -- forget about it.

I sought Adderall for poor attention and a history of unfinished goals. What I received with treatment was so much more. I discovered that the anger I experienced was not because I was insensitive or mean but because I have dysfunction that makes transitions very difficult and the only way I would cope was by getting mad. My wife thought I was being selfish and I thought she was being a nag because neither of us knew the real cause.

The interesting thing is I would get equally angry if asked to take out the trash or to come to dinner. The anger was not caused by the task but by the very interruption itself. This link has a long but informative description of how the ADDer reacts and ways of dealing constructively with transitions (http://www.pediatricneurology.com/full.htm). The whole article is good, but scroll down to "1. Symptoms...b. Other Symptoms..." for an enlightening look at many your husband’s traits (and mine). If he’s open, read it together.

Since starting Adderall things that would have upset me don’t even faze me now. Our home life is better, my work is better, my moods and outlook are better, idiot drivers don’t upset me like they use to. Not because I’m making a conscience effort not to let them bother me but because they don’t bother me.

Whether Adderall is right for your husband or not remains to be seen. Be patient. Finding the right medication at the right dosage, etc. can take time. But once he finds it, he won’t have to try and be nicer or kinder; he’ll just be nicer and kinder by and large.

My life is not perfect but so many things that seemed important or wrong in my life was nothing but misplaced anxiety. The ADHD (& anxious) brain needs stimulation, something to focus on. For me (& probably your husband) those things were work, people, ideas, traffic, chores, obligations, etc. The brain doesn’t care if you’re miserable so long as it’s stimulated (hence self-medications such as coffee, smoking (cigs, pots), alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.). Adderall took away the anxiety and the need for my brain to focus on non-problems.

Try to focus on the excitement of your husband getting the right medication and positive changes and not on things he can’t help. I’ve had many talks with my wife on how difficult living with me has been. I hate the hurt and frustration I’ve caused her, but she has seen the tremendous change I made in a relatively short time on medication.

I’m not excusing his behavior and minimizing your feelings and needs just trying to present the case of hope with his proper treatment.

Finally, be assertive with the his prescription – the squeaky wheel gets the grease as they say. I got diagnosed and a prescription for Adderall the same day. I can be pushy when I want something.

All the best. Feel free to PM me or have your husband if you have any questions.

SL :)

Hey thanks for replying. It makes me feel so much better to know that someone relates to me. My mom is really the only person that I can talk to because both my father and brother have it but I am sure she must get sick of hearing this and of course is not the most unbiased! ;)
It has just been diffucult lately because we are doing an addition (that he himself has budgeted for) and we are waaaay overbudget, the holidays, birthday parties, 2 little ones etc. It seems like I cant talk to him because he gets soooo defensive whether it be about him or life in general. As of recently I have had some of my own personal stress but I couldnt even talk to him because I will overload him. Problem is, is that there is more going on than just an addition and I am the one who has to pick up the pieces. But I have ADD tooo........AAARRRGGH!
Finally though last night I did ask him why he is taking so long to get his rx. Such as not calling the dr. and being pushy....it has been 3 weeks since he has got his dx. I finally told him that I had held back because I didnt want to seem pushy (yeah right!:eek: ) but that i know that if he just started taking the meds his life would be so much easier. He told me that it was just a trial and he has lived his live for 35 yrs without already so what's a few more weeks! I told him that it is similar to trying to get a project done with kids...doable but much better to do without them. I dont know if any of what I said worked but.......Pray that it did because I am starting to become very resentful.
I feel like everyday we keep paying for mistakes (financial, personal) that can be avoided by meds...Thanks for listening. I really appreaciate it! Have a great holiday!

[QUOTE=kikins Finally though last night I did ask him why he is taking so long to get his rx. Such as not calling the dr. and being pushy....it has been 3 weeks since he has got his dx. I finally told him that I had held back because I didnt want to seem pushy (yeah right!:eek: ) but that i know that if he just started taking the meds his life would be so much easier. He told me that it was just a trial and he has lived his live for 35 yrs without already so what's a few more weeks!QUOTE]

I have a question or rather need clarification on something. When you started this Thread you wrote.

[QUOTE=kikins] He finally went to get tested offcically after "trying" some of my Ritalin. What an amazing difference. Well he definately has it and has been told to start with Adderall, which his dr. is waiting on an official report before prescribing it and it is taking forever!
I dont think that his results will make it to his Dr. untill after the first of the yearQUOTE]

I'm not exactly sure what the hold up is. Is it that he was Tested by 1 dr & the dr that can/will be writting the rx for the meds is waiting on the "Official Report ?" Or is this a situation where it's a matter of Insurance requirements ?

On a Personal Note......within a short time, maybe an hour, after taking my first does of meds after I was dx & given a rx ( which was at the same time) for the First Time in my Life I felt like I was Normal. For me The dr that dx me was also an ADD Specialists as well as the dr for our 3 kids that have ADD. We had already discussed the likelyhood that I had ADD. Matter of fact I remember him telling me to "take one of the kids Ritalin" & if I did have it, I would know after taking it just once. Anyways, when I went to get an appt with him, I was told that he wasn't accepting any new patients because he would be retiring soon. I was 45 at the time & after yrs of misdiagnosis & incorrect medications, I was literally at the end of my rope. I made phone calls & went to see another dr that only resulted in yet another misdiagnosis & the prescribing of a medication that I knew wasn't the answer. So I called the kids Dr's office back 1 last time. and I was told that my earlier call was with someone that was "new." When the receptionist realized that this dr was treating our kids she said , "you aren't a new patient because he treats the whole family. When would like to come in ?" That saved my Life, literally. For me having lived 45 yrs without the proper dx & meds was more than long enough.

BlessedLady

I'm not exactly sure what the hold up is. Is it that he was Tested by 1 dr & the dr that can/will be writting the rx for the meds is waiting on the "Official Report ?" Or is this a situation where it's a matter of Insurance requirements ?

I know the feeling. Actually after I was diagnosed I thought he had it too. I was never officially dx. My physician said Yup...heres some ritalin....My husbands physican sent him to a testing ctr who dx him with ADD-Non hyper. But now his reg. physician is waiting for some kind of report from the testing ctr before he will prescribe anything. And I am sure he will want my husband to come in for an appt. This whold process actually started about 4 months ago. Diagnosis 3 weeks ago. I think the bottom line is, is that my husband doesnt want to deal with it and doesnt really want to be on meds so he is putting it off. LOL! for once insurace covered the whole thing....